is anyone interested in an alchohol-free / addiction thread?

[youretoastmildred]

My name is youretoastmildred, and I am an alcoholic.

I am 42 days alcohol free.
have been a problem drinker for a long time and have often convinced myself that moderate drinking will be fine. It never stays moderate.
In this 42 days there have been certain key people that I have not had to see. I have 2 events coming up with them that will be massive triggers and I am looking for support (and very very willing to offer what support I can to anyone else)

I have lurked on Brave Babes and it seems to be a thread of successfully moderate drinkers, and alcoholics who can't / don't actually stop. (The poster who started those threads by stopping completely isn't there: I also remember some 12 step nondrinkers from the early days who don't seem to be there any more. There are a lot of posts by people enumerating what they are having or will have and whether or not this is ok but I don't see much actual NOT DRINKING EVER which is what I need to do)

By contrast, the AA meeting that I attend, while it will always have a couple of people back after a relapse, is mostly packed with people with months and years sober.

Is anyone interested in an actual not-drinking or beating other addictions thread? I am NOT saying I am not interested in talking to those who relapse. I am saying that I DO want to talk to people who aim to stop drinking.

any takers?

Apart from the champagne (and I didn't even finish the glass!) I'm now 25 days sober.

I feel like the future is opening up ahead of me. Until the last 3-4 weeks my future was the next drink.

Now it's "oh yes, it's my dd2's birthday soon, can I actually make a horse-themed cake?" And "got to get the Christmas cake cooked this week" and "hey, let's prepare for the work (I work for a charity) funding meetings in January".

It's like the future is open, is possible!

I'm not complacent though. I can't ever let myself off the very short leash I have to keep on myself!

Well done. A sip of champagne would be far more agonising than none. Am sure I couldn't do it.

You are of course right Mr M. I want my life back. I want to notice things, pay attention to my children, read books. My obsession with drinking has taken top priority for too long.
I'm in my 40s now. I can't waste anymore of my life in a fuzz of booze.
Taking it in 10 minute stages today.
Unluckily we live 2 minutes from a fully licenced corner shop so I feel the danger, especially when I'm alone.

One thing that helped me early on was actually not doing it ODAAT, but making the decision not to drink for the foreseeable future, that way I didn't have to keep making the choice. This doesn't work for everyone of course and we all have to find our own way. I'm a vegetarian, meat is a non-food item, I began to see alcohol in the same way. Some people can have it, but not me. I also know that I could never have just one drink again, I have no doubt I would then go on a binge or a bender and may never find my way back.

There was a wonderful woman on the Brave Babes thread, Jesuswhatnext. She was utterly inspirational and I followed her from the very beginning of her own and my own sobriety. If you can find her early threads I recommend them.

I still have drinking dreams.

GE

((((((HumOlive))))) sounds like you are having a hard time the last couple of days. I understand what you are saying. I too sometimes feel li I have ruined what should be a nice thing by not 'controlling' my drinking - and then I remember that I just cant. That I have tried so so many time and I never succeed. Its as though once the fist sip crosses my lips all will power disappears and despite the inevitable outcome I just keep drinking.

I cant bear to look at every occasion in the future as being alcohol free. So I cant look too far ahead.. I have learned, even in 8 days, that once faced with a situation where I have thought it ESSENTIAL that I drink eg going out on Sat evening, once it actually arrives, I realise its not essential that I drink, and that in fact I want to be sober MORE than I want to drink (once I have 'played the tape' to the end) .. But its only 7 completed days that i have been dry...so for me ODAAT. I'm at work now. so no temptation - this evening (and every evening) is different...

I'm on day 8 too

Thanks for "getting it" Sorcha. I really am powerless over alcohol once I pick up that first glass. Like you I have really tried. Changing drink choices, making deals with myself to only drink on certain days, limiting myself to just a couple.
Nothing has worked. I simply can't drink in moderation.
The pisshead in me doesn't even want to drink moderately. My alkie brain thinks why bother if you can't feel the effects.
Am struggling but I'm not giving in. Not this time.

Going to get on with some jobs I should have done ages ago but was probably half cut and couldn't be bothered.
Thank god for this thread!

Totally endorse what GlowingEmbers said. I used to stop drinking for periods of three months - so for those three months, the decision was made and it was easier than 'just this week', 'just Mondays' or whatever.

It was also much easier in terms of telling people eg 'I'm having a period of detoxing' and they would respect that.

Three months may seem like a long time but I always told myself that once they were over, I could drink again. And I usually threw myself back into it with way too much enthusiasm, because I'd 'proved' to myself that I could handle it

Then, one year, I realised those three months had been much, much happier than the drinking ones, so I carried on ...

Going to get on with some jobs I should have done ages ago but was probably half cut and couldn't be bothered.

Thats ME too Hum.. I used to be really organised - and I need to be more than ever right now. I have a FT professional career , 3 kids and a home to run (Oh and money worries - at least not drinking should be better for that bit !! ). But I have got to a place where stuff just slips through my fingers, probably because I am either pissed or hungover .. I don't have the energy to tackle kids homework/projects/getting new school kit etc in an organised way. My children deserve better.. And Olive - Im almost 50.. well done for dealing with this when you are 40 ish - I wish I had - Its been a "problem" that I have actively recognised for at least 15 years...In fact my first serious attempt to stop/cut down came after a desperately shameful and risky episode when DC 1 was a baby. DC1 is now 15

Keep going Hum - and you Mr - my day 8 buddy :-)

Yes, being too hungover/feeling so utterly shit you can't even get out of bed let alone blitz the house as you had merrily planned last night halfway down that second bottle :( Bugger I HATE that. Loving the ease in which I'm beginning to get to sleep and that I wake up feeling 'ok' (still hate getting up but that's the weather !!)

Afternoon all!

Some great comments/insights here. I'm totally with Hum in that I always see alcohol as something that you obviously need to get pissed on, otherwise, why bother? Realise that is warped way of thinking but that's how I roll apparently I just can't drink in moderation, so I don't know why I try to fight it.

Sorry some of you are finding it hard at the moment (((( ))))

I'm on day 5 now. The last two nights i've slept amazingly well, and woken up feeling refreshed, so that's a positive.

Weegie - I also love your "the future is open, is possible" mantra! I too need to make a Christmas cake this weekend, something that most likely wouldn't get done if I was hungover. There's so much in life I want to do and I have a nagging feeling that i've already wasted to much time due to booze already. I want to feel present, and alive.

I totally get the feeling of not imagining another social occasion without drinking. I too find it quite depressing right now. I love it when you meet up with friends, and those first two or three drinks are amazing- and then it all tends to go wrong...

If ever I need to remind myself of why I am wanting to stop drinking, it's remembering the following:

Got a lower degree than I should have done at uni, just through not attending lectures/partying/being hungover.

People always seeing me as party person, and not taking me seriously.

The criminal record I have from my time at uni, when I was caught with a load of cocaine at a party.

The couple of great jobs I lost/wasn't promoted in due to having days off hungover.

The great work experience placement interview that I turned up to still drunk, and (surprise, surprise), didn't get, when I could have gone to Canne.

The party I went out to the night before Mother's Day, did loads of drink and coke, came in at 5am. I couldn't get up the next day, when my tiny children came into my room with DP to give me their card and present Seeing the disappointing look on DP's face then...

I could go on!

Listing it is actually quite therapeutic- good reminders of why I am better off sober!

Sorry for the ramble.

Hope everyone has a great rest of the day- I will be back this evening. Popping out with the DCs this afternoon, providing the weather holds out.

I'm not going against the idea of total sobriety - but it was my wee brothers wedding, I was at a table with family (at least 2 are also functioning alcoholics IMO) and my Dad paid for the champagne and came round himself to pour it for us. I had 4 wee sips at the toasts, then was happy to get up and leave it, having drunk appletiser with the meal, and went on to have soda & lime for the rest of the evening.

I don't want to go as far as feeling proud of myself - for me, it's when I think I've done well that I crash and buy and drink too much vodka burn. But I'm pleased I got through it. I think I told you I was glad my mother couldn't make it? She did. But pretty much ignored me (though dd1 at 13 made the effort to speak to her). I did end up in a dance set with her at the ceilidh but that was ok as my 3yo niece was also there and so I was just auntie weegie!

Back at work today - we have a huge issue going on about the location of our services but I dealt well and in a controlled way with it. We're thinking of taking an entire arm of our charity and setting up on our own - scary, and as I'm a volunteer coordinator I'd have to be at the front of this. But at least this is something other than booze to fill my thoughts, and I have to go into these things sober or the women and children I do literacy work with suffer! Working again tomorrow, meeting my best friend for lunch and a pedicure on Thursday then my volunteer shift at the poverty-reduction project at our church on Friday - it's great to be busy!

Also - last Sunday I preached in church. We are a very small "community church" - basically baptist and about 25 adult members. I talked to the church about compassion - as Christians, showing compassion but I think more importantly, about receiving the compassion of God and of others - how we don't value ourselves enough to believe we are loved. Preaching to myself, mainly!, but over half the congregation spoke to me afterwards to say thankyou for what I'd said.

I know many of you aren't religious at all, but my basic message was LOVE YOURSELF, YOU'RE WORTH IT!! And that goes for all of us, really!

You're right Weegie, definitely great to be busy! Is your friend you're lunching with a 'wine buddy' or someone who doesn't really drink ie won't be offended if you don't? I have a feeling that for a while at least, I'm going to have meet people for coffee, as lots of my mates are long, boozy lunchers!

You're message of "love yourself" is so true. Am trying to be my own best friend at the moment, or imagine I am talking to DS or DD when they're older. What would I want them to do? What would I advise them?

I come from a long line of heavy drinkers, as does OH.
Luckily we don't see them regularly but every time we do the wine and beer is offered out whatever time we visit.
Going for the antibiotics excuse I think as a) I have a history if dental problems and b) once you've put that particular excuse out there you can hardly give in and have a drink without looking like a lying mad person.
Then again, after some of the drunken behaviour they've witnessed they probably think I'm a loon anyway.

Hi everyone, I have been reading but lacked the energy to post.
weegie you're the first Christian who admits to a drink problem that I've ever met (I'm not sure if you identify as an alcoholic, if so, apologies for the wordy rambling).While I was drinking, I always had a foot out of church. You cannot serve two Gods, it is as true for addiction as it is for money (another kind of addiction I guess). I long to see the church more useful in my area in this way. At AA, I found you could mention any type of Spirituality except Christianity, and that felt lonely and "other". "Other" is not all bad, I guess, that being exactly what we are. I'm rambling, I think about all of this sort of stuff a lot.

On the subject of benefits from stopping drinking, I definitely with AA's philosophy that alcoholism is primarily a disease of thinking. I think it messes with all our thinking, and that neural pathways probably at a cellular level are damaged. No evidence, mind. My mind is much sharper, and I can learn things faster. I have returned to a real interest in people, and have meaningful relationships. I don't have to spend ages rewriting history. Within the dysfunction in my family is a tendency to rewrite history and I took it to a new level really in explaining illness, inability to be reliable, excuse behaviour, and how hard things were for me. My self pity was incomplete until I had fuelled it with some sympathy from elsewhere.
Today, I think much like I used to. I am on guard for old behaviours. I don't rewrite history, and I disengage from my family's gameplaying, although the scapegoating is pretty exhausting.

I just wanted to share my experience which is for those that relapse at 3-4 weeks to look at whether this is also connected to your cycles. I used to last a few weeks but the few days before my period were fraught with relapse and although that is not an excuse, I think all these things play a part. I have a Mirena now, so no more hormonal swings.

Somebody mentioned blogging which I started after my first year's sobriety but have ground to a halt recently - in counselling and finding it tough, it's a struggle to get through the days without managing to write something that people might find worth reading. It's certainly helped show who my friends are!

Hope everyone has a safe evening. Lots of bangs here, not the biggest firework fan combined with very low energy levels. I guess no one said recovery was easy. But have fun those that do enjoy it!

Thought I would pop in to add support and congratulations to all of you.

I do remember feeling a bit bewildered by how I was going to fill those hours especially in the evening that I had obliterated by booze.

Spooks and West Wing box sets were lifesavers (cost benefit of outlay versus booze cost/liver/life damage = immeasurable).

Knitting, of all the granny things!

Baking and cooking - massive sweet tooth emerged and I know some if you mentioned inhaling food; I felt that I really needed to nourish myself. Lots of warming soup and stews and home made cake made me feel very cherished.

Walking and running, not so easy in the dark if you work, bit I did an hour's stomp listening to something meaty.

Haven't posted regularly here but please feel free to ok if anyone wants to chat or grumble or have a sympathetic ear.

Hi everyone,
Just caught up on all the posts. Well done to everyone who is sober tonight, thats another day we have all chalked up. I think it takes our bodies time to recouperate from the deluge of alcohol we subjected them to. When we stop every fibre is screaming for the drug it is used to having, I was advised to have some chocolate or something sweet whenever I felt like I "needed" a drink and to drink lots of lemon barley water etc to rehydrate myself.
Sobriety is truly a gift and I try every morning as I drive to work to list the things I am grateful for now that I am sober. Also at this time of year I think back to my drinking then. The times when I would wake up from alcoholic stupour, peer through the window and panic that I wouldnt know if it was morning or evening because it was always dark..... Do I really want to go back to that again? Absolutely not thank you very much.
We are all miracles as today we are doing something that is unnatural for alcoholics to do - we havent had a drink!!
And for that we all need a massive pat on the back, or whatever we need to do to be kind to ourselves. Sobriety is for me, literally, a second chance at life,

Sorry to have rambled on, xxx

Hello - feeling better than last night :). Still enjoy being sober :). - Going to grab a quick 5 mins snooze before the mentalist is on :)

Good evening everyone Feeling a bit irritated tonight. Stressful time at work right now and the children are just being incredibly annoying! Twitching a bit at the thought that a nice drink would calm me down but it wouldn't I know. Couldn't run tonight as it was dark when I got home and windy and my calf is still sore :( On the whole a bit miserable to be honest! Gah! Still, am on the not drinking road now and will not be swayed. Have a good night all

Feel free to pm that should read.

Sorry your evening is annoying, Mr. My sympathies! My DC are in homework hell and I am dreading being asked to explain anything.

I suppose at least your irritation is authentic and not the result of a hangover. I always found ending the day as soon as possible helped in those circumstances. Can you slope off early with something (or someone?!) trashy and distracting?

Sending you positive thoughts and best wishes to all.

Hi lonnika and Mr I think we three are all day 8 girls ?

I still cant stop thinking about alcohol. Even at times when I wouldn't have been thinking about alcohol in the past, eg lunchtime at work, I am now...I don't feel like I want to drink - well I do but I won't... but I think about it ALL the time. I assume that will settle sometime..,

I am also horribly irritable, and grumpy...

Going to bed now I think xxx

I made a list of everyone on the thread and how long they have been dry ( is that sad ?) please do correct me if I have got you wrong...

Sorcha 28.10.13
Mildred Sep-13
MrMeanour 28.10.13
loveday 29.10.13
weegiemum 10.10.13
myfriend bill May-13
Enid Oct-10
CJCregg 2007
DaisyBD 2002
newbie05 2010
Egg 30.10.13
love me not 2007
FranTan 2005
oops 23.10.13
beeyump Jul-12
Zoo Jun-12
venus long term
stinkingbishop Aug-13
brickor Jun-05
humolive 29.10.13
justlikeheave midoct13
lonnika 28.10.13
trin Aug-12
jellytots Jan-06
Louisa Oct-11
isinde mid oct 13
guggenheim Jan-13
Pinot 01.11 13
glowingembers Nov-10
iceberg end sept 13

Evening all

Lovely to hear from some new people, and encouraging that a few appear to be have been sober for a while? If so, can I ask how long please?

I have done what BrickorCleat suggested, and have sloped off to bed early with laptop. DP is out at sports training, so don't feel really anti-social! Also totally feel the wanting to 'nourish' myself properly and eat well. I generally have a healthy diet, but on nights where I crack open the wine when the DCs are having their tea, I normally just used to grab some cheese and biscuits, or pick at crisps. Okay once in a while, but not good several nights a week! I have also bought some 'Liverel' liver health tablets, fish oil capsules, and some skin/hair/nail tablets too try and help boost my body again. Hoping i'm not replacing one addiction with another- I'm obviously an 'all or nothing' person!

I too feel a little deflated tonight. This afternoon I ventured into central London and took the DCs to the Transport Museum in Covent Garden. DP came to meet us as he finished seeing a client early, and we had a lovely time, followed by a pancake tea in the Piazza, before getting the train home. Perfect, BUT I couldn't help having the huge urge for several glasses of red, seeing all the after work drinkers getting cosy in the pubs/bars there, laughing and having merry chats. I used to LOVE doing that, and there is such a buzz there. I felt sad that if I'm taking this seriously, I'll never get to meet a friend and have those heady chats over drinks ever again. Silly to feel sad, as the bad outweighs the good, but I can see that i'm going to miss it SO much initially.

Ionnika - Glad you're feeling better tonight.

Jellytots your words are great, thank you

Oh, and on a slightly different note, I discovered an fab App today, called the 'Gratitude Journal'. It's a bit twee/cheesy for some, but essentially it's an app for your phone, and you can write in each day things you feel thankful for as you go- quite good to remember the good if life/small things, why you're sober, what great things happened that day, and definitely encouraging to look back on. I think i'm going to download it now.

Evening Sorcha , that's right, i'm 1st November, so only 5 days in- feels like a lifetime!

Hope you feel better tomorrow. I am with you on the thinking about drinking all the time. Also hoping this subsides as time goes on. Sleep well.