He hit me

[ontherocks]

Last night my boyfriend slapped me 4 times. I'm upset, in shock.

I've recently left a marriage and have 2 children. I've been seeing my boyfriend for a few months. He's slapped me a couple of times before but we've spoken, dealt with the issue and moved on. The children are not involved, they don't even know I'm/was seeing someone.

He called me a whore and hit me because another man had spoken to me in a shop, no flirting or anything.

He's screamed at me that it's over, I left after being knocked off my feet after the 4th slap.

Thing is I'm devastated. What's wrong with me? I would never tolerate this before yet I'm hoping he'll get in touch and apologise. I just needed to get this down as my heart is pounding, I feel sick and I need to put on a brave face for my children and act like nothing's happened. They were staying with my parents last night as was I.

[nopanicandverylittleanxiety]

I agree with all the previous posters. You need to give him the elbow and report him to the police.

sending hugs x

[Lweji]

What everyone else has said.

Even if he apologised, it would mean nothing. It's not even the first time it happened.
You must report it and drop this man to protect yourself and, most importantly, your children. Can you imagine you living together and him starting to slap them aswell? You simply cannot risk it.

Also because you see him regularly, it's important that he knows you've reporte it and that you will if he harasses you or is in any way threatening.

[redundantandbitter]

OP - if a man walked up to you in the street and hit you so hard you were knocked over, would you accept a 'sorry'. Your answer is NO

Is this 'normal' behaviour? NO

Phone police now

[myroomisatip]

What everybody else is saying is true.

You should report him to the police. It does not mean that it will end up in Court but I imagine an office will speak to him.

After many years I eventually called the police over my Ex's abusive behaviour. It was very hard because my Ex was not violent so it was just my word against his. Luckily I had thought to record his ranting on my phone.

Abuse escalates. Please protect yourself and never involve yourself with his scum again.

[forumdonkey]

Please pick up the phone and report the assault to the police. You were assaulted - you would if a stranger had done it in the street. I am in fear for you. You have only being seeing this thug a few months and he has had his hands on you and so hard it knocked you off your feet. What was the terrible thing you did - FUCK ALL a man spoke to you and he called you a whore. He is violent and controlling in the highest degree. I assume if your DC's don't know you are seeing anyone that you don't see him all the time and he has done this previously so this is all in the very start of a new relationship - how bad could he get if it was to continue or become more serious?

Please don't wait for an apology and never go back to him whatever remorse he shows. Do it for your DC's as much as yourself and please just phone the police - you have no idea what previous convictions he may have.

[Finola1step]

I agree with other posters. He is in the wrong. Stop trying to get your head around this - you can't because it's abuse.

He has physically attacked you and is emotionally and mentally abusing you. All this after just a few short months. This is vv scary. He is capable of hurting you very badly. Or worse.

You owe this man nothing. He is a boyfriend and a shit one at that. He is not your partner, not the father of your children. It does not matter if you have to see him every day. He means nothing.

Now come on. Time to get angry. You need to protect yourself and your children from this violent bully.

No contact. He's dead to you. Report him to the police. Then you need to start working on yourself. Do not go back.

[LEMisafucker]

Oh don't worry, he'll be back in touch. He wont apologise though, you are encouraging other men to notice you so of course he was angry. He wants to make you sweat for a bit, when he feels better and his pride has recovered and he feels like a bit of loving ,he'll come back to you. Do not mention the silliness it will embarrass him and make him on edge again. Just be gracious, make him dinner or entice him back to bed. Then it will all be forgotten and you can get back to normal.





Until next time

[qazxc]

of course your head is all over the place, abusers generally mentally and emotionally abuse before becoming physical.
It's not your fault. what would you recommend if a friend or sister or daughter came to you saying that her boyfriend was slapping her so hard she was knocked off her feet for talking to another man?
Go to the police, talk to people around you in RL, you have nothing to be embarrassed about.

[patienceisvirtuous]

OP, he is a wrong 'un. And very dangerous

Put yourself and your kids first and stay away from him.

[Loveyouthree]

Oh Rocks :(

I used to be with someone a bit like this. We didn't live together, so he'd do awful things to me then go back home and I'd be gutted; watching the clock thinking "He'll be awake now.. He'll be on his lunch break now.. Why hasn't he text?"

Tribpot is right.

In fact, one morning things got so bad I had to get the police to remove him from my house. I then spent the next few days crying because he didn't turn up at my house demanding I let him in

Looking back now, I know I was being totally manipulated. And so, so glad I got rid.

[MonkeysInTheFog]

Sadly, given your desperation for him to get in touch and apologise, it's clear you'd take him back. Chances are he WILL end up apologising. And of course he'll carry on hitting you and it will get worse.

There are hundreds of threads like this on MN and in the vast majority of cases the OP takes the abusive DP back at least once and usually more. It doesn't matter how many posters beg her not to.

So the most practical and realistic advice is probably to make sure your children are safe. Don't introduce them to your delightful new BF no matter how much he seems sorry - at some point he will comfortable enough to abuse you in front of them. Is their dad on the scene at all? Are measures in place/in writing as to what happens to them if anything happens to you?

Hopefully you'll be in the minority of victims who kick their attacker to the kerb immediately. However statistics, and your obvious wish to have him back suggest otherwise so just make sure your children are ok, yes?

Good luck.

[AliceinWinterWonderland]

You don't need to "get your head around" his behaviour. You don't need to understand it. That's what leads to you making excuses for his behaviour.

You don't need apologies. You just need to stay away from him. How would you feel if you gave him another chance and he clobbered one of your children? And don't say he wouldn't... if he can hit you, he can hit them. Don't give him the chance.

[PacificDogwood]

Monkeys, sadly I think you may be right.

rocks, if you are still reading, yes, keep your kids safe. Do what you feel able to do to keep yourself safe.
Keep this thread. And reread it from time to time.

I hope you find the strength before he hurst you again .

[MonkeysInTheFog]

LEM is right actually. He probably won't apologise - or else it will be a half hearted "Turn it back round onto you" type of affair.

"I know I was a bit out of order babe but it's just because I love you so much and I get so jealous when you flirt" etc etc.

And you're going to fall for it.

[oldgrandmama]

OP, listen to the others. Don't take him back. Don't see him, take his calls, texts whatever. And report him to the Police. He'll do it again and probably turn on the kids too, if you let him back into your life. And for what it's worth, what he just did to you is a beating, not 'just' a slapping.

[EeyoreIsh]

woah there, I don't think it's helpful to tell rocks that she'll take him back etc.

She's clearly in a really fragile place and needs support from here, not judging for something she hasn't done yet.

rocks, I hope you're doing ok. It's fine to be confused and upset, someone you love has broken your trust and physically harmed you. lean on the support you have and focus on you and your kids.

hugs.

[GinAndIt]

Agree with eeyore. Telling a woman (who already thinks she's 'weak and pathetic') that you know she's just going to ignore advice and take him back anyway is not helpful or supportive. Can we stop with the 'seen it all before' stuff please?

rocks, you can do this. You must do this. Keep safe.

[pictish]

Don't be the sort of woman who puts hanging onto her new boyfriend ahead of her children on the priority list OP. Particularly when that new boyfriend has proven himself to be dangerous, violent, controlling and unstable.
Your children will not thank you for introducing this animal into their lives...neither will they ever understand why you did so. They will see it as you putting your own selfish, fucked up needs before their own. That's not to say they wouldn't feel sorry for you, but they would have no respect for you at all after he has damaged the lot of you with his abuse. Which he will. You will have brought him in after all, and then sought to keep him there.

You don't need a man. You especially don't need this man.
Your kids DO need a mum.
Put them first each and every time. You have a choice...they do not.

Sorry to be harsh and all that, but you have got to see where this is leading. Nowhere good.
Get him to fuck.

[NightOfTheCactus]

The whole "dumping" you and giving himself time to "apologise" is all part of the game I'm afraid rocks. That in itself sounds like a type of emotional abuse on top of the physical stuff, chipping away at your self-esteem so you become fooled into thinking that you need him.

I am so sorry that you've gone from one abusive relationship to another - you have had a long time with men chipping at your self-esteem, and I agree with some others that you need to find some way of building your self-esteem again, so you can realise that you are better off on your own than allowing anyone like this into your life.

If he knocked you off your feet, did he leave a mark anywhere on your body from hitting you? If so, I would suggest getting that photographed ASAP as further evidence

You and your kids do not deserve to have this shit in your life.

[MonkeysInTheFog]

The point is she'll do whatever she wants to do regardless of what anyone says.

My predicting she'll take him back isn't going to make any difference. Nor are hundreds of posts begging her to stay away from him.

Anyone on MN who has been here for more than a couple of hours knows that.

So - the most useful advice to give her is to make sure her kids are OK. Presumably if the dad is around they'd go to him but if not, depending on whether OP has much family, she might or might not have a guardianship thing in place. Me and DH had to do that as we don't really have any relations. It's worth thinking about, in the same way as you'd get this sort of thing organised if you were going to do a bungee jump, or swim the channel, or climb Everest, or embark on any other hazardous activity.

[pictish]

Again - please speak to Women's Aid. They are experts in this, and they can and will help you. x

[BillyBanter]

He hot you twice before and you did not sort it out. YOU DID NOT SORT IT OUT. if you had he would not have hit you again. He is violent and will get worse and worse if you let him back. 3 beatings in a few months? It'll be 3 a week soon enough. Any apology uill be accompanied by telling you why it was your fault.it is not your fault. It is 100% his fault.

[PacificDogwood]

You cannot change him.
You can only change what you accept/how you respond to him.

Him hitting you is not your fault.
You keeping yourself and your kids safe, is within your power.

Contact Woman's Aid - they will help you to find this strength and in all sorts of practical respects as well.

I hope you are still reading.

[waltermittymissus]

You can't "sort it out" with men like him.
You just can't.

His apology would be worthless anyway because he wouldn't mean it. If he was sorry, he wouldn't do it in the first place.

This is not something outside of his control.

If he couldn't control it he'd do it to everyone all the time. But he doesn't, does he?

Physical abuse is another form of control. And it's not unusual to gravitate toward another controlling man. That does NOT mean there's something wrong with you. It just means you're more vulnerable right now.

Please, please report him. He has committed a serious crime.

I think, going forward, you should consider some counselling and stay away from relationships until you are ready.

[lulu1971]

Ontherocks. I am sorry that you are going through this. In whatever decision you decide to make please hang onto this thought.

People who love someone, who truly care about DON'T hurt them, either physically, emotionally or mentally. Instead they cherish them, look after them and show their love for that person. They don't smack them about when the mood take them.

I hope you make the right decision. X