is anyone interested in an alchohol-free / addiction thread?

[youretoastmildred]

My name is youretoastmildred, and I am an alcoholic.

I am 42 days alcohol free.
have been a problem drinker for a long time and have often convinced myself that moderate drinking will be fine. It never stays moderate.
In this 42 days there have been certain key people that I have not had to see. I have 2 events coming up with them that will be massive triggers and I am looking for support (and very very willing to offer what support I can to anyone else)

I have lurked on Brave Babes and it seems to be a thread of successfully moderate drinkers, and alcoholics who can't / don't actually stop. (The poster who started those threads by stopping completely isn't there: I also remember some 12 step nondrinkers from the early days who don't seem to be there any more. There are a lot of posts by people enumerating what they are having or will have and whether or not this is ok but I don't see much actual NOT DRINKING EVER which is what I need to do)

By contrast, the AA meeting that I attend, while it will always have a couple of people back after a relapse, is mostly packed with people with months and years sober.

Is anyone interested in an actual not-drinking or beating other addictions thread? I am NOT saying I am not interested in talking to those who relapse. I am saying that I DO want to talk to people who aim to stop drinking.

any takers?

Disbelieved! That's awful. Stay here. We understand.

To be disbelieved when something so painful and emotionally heart wrenching has happened to you must have been extremely difficult .

Hope you have a few good days away xxx

I'm in a quandry now Do I go for a long run...or go to the shops for wood for the fire? I know I need to do both but am getting stressed about which order to do them in. Sad isn't it!

HumOlive do you think your DH doesn't really know how much you are drinking ? have you successfully deceived him ? I have never needed to deceive my DH - either he has had no problem with me drinking like a fish or I have been so completely pissed than no deceit is possible. I have spent an embarrassing number of years covering up how much I drink from my mother (quick one before hand, doubles instead of singles, vodka in a lime and soda etc etc) - and I am sure that if DH had breathed a work I would have hidden it from him ....

If you DO tell him, what would his reaction be ?. angry ? pleased you had told ? try to control you in future ??

I am very very tempted by the "Its not that bad" line (as it would allow me to carry on) ... when I KNOW that it IS. Its not as bad as some people - YET. Always YET. Because of my job I would lose everything if (caught) over the limit driving or at work. And I am so aware of how my basic background tolerance has increased massively ... and that I drink to keep up with it...

Yes, someone saying 'oh you're not THAT bad' is a total green light to carry on :( I know I am 'THAT bad' so have to listen to me and no-one else now.

going running see you all later!

Oh sippie that gave me a much needed laugh this morning. Note to self; must take up running. What are we like?

Lots of luck Bishop!!!

It is really up to yourself if you want to tell him everything olive. How do you think he will react? I too would see 'not that bad' as an excuse to carry on. I know in my heart of hearts it is and I can't measure myself by anyone else's yardstick as none of them know the full extent of my alcohol problems. The Jason Vale book isn't bad for certain points on debunking common thoughts around drinking (although it is a bit cheesy and does go on a bit. Think Allen Carr type of book).

That sounds horrifying and very scary zoo. We believe you. Have a lovely time away with your dh.

ouch Just ran for 25 mins before realising my GPS was off! This has mightily pissed me off as i went a differnt route and am convinced it must have been very nearly 4K, Grrr. Then, just to confirm my super hero status, I made myself have a cold shower (because there's no sodding hot water) Definitely time to shop for treats.

He's either in total denial or he doesn't want to believe it.
I have taken too many risks.

He is out tonight. Work night out. He adores his children. Would he leave them so readily in my care if he knew the extent of my drink problem?
I just don't know now.

Whoop whoop! Huzzah! Entirely me-focussed post (sorry!) to say, aged 40, I am now a) sober and b) the owner of a driving licence!

Miracles DO happen .

Re denial...yep, DP did this for ages. The first time I had treatment he let me believe it was 'just' a breakdown, said he missed me drinking, and poured me my first drink. I think the issue is for people who don't understand alcoholism, they think accepting their DP is an alchie is accepting the person they love most in the world is bad/immoral/weak willed. And they know that not to be true.

Maybe explaining the nature of the illness might help? And how you display the symptoms? He wouldn't deny it if you went through diabetes like that would he?

humolive my dp was like yours - I don't think he really wanted to believe that I had a problem, and he imagined going through life feeling ashamed of having an alcoholic wife . To be fair I also made it very hard for him, because I too was an incredibly deceitful drinker. He had no idea that I'd been drinking during the daytime, or that I had bottles hidden all over the house / garage / office. Poor man was often a bit bewildered about how I seemed to get completely pissed on half a bottle of wine (errr that would be the 2 gins and the previous bottle that did most of the damage ).

I decided not to be completely honest with him - I think he would have been more hurt by my lying than my drinking. So now he knows that I felt I had a problem with drink, and also that I am so much happier, healthier and nicer now that I don't drink. The extent of my deceit is my shameful secret.

YAY! well done stinky ( if I may call you that) Such a fabulous feeling isn't it

My OH is a delightful clubbable drinker with a huge off button.

He did, however, get very worried about the regular states I got into and was sometimes on the sharp end of my shameful hangover.

He is so happy with the sober, kind trustworthy me.

But I think he was rather shocked at how mad and messy I could get and then be up for several more days of it.

He hardly drinks himself threse days and he was worried that it might be our 'glue.'

Luckily we have more in common than drink but I know from other friends that their OHs worry they might grow apart if one drinks and one doesn't.

Just had a bit of a grim and yukky moment. Went to B and M - does anyone else have a B and M? Bit like a downmarket Asda v cheap and cheerful with all sorts of fabulous things in it! Anyway, went there to get some of those wrapped firelighter log things asthey are only 99p. They also have super cheap alcohol - fruit ciders, g and t mixed and all sorts -- I used to spend most fridays in there tbh! It really got to me that I couldn't (well wouldn't) buy any, I barely glanced at the aisle but it really really pissed me off. Phoned Dh when i was back in the car in tears feeling really hopeless and pathetic. I can't even have a bloody drink :( So annoyed.

sippie its hard - but I say play the tape to the end ? what will happen if you DO buy those fruity yummy alcoholic things...

then get some more lime cordial/ribena /ginger ale

big hugs

Inspired by you I am going running again tomorrow..... x

sorcha

I know I bought some water instead and have just had some hot chocolate. This bloody house is freezing! Waiting for dh to come home and light the fire - feel pathetic but daren't do it myself!!

Sippie, I know the shop you're referring to. There's one near my parents home. I have also looked longingly at those drinks. No good would come of it for us though. We know that really.
Thank you for your words of logic and reason Venus
I have followed you on the other thread and greatly admire you.

Mucho congrats and well done bishop

Our B&M isn't licenced thank goodness.

Having a major fecked off moment myself. Just had dd's dad on the phone telling me he can't take her a certain night he got me to change them to. I love dd dearly but I love my nights off as she is a truly shite sleeper. One hour down and that's her up and down the rest of the night. This non-drinking has drained me of energy too so I feel like a zombie. Had to tell him he was putting me in bad mood so I would speak to him later.

Want wine and want to cry. Wish it was the summer so I could take the kids out for a walk to the park and ice-cream and I could have a big slab of chocolate cake and cream to make myself feel better.

Hey everyone, I am sort of nervous but looking forward to getting my first sober weekend out of the way, any tips on how to cope with the usual habits and changing them. I still want to watch x factor with a curry, I just don't want a bottle of wine with it, it will seem odd though.

I'm really appreciative of this page, its somewhere where I can read about like minded people. I have also been convinced by various people that my habit isn't all that bad, one even compared it to cheesecake, as in, she could eat cheesecake every day but knows she shouldnt. hmmm...

Ahh well I should be used to the unreliability by now. Just had a sweet tea kotinka and I'll hit the sweetie tin later :)

Get yourself something nice to drink fiddlemethis. I love the likes of the Bottlegreen cordials or the Fentimans ginger ale but whatever floats your boat. I get changed in my pjs far earlier too and take my make-up off as it puts a closure on the day and know I won't then be tempted to pop out for a bottle

I like how someone upthread compared it to a train journey. The destination is the same but you can jump off at any point. Some get off earlier, some later.