is anyone interested in an alchohol-free / addiction thread?

[youretoastmildred]

My name is youretoastmildred, and I am an alcoholic.

I am 42 days alcohol free.
have been a problem drinker for a long time and have often convinced myself that moderate drinking will be fine. It never stays moderate.
In this 42 days there have been certain key people that I have not had to see. I have 2 events coming up with them that will be massive triggers and I am looking for support (and very very willing to offer what support I can to anyone else)

I have lurked on Brave Babes and it seems to be a thread of successfully moderate drinkers, and alcoholics who can't / don't actually stop. (The poster who started those threads by stopping completely isn't there: I also remember some 12 step nondrinkers from the early days who don't seem to be there any more. There are a lot of posts by people enumerating what they are having or will have and whether or not this is ok but I don't see much actual NOT DRINKING EVER which is what I need to do)

By contrast, the AA meeting that I attend, while it will always have a couple of people back after a relapse, is mostly packed with people with months and years sober.

Is anyone interested in an actual not-drinking or beating other addictions thread? I am NOT saying I am not interested in talking to those who relapse. I am saying that I DO want to talk to people who aim to stop drinking.

any takers?

Am on the SE London/Kent border.

Sorcha. . . well done. sorry to hear you had a row but as you said at least you can remember it. good on you for not drinking. I am wondering do you smoke. . . I managed not to drink last night when my best friend of nearly 20 years was here. . . but i smoked 4 cigarettes and feel so ill today. .like a hangover. its so unfair. . but at least i didn't drink.

Mildred. . . how did it go with your parents? are they still there. hope you are ok

this afternoon I have found quite difficult. Its Sunday so I am cooking /washing doing domestic stuff and supervision homework etc. Normally I would have opened the wine at midday and be into the second bottle by now. I would be quietly sloshed tho with an outward appearance of sobriety

I realise today that I have more interest in and patience for the kids homework being sober. still I miss the 'wine fuzz' - or do it. Stlll tired and aching.

still really just want to retreat to bed with a book and nothing else to do...

how's everyone else ?

Sorcha x

How has everyone's day been ? Have tackled the ironing, played hide and seek in the woods, been for a run ( but knackered my calf :(), flopped about, got a bit twitchy, read some stuff about drinking and alcoholism, had a lovely dinner cooked by dh and am now in the process of trying to remain calm as ds stomps about moaning that he has lost his locker key (the night before returning to school.....because of course, this is quite literally the ONLY thing he had to remember to look after.. )

Hi Just - WELL DONE - at least you didn't drink... Imagine how much worse you would have felt if you HAD drunk too !!

I smoked till I was 30. Then I gave up and only started again about 3 years ago. Several attempts since the at quitting, but finally stopped Sept 28th ... Oddly enough although stopping was hard I don't miss it or crave it now...

x post Sorcha

Hi, this is a very interesting thread, mind if I post occasionally?

I've been sober for 10 months with the help of aa and the brave babes. Before that I drank for 20 plus years excluding when I was pg or bf. Like many women with a drink problem I ended up on my own little 'island' drinking on the sofa every night.
I was massively in denial about my drinking- my favourite denial of being an alcoholic was that I bought wine from M&S, therefore I couldn't be an alcoholic! See?

Anyhow, I've made some progress since then and I have a great sponsor attempt the follow the program and have a very unorthodox understanding of a higher power.

I'm really interested by SMART and the poster who explained about the lecture at the priory. This thread has helped me along. I hope that I stay sober (odaat & all that) and I hope I'm not tempted to test my sobriety.

I still have the desire to drink but I don't act on it these days because I have no doubt where that will lead.

Hello I'm new :)
I'm not addicted to alcohol but haven't had a drink ever since I was attacked in a club toilet. I have vowed never to put myself in such a vulnerable position again. If I had not been drunk I would of been able to fight back much easier.

Hi Fanny and Guggenheim its great to see new posters. You have dome really well guggenheim, and I for one will be delighted to pick up any pearls of wisdom you can drop my way! This is my 6th day without alcohol... and the first time for almost 9 years I have been that long without drinking ( I think)

Its not 'my' thread but I will repost Mildreds working thread 'rules'

*or people who intend to stop drinking. Completely. Not a support group for those attempting moderate drinking. (though I accept in principle that after a period of abstinence you may progress to that, I don't want to hear about it and will find it triggering)

• not for relations or family of alcoholics.

• support the person, but not necessarily the behaviour. If a person comes on here after drinking with a renewed intention to stop, we support the person, and the intention to stop, but not the drinking.

• I suspect there will be an emphasis on the experience of women and mothers on this thread. I am fine with that, and this is where I am coming from, but other voices and other experiences are very welcome.

• authenticity in communication. Upthread someone expressed an opinion about my relationship. I don't agree with what they said but I am fine with the person saying it. I am prepared to be questioned on anything and even be criticised on anything, and I hope that we can establish a dynamic where we can talk honestly but kindly and even with love. I do not want to be staring at weeks of posts by a poster and thinking "It's her husband!" or "it's her diet!" or "it's her job!" and feel like I am not allowed to say it. I might be wrong of course. But let's establish that it's ok to say "sweetie, are you sure it is a good idea to do x, y, z which really don't seem to be working for you?"

• confidentiality. If anyone mistakenly says anything "outing", don't take advantage of it, and alert the poster to it discreetly*

Hope you are getting on ok Mildred if you get a chance to read this.

Well done just

Cigarettes are next on my list to stop. One thing at a time.

Had a good enough day today even though my usually follows along the lines of Sorcha's with the wine being opened early on a Sunday. Bit crabby tonight for some reason but think it's a mixture of toddler tantrums, tiredness and pmt. Keeping my fingers crossed lo sleeps well tonight as it's back to the school early starts again in the morning.

Welcome to the new people

Hi Guggenheim - please post - on the BB you are one of the people who I really admired :). - Well first weekend done :). Bring on the new working week

YayLonnika !! well done ; Back to work for me too tomorrow ; at least I wont have a hangover

Morning people... Hope everyone is ok this (rather grey, rainy) Monday.

mildred bit worried about you - hope you are ok and the weekend didn't knock you off track - even if it did - we are here and will support you getting back to life without alcohol...

sorry if I sound smug. I don't feel it. I woke late this morning after a deep dreamless sleep. Feel heavy lidded, headachey and exhausted. Have gained 7lbs in the last week - how is that possible ?

Feel pleased I have not drunk - day 7 today . Came to work , everyone asking if I had a nice week off. How do you say - well actually I gave up drinking ? Obviously you don't - which led me to wonder - who do you tell? when do you tell them ? I have only told DH, who's support I crucially need, and you guys. I feel like I really NEED this thread - maybe I should start a blog for myself as its like the thing that is consuming 90% of my brain time is not even a reality for everyone i interact with. Why NOT tell people. I think its because a) I don't want to admit to my shameful alcohol problem and b) what if I fail ? You can't exactly say "I have a problem with alcohol' and then continue drinking...

Good morning sorcha It's rather sunny here Off to London this morning and then rushing back for a board meeting tonight, which makes for a busy day. I was thinking of starting a blog too - just to look back on (hopefully), I spoke to dh 'properly' yesterday as he has, although always been totally supporitive, never completely 'got' the idea that I Cannot Stop. So, he now knows that this is (hopefully) 'it'.

Right off to get a train. Will catch up later.

Morning Sorcha and Mr

I was thinking along the same lines of starting a blog/ keeping a diary.

For the meantime I have told a couple of people I'm stopping until Christmas, citing money as an excuse. Was going to hit Christmas and then just tell them I enjoyed being off it so much I've decided not to drink.

Was wondering today about why all the excuses? Part of it is the shame of admitting you have a problem with alcohol which is strange because if you came out and said you're beating an addiction of illegal street drugs or even cigarettes everyone would look at you as if you are doing a good thing. Alcohol seems to be lumped into a different category of addiction, possibly because it's so socially acceptable to drink so why can't you control it like everyone else? Then there's the fear of failure. Hmm pondering it this morning too and was considering telling one of my friends (who does have a problem also) the truth.

Hope everyone has a good day.

pubs.niaaa.nih.gov/publications/aa22.htm

Quick overview of how you will probably put on weight after you have stopped drinking as alcohol affects the absorption of fats and messes up glucose levels.

pubs.niaaa.nih.gov/publications/aa22.htm forgot to linky it

Good morning all, been lurking for a few days now but haven't had a chance to post properly until now- hoping I can join?

Always had an 'issue' with alcohol, mainly that i've never known when to stop- just having one or two drinks has always been, er, tricky for me!

I've had some level of wanting to stop for the last 6 years or so, and the longest i've managed is 4 months in 2007. I have two tiny DCs, but found it quite easy to stop when pg with them. I think half my battle is other people rather than myself. When pg, no one dreams of asking you to drink, but otherwise it seems to be socially acceptable to booze at any and every occassion. The peer pressure has always been huge.

I went out to a drinks night with my old work last Thursday, and whilst I didn't do anything really stupid, I was absolutely wasted, can't remember getting home, and felt like death for two days. So no big trigger, but i've just decided for the first time in a long time, that I just don't want to drink anymore.

I'm 30 next month, and have been getting regularly, totally, wasted for half my life. I want 30 to be the start of a new phase in my life, a healthier, happier, more 'present' one, and I finally want to see what it's like to have a social life without the need for booze. My children deserve me to be more 'on the ball', less moody, and put them first. Also, I am worried about my health, and my liver really can't be in good shape. I cannot abuse it for another 15 years!

I am on day 4 now, and survived several social occasions at the weekend, but all with some pressure to drink, and people being surprised when I didn't. What's ridiculous is that some of these were daytime things- watching a local football match, takeaway/gathering in the evening, and a christening yesterday. Normally i'd have quite a few drinks at all these things, but didn't- I had at least 5 people ask me/coerce me into drinking yesterday, and it did shock me slightly how much everyone wants everyone to drink because it's 'socially acceptable'. I do think other people are going to be the 'enemy' for me!

Sorry, i've been rambling... hope everyone is having a happy Monday so far!

Hi Pinot - welcome !! and well done on your decision and success. And well done for avoiding those well meaning 'friends'.... ( I have been one of those on too many occasions...)

It is amazing how many social situations alcohol is the 'norm'. I used to love those kids parties where the adults were offered a drink ( I always managed several) but I do recognise its probably not normal to drink like a fish at every opportunity!

Do you have support form anyone at home Pinot ?

Hi Sorcha!

Yes, I have great support at home from my DP- luckily, whilst he likes a few drinks, isn't a big drinker, and our relationship has never been based around drinking/boozy nights out, so that really helps. It's just my friends who can make it tricky, and like you, I've been someone who's been a 'persuader' before, and been disappointed when a friend has come to meet me and not wanted to drink!

Friday nights are big triggers for me, as end of the week and classic wine 'wind down time'- I could easily neck a bottle or two on the sofa.

I think I'm going to reward myself at the end of each week, if I don't drink, with a new item of clothing, or something like a massage or facial. I'm also going to put the 'booze' money into a holiday account and use it towards taking the DCs to Euro Disney- that's good motivation!

hello
great to see you all. so impressed by so many of you.
working now, have skimmed thread but will be back properly later

Oh, and also the money saved on taxis will be astronomical! I too live on the SE London/Kent border (I think somebody else up thread said they did too?), and the amount I've spent on cabs home when I've missed the last train/tube is just crazy!

Hello all, hope it's ok if I post once in a while. This is a great thread. I'm 3 years sober this month. I think all of us in recovery share the same story generally. My main concern was the 'thinking' rather than the 'drinking'. I would spend hours thinking about alcohol; hating how much I drank, keeping the secret, the devastating self-loathing and on and on.

The actual drinking took me no time at all - I was very good at it! But every day I would feel like shit and then worry all day about the excess and then, feeling utterly disgusting, I would buy more on the way home. I successfully tackled the problem of too many bottles clanking around by buying boxes of wine, who knew how much anyone was drinking then? Once empty I could then skilfully fold up the box and bury it in the bin and replace.

Nowadays I am 'present' - I can remember all the arguments I have with my partner and feel pretty smug that I'm not at fault ALL the time, in the past I took 100% of the blame because I full of guilt. I'm also there for my daughter and I will be able to look back at her childhood and remember all of it and that is the most precious part of my sobriety. To think I nearly lost all that time with her.

Recently, the urge came upon me again, but I didn't pick out the good memories, the ones where you have a great evening and your head only slightly rings the next day. I chose the bad ones, the clinking of miniatures in my bag to be dispatched on my way to work, the sudden need to vomit once I'd laid down in bed which I then had to HIDE from my partner, my dreadful lack of ambition at work and above all the obsessive thought that this desperate cycle would never end. So, I didn't pick up and I, mostly, can't imagine why I would.

There is the desire to remember how much easier socialising was whilst I was drinking, that the evenings flew by, full of laughter. And guess what, I admit that I don't have very much of that sort of 'fun' anymore. I have a limited capacity for parties these days unless its very good friends and work occasions do drag a bit, but I also think, so what? Life is a bit boring sometimes, get over it. I have also shed friends along the way, and that's ok too, they were no good for me. All my real friends celebrate my sobriety and always have lovely drinks for me (I only really like tea these days).

I guess I want to say, it's not all glorious and shining out the other side but it is much, much better and the best thing is that I like myself, I'm a good partner and a great mum and I work hard at a fantastic job.

I hope that's not a ramble, but it was therapeutic for me anyway!

GE

Hi. Just a quick one.
First dry weekend chalked up since I don't know when.
Feeling a little flat after the initial eh euphoria of making my decision to stop.
Trying to stay focused. No one said this was easy eh?

Humolive. . . .know what you mean I feel very down today. the thought of. . is this it. . . .is going through my head. i am eating like a pig too. i went from smoking too much weed. . . cut that out completely and then drank much more. . . 22 days since (counting?? moi?) since i had a drink but seem to be transferring my over indulgence to food now. compulsive eating today. . . yuk

will be a fat sober bore ;)