Edit: It actually does hurt slightly less

[Alchemist]

DH left on Thursday. We have not been good for a while and he has decided that after nearly 20 years he wants out. He told me he hates me.

Our DCs 9 and 7 are reacting in different ways. The eldest has withdrawn to his room. The youngest has basically raged, wept and begged for me to let him come back and won't accept it wasn't me making him go.

I saw my GP yesterday and have some diazepam which is helping to take the edge of but I am in agony. I don't know what I am going to do. While this is vile I know the OW will soon be popping up and I don't know how I am going to manage as I am just putting one foot infont of the other now. He is denying it, of course, but I do know.

How can I keep helping the DCs if I can't sort myself.

Well, what a difference in a few days .

Tuesday was grim but on Wed woke up, got dcs to school, came back and cleared all the rest of his stuff out of the bedroom. I have a whole new wardrobe to use. This made me smile. Cleaned room, fresh bedding, all lovely. No tears just felt a bit nothing. Emailed to let him known it was waiting. Would have been lovely to climb in with fresh PJs and stretch out but the DCs had the same idea .

Woke up this morning and felt alright. Went to work for 4 hours. All fine. He came to collect it about 4.30pm today so he could see DCs too. "Does it all have to go now?" "Can't we wait a bit?" "I could stay and we can have a drink?" All pleading eyes. "No, thanks" I replied. I feel fantastic atm but aware this won't last but I feel GREAT!

I am wondering if this is the citalopram kicking in but am thinking if this stuff is supposed to get you on an even keel, then what I must be feeling is more or less how I was feeling before all this madness started. I think I know what I mean but think the above might be a bit garbled.

The DCs seemed fine with him in and out. It was Hi Dad/Bye Dad really. We'll see as the evening progresses.

I read this thread before typing this. It's a journey alright but I thank you for your help. I think I might be using this as a bit of a diary so please don't feel you need to reply but again, thank you .

Ha! Just made myself snort thinking I should ask MNHQ to change the title to It hurts slightly less .

ah so hood to read u are feeling better. it is a day at a time isn't it. I did what u did- stripped beds etc. I too feel nothing much about empty draws and have started to put my things in.

more than anything I'm cross he has done this to our family unit. his loss.

here's to a new future. good luck

This is exactly what happened to me 2 year ago and it's still hurting!

I'm so sorry you are still feeling so sad. Three weeks now, still early days...

Hi Alchemist, i have been following your story from the begginning as i too split with my partner of 16 years seven weeks ago. Its slightly different in that i found out completely by accident that he had taken some woman to a hotel for the night when he said he was on a works night out, since then though i have gone through every emotion you describe,its the worst feeling in the world,we have two DD age 11 and 16 and the eldest just wants to be with her dad and i have moved into another house with the youngst, he treated me like i was nothing after i confronted him,tried blaming it on me, and refused even to this day to tell me why,details even if he is still shagging her! i feel bereft,alone and completely discarded

Babycow I am so sorry, I can feel your pain through your post. I think we all have to remember the baby steps. We will get there at some point and what an achievement that will be.

So, today is my 45th birthday and not quite how I imagined 45 to be . H is picking up the DCs at 9.30am as DD has a Brownie day and he is having DS for the day. They will be back at 6pm. I am going for just a quiet pub lunch with On My Side BIL, 2 DNephews and a friend. TBH I just need a bit of company for a few hours and then I think I will be alright.

BUT the most amazing thing has happened! Some friends are moving and have asked me to look after their dog for a week. H hated dogs and I could have collected 20 cats and he wouldn't have batted an eyelid. No dogs though. Ha! Balls to him, DCs thrilled, me thrilled and that's that. So, roll on this afternoon for the best and most healing thing that has happened in a while.

Wishing you a good day x

I should have mentioned that SIL (married to H's brother) called rround on Friday with a bottle of fizzy wine and a cat. We had a talk and she said they have hardly seen H, he has not told them anything, refuses to engage at all. She also send H's brothers apologies for not talking to me on Tuesday. He just freaked basically but sent me a message of support and offered to help if he can. That has made a big difference. Still no word from MIL or H's sister.

Wine and card not wine and cat!

:) Shame it was not a cat.. I got two kittens when I got my own place and they constantly make me smile and giggle.

But seriously, I am glad that you are feeling better and that his family have not cut ties with you.

Hope you have fun with the dog.

alchemist great to hear you are getting the dog. enjoy your birthday. might not be how u planned it at all but sounds to me like u are seeing the positives. small steps. small steps

Happy Birthday Alchemist!
even though it will be different from what you imagined I hope you have a lovely day!

Happy birthday OP. You sound like you're doing really great

Horrible morning, nice afternoon, now have dog for a wek. I want to die,#]

What's happening for you tonight Alchemist?

oh the flipping floodgates opened last night. I knew it would happen .

I think it was having Big Dog to cuddle and feeling extremely sorry for myself plus 4 glasses of wine and then some Baileys. I have been avoiding alcohol and have now proved I was right to! I apologise for my post above.

Also, drink does not help when your DD (slight but strong as an ox) spends the night being sick. Poor love, she has gone back to sleep now, I have Big Dog curled around my feet and am drinking coffee from my new birthday mug with Smiths lyrics on it. I am sorry for my daftness last night

Awww hey there is no need to apologise.

It helps to have a good cry.

I hope you have a better day today.

No need to apologise but appreciate you taking the time to let us all know that you're feeling as though things are in a bit of perspective this morning. I think having a dog there sounds like a good idea - lots of affection and time out in the fresh air.

I am full of admiration for how you are managing such a horrible situation. Floodgates are fine (and the dog sounds perfect). Your children are so lucky to have such a strong and insightful parent. Of course you wobble - that's part of the process.
A belated happy birthday

no need to apologise and it's good to cry.

you know there's a sweary thread - it's for ranting.
I can link it later if you haven't found it.

Hi Alchemist, I too have been following your posts, my ex and I split in June this year after 19 years and a lot of your posts have struck a chord with me. He was working abroad and phoned me to tell me he didn't want to come back and that it was over.

Often I feel like it's one step forward and one step back but generally the really bad days are lessening slightly. I have 2 Dc aged 12 and 9, the 12 yr old has taken it very badly and is not talking to his Dad which is hard.

It sounds really corny but I am learning to have a relationship with myself, treat myself a bit more gently than I used to and not really think too much about the future just getting through today. I am also avoiding too much alcohol as it just makes me more depressed.

There seems to be a lot of similar stories on the boards at the moment and some of the people who post on here have really helped me. At the very least you know you're not alone, hope you are feeling better.

Thank you all for being so kind.

Just having a bit of a wobble now as H has just called to ask if he can have the DCs overnight on Friday. Of course I agreed as it fits in with what we are doing at the weekend. I am having to miss work due to DD still being off, so am hoping I can get a few hours in on Saturday to catch up. He will bring them back about 3pm.

Being practical it works but oh how I don't want them away from me. A comfort is that I will still have Big Dog but, that is saddish too, as he goes home on Sunday. The DCs are loving Big Dog and I have promised, once we are properly sorted, we will get a dog. Of course, I am being totally selfless here and am only doing it for the children .

I suppose I will have to get used to them being away overnight/holidays with H but, this first time, I hate it but at least Big Dog is here that night.

Mrscain Thank you for your message. It is encouraging to know the days get slightly less grim. I am NOT drinking on Friday night!

MrsCain I'm so sorry you have been on the receiving end of such arseholery as well. He phoned you to end your 19 year marriage? Really? What a spineless twat. Really really low Sending you strength as well

Alchemist the firsts are always hard but it sounds like you very sensibly have a plan with how to get through it.

mine were due to stay last week, having been over a couple of times to his for tea and at weekend but my eldest dd didn't want to stay . and youngest didn't without her so they didn't go. he came here instead and put to bed then came back in morning to do school run. have told eldest she doesn't have to stay until ready.

I hate that I will have to miss out on things because he has done this to us so know exactly where u are coming from.

like u trying to take the positives from time I will get on my own and in knowledge that most nights they with me. in my home.