is anyone interested in an alchohol-free / addiction thread?

[youretoastmildred]

My name is youretoastmildred, and I am an alcoholic.

I am 42 days alcohol free.
have been a problem drinker for a long time and have often convinced myself that moderate drinking will be fine. It never stays moderate.
In this 42 days there have been certain key people that I have not had to see. I have 2 events coming up with them that will be massive triggers and I am looking for support (and very very willing to offer what support I can to anyone else)

I have lurked on Brave Babes and it seems to be a thread of successfully moderate drinkers, and alcoholics who can't / don't actually stop. (The poster who started those threads by stopping completely isn't there: I also remember some 12 step nondrinkers from the early days who don't seem to be there any more. There are a lot of posts by people enumerating what they are having or will have and whether or not this is ok but I don't see much actual NOT DRINKING EVER which is what I need to do)

By contrast, the AA meeting that I attend, while it will always have a couple of people back after a relapse, is mostly packed with people with months and years sober.

Is anyone interested in an actual not-drinking or beating other addictions thread? I am NOT saying I am not interested in talking to those who relapse. I am saying that I DO want to talk to people who aim to stop drinking.

any takers?

yes. . only fooling myself for a split second that one will be ok.

its all about association for me. . certain people trigger my need to drink. . .a cigarette does., any old excuse really. will ask them for their finest sparkling water and remember the other 400 times it ended badly. thank you

Olive - I struggle to talk to my DH about this too. I have in the past and he was bemused, thought I was exaggerating the problem and that we both just need to cut down a bit during the week. Sigh...

Weegie although I don't know you personally I was thinking about you and your slip up earlier and Ps. 103 sprung to mind. I think it might do you good to read it, it always really speaks to me.

Hi to everyone else too.

Hum I feel on your behalf that your DH is dismissing your needs. I wonder if he feels worried about his own drinking habits, and lose a drinking partner, if you stop? Correct me if I'm wrong.

Well DP rocked in from his work night after midnight, and is feeling er, 'fragile' this morning! Has reminded me how awful hangovers are with small children - DD is currently saying "daddy daddy daddy" REALLY loudly at him and it's rather painful on his head! His hangover is actually encouraging me to remain sober this weekend!

Hugs Weegie and yes you are still her child no matter what age you are. Hope your psychiatrist appointment goes well.

Hi Lola. Well done on your 5 months. Do you mind me asking was there a particular turning point for you?

Brick I think on some level everyone knows alcohol is an addictive drug partaken by most. I know I found it strange when someone I knew suddenly declared they weren't drinking any more as it called into question your own habits. There's a little voice inside your head that knows drinking isn't exactly the right thing to do and some people do get defensive about it.

Hum did you both come to any conclusion going forward? Only you know how bad your drinking is as we all know we can hide it to one extent or another from other people.

I think DRY might be a good title for this lot if you haven't decided yet

Have been lurking, I drink too much, but reading the above I think describing myself (to myself) as now being DRY sounds much more positive than telling myself I've stopped drinking or that I'm giving up drink, which suggests depriving yourself of something.
So as from Thursday morning I am DRY

Morning!

Sorry, too much to read back through & off to work in a minute so just popping in to say hi, I haven't slithered off into a vodka out .

God, I've struggled this week but keep remembering the 'writhing like a fish on a hook' description posted early on (so true for me) and thank jeff for Antabuse, it really works for me where my self control/will power/determination doesn't.

I went back to SMART this week too, after 8 months away which felt very positive.

I find out today if I have a new job but mustn't let it send me into a tailspin whichever way it goes.

Will try to acknowledge others later when I'm not on my phone.

Good morning to all Had some hideous disturbing dreams about dh leaving me (but it wasn't dh -it was a particulary odd ex boyfriend but you know what dreams are like!) and I couldn't manage on my own and pay bills mortgage etc, most distressing. THEN woke up to find the heating and hotwater is broken and the sodding engineer can't come till Monday!! I even lied about the kids' ages to get them out sooner! Why do we pay a million pounds a month for insurance ??? I HATE being cold more than anything :( At least we have a fireplace but it's still bloody horrible. Feeling near tears today - so many things going wrong and always have done. We work hard and still have no money, we try to kind to people and help them out and they let us down. My dh is the kindest, nicest man in the world and he is constantly treated like rubbish at his work. I can't take a lot more. Sorry for the moanfest. Have dropped dd at school as they are off to museum for the day - all very excited and ds gone to school so I am heading back to bed with Take A Break (the shame) and coffee. BAH!!

Love DRY

Some ideas

Deliberately Rewarding Yourself
Decide to be Responsible for You
Determined to Reinvent Yourself
Dare to be Responsible for You
We Deserve Relief, Yes!
Decisive, Relieved and Yummy

Sippie. Those are the grim days. How lovely to have good reason to snuggle up for the morning. I'd chuck a little kip in there too!

I detest the cold too sippy. I gave up being stylish a couple of years ago and now dress for comfort Soon as the temperature dips at all you'll see me in my fur lined boots and winter coat. Just moved house from gas to oil and I hate it. Can see me forking out a fortune this winter.

Awk you're feeling like things are getting on top of you today. I know what you mean about being nice to people and them letting you down. I'm still smarting from one of my close friendships a couple of years ago. I'd helped her through her depression, did a lot for her physically, financially and emotionally. When the shit hit the fan and I was feeling down myself she backed away because I needed her help for a change and wasn't prepared to put myself out for her. If that wasn't bad enough she betrayed my confidences and did some other stuff that I won't go into. Shouldn't still bother me but it does. It's one the things I used to think about a lot when I was drunk and it would grate on me how someone could be so horrible. Should really let it go now though.

Blimey broken, I had a 'friend' just like that - I went above and beyond and was appallingly let down by her - this was a few years back and i still want to see her in a lot of pain. Horrible to have such vengeful thoughts but things like that really do get to you. I used to send her really nasty messages when i was drunk - but i meant them Need to be the better person though, and let it go. Am currently doing frantic housework to warm up!!

Haha luckily I deleted her number. Still see her popping up on other peoples facebook and take a certain glee in seeing she hasn't aged well in the last couple of years. Yes, I'm a bitch

Right off out for a walk and hoping lo will sleep for a while in the buggy. Teething and working on my last nerve from 6.30 this morning. Enjoy your housework :)

Sippie, I am also back in bed with Jeremy Kyle on in the background.

Got nowhere with DH. He doesn't understand. Apparently all I need to do is not go over the top and just have one or two drinks.

This is what he does.
God, why didn't I just think of that? Sigh...

oh hum, I feel your pain :( My dh was a bit like that, until I really really explained it - he stil finds it a bit 'wierd' but respects my decision - finally! He says things like 'well, you don't get really bad very often now do you?' and 'what you have to do is drink slowly'. It must be ever so hard for people who don't have this horrible inability to swtich off, to understand. Is he a reader? MAybe try giving him some websites to look at? Or I'll come round and sort him out

Also have JK on

broken my ex friend has put on huge amounts of weight in the past few years. How I snigger when i see her. Especially being a svelte(ish) runner I actually run past her house on occasions. What a cow i am for sure

Morning all! I have my driving test in 2 hours and 40 minutes. Arrrrggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. My heart is going like the clappers. I am trying to distract via the medium of MN! Looking on the bright side:

1. It's nice that it's not going like the clappers because of withdrawal
2. Today will be a good day if I don't drink, either in celebration or commiseration, regardless of the actual test. THIS is the real test, the one that matters. I sort of believe it when I write it .

On the dry vs controlled thing...I just think why make life harder for yourself? I know I'd never really enjoy the one drink, because it would be so loaded with worry...plus to peddle a cliche, one is too many, and ten is never enough. For those of us who are full blown alchies, we now have a physical allergy. We simply cannot stop at one (or if we do it's agony) because one sip sets up a physiological craving. It's just fact!

Yes, he's a reader and he deals in facts so maybe websites are a way forward for him.
He also says just drink slowly, add soda water, remember to eat.
I do think there's a strong element of him not wanting me to stop completely because although he isn't a problem drinker, alcohol is a relaxing, enjoyable part of life for him. He wants to share that with me.

I just can't though. I've tried to moderate over and over again and failed every time.

Good luck stinkingbishop.

I passed my test in 1987. Haven't driven for nearly 3 years. Lost all my confidence.

Twattish London drivers haven't helped.

OH blimey - GOOD LUCK!!!! I finally took mine when dd1 was a baby - at the age of 42! Took me four attempts but I couldn't imagine not driving now. It's also very handy as an excuse to not drink [dmile]

Good luck bishop. I'm about to start learning again, I've got the ok to learn to drive an adapted hand control car (I've got a rare neuro issue that means I can't feel my feet).

Feeling crap, I think I've got a kidney infection. Urgh!

Justlikeheaven I LOVE food and cooking. DH and I love eating out in nic places. I too am worried about how it will be without the wine to accompany (almost more worried about cooking without a glass bottle while we cook)

Last Friday DH and I went out for a lovely lunch. It was our anniversary and I had booked it as I was off work , before I decided not to drink. I was really worried about how it would be. Previously when we have gone to this restaurant we have taken a cab and got plastered... (the restaurant has a Michelin star and the food id divine)

In reality I ordered sparking water - and then DH decided he wouldn't drink either so we had homemade lemonade - which was delicious - and honestly I did miss the wine a BIT, but I didn't miss stumbling out pissed, trying to hold it together for the kids later etc etc (or the hangover the next day.... (and the bill was about 1/2 what it would have been had we been drinking)

Olive I'm so sorry you DH dismissed you like that .. sorry because I know how hard it is to get up the courage to 'confide' ... Is he often like that ? Did you drink before or after he had said that too you? I know that, whilst my decision not to drink is MINE, its good to have support at home...and would be harder if I didn't have that..

Keep going Sippie day 11 for us today... some part of my desperate urge to stuff my face with every carbohydrate I can see seems to have abated... I feel less .. desperate to eat (for want of a better way of phrasing it) this can only be a good thing as I am 8lbs heavier tha when I became DRY ( LOVE That! )

Hi Dozy anda welcome x

Pinot If it were me I would be scared of going clubbing _ I'm too old for that anyway and I hate it - but I would be very very protective of myself in the situation you describe. I would explain to the hen that you cannot drink and that you need some space to yourself over the weekend. TBH if she cant support that she is either a bridezilla or not a very good friend... You needs are very very important and you must put them first...

Just wanted to day than you so much to mildred for starting this thread, it has been so great for me. And than you also so much to the 'old hands' who have given their time to offer support to those of just starting off. You give me courage and inspiration.

have a good day everyone

sorcha x

Sorcha, I had the wine after our talk. I momentarily wanted to believe him that I'm exaggerating my problem.
In the cold light of day I know I'm not.

He doesn't know the half of it. I am an accomplished liar and know every alcoholic trick in the book.
Do I tell him everything? If I do there's no going back is there?

weegie how much help is church giving you? And could you ask for more, but don't want to? Is it worth looking at the reasons for that? Do you believe God can relieve, stop, cure, remove (insert as appropriate) your alcoholism? I have quite a few books that have helped me from the perspective of God being the only one that can stop me drinking AND keep me sober but want to know whether you even want that help. It's great that you're preaching sermons - I haven't been able to do anything until close to a year, as I wanted to be coming from a place of being right with God about my life - and I'm only a musician and sort of general helper-out sort of person.

JustLikeH I love food - I have put on far too much weight after becoming so immobile - but am a cook and an enjoyer of good food out. I started drinking because it gave me pleasure with food. Unfortunately I went so far down the slope that I realised I had to get rid of its every influence on my life. I cook risotto, Italian food like lasagne, hearty stews without alcohol and enjoy them. I currently wouldn't have, say pork cooked in cider or beef in red wine when I'm out. I might change on that in the future, I don't know. So yes maybe that is spoiled a bit but in contrast to quite literally dying, it's a small price to pay. For you at where you are I guess it seems like a bigger price. If you are on that slope now, however, maybe it's worth it to stay where you are? I have lots of soft drinks in, always - friends comment on the choice they get chez Zoo! - and I enjoy them. Honestly, not just pretending to be cheerful!

Hum I agree with Pinot re your DHs response - I think he feels threatened. Can you explain or write down the 'morning after' feelings and how incredibly powerful and real they are? No experience though, sorry if that's a rubbish suggestion, keep talking though.

Someone mentioned Antabuse - are you taking it long term? Who gave it to you? I was begging for it from my GP and local alcohol services 3-4 days before my catastrophic last drink. They said no, you need a lasting solution from inside of you - which turned out to be true but I nearly died to find it.

I am SO SO grateful for the kind, honest and meaningful words upthread for me. Thank you. I was disbelieved by the BB thread.
I drank a bottle of spirits that last night and passed out slumped over a chair. DH persuaded me to lie down but when I did (no reasoning with a drunk) it was with my legs bent under me - I wouldn't move. When I woke up and sobered up I had no feeling or power in my legs and I had to go to A+E. I ended up with muscle and nerve damage, 4 lots of surgery, kidney failure, and 10 weeks in hospital.

16 months on I've had phase 1 of reconstructive surgery and phase 2 is in 3 weeks time. It's tough. It's painful. I am sober and happy (sometimes) and alive and becoming emotionally well, but it's a slow process and long road.

Going away for a few days with DH tonight so I'll catch you all next week - please take care, put off that drink til tomorrow, and tomorrow, and tomorrow, and you will be collecting days in the end :)

Disbelieved?? How awful :( that must have been very painful for you.