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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Gay guy

108 replies

str8tothepoint · 02/11/2013 18:47

Just posting as am really low after walking away from the guy I was having an affair with. Breaks me to walk away eventhough he admitted to me several times that he know's he's gay but has to be the straight father and be that way cos doesn't want the shit. I can understand he doesn't want the shit for his DC, I wouldn't but have all the evidence to just send to his OH to prove it but know I'll just destroy everything and have to finish myself off. I'm not a nasty person or evil and I suppose karma does exist being on the verge of a nervous breakdown and just not wanting to be alive anymore. Yes it was an affair, he called me his soulmate, the only person he could be who he truly is with, I kept him sane and from finishing his life before we got in touch. And no he hasn't messed about with lads before me I know that for sure. Just want all the memories to just be erased and want to hate him but it's killing me to not just wanting to message him. I know walking away is for the best just so much crap he fed me about him leaving when DC is older and scared I wouldn't wait around for him. Hope she's happy with him living a lie though I think she knows the truth just scared to be alone herself. He's made me question who I am so much, I thought I knew or felt comfortable being a gay lad but really I'm not so sure anymore and dunno what I am right about anymore. Just confused and need to go for good and that's a huge huge huge fear of not knowing what I'll do

OP posts:
navada · 11/12/2013 20:44

Exactly what cogito said. there's nothing more to add.

Best of luck op x

Hissy · 11/12/2013 20:52

He hurt you.

You've known the situation for a long time now.

Sorry to say that the one person who's hurting you now is YOU.

Stop it. You're making a drama where there really isn't one anymore.

Let it go, and let your new life begin.

Otherwise you'll end up some bitter old queen, and we all know you're better than that!

Côme on, eyes, tits and teeth... :)

str8tothepoint · 11/12/2013 21:16

Thank you Hissy :-)

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LoisPuddingLane · 11/12/2013 21:25

Str8, I'm not sure what you think/feel about the concept of karma but it can be a way of detaching when someone has fucked you over. Revenge is tempting but not good for you in the long run. A lot of faiths/religions believe that what you put out, you get back.

str8tothepoint · 21/12/2013 02:43

I'm back,

Well I gave in and opened up for him to message me, had his usual loving messages but I have now laid it on this saying all the stuff I should have said months ago, no sugar coating proper laying it on thick and that she deserves to know the truth as you wasted both our lives with your lies

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ThreeWisePerpendicularVinces · 21/12/2013 04:49

str8, you're going round in circles, and have been for months - why are you still involving yourself with this man? You need to try and move on and find someone single, who is fully available and wants a relationship with you.

I feel sorry for this man's GF. She has children with a man who can't be trusted, and you hold a high level of resentment towards her for having the audacity to have a relationship with him. She is a victim too - this is not her fault, and I'd imagine she's miserable.

He's made you feel suicidal and alone - have you had any counselling, or can you ask your family and friends to support you again? Otherwise, you'll be writing exactly the same thing in a year's time.

Every second you spend on this is an opportunity wasted to meet someone else.

YoDiggity · 21/12/2013 05:12

Look, as far as you are concerned the fact that he is in the closet is irrelevant. You got involved with someone who was already committed to someone else. As much as he might have had a real connection to you and got a real thrill from being with you, the bottom line is that his family ultimately mean more to him than you do.

From your point of view, you should behave no differently just because you are gay and he is confused/living a lie than you should if this was a straightforward straight man/woman affair. Have some dignity, walk away, focus on meeting people who are free to give all of themselves to you, and who do not treat you like a dirty little secret.

From his point of view, there is a slim chance that he is bi and this is/was a one off affair not to be repeated, but I don't it very much. My guess is that eventually he will tell his wife or start to take so many risks because of his compulsion to sleep with men that he will get himself found out. It sounds as though his DP already suspects and she will be watching him like a hawk.

If she chooses to be in denial at the moment then leave her to it - that's her call. It doesn't matter whether he's with you or with another woman - if the children are young she may not feel up to being alone just yet, but the penny will drop eventually.

But that has to be HER decision to make - you don't get to make it for her. No good whatsoever can come of you trying to hurry things along, you'll just look spiteful and hysterical and he will hate you for it. Either way you are probably just a transitional relationship for him, on his way to accepting that he is gay. And when the shit does eventually hit the fan it is going to be very, very messy and traumatic indeed - 10 x as much as if he was having an affair with another woman. There are so many more layers of complication and pain for her with this scenario. Please don't bring this down on her and the children just to make yourself feel a bit better.

YoDiggity · 21/12/2013 05:13

I doubt it, not don't it!

str8tothepoint · 21/12/2013 06:22

Thank you YoDiggity, I far from want to be spiteful especially to ruin the DC Christmas after last year. Just got a lot off my mind that I've hidden away from him that's built up for the last year. Figured a lot of stuff out personally this week just wanted him to understand his lies will destroy everyone. Know am better away from him am happier last few days, he's a creep and I hate him.

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Buzzardisnotina4birdroast · 21/12/2013 08:42

Good for you to get it off your chest. He won't give a shiny shit obviously but at least you let it out. He will however see it as a sign you can still be manipulated so expect a booty call next time he gets the urge. How you deal with that depends on how 'together' your head really is now?

I hope you ignore him.

str8tothepoint · 21/12/2013 11:45

His comeback to bout the 10 messages I sent was 'he's sorry for destroying my life but his daughter growing up with her father leaving her mother for another man would not be nice. I don't know what to say other than I'm sorry I only ever wanted to make you happy' still not even bit about she deserves to know the truth as your wasting her life to or the fact he told me he's gay but can't admit it. He just uses the daughter as an excuse yet again. He doesn't truly understand what he has caused I know last messages should be avoided but just feel like replying saying 'please don't contact me again, you tell her the truth or I will call her and tell her exactly what your up to'

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YoDiggity · 21/12/2013 12:05

But by saying that 'she deserves to know the truth' you are trying to convince us and yourself that you have her best interests at heart, but it's really all about you. You just want her to find out because you think it might force his hand and make him run to you. You aren't thinking that way for his sake, or for hers, and certainly not for his daughter's.

And I can promise you this - he won't run to you. He isn't ready. And he may never be.

But what if you did send that message? What if he said 'Ok, I've told her, my life as I knew it is in bits, now please leave the three of us alone while we sort out where to go from here.'

Would you be happy then? Of course not. I suspect you won't let this drop until you've had some sort of showdown with her, because that will give you the validation that you are looking for, and the proof that he can't brush you under the carpet any longer.

But ultimately it won't make you any happier, because he is not going to leave her for you. He just isn't. All it will achieve is to make her more extremely miserable and to cause a ton of shit to come his way. Coming out when you have a spouse and children is massive. You cannot possibly imagine how massive. Please leave him to do it in his own time, and in his own way, and just move on.

ThreeWisePerpendicularVinces · 21/12/2013 12:26

I completely agree with Diggity; this is about you and you're hoping that if you force his hand, he'll come to you - he won't. He has chosen his family.

You don't need to tell his partner because she already knows, and has made the decision to stay with him. Ultimately whatever you, I or anyone else thinks of that, it's her call.

Whether he is gay or not doesn't matter, because he isn't available.

I understand that you've fallen for this man and are upset, but you need to step back and find someone fully available to you.

str8tothepoint · 21/12/2013 12:37

Hey I'm not under any illusion that by me telling her he will run to me far from it he will just see me has a twat and want nothing to do with me. So would women not rather know their partner who was found out twice before has lied and cheated on you for a full year?? Had me in their house while she's in work and betrayed her when he knew the risks. I've stupidly covered up for him when she's messaged me before but no more.

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str8tothepoint · 21/12/2013 12:40

But very true Diggity thank you :-)

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Buzzardisnotina4birdroast · 21/12/2013 12:42

Stop being so selfish, his daughter is not an 'excuse' she is a child. Why and how can anyone justify destroying a child's life just for some petty revenge?

Madmum24 · 21/12/2013 12:46

Op what on earth is wrong with you? You are enabling this twat. Feel so sorry for his partner. A family member if mine is in the same position, she has lots of smiley fb pics of them on exoctic holidays, but she is utterly miserable. married 30 years, grown up jids, but she is tied into business with him and would lose too much financially if she left him.

Madmum24 · 21/12/2013 12:49

Sorry posted too soon. He got hepatitis a few years back and his kids had to be tested too Sad . Please have the strength and self respect to stop allowing this excude of a man to keep szringing you along.

Sorry for typos i am on phone

str8tothepoint · 21/12/2013 13:04

Buzzard I'm not being selfish and he knows I would not hurt his daughter and even he's told me that I've not. Plus I have a niece of a same age that I protected from a huge lie for all her life only for my dad to tell her the truth now we don't see her so I know the damage, BUT would you as a mother tell your child that your dads gay come on you would still hide them away from it all. And Madmum yes what is wrong with me?? I in all honesty only now clicked that she's not at fault he made it out for a long time she was out for me to then get emails from her I thought she was happy to attack me and not bother pointing the finger at the person she been with for many years. I focused too much on them and totally ignored me, what I want, what I deserve. But I just want him to suffer the meltdown and pain both of us suffered. And I always found it bizarre that she threw him out having found out to then take him back 3 weeks later 2 days after she found out he had been with me again.

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ThreeWisePerpendicularVinces · 21/12/2013 13:15

It seems like you're too keen to force a confrontation. She knows he's been seeing you, so why tell her again? What purpose could her knowing more detail serve?

If this man is blaming his wife, that is very wrong. He owns his own actions.

I know I probably sound like a stuck record but there's a better, more fulfilling relationship out there for you.

LowCarbHeaven · 21/12/2013 14:35

She knows you have seen him, nothing you tell her now and who chased who will make any difference too her. I would just leave them alone, yes he's a twat but they have a child together. The child comes first. You are just prolonging the drama by emailing him all the time.

CogitoErgoSometimes · 21/12/2013 14:54

" I just want him to suffer the meltdown and pain both of us suffered"

Now you're just getting into 'bunny boiler OW' territory and that gets you zero sympathy. FFS which part of 'no contact' are you struggling with? Are you some kind of masochist that you enjoy picking at this particular scab and keeping the wound nicely raw? If you're struggling this much to get over a relationship that was obviously a disaster from day one, if you can't get on with leading a normal life, please see your GP and ask for some psychiatric help. It's usual to be upset but you've been posting about this same thing for months now and there seems to be no change at all.

str8tothepoint · 21/12/2013 15:31

I'm just a yo yo of emotions anyway as yes I see a psychiatrist fortnightly to deal with my bulimia and bipolar so hey it's not the best. I won't post anymore but thanks for all your advice and help. Merry Christmas x

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Buzzardisnotina4birdroast · 21/12/2013 16:26

I doubt it, you love the drama too much. You didn't have to get involved with someone else's partner...you chose to. She is not the OW ...you are.

His partner and child are innocent. You too are both completely selfish, although he is at least showing an ounce of decency.

str8tothepoint · 21/12/2013 20:55

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