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Original poster

Will I just look stupid/weird?

29 replies

MomentForLife · 03/11/2013 23:17

Ok so, I'm a single Mum and since being on my own a lot has changed and I had a tough time. Left my place of work,retrained, different friends etc.

Recently I've been thinking about a guy I used to know and work with before. I still speak to an old colleague so maybe that's what got me thinking.

Anyway I used to get on really well with him and we were flirty but nothing ever happened. Will I look weird if I contact him as its been several years. I always meant to stay in touch but life got in the way.

I feel a bit childish even posting this. Would I seem really weird or stupid to make contact out of the blue?

OP posts:
Aussiebean · 03/11/2013 23:21

Of course not.

Just ring up and say something reminded you of him. You then suddenly realised how long it has been and oils love to meet up for a coffee to catch up.

What is wrong with that?

Aussiebean · 03/11/2013 23:22

Would love... No idea where oils came from.

Even if he says he is busy it doesn't really matter.

Blondeorbrunette · 03/11/2013 23:26

I think your at nothing here personally. If you haven't kept in touch for all these years then why bother now. Be honest with yourself about your motives.

He didn't keep in touch either.

His life has more than likely moved on and contact may not be well received, especially if he has a lady in his life.

Original poster
MomentForLife · 03/11/2013 23:27

Thanks Aussie. Sorry I should have said, I've not even got his number anymore but can get in contact. I am rubbish at things like this, I over analyse too much.

In my head I panic that I'll get in contact, find out that he's happily with somebody now and wonder why I've contacted him.

OP posts:
Original poster
MomentForLife · 03/11/2013 23:29

You're probably right blonde.

OP posts:
maypoledancer · 03/11/2013 23:43

It's Ok to contact him but do it without romantic hopes and expectations. If you just see it as a way to get some closure on unfinished business you won't get hurt but if you do it hoping it will turn into some big love affair you are risking too much by getting in touch.

Blonde is probably right, there is a reason neither of you has stayed in touch. But there is no harm in satisfying your curiosity about where he is at now as long as you are open-minded as to the outcome and you can handle it however it goes.

cloudskitchen · 03/11/2013 23:48

Facebook? That doesn't look weird. Most people have some "friends" they would otherwise be out of touch with.

Original poster
MomentForLife · 03/11/2013 23:56

Yes, its facebook that made me think about contact. I rejoined a while ago after ages of not having it and I admit I searched him today.

I know you're right maypole, like you say if I do contact I should prepare for nothing to come of it.

OP posts:
BerstieSpotts · 03/11/2013 23:57

YY facebook - lots of people add old friends on there.

How long have you been single out of interest? (Only because I did a very similar thing - it didn't end well but it was ultimately a positive experience)

maypoledancer · 04/11/2013 00:01

nothing to come of it itself implies having expectations - ie wanting it to turn into a relationship. Unless you can let this go it's not worth it.

But it not turning into a relationship doesn't mean you can get nothing out of it. It might help you move on from seeing him as 'the one that got away'. You might not like him if you saw him now, or you might see him in a completely different light. All of these things are potentially positive outcomes, but only if you think so and are prepared to contact him on that basis.

Blondeorbrunette · 04/11/2013 00:03

I must add that a year into my relationship an ex contacted him via a website used by old school pals to stay in touch, you know it I'm sure.

We'll they started their little thing and one day at work I got a call from him saying my bags were packed and in a taxi on their way to my work.

So I'm bitter and twisted :)

Had that not happened I would prob tell you to get in touch but as maypole said do it without any romantic expectations. Excellent advice.

Often when our lives are lacking and we have had a tough time we think if days gone by and how wonderful life was then.

Original poster
MomentForLife · 04/11/2013 00:18

Thanks for all the advice. I've been offically single for about 5 years, have casually dated/seen a couple of people in between.

That's awful Blonde! If this guy was attached, which there is a strong chance he could be, I can hand on heart say I would just make out I was just saying hi ( can't establish if he is because profile is private. If I had I wouldn't contact because yes, in my mind I suppose I do have some hope)

OP posts:
cerealqueen · 04/11/2013 00:22

Nothing ventured, nothing gained, would be my advice.

niceupthedance · 04/11/2013 07:09

I would do it.

I'm going on a second date this week with an old colleague - he got divorced and contacted me through Facebook, for a chat, initially.

If you don't do it you will never know.

CogitoErgoSometimes · 04/11/2013 07:09

Pick up the phone and say 'hi, how are you?' You've had some very bitter and jaded thoughts above and I don't think it's very useful. We all need friends, old or new.

Blondeorbrunette · 04/11/2013 07:36

moment

It was a little but but fuck it, long time ago now.

If your still in touch with the mutual colleague find out if he's attached. I think because things were flirty your half hoping something will happen.

Who knows just be careful.

And I did say I was bitter, tho this was tongue in cheek as we went on to get married and have three lovely kids.

I'm just giving an account of my exp, so I hope I didn't come across bitter and jaded.

The best of luck op could be some exciting times ahead :)

Original poster
MomentForLife · 04/11/2013 09:55

Hope your date goes well nice

It's ok, I understand what you're saying blonde, I asked an honest question and got honest answers, good and bad and I'm greatful for everyones input.

Person we both worked with doesn't know him on a personal level, more just knows of him but will try and do a little digging. (My facebook so far is just family and close friends)

Thanks for all the advice

OP posts:
Original poster
MomentForLife · 05/11/2013 09:00

Well, glad I didn't make contact as I've established that he's with somebody! Could have tried to make out I was just being friendly but I think it would have been very awkward.

OP posts:
CogitoErgoSometimes · 05/11/2013 09:13

With somebody as in married with kids or just dating? IMHO... if it's the latter, they're fair game :)

Blondeorbrunette · 05/11/2013 10:38

Fair game!!

Fuck me I'm speechless.

Op I think you know yourself that this isn't a good idea as you recognise you wouldn't mind something coming if it.

You sound like a lovely girl that is just lonely and a bit bored of the hum drum of daily life.

CogitoErgoSometimes · 05/11/2013 10:42

Of course they're fair game. :)

Blondeorbrunette · 05/11/2013 10:48

Thankfully not to the op :)

I personally would never make a play for someone that was in a relationship, but that's just me.

CogitoErgoSometimes · 05/11/2013 10:54

'A relationship' can be anything from married with kids to casual dating. If it's the latter it's not a forever deal. There's someone from my past who heard I was 'with someone' several years ago and kept a respectful distance. I really wish he'd called me because I'd have dropped the idiot I happened to be with like a hot brick if he had.

Blondeorbrunette · 05/11/2013 11:13

Would you have welcomed contact if your oh had not been an idiot?

Op doesn't say if this man is in a casual set up. With someone else was a good enough deterrent.

cloudskitchen · 05/11/2013 11:35

At least you know now op Thanks