is anyone interested in an alchohol-free / addiction thread?

[youretoastmildred]

My name is youretoastmildred, and I am an alcoholic.

I am 42 days alcohol free.
have been a problem drinker for a long time and have often convinced myself that moderate drinking will be fine. It never stays moderate.
In this 42 days there have been certain key people that I have not had to see. I have 2 events coming up with them that will be massive triggers and I am looking for support (and very very willing to offer what support I can to anyone else)

I have lurked on Brave Babes and it seems to be a thread of successfully moderate drinkers, and alcoholics who can't / don't actually stop. (The poster who started those threads by stopping completely isn't there: I also remember some 12 step nondrinkers from the early days who don't seem to be there any more. There are a lot of posts by people enumerating what they are having or will have and whether or not this is ok but I don't see much actual NOT DRINKING EVER which is what I need to do)

By contrast, the AA meeting that I attend, while it will always have a couple of people back after a relapse, is mostly packed with people with months and years sober.

Is anyone interested in an actual not-drinking or beating other addictions thread? I am NOT saying I am not interested in talking to those who relapse. I am saying that I DO want to talk to people who aim to stop drinking.

any takers?

Weregoingtothezoo, the guilt and shame is awful. It makes me feel like the lowest of the low.
I have frequently put my desire to drink above my children's welfare. That is really hard to admit but I have.
I have never drank and driven. I haven't driven for years anyway so maybe that is more lack of opportunity but I have been drunk in charge of them.

I am really really good at hiding it too. My OH has only caught me out a couple of times. There's been other times when he's come in from work and I've been sitting with the kids half cut.

I've become really sneaky, devious and clever at hiding my intake.
Hiding drink, replacing it, disposing secretly of empties.

Even putting booze into a soft drink container.

I have AF for 3 days now with absolutely no ill effects. Been visiting friends (non drinkers) for half term but returning home on the train with the kids tonight to OH who will have an opened bottle of wine or some cider waiting to welcome me home.

And zoo, sorry you're in pain post recovery. If were me no doubt I'd be buzzing "inappropriately" on prescription painkillers.
Always chasing a false high.
Am also so sorry about your daughter.

You were a sick person. I could very easily lose my children if I continue down this self destructive path.
It's terrifying.

sorcha how lovely that your dh didn't drink as well. That is wonderful. My DH has just gone shopping and I asked him to get me some more sparkly water and said 'I have to stay on the straight and narrow' in a jokey way. He sort of laughed and said, ' good idea for a few days' so I said that this time I realised it was too risky for me to ever drink again, and i was doing my best to achieve that. I'm not 100% sure he believes me as I have done it before but I know he supports me.
Hum hiding the drink - yes, becoming more inventive every time :(
zoo massive thoughts from me too x

Well in having a ridiculous time - my older DS is having an enormous tantrum and I've sneaked out for 5 minutes peace and a fag. Hope he calms down soon! I'm amazingly managing to stay calm myself though, which is helping.

Life on life's terms in all it's glory!

Oh god!! How old is he?

6 going on 15 going on 2!
From teenage moodiness to toddler tantrums in a few easy steps ;)

This train journey could be interesting. There's two middle aged couples getting stuck into the Stella and Strongbow.
Getting more raucous at every stop.

Am stupidly and ridiculously, considering my previous posts very jealous and irritated.

Enid, I also have a child who ranges between a sweet 6 yr old to a scathing, shouts 16 yr old then back to the terrible twos.
For now the iPad and headphones are working their magic so all is calm.
For now anyway.

I've just got back to work after my favourite lunchtime AA meeting- lovely food, great company, lots of laughs. One lady I just adore, I call her 'fuck granny' as she has 41 yrs sobriety, has to be at least 80, and says 'fuck' more than I do. She cracks me up, and it makes me happy just to be in a room with her.

Not to say she's had it easy. She said today 'last time I said things couldn't get any worse, my house burnt down'. But she's coped, and stayed sober. With the help of AA and her friends.

Again, I know it isn't for everyone, but where AA is great for me is in hearing the stories of how other people get/got trhough the shit in their loves. how they dragged themselves sometimes literally off the streets, and rebuilt. Sometimes just hearing someone has it worse is enough to keep me sober just this one more day.

Twenty four hour repreive ladies. (and gents?). This 24 hours, we are doing it.

My name is Flores and I am not an alcoholic but so easily could be. I've poured the spirits down the sink. DD has an eating disorder and I have to think about her as well. Every meal she experiences 'tantrums in her head' and sometimes at me. Sometimes I don't do so well not to get drawn in. I am the first to admit that I am not brilliant at dealing with all this, I've done and said plenty that I am ashamed of sober (it is all new and frustrating and I have a lot to learn) but have to tell myself alcohol will not help.

Welcome new posters. I also an inner battle with myself which I usually lose

My eldest child has autism and learning difficulties.
Have kidded myself that drinking is my way of coping.
Why though? Time and time again I've proven to myself that it only makes everything a hundred times worse.

Welcome new posters. I have an inner battle with myself which I usually lose

My eldest child has autism and learning difficulties.
Have kidded myself that drinking is my way of coping.
Why though? Time and time again I've proven to myself that it only makes everything a hundred times worse.

Great to see more posters here.

humolive well done on your three days!! Hope the train journey isnt too bad. I tend to find that once people have had a bit to drink I find them quite tedious. And I used to think I was the wittiest person around when I had had a few!! I have done all the things you describe and more, please try not to beat yourself up too much. You are three days sober and think how much better you will feel waking up sober tomorrow, at least you wont be adding to the guilt pile. You arent on your own, you have us now

Thank you jellytots. It's a relief to be honest with people who understand.
My problem feels too big, shameful and hideous to admit in real life.

Hi all,

My this thread moves fast! Day 4. Am feeling pretty intimidated by the stories here. I've never been in treatment, nor lost jobs or families, nor been to an AA meeting, nor considered defined self-harm, nor have years of sobriety or stacked with theories other than my own, nor even sought assistance outside of my immediate network.I have done some very very risky things, but the scale is child's play compared. I'd like to confess but it seems sort of 'inadequate'. Shameful and reprehensible yes. (nothing inter-personally abusive at all).

I subscribe to mildred's schema and rules totally though. Just struggling to find a place here tbh.

loveday there's a useful word which is 'yet'.

I haven't lost a job/home/children/licence...yet. Because if I'd carried on/picked up again...fast forward, and I would lose all those things and more.

It's a progressive illness. In a horrid exponential way. One glass becomes a bottle. One bottle becomes two. Wine becomes vodka because it's easier to hide. Right up to the gates of hell, and then...

It doesn't matter what you drank/how much...the feeling is the same. And gosh it's nice to be free of that.

Loveday, it's not a competition as to who is the biggest pisshead.
Why feel inadequate? Whatever has lead you to this thread, no matter how big or small your perceive your problem to be, the fact remains that many of us will be able to identify with you in some way.

Evening :) - great to hear other peoples stories - I am in awe of you all.

Even when having the odd drink over the past few weeks I have not drank at the weekend as I knew that would have been e beginning of the end for me. Feel good - except for my health anxiety but hey Ho :). Hope everyone has a great, sober evening :)

And as stinkingbishop rightly points out, it's a "yet" for me too.
If I carry on down the path I'm on I will lose my children, my partner and then inevitably my sanity and my life.

I'm not being dramatic. I have been very close to "not giving a shit" and choosing getting wasted over everything else.
It is scary and terrifying.

Thanks, esp for the 'yet'. I really know I could have been totally sunk if circumstances were different at times, and still could be if I carried on, and I've been very lucky indeed.

I'm of the opinion that if you think you have a problem, that's good enough. I used to drink 40units/day - but I have a chap comes to "my" SR group who used to drink towards 100. And another lady who "only" drinks 10 (as a bottle of wine a day). Its a moot point - and don't ever not seek help because you don't think its "bad enough". If you think its a problem, there's people out there that will be there for you without judging you.
HumOlive - we call that the big red "fukkit" button - and its not to be pressed under any circumstances!

HumOlive I can so relate to this "My problem feels too big, shameful and hideous to admit in real life."

I am deeply ashamed that I cannot just be 'normal' ; drink normally and then leave it - even get 'a bit' tipsy once in a while. But I can't. I don't know why I have no off button, but i don't.

You make your problem shameful - its your own brain putting that pressure on you. And who says you HAVE to drink "normally" (whatever that is).

Have a think about these Confidence Building and Anxiety-Reducing Rational Beliefs.

-Just because things are not succeeding today does not mean I'm a "no-hoper" or that I will not succeed in the future.
-While it is very desirable to achieve well and be recognized by others, I do not need achievement or recognition to survive and be happy.
-Mistakes and rejections are inevitable. I will work hard at accepting myself while hating my mistakes and setbacks.
-My performance at work - perfect or otherwise - does not determine my worth as a person.
-Things are rarely as bad, awful, or catastrophic as I imagine them to be.
-I accept who I am, even though I may not like some of my traits and behaviours.
-There are many things about me that I like and do well (enumerate them).
-I have done many things at work successfully in the past, I will succeed in the future.
-I am intelligent and talented enough to learn what I have to do and how to do it in order to accomplish my goals.
-I am confident that everything will turn out okay given that I have my goals, know what to do, and work hard

loveday please dont feel intimidated, this is just a place to share our experiences honestly and help others. Yet, is a key word. You recognise that alcohol is a problem in your life and you are trying to do something about it, thats great. I do believe that it is progressive, my drinking got worse as the years went on and it could have got much worse than it it did. I'm glad we're all here and sober, and that is a miracle!! Yay! xx