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Relationships

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Original poster

did you have pre wedding nerves?

63 replies

OohBridget · 29/11/2013 13:39

I get married in a fortnight and up until today never felt any nerves etc.

yesterday my friend and I met s complete stranger. An old chap running a stall. Ww were chatting about areas and work etc. When my impending marriage plans came up. He went on and on about how marriage ruins everything etc.

now im like. . oh fuck. lol

did anyone have any niggles and if so how has it all panned out. I'm trying to decide if my new found nerves are silly. . I haven't got long to back out lol!!

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marzipanned · 29/11/2013 19:33

Same age then (not any more, but when I got married) - sorry, stupid assumption.

marzipanned · 29/11/2013 19:36

All the same - doesn't change my main message - that I honestly think marriage can change a relationship, in a really wonderful way.

Original poster

OohBridget · 29/11/2013 19:52

Im really looking forward to it

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Sunnysummer · 29/11/2013 19:54

Yes. We were very young and people kept saying it would never last, just to make it better, we had a huge fight about something trivial the night before, and then my deeply unhelpful matron of honour talked to me for ages about her 'bone deep certainty' on the day of her wedding.

But the day itself was my happiest ever, we are still strong as anything 8 years later, and the matron of honour? She got divorced.

Red flags are bad signs and a different issue, but jitters are normal.

Original poster

OohBridget · 29/11/2013 19:56

No not a stupid assumption at all- I don't know many others my age who have had a similar length relationship or children. I suppose I am very young to marry too..though I feel children are a bigger (?) commitment.

But then (as I will say in my vows) I think its just a blessing that we found each other so early.

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Original poster

OohBridget · 29/11/2013 19:57

After s traumatic childhood and shitty early teen I am like officer of red flag. Im pretty shit hot on spotting them several hundred miles away.!

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TerroroftheAutumns · 29/11/2013 20:00

No, sorry I do not understand this whole 'wedding nerves' thing. Why would you feel nervous unless you thought what you were doing wasn't the right thing ? Dh didn't feel nerves either.

paperlantern · 29/11/2013 22:03

yes about three months before. should have listened to them.

we divorced

CarpeNoctem · 29/11/2013 23:11

Nope.. but then we ran away and got married in Vegas, planned the thing in a couple of weeks, and weren't ever officially engaged! I think if we'd gone the traditional route I would have had jitters.

CarpeNoctem · 29/11/2013 23:12

^ Our 4th anniversary coming up in January. Been together 10 years in total.

oldnewmummy · 30/11/2013 01:33

Yes. And am currently planning our round-the-world trip in 2015 to celebrate our Silver Anniversary

Unlikelyamazonian · 30/11/2013 01:35

Yes. I ignored them. He ran off. We divorced. One dc. No contact from the ex.

worsestershiresauce · 30/11/2013 08:21

Yes, I remember sitting in my wedding dress completely overwhelmed by a feeling of dread. I wanted to run away. Obviously I couldn't, as everyone had arrived, my DH was waiting, the wheels were in motion, but I couldn't shake the feeling it was the wrong thing to do.

It was. I wasn't ready for marriage. That blighted what should have been the honeymoon years. I wish I'd waited a year. DH was the right man, but our wedding was the wrong time.

Still together, just, and probably happier now than I have ever been in the last 14 years.

If you have doubts don't get married.

Pagwatch · 30/11/2013 08:28

No. Neither of us had any nerves and DH was only just 21.
Meeting him was like coming home. He is so kind and honest and funny and gorgeous. We have been married 24 years.
I never understand the nerves thing. I always think nerves are 'doubts' and if I had had any of those I wouldn't have got married.
I don't doubt other people have them and go on to have happy marriages but when people say 'oh yes, wedding nerves are totally normal' I genuinely don't understand that.

Minnieisthedevilmouse · 30/11/2013 08:42

I got a bit nervous when the car for me turned up but that was because my then dp was having issues with his wedding car and the m25 had a big crash on meaning many guests were stuck in monstrous traffic. I didn't dare tell parents so was only one who knew at my end.

We got to the church fine. Drove about whilst the men managed to organise taxis /run into church. Best bit was coming back down aisle to 70 people stood at the back who had almost just arrived giving us an ovation.

None of it registered as 'bad' at the time, and now is funny in hindsight. It's the little things that make it. I remember crowds of cheering people not threat of no guests now.

Btw if church, I found the practice few days earlier far scarier!!!

bragmatic · 30/11/2013 08:51

Yeah, but I wasn't really the 'marrying kind'. We did it for visa purposes. I had no problem with the commitment thing, just the ceremony felt a bit surreal.

Anyway, 10 years and 3 kids later...

NearTheWindmill · 30/11/2013 08:51

No, doubts at all. But I didn't meet a nasty old so and so as you have. 23.5 years in btw.

whereiseveryone · 30/11/2013 08:57

No, not at all. I almost ran up the aisle!

I happened to see my XP not long after we became engaged and got a similar response. (He was divorced when we got together.) I told him that just because marriage didn't work for him it didn't mean it didn't work for everyone. I know a lot of happily married people.

He was a lying cheating twat anyway so probably didn't understand the contribution required of him anyway.

JadziaSnax · 30/11/2013 09:06

I was 23 when I got married. No nerves or jitters at all until the night before and I was only worried about messing up my vows & the chaos outside the venue as there were major roadworks in the town centre.

Still happily together, been married for 16 years now, together for 22 years. I too had comments about being so young, I was 18 when we met & 21 when we bought our house.

Just laugh that guy off. As Yellowcake said, you wouldn't take financial advice from a random stranger, why take marriage advice? Your instincts seem to be that your DP is the right one and that guy sounds like he just has a really negative attitude to marriage.

Congratulations and have a fabulous day

brettgirl2 · 30/11/2013 09:11

Its your age op. When I got married 12 years ago (no dcs) at 23 I had a few people make horrible rude comments.

My feeling is that actually, yes, you do change during your 20s but you are also more flexible to accept the change (or growth) in one another.

I did feel children would tie me down though and I had my first at 31! Marriage in my early 20s didn't stop me having all the freedom I wanted. Now things are different, sigh. .....

Good luck with it.

Flisspaps · 30/11/2013 09:16

No nerves from the proposal until I got to the church, and even then I only worried about falling over my own feet in the aisle. No worries about the actual marriage at all. I didn't fall over, it was all lovely, 4 years on and I still think I did the right thing

NoComet · 30/11/2013 09:24

No, DH and I got engaged after six weeks, actually getting married was just an automatic continuation of that, that had to wait until we finished courses and could live together.

And no last minute night before nerves because I was rather tipsy on G&T

livingzuid · 30/11/2013 09:31

Same as paper months before the wedding and tried to call it off twice. Ended up going through with it, separated 9 months later and filed for divorce 1 year and 1 day to the date of the wedding. But it was different from jitters, I knew in my bones for ages it was all wrong, just didn't have the courage to change that and chose to listen to everyone around me who said I was wrong and mad.

Second time round I was so impatient to get married! As soon as we could we registered to get married and on the day we were both nervous but more because we wanted to get married so badly. Now pregnant with our first.

Don't think you should listen to some grouchy guy on a market stall. Who on earth is he anyway to lecture you on your relationship?

Original poster

OohBridget · 30/11/2013 09:34

I am so nervous about our return. We had planned a huge wedding that went tits up and got ruined. So no one actually knows. We're eloping and our hisfamilies response is unpredictable so I think its overshadowing my excitement.

I know when we're all dressed up and I see him waiting for me, ..I just. I think about that moment alot

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Original poster

OohBridget · 30/11/2013 09:36

living ..we've gone from getting married in two years.. to bringing it forward a year. .then another 6 months. Then we called it all off and book it all in8weeks lol. I just couldn't wait much longer

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