Edit: It actually does hurt slightly less

[Alchemist]

DH left on Thursday. We have not been good for a while and he has decided that after nearly 20 years he wants out. He told me he hates me.

Our DCs 9 and 7 are reacting in different ways. The eldest has withdrawn to his room. The youngest has basically raged, wept and begged for me to let him come back and won't accept it wasn't me making him go.

I saw my GP yesterday and have some diazepam which is helping to take the edge of but I am in agony. I don't know what I am going to do. While this is vile I know the OW will soon be popping up and I don't know how I am going to manage as I am just putting one foot infont of the other now. He is denying it, of course, but I do know.

How can I keep helping the DCs if I can't sort myself.

back at ya.

We have managed to score two of those bottles - thanks to DH and I having separate Waitrose accounts when ordering online. They are for tonight as we have friends coming for Burns...except I took the kids to a friend for tea with her lot last night and we hit the Sauv Blanc at 5:30.

I am hungover and have to cook a huge pork loin.

Ballsed up tonight got too drunk early and had to come home. Friends kind. Stupid me. n Am not eating asnd as much as I try to go on I can't do it. Am just done in

I am listening to leonard cohen and, as much as I love that man, I might need to search for the Nolans or a bit iof Donna Summer. Drink used to egree with me but no more.

Stupid.

I just hurt all the time. There is no answer I know but I am hurting and H isn'ty the answer but I don't know what is. I am glad DC are away tonight as they don't need this. This being me pissedf. aM bawling away like a daft sod. I am sorry to whine on but oh I hurt and I don't know how to make anything better

Hi alchemist,

Think you need to look at getting over a relationship as a process. One that will initially have more downs than ups and more setbacks than successes, but a process nonetheless that will, perhaps imperceptibly shift the other way - more ups and more successes

Accept that you will feel shitty for a while, but you will come through it and you WILL be stronger and in a much better place for it. Just keep reaching for that day.

Ps hope your head doesn't hurt too much tomorrow morning.

hope you are getting a good sleep now and feel better in the morning. its all so sad and hard. I agree with poster before me its a process with different stages. I think it does depend on how your ex is being too.

Having felt ashamed after ^^ I have decided to not drink for a bit. Saturday was embarrassing both with friends and on here. If I drink atm, what with a faulty off switch and not eating as much as I used to, I just become a mess.

I'm sorry to my friends and I'm sorry here.

Had my hair cut today, had heated discussion with H, told him to fuck off (mature) during a discussion about how I am spending "my money" (child maintenance) and am now going to do my nails. Hope all is well

Tish push - away with you woman. We have all had our times of in vino veritas and there is nothing to be embarrassed about. (Might have been a few sheets to the wind myself on Friday night)

Don't be too hard on yourself. Glad you are looking at not drinking for a bit though. Hope you are looking at other ways of de-stressing and avoiding stress (by NC with the ex).

glad you are treating yourself. how u spend your money is absolutely none of his business.

Morning! I am hoping to find a bit of advice re: child maintenance/my money conversations I have had with H.

ATM my mind is swirling with "yoy pay 130 a week/do you know who much a nanny/childminder/carer would cost. And yuou are questioning how I spend the money you are paying for me to give me to care for your DC fulltime and you are whining about it".

What I would be grateful for is a way of saying that which actually makes sense rather than the jumble in my head.

I should mention this is one of the buttons he presses and I don't seem to make myself not react.

Been lurking for a bit, and wanted to support.

I'd say it isn't up to him how you spend the money; but if you wanted to be nicely passive agressive, then spend a quick hour breaking it down in a lovely multicoloured spreadsheet! Columns for food, clothing, heat, light, phones - all the stuff that you need to have to support kids.

Then subtract what he gives you and invoice him for the rest

I would just refer him to your solicitor.

Just read your whole thread. Just wanted to say you are amazing and he is a dick who didn't deserve you anyway.

It costs an average of about £7700 a year to raise a child between 5 and 10.
So he's a thousand short a year. That's not to mention the time you put in compared to him

I'm seeing solicitor tomorrow and will talk to her although I do like the thought of a pretty coloured spreadsheet .

I would just like to thank you all again for all the support and kindness I have been shown here. I referred to this thread as a lifeline the other day on another thread and it has been.

I mentioned I had my hair cut on Monday and H saw me last night. Told me he didn't like it as "it didn't look like me". My reply "SO?" had him backing out the door. Unlike Samson, cutting 5inches off my hair has made me stronger! Up yours H, a bit more dead weight gone.

Hello Alchemist! Good for you. I haven't posted before but have been following your trials and progress, you sound great and your H is clearly an Arsewipe. (I know, that's too kind to him.)

He really has more front than Harrods, doesn't he. He didn't like it. Honestly. What a twat. Yay for you with your perfect response!

It's good you're talking to the solicitor tomorrow. Get things on an official footing and he won't be able to get to you so much. Good luck.

Well, very soon we will have a dog. Such an amazing thing to happen! So happy.

Very happy. YES.

Lovely news. They're the most loyal best friend you can ever have. Do you know what you're getting?

ah I'm so pleased for you. what type?

The dog is a spaniel/collie. I haven't seen the puppies irl yet but hope to tomorrow. I am so happy. H had DC today and I was just fiddling around not doing much really and I just thought soon I will have a dog and I will have to be out and about with him/her. This is good as am staying in a bit too much. DC excited in a passing way but I am so ready to love The Hound. Big Dog was such a delight to look after but to have a dog? Lovely!

Dyed my eyelashes last night and then did my brows both for the first time ever. What a difference! I have dark hair and didn't really bother with my brows but a threading place has opened so I had my brows and tache done. But the dying of my brows after the threading has completely changed my face! Am 45 and realistic but this has amazed me and cheered me right up!

What with the excitement over The Hound and my brows, the weekend has been a quite nice one. Hope you had the same

Good news on both fronts! Spaniel/collie sounds lovely, and sounds like he/she will make you very happy!

Have more personal experience of the brows situation and I hear you... At a certain age, it does make a big difference!

Glad you had a good weekend, same here

Something which has nagged at me since Cognito posted this:

Look... the man has insulted, offended and hurt you.

When our DS was born he was in NICU for nearly a year. It is astonishing our boy survived but he did. Why Cognito's post has nagged at me is that the surgeons/consultants/nurses all referred to DS's condition (connected to CF) as an insult. While the whole time was vile there is a part of me which actually likes the description when applied to both DS and me.

Happily DS is doing alright after his insult. So am I.

I mean that Cognito's comment struck me and it took a while to connect to why.

I don't mean Cognito nagged me .