Edit: It actually does hurt slightly less

[Alchemist]

DH left on Thursday. We have not been good for a while and he has decided that after nearly 20 years he wants out. He told me he hates me.

Our DCs 9 and 7 are reacting in different ways. The eldest has withdrawn to his room. The youngest has basically raged, wept and begged for me to let him come back and won't accept it wasn't me making him go.

I saw my GP yesterday and have some diazepam which is helping to take the edge of but I am in agony. I don't know what I am going to do. While this is vile I know the OW will soon be popping up and I don't know how I am going to manage as I am just putting one foot infont of the other now. He is denying it, of course, but I do know.

How can I keep helping the DCs if I can't sort myself.

oh alchemist so awful for you. its unbearable watching dcs cry isn't it and not know how to channel their feelings. my youngest (6) gets very cross and lashes out at her ds or me. all 3 of us were crying yesterday.

so glad to hear big dog is coming that will be a great comfort to all of you.

well done re childcare comment too. they just swan about and think we should change our plans.

I think you're very strong to meet mil and agree with others, try to stay calm and confident. she has no right to be anything other than supportive of you and her grandchildren. state the facts.

good luck. and rant away if you need to. thinking of u

Well, Big Dog arrived and he lovely. DCs very happy to see him and he is, at this moment, stretched out beside me snoring. Just lovely .

Why the following has hurt me so much, I really don't know. I suppose it just proves all along I was right about his mother's feelings towards me. It got to 3ish and I cracked and phoned MIL to ask when she was coming. She told me she had decided not to as she would see DC on Christmas Eve and there was no need to see me. I told her the DCs had been looking forward to seeing her and she could have phoned to say she wasn't coming. She told me that she has no obligations to me.

That's me told then.

Bloody cheek. As the mother of her GC, you deserve a lot more consideration and respect than this.

I wouldn't bend over backwards to oblige her if I were you.

Hellfire - what a family. You wouldn't be human if that didn't hurt. Of course she has obligations to you - you are the mother of her grandchildren ffs. Cowbag.

You are remaining unbelievably gracious, Alchemist, in the face ofunmitigated fuckwittery. Arsedom clearly runs in the family.

I suspect that my MiL feels the same about me - all surface politeness but would knife me like a shot if the opportunity arose.

mil comments just shocking. and they need to go in one ear and out the other. so sorry you're having to deal with that attitude as well.

Thing about MIL is that she is very class-conscious and I have never quite been good enough. From NE, working class etc. What I have never worked out is why she married a man from the NE with a working class background . Who did exactly the same thing to her as her DS has done to me except when the DCs were in their teens.

It just feels like a kick in the stomach but the kicks are getting smaller. Daft old bat, fuck the lot of them.

Actually, I think I have just written down what she found unlikeable about me! I am a bit ashamed of feeling this but a part of me is going "hahahahaha! Your DS is just like Daddy! Good work!" Aiming that at both MIL and FIL. Nasty of me but, so what?!

On H's side divorce is the norm. His GPs divorced, DPs divorced, his DBro and DSis divorced (twice each) and now H is to be divorced. Just following the family pattern I suppose.

HowGood Your comment "Hellfire" really made me smile. I read it with my deceased sister's voice. Exactly the same thing she would say .

Sounds like the apple does not fall far from the tree in his case. You are probably much better off without the toxic in laws around.

How are you doing Alchemist? I hope you had as good a Christmas as poss under the circs.

Just read this thread through. OP you are amazing. I hope Christmas wasn't too hard for you.

You are so kind HowGood. Christmas was really lovely and DCs had a fab time. They were happy. Big Dog and I are in love (I may be fooling myself as I hold the dog food but have decided that we have bonded :) ).

I came down with a few infections by Boxing Day and by the time I saw the GP he wanted to admit me for antibiotics by drip (have ear, throat and chest infections also mad squits and am knocked down) but had to say no, no-one to look after DCs. I was not thinking straight, I could call On-muy-side BIL, friends or even H's family (he is again overseas) but I could not think and thought he meant he was going tyo get the DCs taken from me. GP calmed me down and gave me anti-bs and then phoned me on Friday night to see if they (and I suppose if I had calmed down) had started to work. He called again this morning and was so, so kind and gentle.

A newish friend phoned yesterday and heard how rough I am. She came round today and took the dcs out "for an hour". She kept them until 5pm and I didn't notice because I was flat out. BIL is coming tomorr0w morning and is keeping the Dcs till Monday late morning. I am lucky to have this help but it keeps making me cry. Am just low I suppose.

Mind you, am not that low as am listening to H's "Our Song" and, as I do get a bit wordy about songs, am hearing a completely different song than the one I heard for many years. As am still hot (temp) this may not be acturate but the song is We're all alone by Boz Scaggs. Ah fuck that, has moved on to my choice. Lady Grinning Soul by David Bowie. Sorry for this crap

ALL of you are so kind. I will have a little cry but am thankful for your support. So kind xxxx

been wondering how you were doing. I've just had a little cry too. so hard as dont want to wake dcs as when I cry its full on. cat trying to comfort me bless her.

so sorry to hear you've been so poorly
really hope you are now on the mend. sounds like good care and support at least. here's to a better 2014 for all of us. x

Straight back to you Minime. Bloody hell, it will make us stronger, eventually.

I still shock myself how hard I can cry. I am aiming to see it as getting it out and making myself better. Don't know if that's true but will look at it this way as, bloody hell, I won't go completely down. I just won't.

Big Balls To UnMumsnetty Hugs and Kisses AM BLASTING THEM OUT

I have just had another thought of how things are a bit better. This is tiny but has driven me mad over the years. H used to have to hear/watch the adverts. Now I just mute them. This makes me happier.

Not big but something.

I am so sorry that you have been poorly - it seems like the ultimate unfairness. Thank heavens for On Your Side BIL and friend. They sound lovely.

Maybe the muted adverts can be item no 1 on the List Of Things That Are Better In Life. Or No 2, I guess Big Dog is No 1. So there is an actual list there already.

Haha HowGood feeling a bit about blasting out hugs and kisses but I feel it must have been the temp I had. I think I was delirious!

While not great I am feeling a bit less ill, DCs back later this morning and then off with their father for Tues and Wed. I feel like I haven't seen them much. I had, while arranging the holiday plans, insisted that he was to have them NYE as I had plans to go out. I'll tell you a secret. I have no plans! I'm just not ready for such a full on night but H has gone out every NYE since we had DCs and I have stayed in (sounds worse than actually was, usually it was my choice). His turn now but have a feeling that since I am ill and obviously not going out, he will ask if I will have them so he can go out.

I think you will be able to guess my answer .

Sweet Lord - he keeps the kids as planned!

Am laughing at a text I received last night but didn't see until this AM.

"Alchemist, there is a party at X's place tomorrow. I would like to go and wondered, since you are poorly, if I could pick the dcs up at 9am and bring them back say 6pm? I really would like to go. Let me know xxx"

First of all I frothed wildly at "xxx" and then replied "No." Nothing like a bit of frothing first thing in the morning to set you up for the day!

He is just so predictable. Prick.

well done for standing your ground. I too would be very cross. hope you're feeling better

All the best for 2014, Alchemist. May it be filled with Big Dogs and no adverts.

I love that "May it be filled with Big Dogs and no adverts". Yes!

Happy New Year to you.

This is just so completely ridiculous that I am quite cross with myself. So bloody stupid.

I am watching the Coronation Street omnibus and seeing Peter and Tina saying "We've just done a wonderful thing" after shagging in the marital bed. That bastard H did that to me over and over again, although not in the marital bed as far as I know. The scene just cut me to the core. I've cried so much this morning. And then there is Hailey... more tears. Seeing the actors doing those scenes I could just see H's face and voice spouting the same lies. Twat.

Anyway, on the upside am feeling much better. I am going to make an appointment with a solicitor this week and get things moving. New year, new start and new me! The DCs are both seeming quite happy so am glad about that.

I think I will stop watching Coronation Street for a while .