is anyone interested in an alchohol-free / addiction thread?

[youretoastmildred]

My name is youretoastmildred, and I am an alcoholic.

I am 42 days alcohol free.
have been a problem drinker for a long time and have often convinced myself that moderate drinking will be fine. It never stays moderate.
In this 42 days there have been certain key people that I have not had to see. I have 2 events coming up with them that will be massive triggers and I am looking for support (and very very willing to offer what support I can to anyone else)

I have lurked on Brave Babes and it seems to be a thread of successfully moderate drinkers, and alcoholics who can't / don't actually stop. (The poster who started those threads by stopping completely isn't there: I also remember some 12 step nondrinkers from the early days who don't seem to be there any more. There are a lot of posts by people enumerating what they are having or will have and whether or not this is ok but I don't see much actual NOT DRINKING EVER which is what I need to do)

By contrast, the AA meeting that I attend, while it will always have a couple of people back after a relapse, is mostly packed with people with months and years sober.

Is anyone interested in an actual not-drinking or beating other addictions thread? I am NOT saying I am not interested in talking to those who relapse. I am saying that I DO want to talk to people who aim to stop drinking.

any takers?

Im a SMART facilitator and national facilitator trainer if anyone wants more details.
And no, we don't have any issues with AA - our philosophy is its whatever works for you.

Is smart a paid for thing then it is it free like aa? I only know about it vaguely through friends who work in addictions field where I live.

I would love to try SMART. I'm nt great with online type things though - but as there is no meeting within 50 miles of me, I will certainly give it a go. Have been looking on the site most of the day. My friend postponed which was a good thing in the end. Have been quite tearful today - the three day remorse thing I think. It always seems to be three days. Have sent dh out to buy 'nice soft drinks' 'top end' ones as i call them

Smart is free other than passing the pot round.

Chin up mrmeanour, don't let that mood lead you to a bottle!

Away out to my meeting - collecting my 3 year key ring!

oh well done!!

I'd like to join - I'm we'regoingtothezoo and I'm an alcoholic with 16 months continuous sobriety. I'm a Christian and I've given up with the help of God and the love and support of people in my church.
However I lost everything first - my daughter, and my health (major injury causing long term disability). I tried many things but couldn't get AA to work (something to do with being able to make God into whoever you wanted) and had a really nasty experience on the Brave Babes thread.

I can't moderate. I can't let any sort of substitute run unchecked really - overeating, spending, etc. Obviously I fall for things like that but I usually realise I'm trying to use something to make myself feel better. I'm learning it's ok to have feelings. And making progress on my long recovery road from my life changing injury.

Some really wise words written upthread - thank you for helping me stay sober today.

My name is Sorcha and I am very afraid that I have an alcohol problem. I am 47 and have been drinking heavily for at least 20 years. I would very much like to be alcohol free. I have tried many times to cut down, moderate, not drink alone, not drink on weekdays, not drink before 8pm - you name it I have tried to do it. Always I end up drinking too much.

Most weeks I think I drink about 60 units. Sometimes its more. I try to have one or two nights a week when I don't drink - that works sometimes. I am too afraid to go to the doctor after some abnormal blood tests more than 2 years ago.

I manage ok day to day. I hold down a responsible job. I don't miss work, I don't not do anything. But I drink a bottle of wine most nights and struggle to remember things i have done/said. At weekends i sometimes start drinking at mid-day and will be pissed by 7pm. That's not a good look for my children. The whole thing is unhealthy, a crap example and perhaps crucially completely out of my control.

SO why do I drink. I drink t cope with pressure. Pressure of work, financial problems, too much to do and no time, intermittent relationship problems,(my DH is also quite a heavy drinker but he is much bigger than me so its less obvious)

I hate it. I'm desperate to stop. I'm scared to stop. I'm scared to admit i cant stop. I love drinking. I need it, but its killing me.

Today is my third consecutive day without alcohol. That hasn't happened since January. I cannot look forward beyond the next 1/2 hour right now. I have cup of tea and no alcohol in the house. I want to be sober. I want not to drink. I want to be free of the dreadful anxiety and fear that i have around alcohol. I want it not to be necessary to stop. But I know that it is.

Hello to you both I am really hoping this is going to be an ongoing super supportive all round fabulous thread for us all. The one thing we all have in common so far is that none of us seem to be able to moderate. It has always seemed that I'm on my own - but clearly not. Thank you Mildred for starting this. I feel more content and sort of 'safe' already

Congrats Enid! Hope you're enjoying your tea & cake

Hello new people .

Do you mind if I ask about the bad experience on the BB thread? Don't say if you'd rather not.

I have been thinking, I think with the AA users on here it's only a matter of time before a certain (namechanging) poster shows up to warn you all of the evils of AA. The regular brainwashing & abuse of new members that apparently goes on there, that I never saw in my 18months of experience, and that it is a cult about to suck your personality until you are devoid of self lol. Anyway, thought I'd warn you about this person in advance. I have no idea if this person is a regular MNer or someone who trawls the net looking for AA discussions. I've gone head to head with them in the past but they simply won't have it that putting people off is far more dangerous than anything some weak tea & a room full of sober alkies could be.

Some of what you say rings bells Sorcha in that I cope day-to-day fine and get done what needs to be done but also the struggling to remember things you've said or done when drinking. I think that's the one thing that has frightened me and then the awful anxiety the next day in case I have said or done something stupid. Is your dh stopping also?

I've seen posts from that one before Oops

Well done Enid I must have missed that

No brokeneggshells at the moment he's not. I say he's a heavy drinker - and he is, but he doesn't have that compulsion thing like I do. And he is able to stop after a glass or two much easier than I. He doesn't think I have a problem really, but he is supportive of my wish to be dry. He has not bought any alcohol into the house this week and will not drink in front of me If I prefer him not to.

I cannot do AA. Or will not. I live in a very small place (very rural) and my exH (who was a drug addict & alcoholic) is a committed AA member. He still goes there though I know for a fact he still does drugs. Other meetings are too far away to be realistic on a regular basis.

One of my issues recognising that I am an alcoholic is that I was never like him . (my Ex H) He would drink early in the morning, drink to oblivion, be aggressive and violent to me and the children; he lost jobs due to alcohol etc etc.

Those of you who have been alcohol free for ages, what made the decision for you to stop drinking? I find your stories really helpful

Sorcha, I was sick & tired of being sick & tired. I thought my marriage was in danger which it was but stopping hasn't actually changed that sadly, although we're still living together. I started to lose whole weekends by drinking then hungover then doing it all over again. I am/was high functioning - I have a good job, take care of the family etc but I would then take to my bed for entire days so as to not inflict myself on the family when drinking & one of my last big binges before my 6month sobriety I drank in the morning and liked it which scared me very much.

I'm 44 and completely accept that I drink alcoholically. I don't really even mind admitting to that amongst people I trust. The only people who don't know are colleagues. Just didn't think it would be sensible to mention it there!

Hi Sorcha!
Hi Weregoingtothezoo!

I am a bit awed by the length and breadth of experience on here. How many sober years between you all? Gosh.

I didn't go to AA for a long time after I started vaguely thinking about it. My reasons were:

I didn't want to do anything which implied I could never drink. I was hanging on to a "one or two will be alright" idea.
I didn't want anyone to recognise me.
I am generally socially anxious and it can take me a while to work up to things.
I am busy working and with small children so it isn't that easy to fit things in.
I didn't want to tell anyone I was going.

the main one was the first, if I am honest.
The last one - I just didn't tell anyone I was going. Easy.

Now I have been to a few I wouldn't talk about it in the impassioned way that some do, I haven't met any soul mates there (or made any actual friends there in fact). but I do find it useful to be in a place where you can see the vast variety of people who have drink problems and have decided to do something about it. There is no type. that is extremely refreshing.

I used to worry about I would say to someone who would quiz me about AA - "I don't see someone like you there!" "What do you say?" "What do you get out of it?" In theory you should be able to do what you want and let that sort of thing run off you like water off a duck. In practice I always take questioning to heart and it does affect me. It is easier for me not to tell anyone things I don't want to justify or explain.

It's good to have fellowship in whatever form and this group online is already a fellowship to me, so thank you for that.

I've put some sporadic posts on here and a couple of other threads, but (whisper it) - I'm a bloke. Can I still participate?
For the record I was a 30+ units/day drinker, now 3.5 years dry. I tried AA but it didn't suit me, I use (and am part of the Big Team in the UK) SMART Recovery. I run SR meetings on a Wednesday night. I'll also put on record that SMART don't [shouldn't] have any issues with any other recovery program - if ti suits you, you go for it, its your recovery.
Anyroadup, I'm here if that's OK - if not I shall shuffle off and weep quietly in a corner ;-)
Colin

Hi powellct. the SMART stuff sounds interesting, I didn't know about it but sort of assumed it was a kind of pay-for, get-referral-from-dr type counselling programme. I am interested in stuff you can do online, there is only one AA meeting a week I can get to (and I missed it today). Do you do online stuff or real life stuff?

Weegiemum, come and check in when you get a minute. I know it is your family dinner tonight and am sending you good vibes to be sober and happy.

Maybe I need to clarify- when I said that fellowship bashing wasn't allowed in smart meetings I didn't mean that they were fundamentally against fellowships. In my experience many people find smart when AA/NA hasn't worked for them so there can be some negativity about it by people in the room but the smart ethos is certainly that whatever works, works, it's your choice.

Hi, I just wanted to say what a great thread. drank to much on and off for about 9 years. I know that shame and guilt. For me pregnancy finally sorted me out. It's been about a year. I still have times when I have a craving but itdoesn't taste or feel as good anyone. Just wanted to wish everyone luck.

Lots of new faces, hi all!

This is coming to the end of Day 2. Here's wot I said on Monday evening:

" I've not drunk for one day, possibly last week. For two days? Some time last month. 3 days consecutively? I really can't recall."
So roughly it was sometime early Oct I think that I last went 2 days. 3 days would have been some time in summer.

OF course there is detail missing. Most mornings I have woken v groggy and the first words I thought, and said, were " I hate you ". And meant it, as a start to the day. I've squandered time and money and feelings and effort and me. I've squandered large parts of me and my life. Missed work about 6 times this year making 'virus' excuses. Slowed considerably in the afternoons. On way home worked out how long it will be before I can open a bottle. Even sometimes at work when I was talking to someone about something sensitive for them, I have been calculating. No-one wants to actually be this person, do they?

Nope, its free (other than we do ask for a donation if you can spare it at F2F meetings to cover the tea and biscuits).
Its generally all peer led (unless you're already registered with a partnership Service Provider) - so its people in (or seeking) recovery talking with people in (or seeking) recovery. A facilitator just leads the group really. If the dynamics are working well we just sit back and guide where necessary. We follow a format of a check-in (but its not compulsory - you can just listen) then the group set the agenda of the points they want to work on - for example several people may find they've had strong cravings, so the group may decide to work on Coping with Urges. Or there may be something that's proving a trigger (Christmas is starting to crop up at Check-In here), so they may decide to look at how to cope with special occasions.

SR works on the thought processes behind using, so you may find yourself in a meeting with someone using heroin, or with eating problems, or gambling - whatever.
Online meetings take the form of voice chat, or some people without microphones type. It follows the same format as a F2F meeting, and they run Sunday, Wednesday and Friday. I know the guys that run them personally, and they're all in recovery from various things, and all very good.
More info a www.smartrecovery.org.uk (UK) or www.smartrecovery.org (US). You'll find Americans on the UK site, and Brits (like me) on both!

It may or may not suit you - try everything, you may fall to another 12-step program, or even something like Intuitive Recovery (the next one I'm going to investigate just for my own knowledge). Remember, its your recovery, you own it.

If you want some general, unstructured, support, you could do worse than try the www.brighteyecounselling.co.uk forum.

I think I need a Thread Spreadsheet. I'm feeling a bit rude in not keeping a grasp of who is doing what and where they are, but I'm only getting to read and post in the mornings and then chiseling out time in the evenings, whilst the thread gallops on in between times.....

For anyone struggling, here is my experience. On phone so please excuse typos...

Heavy drinker since teen which continued through university and into twenties. Addictive personality (previous eating disorder, recreational drug user etc). By mid twenties completely dependent and a daily drinker. Depressed and always on the sick. By late twenties I was drinking in the morning. At 27 I hit bottom. Too paranoid to do anything or face anyone. Shook my way to the shops every morning to buy the booze. Had tried self-regulating, cbt, addiction clinics, religion. Nothing worked.
Dp staged intervention with aid of friends which resulted in my first proper attempt to get sober. Did a few AA meetings. Wasnt ready.

One morning I realised I couldn't continue. I was hallucinating and going insane. Last drink was 3 dec 2005. Retuned to AA convinced I couldn't do it but knew this was it. Totally surrendered and detoxed at home, narrowly avoiding section.
The early days are tough. I just couldn't comprehend howI ccould live without drink. It was my very being. I had to take it so slowly and I was so so very scared. I also had to make things simple and learn some new rules on how to live cos I didnt have a clue.
Life now is so much better. I honestly do not want to drink and have not wanted to for some time. Sure life gets in the way sometimes. But thats ok. Am here for anyone who needs help or a hand to hold.

Interesting powellct as I actually signed up to it today but it's a bit over my head at present. I've checked and there are no face to face meetings near me.

One of my ex's is also an alcoholic Sorcha and involved in the alcohol scheme here which is another reason why I wouldn't seek help here. I know what you mean by measuring it to that yardstick as he was a morning and all-day drinker, affects his health massively and been in and out of rehab a few times but still boozing. To me my drinking seemed like nothing in comparison. I'm glad your dh is being so supportive.

I feel similar Mildred in that I keep things close to my chest and don't want to have to justify things to other people. Maybe there will come a time when I do feel comfortable about it but for the mean time no.

I can relate to all that.