Whatnext074 - thread continued

[Whatnext074]

I would firstly like to thank everyone who has offered me support, even those who did so silently on my last thread 1880152-Oh-God-Just-looked-up-H-OW-on-FB-feel-sick

I don't know how to convert the link - I have ticked the box but not sure it's worked.

Thank you for all the pms since too asking how I am.

My previous thread is long so some background: Was with my H for 11 years, we were very close and although we had traumas out of our control, I never doubted that we wouldn't be together forever.

In the space of 9 months, we lost 4 babies in the family, 2 of them our own. We remained close and supported each other.

My H suddenly changed, he turned from a loving, caring man into a stranger who was verbally abusive and aggressive and scared me. He continually denied having an affair when I asked and blamed me for the way he was. I thought he was having a breakdown (I still do).

I found evidence that he was having an affair with a colleague and I told him to leave, he's still with OW. I am so heartbroken and at times, I didn't actually think I would make it to the next day. One particular night a few weeks ago, I believe MNers did save me, just to know there were people there who cared and offer advice.

I have a DS (my H is his SF) who has been so worried about me and I am trying so hard to get myself better.

I have had so many pms from MNers who have asked me to start another thread so I am. I am so utterly grateful for all the support I have been given. I am not completely out of the darkness yet but I hope I don't get as bad as I have been recently.

Come on in mama - chuck another log on the fire.

Proud of myself for fitting a new gasket to it and it works (no, I didn't know what a gasket was til yesterday either)

One day at a time what - you will have good and bad days. You just need to get through whatever you have going on Friday and seeing arse Saturday and I am sure you will lift slightly. You have been doing brilliantly but its only natural that some days will still be rough.

Have PM'd you what

Hopefully tomorrow will be a better day. Have you booked anything to look forward to? My STBXH still hasn't taken his stuff - I've stuffed it all into a wardrobe and ignored it. He has finally got some transport so I might at last get my wardrobe back.:-).

Have pm'd

My DS has just made me a cup of tea x

Your wonderful ds... What a love he is :)

to go with it. I'm so pleased you have him to look after you. Will he be in on Saturday?

Thanks ladies, I'm ok few tears driving home but rang my dm for a chat for an hour ( don't confide in her as shes old!!) and feel good now, just very tired. It will happen again next week, another family birthday!! I'll be used to it by then it gets easier the more I see him I realise what hes really like and not the sanitised version I imagine!!! I've got it easy compared to a lot of you though. I am thinking of you as you strugglexx

No mamma, I have asked him to make other arrangements, he doesn't need to be here after I saw him break down the other week. He understands.

My DS is lovely, I was just cleaning the blinds and didn't realise he was behind me, think he wanted to give me a hug but I just made my excuses as didn't want to cry in front of him again so he made me a cup of tea. I am so proud of him.

And so you should be whatnext! You've done a great job with him.

Cjel...glad you're ok now. A chat to my mum helps me too. Yes...a lot of people struggling. Seems so unfair at times.

R and b...well done for mending the stove, so clever. :)

Bath and bed I think, pilates tomorrow

Thank you for caring x

Blimey cjel you are having a challenge - 3 times ? Hope it's getting easier ?

I just watched the news and there was a report about police at a site in the northwest (same area as him) and I found myself pressing my nose against the screen ... How f'king sad?

what your DS sounds perfectly lovely. How about tomorrow you give him that hug , you have brought up a diamond. Has your ex h not added about DS or contacted him? I find it hard that my ex hasn't just left me, but my DDs too. They both really liked his funny, daft humour. Poo.

Thanks mama . Now I just need to sort out the leak in the chimney and it'll all be sorted! Bloody houses. Bloody dogs. Bloody men.

I just saw the tail-end of a film on True Entertainment ( ) about a woman whose husband went off with his secretary (I think..). The wife sued the mistress using a 200yo law, basically claiming the mistress has stolen a good man/husband; that they had had a solid marriage until the mistress lured him away. The jury found in the wife's favour and she was awarded £1m for her troubles (which the mistress had to pay her). True story.

ok, I appreciate there are some [gaping] holes in that argument... but it got me thinking. yy i know money isnt everything but, tbf, I wouldn't mind a few million to sooth the awful troubles I went through c/o ex. It would definitely sweeten the pill. (I also wouldn't mind a PhD for all the legal toil, bringing up kids alone and general hard work I've had to do over the years, thanks to vile ex. Yep, a guard of honour, me in cap and gown, throwing my cap in the air...[influenced by the True Entertainment vibe, obvs]). I wouldn't mind a reward for all the heartache and pain.

It does worry me when you end your posts with 'sorry', What. That generally means you're not in a good place. HOld on darling, you will pass through it and come out the other side, as you have done a number of times now. Your ds is a lovely young man, a credit to you. Give him a cuddle when you can, you're both hurting in your different ways.

See what you go through when you have to see the shit!

Is it worth it??

Hold on darling, you will pass through it and come out the other side, as you have done a number of times now

Thank you springy.

I would hire you if you got your Phd to fight my corner too.

No, it's not worth it, I was doing okay. I can only hope he's anxious as well as he's not on his territory anymore.

Morning, Am just out of bed -bright and early ?- Going to have a good day today everyone CJELs orders OK?

I had my chimney breast re leaded last year and still damp in lounge so am having it rendered now. I have a reasonably priced builder and someone I now trust so hopefully it will get sorted - I'm fed up of 'doing' the house instead of living!!!!

and all round to that good day we all deserve

What, I know my story about dumping the bin bags sounds flippant and I hope it made you smile but there is a serious message behind it. I may have been a bit rash and it certainly wasn't preplanned but ironically what it gave me was a sense of control. I strongly recommend that YOU bag up all the stuff of his that you possibly can and put it outside for him to collect on Saturday. Take control. After all, if he appears to be struggling then you're actually doing him a favour, surely? In time, you will discover that it doesn't matter what he thinks or feels. He will become irrelevant.

3 years later, my ex is still with OW but he says she is a nightmare - he tried to finish with her a year ago and she made a few half hearted, attention seeking suicide attempts. He looks appalling and is very unhappy and incredibly angry. He lives alone in a rented flat. Our ds won't have ow's name mentioned let alone agree to meet her and ex is up to eyes in debt. I have the house, my kids, a job, no debt, good friends, some lovely gentlemen callers and most importantly, I'm happy in my own skin. Karma. I look at my ex and wonder why I wasted 15 years on him.

Things will get better for you, too.

Huge hugs to WHAT and cjel. In light-hearted manner, I played by book on possessions.

Ex-H and I were firstly to split contents of house. When he shafted on money lawyer wrote in that he only got a few high value items and all of his 'man' things in storage under house. So far, so agreed. Then (long story) he was meant to pay half mortgage (with me paying other half which was daunting enough as had been SAHM since arriving in this country 7 months pregnant and had 2 year old, 2 lost babies and in middle of IVF) but suddenly stopped as tried to forclose house (the only $$ I was getting from marriage)

So net net, new agreement - I would pay all of mortgage and overlook 20K UK owed monies and retain belongings. I had a 17 year old friend of friend doing garden for peanuts and have him ex-H crazy $4000 dollar bike, equal in accessories, surf boards and associated wetsuits. I could have sold them, but fuck it, more pleasure in giving nice kid a windfall. And ex saw said 17 year old on his bike and had a hissy fiss. Bahahahahahaha

Levity not ignoring the raw emotion still What. HUGE love as always xx

WHY does xp tell me that the OW is a nightmare but stay with her?

Hi what , hope your day wasn't too bad? Did you make it to Pilates ?

He's coming at 10:30am tomorrow. Any last words of advice or encouragement? x

11 weeks since he left and I have lost my dignity.

I have ripped 3 of his bloody jumpers and I asked him weeks and weeks ago to take a massive collage of his family photos with him but he said he had no room. I can't bear it every time I walk past it - I had turned it to the wall but I know it's there. I have just scratched every photo of his parents after the way they have spoken to me and disregarded me and my DS after 11 years. I hate my MIL. She's poison. I need to stop - this isn't me.

I begged him to take the photos in the frame! He's going to be mad.

I need him to take his stuff, this is torturing me - it's not fair!

Hope you have? Remember it is your home, he left, you are strong and coping!!! You can say what you want as it is now none of his business how you live your life. we are with you and he doesn't have any hold on you or ds any more.

You want his stuff removed from your home so you can start your new life without his hassle.

You will breathe, you will get through and you will laugh again. Hope today wasn't too stressful as you waitxxx

Today was the worst outcome cjel.

I am so cross with myself, I just ripped his cycling shorts as well. I am so mad. I have maintained my dignity and feel honoured when I hear from people who have been lurking on my thread saying they think I'm an inspiration. I have just ruined that, I am so mad! I have ruined his clothes.

Put everything outside your front door. Tell him you've done it by text, in the same text tell him unless it's gone in 48 hrs it's going to the tip and do it. Don't reply to any texts he sends in response. reply.