is anyone interested in an alchohol-free / addiction thread?

[youretoastmildred]

My name is youretoastmildred, and I am an alcoholic.

I am 42 days alcohol free.
have been a problem drinker for a long time and have often convinced myself that moderate drinking will be fine. It never stays moderate.
In this 42 days there have been certain key people that I have not had to see. I have 2 events coming up with them that will be massive triggers and I am looking for support (and very very willing to offer what support I can to anyone else)

I have lurked on Brave Babes and it seems to be a thread of successfully moderate drinkers, and alcoholics who can't / don't actually stop. (The poster who started those threads by stopping completely isn't there: I also remember some 12 step nondrinkers from the early days who don't seem to be there any more. There are a lot of posts by people enumerating what they are having or will have and whether or not this is ok but I don't see much actual NOT DRINKING EVER which is what I need to do)

By contrast, the AA meeting that I attend, while it will always have a couple of people back after a relapse, is mostly packed with people with months and years sober.

Is anyone interested in an actual not-drinking or beating other addictions thread? I am NOT saying I am not interested in talking to those who relapse. I am saying that I DO want to talk to people who aim to stop drinking.

any takers?

I Pinot..... That missing the merry evenings with friends is one of the reasons I delayed seriously addressing my alcohol problem - I simply wasn't ready to sacrifice those evenings (amongst other things) Maybe now, with the hangovers getting worse, my liver in bits, and my kids being conditioned to think that heavy drinking is normal, I AM ready to take it seriously and the good of being sober outweighs (in my stupid fucked up head) the huge pleasures of drinking.

sigh

Hi Thatsnotmypinot,

I could really identify with your post and envying those people "getting cosy and having merry chats" It always made me jealous on a summers eve when people sit outside pubs having a good time. But, do we know thats what they are really doing? Not all of them, some are trying to blot out their dreary/stressful/miserable days, some wont want to go home cos its not great there either, some are "normal " drinkers and will just have a glass before they go home, but what about the likes of us? (speaking for myself here really) I could never just have the one...once I'd had that one then I wanted more...I might go home after one but I would be taking a bottle or two for me to finish off at home.

A really useful tool of sobriety for me is to play the tape through to the end.....me slumped at the end of the night pissed and the terrible guilt in the morning when I woke....so, its no good me wishing to be something I'm not because its never going to happen. I might as well wish to be a size ten ,historian ,dating Dan Snow or Liam Neeson for all the truth there is in that {smile}

You are a sober woman and that is fantastic tonight, enjoy your early night with the laptop. I'm off to bed now to watch rubbish on the tv, put my head on the pillow sober and no doubt be snoring my head off before too long.....

Night all, xxx

That's what we need to tell ourselves- the the hangovers are terrible now, and as i've got older, I am genuinely worried about the state of my liver, something that didn't concern me before. Hell, my hangovers are proper two day jobs now after a big day/night out! I can't hack the pace, and my children deserve a Mummy who is full of energy and not sticking Cbeebies on as a babysitter all day (as I did last Friday! )

Really good to speak to other people on here. I'm so glad I found this thread. Most of my RL friends, even though they're mostly quite big drinkers, just don't get it. Most don't have DCs yet, so are still in the 'party zone'.

Night Jelly

That's a great thing to do, to 'play the tape to the end'. I don't think I have EVER sat in a pub garden on a sunny day, and just had one drink. I used to think work colleagues who did this were weirdos - I should have looked in the mirror!

Hi Sorcha1966,

The huge pleasures of drinking? How long ago were they? For me at the end I drank just to function and it certainly wasnt fun, that went a long time ago. All I can say that is that it takes time but you can build a life that is good sans the booze and get to a position where you dont need it to have fun. I think they call it euphoric recall, where we just think about the good times, for me tho they were a long time ago and the periods between them got further and further away and then it was all s**t. I do think this is progressive and this illness will take everything off you eventually but it doesnt have to be like that.

You can do it as you have managed it so far and it wont always be as hard as it is today, life does get better.

I dont mean to preach I want to give you all big hugs, we are in this together and reading your posts helps me too ,

Right off my soapbox now and I really am going!! Lots of love, xxx

evening,

I like seeing my sobriety date in a list- that's never happened to me before

lonnika thank you - good to see you here and sober.x

Red wine & merry chats? weelll, yes I missed that too,for a while.My friends had to get used to my sobriety and I had to stop being resentful about it,which took a while. But now when I go out I don't feel different I have a really good time,like I did when I was drinking but minus the crap.
I'm not explaining this very well but it all evens out if you stick with the sobriety.It doesn't seem very different now,apart from me, and ALL my friendships are better even with a friend who was a complete cow when I told her I was going to stop drinking.

Upthread someone talked about missing a mother's day or birthday celebration due to drinking- thank you whoever that was it really helped me remember some of the more subtle ways drinking affects our lives.

Hope everyone is well and sober tonight.

Hi Guggenheim - that was me upthread who missed basically the whole of Mother's Day earlier this year Glad to be of help! I just thank god that my DCs were too tiny to really care or notice (they were 2.1 and 10 months at the time, now nearly 2.9 and 18 months), but I still feel terrible about it. My DS' tiny face looked so confused when Mummy could barely open her eyes at 10am, let alone get out of bed Thank goodness my DP is so reliable and hands on. I never want that to happen, ever, ever again.

Sorcha, thanks for taking the time to do the sobriety list.
I have continued to feel irritable, hard done by and basically just very cheesed off with the current level of effort it's taking to resist drinking.
OH had a couple of beers tonight. He offered me one(he only had a four pack) so I wasn't tempted. I was tempted however to hot foot it round to the corner shop to get wine. I chose instead to put my pjs on at the same time as the kids.
After eating dinner the cravings were much more manageable and I have spent a quiet evening watching tv and drinking tea.
Phew. Made it through another day.
Night night all.

And me for the list, June 2012. Love seeing it written like that.
The thinking about alcohol DOES go, I can really promise that. They say that urges attenuate, so the worst things you can do is binge every week or two, just as the urges are starting to fall, push them all the way back up again. I was doing exactly that at the end.
The same is actually true with sugar, my now greatest weakness - but I'm a believer in attacking these things in the order they're going to kill you!
I can't sleep. It's a big day for me personally on Friday and I can't wait!!
Night all, another 24 hours done and chalked up sober.

Morning :). - Had a dream last night that someone spiked my drinks :(. Panicked for a while then remembered I am still sober - Half way through the working week - Hope all OK.

I agree that the cravings go - so why did I start again :( - don't know- but hopefully learned lesson and now onwards to a sober life :).
See you all later.

Hello. Another good nights sleep, broken only by the sodding cat who is the fattest, loudest, stupidest lump in the world! he doesn't shut up until I get up, take him down, show him his food and let him out. All in a very strict order! Luckily it was before midnight so got a good rest. This is the best thing without a doubt. Was thinking this morning of how ashamed I am of my past. I was a single mother with my eldest for around 5 years when my drinking was seriously out of control and she has recently told me (now an adult herself) that she used to cry herself to sleep every night when she was 6 or 7 as she was so scared :( How will I ever get over that?? She has forgiven me, but I don't think I can forgive myself. For the past few years, since she's left home, I have hidden it from her again, which has been easy really, but I owe to her to stop - properly. The smaller children have seen 'bits' but they have their daddy too, she only had me. I'm getting upset just thinking about it :( I am going to see her this weekend and will make it a good and special day.

Thanks for taking the time to make the list Sorcha. I didn't realise there were quite so many of us on this thread.

I like the idea of nourishing myself brick and I think subconsciously that's what I've been doing. Instead of getting through the better part of two bottles of wine like I do on a Tuesday I stood and made a lovely veg, lentil and bean soup and carrot cake for today. Never been a breakfast person but the past number of days I've been eating some.

Bit irritable myself HumOlive but not because I can't have a drink. Don't know what's up with me, possibly tiredness. Been in bed the last couple of nights by 8.30-9pm which is not like me as I'm usually a night owl. Still didn't sleep well as lo was up loads and my neighbours were partying away as per usual and then had an argument after 12 in the street and woke up both of us.

Hello. I've been reading this hugely inspiring thread from the beginning and would like to join.

I'm pretty sure I'm an alcoholic. I've failed to moderate in the 11 years or so since I realised I was drinking more than I wanted to (drinking to excess for several more tears prior to that as well). I know I need to stop altogether and have had three days AF.

I am so terrified I am damaging my lovely little DSs by drinking. I have been a poor mother, lacking in the energy to play with them properly because I've drunk too much wine after they've gone to bed.

DH knows I think I'm an alcoholic. He loves to drink together (not an alcoholic though) - and fears the loss of that I think.

I've been to AA in the past for very short bursts. I think it would help but I struggle with childcare as both DH and I work shifts and I could never tell friends or family. I've been reading books - Drink by Ann Dowsett Johnston currently and the sober revolution. And this thread of course - thanks Mildred and the rest of you.

I can't write as fast as I could talk, especially on a phone. It's taken me forever to get this down but Hi, I'm glad to read all your posts.

Welcome Leviticus. Coffee? Cake??

Both! Thanks

Morning Leviticus and a warm welcome to you. Well done on your three days. How are you finding it? I also read The Sober Revolution a few days ago. Was quite inspiring bar I wasn't into the Bridget Jones metaphors :)

Hi leviticus welcome! Well done on your three days

I think we can all relate to you inability to moderate your drinking - I certainly can ... I will add you to the sober thread - with a date on Nov 3rd ( is that correct?)

stick with us :-)

Sorcha x

PS keep wanting to write DAY 9 everywhere - when does this obsessive counting of days stop ? at the same time a my obsessive thoughts about drinking stop I guess ...

I will join you on DAY 9!! If it works do it! I'm also on Day 118 without a cigarette - obsessive, me ??

this is my 39th day without a cigarette !! :-) you are WAAAAY ahead of me there Mr

Well done on the 118 days too non-smoking mr. I admit I had a counter app for stopping smoking on my phone last time. I'm giving myself a month off the drink then my mission is to get off the ciggies too.

I'm counting to 100 then forgetting about it (I think). I'm quite proud I'm now on day 8 and have passed my one full first week .

We should all just give ourselves a big pat on the back I think.

Thanks for the welcome. I'm feeling ok, a bit worried about how to get through a few upcoming social events and of course Christmas.

Before Saturday night I'd done almost two weeks and then DH and I had a huge fight and PILs came for a Chinese and before I knew it I'd drank a bottle of wine . DH was at work early Sunday so I struggled through another day hungover in charge of the boys. So annoyed with myself.

In The sober revolution I like the bit about how you have so much more time when you're not constantly drinking or thinking about it. I can't wait to stop obsessing. I stopped smoking in 2002 and I rarely think about cigarettes so I hope it's possible.

Mr M, I also feel awful for how I've behaved around my children. Mine are still young but have already seen too much.
They have had birthdays I don't remember, the have been scared by witnessing me passed out, I have missed school deadlines and there are some really shameful memories I wish I could erase.

All we can do is vow to change the future and be the parents our children deserve.

The guilt is crippling sometimes.
I totally understand.

Welcome Levitus.

Leviticus

I am going to nc. Feel like a bloke will return feminised