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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

He hit me

132 replies

ontherocks · 23/11/2013 08:54

Last night my boyfriend slapped me 4 times. I'm upset, in shock.

I've recently left a marriage and have 2 children. I've been seeing my boyfriend for a few months. He's slapped me a couple of times before but we've spoken, dealt with the issue and moved on. The children are not involved, they don't even know I'm/was seeing someone.

He called me a whore and hit me because another man had spoken to me in a shop, no flirting or anything.

He's screamed at me that it's over, I left after being knocked off my feet after the 4th slap.

Thing is I'm devastated. What's wrong with me? I would never tolerate this before yet I'm hoping he'll get in touch and apologise. I just needed to get this down as my heart is pounding, I feel sick and I need to put on a brave face for my children and act like nothing's happened. They were staying with my parents last night as was I.

OP posts:
AliceinWinterWonderland · 23/11/2013 08:54

Dump him. Now.

AliceinWinterWonderland · 23/11/2013 08:55

Oh and report him to the police. Very important.

Original poster
ontherocks · 23/11/2013 08:55

He's already dumped me by the looks of it. I feel stupid, weak and pathetic.

OP posts:
UnexpectedItemInShaggingArea · 23/11/2013 08:56

Never, ever see him again. He's dangerous and there is nothing you can say or do to change that.

Original poster
ontherocks · 23/11/2013 08:56

I'm scared of reporting him. Why? I can't get my head around it.

OP posts:
AliceinWinterWonderland · 23/11/2013 08:56

Nope. No stupid, weak, and pathetic. That's actually HIS qualities, from the sounds of it.

But report it to the police. It's domestic assault.

Rosa · 23/11/2013 08:57

If he does get in touch and apologizes, says it will never happen again , how much he loves you etc etc - you take him back and it will happen again and again and again - maybe next time he won't just slap you . get out of this relationship .....

Figgygal · 23/11/2013 08:57

Christ he has hit you before and you still stayed if he is behaving like that after a few months what could he be like in the future. he is a complete Bad un get rid!!

Was your husband abusive?

Original poster
ontherocks · 23/11/2013 08:57

I have to see him most days. Don't want to give too many details but there's somewhere I have to go and he's there every day.

OP posts:
Thisisaghostlyeuphemism · 23/11/2013 08:58

It sounds like you've been through the mill lately, poor you.

Please make sure you don't see him again. This guy will ruin your life.

OopsUpsideYourHead · 23/11/2013 08:58

You're not stupid but really do need to check that you have a zero tolerance policy to this behaviour from him. Even if he comes grovelling. You've accepted his apology twice before & its already got worse.

Take care of yourself and yes, call the police.

Thisisaghostlyeuphemism · 23/11/2013 08:58

Well, you don't have to talk to him. Just steer clear of him.

Strawberrykisses · 23/11/2013 08:58

Call the police and report it. You are not stupid, weak or pathetic.

AliceinWinterWonderland · 23/11/2013 08:59

It IS scary to report it. But it's also liberating to some extent. It reminds you that this behaviour is wrong (not to mention against the law). It shows him that he cannot treat people like that without consequences.

goshhhhhh · 23/11/2013 08:59

You are not stupid, weak and pathetic. He is.
Remember you are strong and have nothing more to do with the paranoid shut. Get out now - you deserve better.

Original poster
ontherocks · 23/11/2013 08:59

My husband was controlling but not physically violent. I'm a mess. Children are unaware of anything though.

OP posts:
melanie58 · 23/11/2013 08:59

What a bastard. Please don't hope for an apology. What good did his earlier apologies or discussions do? Thank goodness you have not been seeing him for long and the children know nothing about it. Don't get back with him whatever you do: he is not worthy of you. Hope you are feeling less shaky. Let your parents look after you today.

Original poster
ontherocks · 23/11/2013 09:01

I just feel like sobbing. I'm sorry. Just feel awful right now.

OP posts:
Thisisaghostlyeuphemism · 23/11/2013 09:01

The children know nothing about it. That's good.

The best way to carry on protecting them is to have absolutely nothing to do with this violent piece of work.

AliceinWinterWonderland · 23/11/2013 09:01

If you're worried about repercussions from seeing him wherever this place is (work?), then tell the police that. They will give you advice on how to handle it and what specifically to do in case of any problems.

Don't get back with him and don't let him bully you. Report it - it will protect you if he causes you any further problems.

Thisisaghostlyeuphemism · 23/11/2013 09:02

Work? School gate?

This is not your fault.

EeyoreIsh · 23/11/2013 09:03

You have no reason to feel stupid, weak or pathetic. You did the right thing in getting to your parents' house.

Draw a line under the relationship and move on. Even if you have to see him everyday you can do so with your head held high as you have done nothing wrong.

I would seriously consider reporting it to the police. He needs to learn that his behaviour was criminally wrong.

Take it easy today, and let your parents spoil you and the kids.

JoinTheDots · 23/11/2013 09:04

You are not weak, stupid, or pathetic. You went from one controlling relationship to another. Now is your chance to break the cycle.

He probably will get in touch, say sorry, say he did not mean it, he saw red and it wont happen again - he loves you, he will do anything to get you back etc. DO NOT LISTEN. Replay the moment he hit you in your head. Remember how you felt. Think about the fact this was not the first time - it will not be the last. And the flash point? Someone in a shop spoke to you? People, including men, are going to talk to you, is he going to hit you every time?

Please please please do not take this man back. He is dangerous. Imagine if one of your children ever witnessed this? Report him to the police, and do not ever give him another chance.

You are worth more than this, you can find someone who actually loves you and does not want to control or hurt you.

Original poster
ontherocks · 23/11/2013 09:05

Thank you all for your responses. My heart is pounding, I'm absolutely gutted. Can't believe it went that far last night. My whole body is shaking. Sorry for going on about it but I just can't work it out in my head :(

OP posts:
PacificDogwood · 23/11/2013 09:07

Of course you feel awful - you've been through a lot by the sounds of it and you have just been assaulted, not for the first time.

Report him to the police.
Get some counselling support arranged for yourself to find you own self again - you know, the person who knows how wrong it is to hit anybody, the person who knows she deserved better that this, the person, who trusts her own judgments.

Poor you Sad.
If you cannot avoid seeing him (?place of work), then it is even more important that you report him and even consider being v upfront to others there about what happened. You have nothing to be embarrassed about, it's him who should be hanging his head in shame (but probably won't). Get him charged with assault.

If you see him again (he may come back and apologise and say all the right things), he will hit you again and harder.

Be kind to yourself. And do the right thing by your children. Get out.