What's the point of getting married? Convince me

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I'm very much in love with my DP. It has been a long, rocky road for me to find him, and I feel like the luckiest girl in the world to have him. He loves me very much too - we are very happy

I always thought I wanted to get married. But I've never really thought why

Recently, my belief in marriage has been severely rocked. My married friend is having an affair with a married man and the fall out from that is spectacularly bad. It makes me wonder what is the point of marriage vows if so many people just break them when they get bored?

My parents have been married forever. They don't really like each other, and my DM has said a few times that they have only stayed together for the sake of their DCs (Us).

Furthermore a mutual friend has confessed that she was previously married, had an affair with her (now) DH, but took years to leave her first DH due to feeling 'obliged' to do the right thing by him. I know of other married friends who believe in sticking with their DHs even if they're not happy, because it's the 'right thing to do'.

My own DP is divorced - his exW had an affair. So he's not really bothered about marriage, because he knows how little it can mean to some people. We both feel that as so many people stay together because they're bound by a marriage contract - then perhaps it is the non-married couples, who could separate much more easily, but who stay together because they love each other that really have the truly strong relationships?

But I still have the lifelong dream of getting married. I want to call my 'boyfriend' my 'Husband'. And I'm ashamed to say - I still dream of a big wedding, dress, the whole shebang... but that's really shallow!

So all of this has made me question - what's the point of getting married? What makes it different to just being in a long-term partnership with someone you love?

Can anyone convince me it's worth the hassle?

Something special about being married

I like being his

No smugness at all here .,..

Most depressing aspect this thread how many posters think a woman needs man to protect her
The emphasis so many of you attribute to a man needs to make sure op sorted
The inference that a decent man should marry her,after all he knocked her up

Oh and best of all; people take you more seriously as a married

I dont think I would call that smug.
More, happy perhaps? Content?

Well stepmooster,that mw completely wrong as I said partner can be nok
So well that's what she told you,it's false.anyone can nominate their nok
You've been very badly advised about nok

Oh,go on do elaborate how people take you more serious as a smug married

I am married , and I love to be able to say " my husband " and to be called " my wife ' it just makes me feel secure

I think it is my ring of confidence
But I'm old and have been married a long time

If you love someone enough to have a child with them , and to join them in running a business then just being a partner is not enough commitment

Scottish ; I took it from a post below as a smug example I DON'T believe it !

Aye,someone has already chirruped marrieds get taken more seriously
I'm happy to be maligned for living o'er the broom

I don't think people take you more seriously if you are married. I do think they take you seriously if you have children though. I actually don't know whether my work colleagues think I am married or not. Although I don't wear a wedding ring, they always refer to DP as my husband ( I don't bother correcting them).

No one has ever asked me whether I am married. If they asked me I wouldn't lie to them.

They seem to assume I am "married" because I have DC. My parents know I'm not married and yet they still insist on referring to my "husband".

MY DF even addresses letters to Zappo "DP's" surname. It doesn't bother me (though I am quite ant-marriage).

Repeat after me there is no such thing as common law marriage. That matters in both life and death.

No one is saying a woman needs a man to support her. But in a divorce, the assets are divided and the woman usually ends up with a fair settlement if there are children. And you cannot escape the fact that most women DO earn less than men ( see ONS if you like) and that women tend to work p/t when there are children. If both partners have equal assets and income and aren't married then it doesn't matter if they are married or not imo. If a woman gives up her career or it doesn't progress due to being the main carer for their children, then she has some protection by marriage if they divorce.

Do people take you more seriously if you are married? Doubt it, but it's a public declaration of commitment- supposedly for life- and that used to count for something until divorce became easier.

Not everyone I encounter via work knows I have kids,it doesn't routinely come up.

scottish- what's all this 'living over the broom' us sassenachs don't know what you are on about...

Actually ann,people are saying he should marry her.hes been advised to suck it up
Thematically a lot I'd this thread is why she should marry,and he should lose the principle objections
A focus has been upon the benefits/protection it will confer to her

Living o'er the broom=cohabitation

whats living over the broom- do tell.

x posts

I'm on two marriage threads,and my 20:31 post Javier other thread,I'm switching too quick between both

So that if you divorce you enjoy fair treatment

I would never marry again as apart from above I think its an antiquated sexist set up and almost without exception its men who appear to benefit

Well, I was married for 11 years a while ago. After that broke up (and I left him, but not for anyone else) I vowed that I would NEVER get married again. Marriage was too painful, both actually being married and splitting up. It was a very unhappy time.

Now after 14 years I am remarried. I said I never would, but I am more than sure this is the right thing for me. However, my children are grown up, we both work so are independent of each other and we don't live together as we both have our own houses. We are in the process of buying a house together which will be interesting! I'm sure this is right, we don't have the pressure of young children, our careers are pretty much sorted and financially we don't depend on each other. We got married because we love each other, that's all. So far it's fab!!

But we did only get married in June...

One thing about getting married that surprised me was how much I would cherish the memory of the actual day, I thought "best day of my life" was a cliché tbh. And after having 2 DCs and some hard days to get through sometimes, how wonderful having that memory can be - it helps me having that to look back on, as well as looking forward.

I think OP, who is wavering (meaning she might be interested in marriage) should ask herself why she doesn't want to get married.

Is it because marriages around you are crumbling, spouses behaving despicably, and you think this makes marriage meaningless?

Do you think that the act of getting married reforms a philanderer ? Do you think that saying "I do" makes a weak person strong? Surely not.

If 50% of people who would have to go through the horror of a divorce are behaving poorly, how many co-habiting couples - for whom breaking up is much easier - do you think are doing so?

Do you think that cheating, breaking promises, shattering dreams is the sole preserve of married people?

Do you think that marriage actually makes people behave this way?

Fulfilling commitments, sticking through tough times, forsaking all others...these are not the sole preserve of married people. However, co-habiting couples choose to stay together. Married couples choose not to leave each other (if they stick to their vows). This is a huuuuuge difference when the chips are down, and really the distinction only matters when times are tough.

Marriage, for many and varied social and anthropological reasons, works. But it is only as strong as the people in it. Honestly, this whole question should be a non-point for you.

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I didn't think about divorce when I got married. The idea of marrying someone just for cover in case we split and I need to protect myself in as of a divorce is sad. Even when my first marriage ended there was only a little squabble over a couple of things (from his side) but they got resolved when I threatened to go to court I know many people don't have it so easy but if your first reason for marrying someone is to protect yourself financialy it doesn't seem like the best start.

The only time I think it sensible is when children are involved and that's only in case of someone's death as there are still some antiquated laws around that. Otherwise as many posters have said you don't need to be married. You do it because it's right for you and your relationship. That suits some and not others.