Whatnext074 - thread continued

[Whatnext074]

I would firstly like to thank everyone who has offered me support, even those who did so silently on my last thread 1880152-Oh-God-Just-looked-up-H-OW-on-FB-feel-sick

I don't know how to convert the link - I have ticked the box but not sure it's worked.

Thank you for all the pms since too asking how I am.

My previous thread is long so some background: Was with my H for 11 years, we were very close and although we had traumas out of our control, I never doubted that we wouldn't be together forever.

In the space of 9 months, we lost 4 babies in the family, 2 of them our own. We remained close and supported each other.

My H suddenly changed, he turned from a loving, caring man into a stranger who was verbally abusive and aggressive and scared me. He continually denied having an affair when I asked and blamed me for the way he was. I thought he was having a breakdown (I still do).

I found evidence that he was having an affair with a colleague and I told him to leave, he's still with OW. I am so heartbroken and at times, I didn't actually think I would make it to the next day. One particular night a few weeks ago, I believe MNers did save me, just to know there were people there who cared and offer advice.

I have a DS (my H is his SF) who has been so worried about me and I am trying so hard to get myself better.

I have had so many pms from MNers who have asked me to start another thread so I am. I am so utterly grateful for all the support I have been given. I am not completely out of the darkness yet but I hope I don't get as bad as I have been recently.

Delusions of grandeur isn't it?? Oh god, I'm in a roll tonight....shittily having illusions of grandeur...another good thread title

• on a roll not in a roll...typos.

I give up...night all!

X

He expected me iron them in all

which I did at the beginning when I was smitten, I am intensely embarrassed to admit

oooh yes, I could tell you some stories about him

Handwash socks? Eeew...I find it bad enough picking them up with my hands, let alone washing them by hand!

I cant imagine loving anyone enough to hand wash and iron socks (hell my handwash jumpers sit in the washing basket for weeks!)

LOL at in a roll, like some kind of human hot dog!!!!!

Mamma...thread title - delusions of grandeur

I was young. And bedazzled. And like ironing. And foolish

If I hadn't married him and his subsequent wife hadn't he'd probably be living in some penthouse somewhere with siamese cats. (NOt that there is anything wrong with penthouse living with siamese cats, obvs.) Between slaves wives he paid for a professional to decorate his christmas tree. You're getting the picture of the type of man he was. Gone now. Shame!

Delurking just to tell you what I did with my ex's stuff which I had bagged up (in clear garden waste bags as I didn't want waste useful black ones). I turned up at his work and threatened to dump it in reception (he was having an affair with a receptionist). He begged me not to so I agreed to take it all with him to his parents who were unaware of events and told him he could take the opportunity to explain. He gratefully jumped in my car. On the way there I suddenly thought sod this and pulled up in a layby in a remote area. Without a word I jumped out of the car and hurled the bags, golf clubs etc all over the layby. As he desperately tried to gather his stuff together I finished the job and sped off. I drove past 5 minutes later and he was sitting on the bin bags with his head in his hands. He looked like Guy Fawkes. I still smile when I drive past that layby.

drastic laughing out LOUD at your layby story. Soooo funny .

NOT recommended as a plan, but perfectly understandable in the circs imo.

he paid for a professional to decorate his christmas tree omg - surely decorating the tree is part of the fun (although I must confess to an undignified and childish annual tantrum unravelling the lights which twist into some kind of hideous chinese puzzle no matter how carefully I put them away)

LOL at drastic "On the way there I suddenly thought sod this" ..... "I still smile when I drive past that layby."

Springy....he sounds like Simob Cowell!!!

Drastic....brilliant. That is a great story!! Lol at ' head in his hands!' Love it!!!!

drastic - my God! Depending on how H is on Saturday, I might dump his stuff in the garden for him to pick up but would never have the guts to do that. Is he still with OW?

I have said it before but I hope he looks terrible. If he looks great now it may set me back.

drastic that is a great story . I dumped all XH's stuff on the driveway after he walked then messed me about for a few weeks... " but I haven't got anywhwere to store it", he moaned. oh well, not my problem!

he also didn't see the point in a divorce, it's " just a bit of paper". I told him that my marriage meant more to me than that and I didn't want to remain married to him any longer than I had to. (this was after I had begged him several times to reconsider what he was doing and he refused).

Basically, he couldn't afford a divorce, but at the time I qualified for legal aid, so did it asap before the legal aid rules changed. still cost me nearly £1000 though for all the court fees and legal fees to remortgage....

It is as bluesky says, all about control. and I had to take that control in my situation as I knew that he would get into debt and I was right because within 12 months he was up to £20K in debt and if he had still been on the mortgage and deeds, I could have lost the house.

so what you have to do what feels right for you regarding his belongings and the divorce. He made his decisions, now you make yours and you don't need to take his feelings into account. he had very little regard for yours....

He didn't think of my feelings for a second.

U ok this eve what?

X

mamma, I was, but feeling bad tonight x

Hi what, chin up chuck. Has something happened today or is it just a shitty, crappy day?

Tough week, sorry

You're not worrying about Saturday are you? I am not a huggy person but there are too many people on MN that could go with one right now. So, gather round and group hug!

Ahem, now, come round to mine, I have fixed the stove and I have sherry!

((((((((((((((((((((hugs)))))))))))))))))) saw H again tonight for the second time in a week after NC for 7months!!! (another family birthday!!!)

Stove and sherry sound good to me I have ?

I can't pm. I know there was a MN upgrade this week but it's been terrible to use since. Am I the only one?

Blimey cjel that's a bonkers week for you too. I was at rock bottom On Saturday and you all helped me through. So bring the cake and let's get what, put and boop round for a supportive chat ( word of warning I have an old, increasingly incontinent dog)... Sigh

Sorry to hear you're having a bad week. Dig deep whatnext...dig deep. Day by day...hour by hour. It'll pass.

Cjel...that's bonkers. Are u ok?

R and b...I'm having a pretty ok week but stove and sherry sounds good...budge up everyone.

for us.

Haven't tried to pm recently...sorry.