is anyone interested in an alchohol-free / addiction thread?

[youretoastmildred]

My name is youretoastmildred, and I am an alcoholic.

I am 42 days alcohol free.
have been a problem drinker for a long time and have often convinced myself that moderate drinking will be fine. It never stays moderate.
In this 42 days there have been certain key people that I have not had to see. I have 2 events coming up with them that will be massive triggers and I am looking for support (and very very willing to offer what support I can to anyone else)

I have lurked on Brave Babes and it seems to be a thread of successfully moderate drinkers, and alcoholics who can't / don't actually stop. (The poster who started those threads by stopping completely isn't there: I also remember some 12 step nondrinkers from the early days who don't seem to be there any more. There are a lot of posts by people enumerating what they are having or will have and whether or not this is ok but I don't see much actual NOT DRINKING EVER which is what I need to do)

By contrast, the AA meeting that I attend, while it will always have a couple of people back after a relapse, is mostly packed with people with months and years sober.

Is anyone interested in an actual not-drinking or beating other addictions thread? I am NOT saying I am not interested in talking to those who relapse. I am saying that I DO want to talk to people who aim to stop drinking.

any takers?

Zoo, what is your relationship like with your family now? It must be hard not to be consumed by resentment towards them.

KEGS! That was like the shittiest Freudian slip from hell.

Of course, I meant legs.

After years of literally being roaring drunk, I hear my sobriety now as a quiet withdrawal from that life of noisy chaos.

The peace, oh it is absolutely heavenly.

Hope all you brave and lovely people are enjoying a safe, very ordinary early November evening going about your lives feeling however you feel, calm, worried, pissed off, floaty, glum, anxious, tired, whatever it is, it's YOUR REAL SOBER LIFE.

And by fuck, when you consider the alternative, it's absolutely beautiful.

I have stopped 10 weeks ago and I feel so much better for it. I was drinking a bottle pretty much every day. Last month, I did a liver function test and it was elevated, I feel sad about it but not really surprise. I'm supposed to have another test next week, I hope the result will be better. I'm good without alcohol, my life is so much better without it. I have read the book by Jason Vale : Kick the drink easily and it really helped me. When I doubt my decision of kicking the habit, I tell myself : yes, without doubt then I move on, no more internal debate.

Thursday again :( night before my day off - same as last week thinking about how I would have a few on a Thursday. This is the most annoying day of all!

I'm ok, thanks.

It was yesterday, which worked out ok in the end, dh was on a half day, so got home to take over, put me to bed. He got kids out this morning, went to work, left me in bed. I'm fine now, just very upset with myself. I'd had a long stretch (20+ days) sober, so I gave myself a fright.

The stupidity is my big trigger is me doing well. Yay .... I'm doing great .... I doing great ....... Crash and burn!!

Today's been fine, and I'm working tomorrow. Just feeling a bit wobbly and have a headache. No point in fretting over it. Tomorrow is another day.

It's so easy to do. Jump back up and carry on

weegie do you know WHY you decided to get the vodka? I feel its important to identify any potential triggers that lead to a relapse - so that one can try to avoid them next time....

sorcha

I'm not sure.

I was in the supermarket, then it was in my basket. I know I shouldn't shop alone, it's an ongoing issue. It's impulsive, I just do it - part of the addiction I think.

Gone now though. I'm very tired.

Evening everyone, been playing catch up on the thread from last night.

Weegie - good to have you on board again, and glad to hear you've picked yourself up and rejoined the thread

Zoo - Your post about losing your daughter was heartbreaking, i'm not sure what to say I would certainly feel so much resentment towards family, and certainly would have hit the bottle to cope with the pain. You are obviously so strong to stay sober in such unimaginable circumstances.

Haven't read that '30 things to stop doing' link, but will do after i've posted here.

Feel very 'meh' tonight. I think I have PMT (which doesn't help), but also DP is out at a work event, so i'm on my own, sober, with my own thoughts. Was very hard not to pour a glass of wine as soon as the DCs were in bed, but I resisted. Normally I would have used DP being out as some 'me time' and got stuck into at least one bottle of wine to 'unwind' (ha!). Instead, have done a load of ironing, had dinner, devoured a massive portion of apple pie, and now thinking about getting into bed to start a book (unheard of since god knows when!). I don't feel bored as such, just not quite sure what to do with myself. Haven't got much energy at the moment to start doing anything productive, yet can't quite imagine that 'this' is 'it' now, that every evening sober might be like this one. Don't feel like phoning anyone for a chat either. I just feel a bit empty and sad, and I don't really know why.

I think this weekend is going to be harder than I thought. We don't have any big plans socially, but even if we stay in, wine is ALWAYS associated with Fri/Sat night telly and 'makes' the weekend (which sounds so stupid!). I think tomorrow night I might suggest a film to DP, as i'll perhaps be less inclined to think about drinking, and just have cups of tea if i'm concentrating on the plot. I find I drink more if i'm watching shit. Junk for the brain seems to = junk ie booze for the body! On Sat night we might go to a local firework display with the DCs. I could drive, so that will help me not think about having a drink.

Apologies for rambling, will be back- have more of the thread to catch up on

Bizarrely I'm often most at risk when I'm doing well. Typical Scot! "I'm winning!! I'm winning!!" Then crash. Watch a Scotland v anyone football/rugby match!!

I've called my psychologist, seeing him next week.

Part of the issue was I had to see my estranged mother at my brothers wedding a week ago - I've been waiting for the meltdown that was pretty much inevitable!!

Brick I really get ragey at people who make a big deal of someone not drinking, and KEEP pushing it. WHY do they do it?! I've had it happen to me before on the odd night/period of being sober, and I just want to quietly get on with my night. I said before, that I swear, at least in my case, that other people and peer pressure are half my battle!

I have a hen do next weekend, for one of my best friends. Sat night away with about 20 others. Dreading it. i'll be able to enjoy it without drinking, but dreading people pressuring me. Wondering if I should be honest, or just make an excuse? I don't know some of the people going, so don't really want to discuss my drinking issues openly tbh. And I know I won't want to go the nightclub that is being proposed for 11pm after our murder mystery dinner. For one, without booze, i'll be bloody knackered and want my bed. This is another one of my worries, that i'm now going to be known as 'boring' because I won't want to stay out late anymore. Without booze, I like to be home from anywhere by 10pm

Pinot that sounds hard. Do you really have to go?
can you develop some "health issue" that means you can't go to the late parts?
I think that sounds like something that is asking too much of yourself actually.

(I speak as someone who failed to get through a weekend of enforced socialising without a drink - with my parents rather than in a nightclub but same idea of not being able to get away and be alone)

(maybe I am projecting and you are a better woman than me!)

a night club would be a nightmare for me sober. if she is a good friend won't she understand. . . maybe dont tell her or anyone you wont be going to the club and by the time they are ready to. . . most will be pissed and will be just thinking of their own next drink. hopefully your friend understands. perhaps there will be even one other person who isnt a big drinker and would appreciate escaping with you. they should be easy to spot. best of luck. . .

I have a question

I like eating out when i get the chance. . . and have expensive taste in red wind. I like to think i know a bit about wine . . . but would drink any old muck if that was all that was available and mostly did. So my question, any of you love your food and what do you do when you are eating out. The thought of water is just depressing. Do i just have to accept i won't be drinking wine again. . . . part of my tiny little alcohol shrivelled brain is saying one small glass won't hurt. but i know where that leads. hanging over the loo. nice. . . . . thanks for any advise. . have a fancy night out this weekend.

Hmm I don't think i'm really strong enough to go to a club Luckily i'm only going for one night (lots are going on the Friday), but I didn't want to do two nights because I knew i'd get ruined and feel like death on saturday, so therefore would have to drink loads again to feel better and make it through sat night. I have to go really as have paid, and my friend will be so upset if I don't go, but I think i'm going to make up a kidney infection next week, that means I can't possibly drink at the hen do.

Thankfully, there is stuff that we're doing that can distract me- Spa afternoon on arrival on Sat, and then this murder mystery dinner, but i'm worried about the period in between. There is talk on fb of drinking games whilst getting ready, and in the run up to dinner. I need to think of something to do then, that isn't that, even make up an excuse and go for a coffee, or just phone DP and ask after the DCs.

I need to 'read the book to the end' (I love this now!), and think how great and refreshed i'll feel if I don't drink, how I can have a nice breakfast and read the paper before heading home without 'the fear'. Not feeling like a sack of shit, having to travel home, and then deal with the DCs. I want to feel GOOD and HAPPY to see them.

I like the idea of just sloping off home when everyone else is off to the nightclub- hoping everyone else will be hammered by then and not notice!

I would go and enjoy myself and sneak out before the club pinot

justlikeheaven if you have 'just the one' then and even if you stick to it do you think that might encourage you to have 'just the one' again on some other night, that might not be one that time if you see what I am getting at?

Just caught up. Glad to have you back weegie. Don't be upset with yourself, it's done now and I can't imagine how emotionally difficult it must be to see an estranged parent.

My mother is a thread on her own (and she stalks me sometimes on here).

Seeing her was ghastly. How can you be a mother and ignore your child (I'm 42 but I'm still her child). Yes, I reckon though I managed a few days, that was the trigger. Bugger her, it really annoys me.

Even sharing pics of the wedding on fb - she and her ghastly husband (my dad's ex-best friend) are in them - it's everywhere..

To be honest, in the early days I avoided nights out where I knew I might be made to feel self-conscious and therefore more vulnerable to persuasion to drink. I saw getting sober as the start of me putting my well-being first, nurturing myself, taking care of me. I knew if I was well then everyone would be better off.

This is something, maybe the first thing you're doing for you, you deserve every chance, every bit of support, £it would be a shame to jeopardise being sober.

Hope I don't sound preachy, I don't mean to. It's just such a brave thing to do, give up the booze and embrace a new life.

GE

Hello all
just read through the posts and want to add my support to it. I have not drank for 5 months before that about 6 and before that I suppose another 6. Prior to this, my life was soaked in drink. Since my late teens I did not exist outside drink and drinking though would not have said I had any problems. BUT. One was never enough. Ever.
Looking back at both sides of my parents families, I see an extended line of alcoholism and addiction, be it food or cocaine (wealthy cousins in America, us the poor lot in Europe made do wth spuds). So, I had all the genetics lined up, mental health pot holes waiting to trip me up, but by God I kept on going for many many years before it just gt too much. It also masked my mental health rather than causing it though it did make a mighty nasty mess.
I LOVE WAKING UP FEELING WELL AND REMEMBERING WHAT I DID.
that is my bottom line.
I think DRY might be a good title for this lot if you haven't decided yet. Stealing it from Augustine Burrows. Or St. Augustine the aul fucking hypocrite, mysoginist.

Pinot, why indeed? The last two times I went out to people's houses for supper, they made a right hoo-ha about what I would drink 'instead' like I was being terribly difficult. Then about three hours in, they were berating me defensively about how much they didn't drink, and hour after that, the wife was crying and saying her husband buys it all and she hardly drinks blah blah.

It was really interesting. And then suddenly it was just sad and sordid.

Drinking water, with really good food, is perfectly acceptable and means you can really appreciate the experience rather than ruining it worrying about how much you can get away with drinking, will you have liqueurs after, should you pick up a bottle on the way home, how much is in the fridge......

PS, embers, beautifully put.

Had a heart to heart with OH. I have drank tonight. Nothing excessive. 2 big glasses of wine.
Asked DH to support me with seeking help. AA meetings were my suggestion.
He told me to fuck off and get a grip.