is anyone interested in an alchohol-free / addiction thread?

[youretoastmildred]

My name is youretoastmildred, and I am an alcoholic.

I am 42 days alcohol free.
have been a problem drinker for a long time and have often convinced myself that moderate drinking will be fine. It never stays moderate.
In this 42 days there have been certain key people that I have not had to see. I have 2 events coming up with them that will be massive triggers and I am looking for support (and very very willing to offer what support I can to anyone else)

I have lurked on Brave Babes and it seems to be a thread of successfully moderate drinkers, and alcoholics who can't / don't actually stop. (The poster who started those threads by stopping completely isn't there: I also remember some 12 step nondrinkers from the early days who don't seem to be there any more. There are a lot of posts by people enumerating what they are having or will have and whether or not this is ok but I don't see much actual NOT DRINKING EVER which is what I need to do)

By contrast, the AA meeting that I attend, while it will always have a couple of people back after a relapse, is mostly packed with people with months and years sober.

Is anyone interested in an actual not-drinking or beating other addictions thread? I am NOT saying I am not interested in talking to those who relapse. I am saying that I DO want to talk to people who aim to stop drinking.

any takers?

Glad your dd is ok Mildred. Will be thinking about you today, good luck and enjoy your cake.

Loveday was there any particular reason you had a drink? We do learn from our mistakes and as you say it's a new day.

Least she doesn't remember Mr and thanks for the book recommendation. I downloaded it really late last night then sat up to 2am reading (yawn). Love the main character describing drinking as a warm bomb going off but no pain and the world going away. More than half way through it so will more than likely finish it today.

Got an 8 yr old nieces birthday to get through now. Parents are pleased the party room has a bar!

I'm dreading the temptation of the drinks plus dreading the inevitable comparisons between the normal 8 yr olds and my own autistic son.
Used to take the edge of it with a drink.
It's going to be a long afternoon.

Sorry haven't rtft as a bit busy today but saw a post from Trin asking for permission which I have to reply to ASAP to say EVERYONE WELCOME to GET REAL with us! and I really admire you with your track record of sobriety and I am sure you have lots to teach me (for one)

We have agreed on the following - so far - please anyone pile in and make comments:

• for people who intend to stop drinking. Completely. Not a support group for those attempting moderate drinking. (though I accept in principle that after a period of abstinence you may progress to that, I don't want to hear about it and will find it triggering)

• not for relations or family of alcoholics.

• support the person, but not necessarily the behaviour. If a person comes on here after drinking with a renewed intention to stop, we support the person, and the intention to stop, but not the drinking.

• I suspect there will be an emphasis on the experience of women and mothers on this thread. I am fine with that, and this is where I am coming from, but other voices and other experiences are very welcome.

• authenticity in communication. Upthread someone expressed an opinion about my relationship. I don't agree with what they said but I am fine with the person saying it. I am prepared to be questioned on anything and even be criticised on anything, and I hope that we can establish a dynamic where we can talk honestly but kindly and even with love. I do not want to be staring at weeks of posts by a poster and thinking "It's her husband!" or "it's her diet!" or "it's her job!" and feel like I am not allowed to say it. I might be wrong of course. But let's establish that it's ok to say "sweetie, are you sure it is a good idea to do x, y, z which really don't seem to be working for you?"

• confidentiality. If anyone mistakenly says anything "outing", don't take advantage of it, and alert the poster to it discreetly

I will be catching up with every single post but right now I have to dash

have a good day all x

Eggs - thanks for asking. A mix really. I haven't gone beyond 4 days, and didn't plan well enough for it. Actually not drinking as been a passive process for me, not deliberate. Having a previous 'script' of Friday/weekend time is powerful. 4 booze outlets within 7 min walk didn't help. I under-estimated the situation I was in, and really thought it would be easy....
On the positive I've been honest, and always will be.

But YES, today is a new day and am feeling so much better armed. I've learned more stuff about me and my needs. I'm even quite up-beat.

I have not been drinking. This now my 5th day. I feel atrocious. Shaky, headachey, almost feverish. so, so tired, I have poor concentration, no stamina and feel tearful. someone tell me this is normal?

I do think a decision not to drink, when it has been a big part of your life will only work if its an active rather than passive decision. Glad you feel ok today Loveday

HumOlive that sounds very difficult. Do you have a plan ? e.g. what you will drink ? to leave for few minutes if it becomes overwhelming ? I hate kids parties and would always be very glad if there was wine for the parents...

waves to Egg and Mr

i am supposed to be going out with DH tonight to a gig. Am dreading it. Don't feel I can get out of t, but terrified at the thought of all the alcohol, having to face a load of people I dont know totally sober, and everyone else being pissed....

Sounds good to me Mildred. Don't have anything to add to that.

Hope you got through the birthday party ok Olive. I am in no way comparing to autism (so I hope I don't offend you in any way) as ds doesn't have sn but he has always been developmentally behind his peers, mainly due to his chromosome disorder they think. It's hard as a parent not to compare so it must be really tough for you. Big hugs.

I tend to agree about making it an active decision to stop drinking. I know I could stop for a few days without thinking much about it but I would go back to drinking again when I have a 'fuckit moment'. Actively thinking about it is mentally preparing myself for the weak moments and how I am going to deal with those, especially as I find the lure of the weekend hard too.

I've read on some other threads sorcha about people feeling crappy after four or five days. You could possibly becoming down with something too? Just keep thinking of how clear-headed (hopefully you won't be feeling so yucky) and guilt-free you will feel tomorrow.

Went shopping with someone today while they spent £70 worth of booze on top of their groceries - then complained about the price it came too. I had to roll my eyes a bit while I came out clutching my sparkling grape and elderberry juice. Which by the way is in a wine shaped bottle? I felt like shouting to everyone 'it's not wine, it's juice. I'm being good'

Really enjoyed the book 'My name is..' Mr. Finished it earlier. Thought it really got into the mind of the drinker, also focussing on how it effects the people around them. Had a wee sniff at the last page too.

sorcha yes, you will feel like that :( I did on wednesday (day 3) tonight I feel...twitchy. Dh gone to the pub to watch football, I have been swimming and did a bit of time on the treadmill, cooked the childrens dinner, and now.....what? No tv on that I like, I have a book or so to read but, well I don't know. I hate this, this 'missing thing' -drink is missing, drink would be my friend for a while, drink would have me happily anticipating it, drink would be waiting for me with a big smile. But. Drink would also have me in its clutches by around 9 O clock and I would start to panic that there was enough in the house, would be wondering if I could get away with driving to the garage to get more, decide I could...Drink would be making me want to argue with people on facebook and make a fool of myself. And. Tomorrow morning drink would stop me from living a day like I've had today.

Mr that is such a good post and reflection of how I often think. Of course thinking like that is total bullshit but for me it had become an entrenched pattern of thinking which I need to undo.

Hi all - been following this thread for a while and thought it was time to de-lurk. I have posted a couple of times on the brave babes, in support of other people but I am aiming for long term abstinence, and sometimes found it frustrating to listen to the same old same old, chat about how things all went pear shaped and how controlled drinking was not working. I found it frustrating because I've been trying to sort out my warped relationship with alcohol for several years (Controlled drinking was my first experiment in taming the beast) and I've tried a number of things, DAT, AA and antabuse, finally I've got to the point where I've successfully got my life back enjoying the things that are important to me - Family, work, music, mainly... without the crutch/habit/poison of alcohol. There have been drama and tears along the way and it was difficult, hell I've had a few "fuck it" relapses, but now I have a good handle on who I am and what my triggers are it's so much easier to live without. I found that I had to re-programme my brain to see that living w/o alcohol is the kindest thing I can do for myself. I live one day at a time, refuse ever to promise anyone I will never drink again, but resolve every morning (when I remember usually when life becomes challenging), that I will not drink today. I try not to give advice - every one is different after all, but I find listening to what has worked for others and sharing what has worked for me really helpful. Finally my declaration of interest - I am a long term AA attender, in a large city like where I live there are lots of meetings, and I'm lucky enough to have the choice of several a day. That's me - oh and I don't do the name check thing - I'm no good at it and would be scared of leaving people off the list.

Hello How long have you managed to be sober?

What I have come to realize in all my years of trying and breaking and trying and breaking – the same incidentally with smoking – is that I cannot stay sober unless I make some massive changes in my life in other ways. So, what is the point of thinking ‘right this is it this is the time that will work’, when I just do exactly the same things every day? A plan is needed. I have my running – that is a huge thing, and I have my books, but then my books have always been there. What to do? I am going to start doing ‘things’, going out with the children (well dd really, ds13 is at ‘that age..) I am going to take her out tomorrow morning, just to the woods, just for a walk. That will be a start. I can’t change going to work, but maybe I can change the furniture in my office – move it round, maybe I can change from coffee to water or something a bit fancy! I have wanted to join an am dram group for years, so I will look for one. As I can’t do AA, I need to find something. This is my plan anyway!

two years , consecutively. Five years of trying

Hi Louisa - well done. :-) I love/need advice /tip/ suggestions as I know already this is going to be hard... it is already hard in an unquantifiable way.

I don't want to go out tonight. I really really don't. I feel I owe it to DH to go as he has been so good to me, but I want to stay home and be safe ..

Hi Louisea.

I know you feel guilty Sorcha but would he not understand you not wanting to go out after the talk you had the other day?

Feeling a bit restless tonight myself Mr. Keep flitting from one thing to another without knowing really what I want to do. Bought dvds today but don't feel like I have the concentration to watch them. Hit the nail on the head, it's like something is missing.

Mr I think I do have to go really. I will have a plan to leave though if it all gets too much.

I find having really special 'other' things to drink, helps a little. At the moment its a spiced mixed berry cordial from 'bottlegreen' I love it !

Mine is the bottlegreen apple and plum but it has be made with fizzy water

I'm sitting and watching Wish You Were Here about PInk Floyd with some san pelligrino at the moment!! Have put all the washing away, sorted out the ironing for the morning...washed up...arghhh! The twitching

sorry should have been eggs ....

Hope you are ok mildred; and loveday, humolive eggs and everyone else starting out... x

YES Mine is with fizzy water too ! That plan is for lime and soda tonight - i do like that; with bitter lemon or diet coke as a back up...

I have my own house keys just in case :-) sorry I'm rambling. Really I know I should stay home but I feel I cant. DH quite shocked me by saying 'well if you have one lager it wont hurt' ... somehow I feel he has completely missed the point...makes me feel quite angry and disappointed

I'm fine thanks Sorcha. Bonfire shortly, in the wind and rain!
This could be difficult but is this the time to communicate in BIG words exactly what it is that is going on in your head, to DH? Maybe whilst throwing something?

Back from the party. It wasn't so bad. My son seemed to have fun and really tellingly, no one (that I saw anyway) had an alcoholic drink.
This in itself shows how warped my thinking is. I was/would have been obsessed with having a drink(s) yet no one else seemed bothered.
I imagine most were driving and a 3pm kids party isn't something most people associate with drinking.
When you're a problem drinker, everything is either a trigger or an irritating obsticle to being able to drink. The times I've wanted some event or activity with the kids to be over so I could get home and start drinking.
Am interested in what changes I need to make to my life to stay sober.

I am an anxious, stressy and shy person by nature.

I've relied on alcohol for so long I'm scared I'll cave in at some point.

Just back from CA meeting, ready for a cosy night in with my dh and younger DS. Feel so fortunate to have that place to go to and not to be stuck in the darkness of active addiction/alcoholism anymore.

Love and a happy sober Saturday night to all.

Happy sober night all - my favourite tipple is bottle green lime and coconut with diet lemonade - yum !!!

Life so muh better sober x