Whatnext074 - thread continued

[Whatnext074]

I would firstly like to thank everyone who has offered me support, even those who did so silently on my last thread 1880152-Oh-God-Just-looked-up-H-OW-on-FB-feel-sick

I don't know how to convert the link - I have ticked the box but not sure it's worked.

Thank you for all the pms since too asking how I am.

My previous thread is long so some background: Was with my H for 11 years, we were very close and although we had traumas out of our control, I never doubted that we wouldn't be together forever.

In the space of 9 months, we lost 4 babies in the family, 2 of them our own. We remained close and supported each other.

My H suddenly changed, he turned from a loving, caring man into a stranger who was verbally abusive and aggressive and scared me. He continually denied having an affair when I asked and blamed me for the way he was. I thought he was having a breakdown (I still do).

I found evidence that he was having an affair with a colleague and I told him to leave, he's still with OW. I am so heartbroken and at times, I didn't actually think I would make it to the next day. One particular night a few weeks ago, I believe MNers did save me, just to know there were people there who cared and offer advice.

I have a DS (my H is his SF) who has been so worried about me and I am trying so hard to get myself better.

I have had so many pms from MNers who have asked me to start another thread so I am. I am so utterly grateful for all the support I have been given. I am not completely out of the darkness yet but I hope I don't get as bad as I have been recently.

I'm so glad you are excited ab out your future, What. You should be - you can do anything/go anywhere

Whatnext. As ever your posts grow stronger.

Poms poms waving here....whoop whoop!!
:)
X

Haven't you got all sorts of interesting stuff lined up for the future? Weren't you doing a make up course? You had a week where you were fantastically motivated and looking forward . I agree, your future is looking better than his

I'm just back from Pilates, love that.

I start a make up course in January and a painting and decorating course in February. Thanks for remembering R&B

Oh whatnext. You're future is looking fantastic. How exciting!! 2014 is so your year xx

It is expensive building a new life though xx

What Don't mix those two new skills up will you!

I'll keep my brushes separate although approaching 40, I may need to mix them up a bit at some point....

You sound GREAT What

Oi, springy...steady on with the high kicks!! Some of us aren't as flexible as we used to be! :)

You all help me so much x

morningx

Hi What, I never post on these threads, don't feel like I have any advice, but have to say you are amazing! I first followed your thread because I was really worried about you and it has been inspiring to see you grow from that first scary start.
I have actually sent the link to both threads to a friend who is going through a divorce at the moment to inspire her!
Well done and stay strong x

ninehours - so, I'm sitting at my desk at work, just logged on during lunch and had to walk away with tears in my eyes at your post.

What kind words and I really appreciate you posting. Can't believe it's now been 3 months and I could never have guessed the amount of different emotions I have gone through. I was walking to work this morning and thought to myself that each emotion, painful and consuming as they are, have made me feel more alive. They spur me on as I try different things to stop the pain and I celebrate little achievements. As I said before, I should 'thank' my H for making me a more beautiful person.

It still hurts like I cannot describe but - a little less each day and a little different each day.

I honestly couldn't have coped half as much without the support on here.

I feel for your friend, I understand each person's pain is different but I hope it helps her a bit to read others who are going through it. I wish her all the best xx

Hard to believe in the midst of it what but it does fade - that overwhelming "oh my god I cant live without him" slowly goes away and shock you find that perhaps he wasnt necessary to your life. Sometimes, like me, you look back and think "oh my god, thank goodness I split up with him - that idiot would never have made me happy"

People evolve and change, sometimes if you have been together a long time you grow apart - it is possible to leave a relationship without jumping straight into another. I still cant understand how people can deliberately hurt someone they once loved...I guess they are just not nice people. Personally I lose sleep if I think I have inadvertently hurt a complete stranger's feelings.

I dont spend a massive amount of time on relationships because I can still remember that overwhelming feeling but honestly I wouldnt swap my grumpy H for a dozen of my ex. When we were splitting up he said "one day you will open the door and I will be there" at the time I thought "ahhhh" now I cant think of anything more horrific - I will happily, gleefully, never see him again, I wish I had said "please dont ever darken my door fool"

When does it fade blue-sky? Me and what are both are 3 months stage and this week I can't stop thinking "I just want him back". He's nowhere to be seen. When does this hell stop? I can't stand it

I don't think it fades I think you just think about them less. Or you are able to distant yourself from them. I'm 22 mths on from being told about his affair and 18 mths with him living with OW. I still think about what could have been. I'm late 40s and we had plans for the future like travelling etc. I still can't believe I'm in this situation and instead of nice cosy dinner parties I'm standing in pubs making polite talk to men that are young enough to be my child!!!! Life is a lot easier as a couple but I am positive and try not too worry about things I cannot control ie ex h (47 yrs) having a baby with ow (27) lol!!!!

About you are doing well. X

itwillgetbetter a baby? Yes, I'm waiting for my DDs father to announce that soon, been practising my "that's lovely dear" comment

what you're doing so well. Please, what's your secret?

So - I come in tonight and there is a parcel, as I've ordered some stuff for C/mas, I automatically opened it. It was a gift for OW!!! I am so mad !!!!!!!!!

How dare he do that! Beg me to see him and then send parcels for his bint to my house!!!!!!!! Expecting me to post them on! SO MAD!!!!

It's actually to do with a famous actor that he was told on our last holiday that he looked liked - I am so mad!!!!!!!!!!!

return to sender--not known at this address....
Maybe then he will stop using your home as a mail drop

GRRR!! How fucking stupid and selfish he is...boo hooing all over you while ordering presents to your home address.

*for OW

Bin it and deny all knowledge.Cheeky fucker.

maras - I was just about to burn it when DS came in and stopped me.

I have spent time now crying, screaming, ripping at my hair! I was doing okay, how dare he do that to me. He is a tramp and he is with a tramp.

Begging me to see him, I know now that he is definitely manipulating me with tears and 'poor me' act.

I AM SO MAD!!!

That's it - enough now!! No more talking, solicitors only. Bastard!!

Rips at my heart, stamps on it and then stamps on it a bit more!!