is anyone interested in an alchohol-free / addiction thread?

[youretoastmildred]

My name is youretoastmildred, and I am an alcoholic.

I am 42 days alcohol free.
have been a problem drinker for a long time and have often convinced myself that moderate drinking will be fine. It never stays moderate.
In this 42 days there have been certain key people that I have not had to see. I have 2 events coming up with them that will be massive triggers and I am looking for support (and very very willing to offer what support I can to anyone else)

I have lurked on Brave Babes and it seems to be a thread of successfully moderate drinkers, and alcoholics who can't / don't actually stop. (The poster who started those threads by stopping completely isn't there: I also remember some 12 step nondrinkers from the early days who don't seem to be there any more. There are a lot of posts by people enumerating what they are having or will have and whether or not this is ok but I don't see much actual NOT DRINKING EVER which is what I need to do)

By contrast, the AA meeting that I attend, while it will always have a couple of people back after a relapse, is mostly packed with people with months and years sober.

Is anyone interested in an actual not-drinking or beating other addictions thread? I am NOT saying I am not interested in talking to those who relapse. I am saying that I DO want to talk to people who aim to stop drinking.

any takers?

I don't think we need to worry too much about the title for a while because we will only need one if / when this gets to 1000!
while I get the sentiment of "embracing reality" I don't want it to sound new agey and like we are in a room which is furnished with posters of soft focus lilies with inspirational slogans underneath. I am actually full of all that sort of thing and utterly rely on it, but I think it gives a false impression of the bad-ass sort of attitude I want us to have.

Which includes saying things like "seriously? You are meeting your friend in a pub on day 1?"

I think all present participles (-ing words) have a sense of that. Bouncing, embracing, enjoying, learning, growing.... all sound like things heard on half-baked youth retreats run by ill-qualified amateurs who panic in the face of analysis

I don't mean to be mean! I am just EXTREMELY pernickety about language. I like the thought, let's think about a way to say it. like "get real!" or something. I am trying to get real.

sorry if I am being too prescriptive. I am trying to preserve honesty and authenticity and I find that a very soft, head-tilting atmosphere really stifles that. and then I feel like everyone hates me. And then I get pissed off and go away.

No that's fine - I do understand the reasoning. It's a pub/coffee place too - so I will be ok. I just need to know exactly what I will be drinking as was suggested and all will be well. I love 'fancy' coffees so will plan to have one before I go in. If I start feeling stressed (which I'm sure I won't) I'll suggest we go elsewhere!

I actually agree - get real! appeals to me A LOT. I think it's striking that balance between being kind but REALISTIC. The help that helped me (helps me most) is not people sugar coating stuff or tiptoeing round me but people kindly but firmly telling me the truth.

I think the title conversation is proving a really useful way if establishing all our hopes for the thread and where we're at.

I agree. The only thing that would worry me is if I (or any of us) did lose the plot and have a drink (really really praying not - genuinely) and came back to admit it, would we be able to be kind to each other about it? Part of my leaving AA was due to the vile attitude to people who had relapsed. no kindness at all, just ignoring them and being really nasty. Oh and the day I was told to stop taking my anti depressants (that have kept me out of hospital for 6 years!) because I wasn't mentally ill, I was 'just' an alcoholic.

God I hope so (be kind that is). I honestly really think that it is possible to do so. I am really sorry that you have had bad experiences at AA and that nonsense about the ADs sounds high handed, arrogant, and cruel.
I really hope I can always be kind and that there will be kindness for me, too.

Hello, I'm in if that's ok! I am only 1 week sober unfortunately after a relapse following six months of abstinence. I don't use the brave babes thread for the reasons stated in the OP.

I did AA for 18 months but it really wasn't for me but would support people in using any way that works for them, sobriety is the aim not the means to gaining it. I use Antabuse & have been to lots of SMART meetings.

God that's so unhelpful mrmeanour, it's shit you experienced that in aa. My experience of coming back to meetings after relapse was always that I was very warmly welcomed and people were very encouraging and relieved I'd made it back which as far as I'm concerned is how it should be.
Prescribed medication is between you and your doctor - the only requirement for membership at aa is a desire to stop drinking - that sounds like someone's opinion that they were 'helpfully' sharing - opinions are like arseholes - everyone's got one! When people share their opinions with me and I don't agree I just disregard it and move on.

I think the fine line for me is that whilst I am more than happy to welcome back anyone who has a relapse I'm not going to cosign anyone's bullshit. - I'd like this thread to be for people who are trying their utmost to get through the shit life throws at them without drinking, a day at a time.

That first week is a killer in my experience oops so well done you getting through it! How are you feeling now?

cool . thank you. welcome oops we're virtual buddies - I am on day 3 so far.. I wish there was a SMART group where I am :(

Oh yeah, there are some weird people in AA, purists about prescription drugs and any sort of medication. And you're in relapse if you exercise more than once a week. I sometimes think that for some people AA is as much as an addiction as anything else - I have met people who go twice a day. That can't be right. Well, it wouldn't be right for me anyway (live and let live etc). I do think that kind of thing can be alienating and too prescriptive. I always remember, take what I want and leave the rest...

On the other hand, I've only ever known kindness and welcome shown to anyone who's lapsed and come back. I know that if I ever drink again (and who knows if that would happen - I hope not but I try never to get complacent) that there will always be a place for me back at the AA table, I will be welcomed with open arms and looked after. One of the kindest things anyone ever said to me was, let us love you until you're well enough to love yourself. And I am.

I know someone who has been going about twice a day for twelve years. Fair enough if it helps...but does it!?

I don't know mrmeanour, are they drinking?

Blimey, oh to have the time for two meetings a day! Fat chance of that with two kids & a job. I really only saw kindness in AA, met some absolutely lovely people. Met some arseholes too but that's just life isn't it?! . My issues with it were to do with my entire lack of belief in a higher power (yeah yeah, your group can be your HP but the concept just didn't work for me at all). Also I used to suffer from a debilitating panic disorder & speaking in public is a huge no no to me so the monologue style of sharing, even from the room let alone as a main sharer was never going to happen. But like I said, if it works for you then I would support/encourage it. Even though I no longer attend meetings I have suggested them to others because I think the steps are largely very useful & the support is excellent.my experience of relapse and AA was that people were kind & welcoming to those coming back but ignored whilst they were away. All the funerals freaked me out too! There were regularly people dying (sober) but in hindsight that's going to happen in any large network. I am very lucky in that in my city there are around 50 AA meetings a week & there are SMART meetings on about four days, I think.

Hi Enid, I'm feeling good thanks. It takes me about three days to feel normal & then I start sleeping well and I do love to sleep! The Antabuse has some side effects but its worth it because my drinking was nearly always spontaneous, if I've taken a tablet it means I can't drink for a week so my head is (almost) entirely free of that inner battle of 'should I, shouldn't I' which I find so exhausting, and a battle I rarely won.

No he's not - good point

Interested to hear about antabuse. Is is difficult to get prescribed?

Sorry, I proper laughed at two meetings a day and still dring! . There are one or two characters in my city who would spend their days trawling from one meeting to the next but popping into the offie for a bottle between them. I guess they're lonely. They were tolerated largely unless they were to vocal & obviously drunk in a meeting. I saw lots of drama in meetings, I quite enjoyed that side of it

Antabuse wasn't especially difficult to get. I did have to jump through a few hoops I suppose. I had to do a home detox which I thought unnecessary but they have to ensure you haven't drank for a few days before starting it. I also had to see a psychiatrist to check I wasn't a risk to drink whilst taking it & that I was we'll motivated. I was then assigned a key worker who I saw on e a week for the fist couple of months but then I have been left to it other than seeing my GP when I need a repeat prescription.

Feel free to ask any other questions about it

Apple for dodgy spelling/grammer, I'm on my phone.

GAH!!!!! apols not apples gawd sake.

And does it really work ? Stupid question I know, but you know what I mean I hope!! As in do you not drink because you're taking it or take it so you don't drink?

Ok. It worked at first because of what I said about knowing I couldn't drink for a week which freed me from the daily mental battle. I never was one for planning drinking in the future, it was always 'I've had a shit day' 'I've had a great day' 'it's Friday' etc etc, you know the drill I'm sure. So if I couldn't drink within a few hours I wasn't really interested. I take the tablet at bedtime by which time I'm glad to have got to the end of the day without drinking so I never questioned whether it was a good idea. So that's the psychological success of it for me.

The physical side - this is where I have to admit that my relapse started whilst still taking it. I was/am having a rough ride ATM. My 20yr marriage has fallen apart & the stress of that led me to hit the fuckit button & see what happens. What happened was that I felt dreadfully ill, pukey, massive headache, palpitations & the worst was that my eyes went BRIGHT red! It looked absolutely dreadful & I couldn't even drink enough to get a buzz. I then couldn't take the tablet for a few days & then put it off & relapsed for two months on and off.

I won't make that mistake again, I hope.

Oh, and both. I take it so I can't drink & I want complete abstinence as there is no chance of me ever drinking a single glass of red with dinner. Can't see the point, I am an oblivion drinker as it was so nicely described in the guardian last weekend.

Sorry mrmeanour I wasn't meaning to chastise - it just seemed like the obvious question! I don't do two meetings a day, and only did that a few times even at the start but I did used to do 4 or more a week. Lots of meetings make it easier at the start or they did for me anyway. That said, I didn't get sober to live in meetings, I got sober so I could have a life outside them - a springboard to normal living as they say. I do 2 or 3 a week including the group I'm a member of.

I saw the oblivion drinker article too - and read it very uncomfortably I must admit. Sorry to hear you've had a rough time :( My last binge was this weekend past. Having an enormously stressful time at the moment for several reasons and I just couldn't cope any more, so decided to go for it. Big mistake - and has led me to this place, physically - this thread - like a 'sign' or something and mentally and emotionally, I cannot take that risk anymore. What is happening in my life is happening anyway so why fuck it up further?

It sounds like you're going through a really tough time Oops. It was double shit for me when I realised that booze didn't even help anymore, it was just another problem, I felt totally adrift and very raw. Only way out is through though and I've got through stuff sober I never thought I would be able to.