is anyone interested in an alchohol-free / addiction thread?

[youretoastmildred]

My name is youretoastmildred, and I am an alcoholic.

I am 42 days alcohol free.
have been a problem drinker for a long time and have often convinced myself that moderate drinking will be fine. It never stays moderate.
In this 42 days there have been certain key people that I have not had to see. I have 2 events coming up with them that will be massive triggers and I am looking for support (and very very willing to offer what support I can to anyone else)

I have lurked on Brave Babes and it seems to be a thread of successfully moderate drinkers, and alcoholics who can't / don't actually stop. (The poster who started those threads by stopping completely isn't there: I also remember some 12 step nondrinkers from the early days who don't seem to be there any more. There are a lot of posts by people enumerating what they are having or will have and whether or not this is ok but I don't see much actual NOT DRINKING EVER which is what I need to do)

By contrast, the AA meeting that I attend, while it will always have a couple of people back after a relapse, is mostly packed with people with months and years sober.

Is anyone interested in an actual not-drinking or beating other addictions thread? I am NOT saying I am not interested in talking to those who relapse. I am saying that I DO want to talk to people who aim to stop drinking.

any takers?

Good morning everyone. I have lurked on the brave BBB Bus and whilst it is the thread for some, it's not for me.

Unluckily for me I have quite a serious problem with alcohol. I want to give and receive support focused on that.
Without sounding miserable, I'm not so keen to discuss the day to day ins and outs of my life.
Suffice to say I am a mother of young children. I have a partner.

Enid, he also fails to see why I can't drink "normally" whilst also encouraging me to just have one or two to be sociable.

I want to believe him that that is actually possible. I am pretty sure it isn't.
To be brutally honest moderate drinking holds no allure for me.
That's pretty sad isn't it?

HumOlive not necessarily sad. Lots of people don't drink, not because they are problem drinkers, but because they don't want to. I work with a very charming, jolly lady who is the life and soul of the party and doesn't touch a drop. She is not interested in drinking and never has been. I don't think we will hear much from people like that on here as they don't need a support group to stay away from alcohol, but they exist, and not being interested in moderate social drinking need not be sad.

Sorry to hear that your dp doesn't get it.

I drank to get drunk, I never wanted to just have one or two, I couldn't see the point in that. I always knew I'd rather have nothing than have 1 or 2 then have to stop - that was torture. I generally drank till it was finished or I passed out whichever came first.

btw I am one of those people, but with pudding. I don't like pudding. I don't like it when people try to make me eat it because they assume I am refusing because I want to be thinner. I just don't have a sweet tooth. Salt tooth, yes; fat tooth, a world of yes; sweet tooth, not so much. This is not sad. I am not sad because I don't eat pudding. I am trying to think of it this way.

Totally identify with that. Having just one or two drinks is torture for me. It ignites the urge to get drunk but leads nowhere.

I'd also rather not bother than have one.
Classic problem drinker?

The way I see it us social drinkers can have a drink AND a life, the way it is for me is I can have a drink OR a life. Today I'm choosing to live :)

Is not us! None of us sound like social drinkers!

Stinkingbishop - I'm so glad you posted that, it's bang on (except I thought it was D2). Its been suggested that 10% of problem drinkers can go back to moderation. That means 90% can't. Not good odds.

'I generally drank till it was finished or I passed out whichever came first.'

That is exactly, exactly how I was . I used to despise social drinkers - WTF was wrong with them?

Now I quite envy them. I'd love to be able to do that. Enjoy a glass of wine for what it is, and then stop. I can remember how good the first drink tastes, but unfortunately there's a whole load after that that I can't remember, because after that first one it all got a bit ... hairy, to say the least .

Much, much happier to be out of its clutches now.

By the way, I would like to say that I have huge respect for Mouse and the intentions behind the Brave Babes threads. But I am too extreme to be a moderate drinker so that's never going to be an option for me.

I'm very jealous of social drinkers. After that first drink I'm always chasing another and another to keep the high, happy, relaxed feeling going. Inevitably I overdo it and go wayyy wayyy past that point and descend into being drunk, slurring, being argumentative, falling asleep or more accurately passing out.
I don't even enjoy the taste of alcohol that much!!!

I'd love to appreciate a nice glass of wine (maximum 3) every now and again but my off switch is seriously fucked.
So it's possible for only 10% of problem drinkers. I would suspect that 10% did at sometime in their drinking history drink purely for the taste.

Hi everyone,

I'd like to join please? I am new to Mumsnet and have been watching this thread and would love to get involved. I think we all need the support wherever it comes from. Personally, for me, when I got sober it was the relief that I was no longer on my own. I thought that I was the only mad woman who drank all the time and that I would be destined to drink myself to death as I could not see how to stop.

Thankfully its not like that today!!

To anyone thats struggling I would say that it is hard in the beginning but its so worth it and if I can (and I was a very hopeless alcoholic) then anyone can,

lots love, xx

Hi Jellytots. welcome. Have you been sober for a long time?

I have just had a flashback to a pang of envy I had in about 1995 when I was first at work; a bunch of people were going to the pub on a sunny Friday evening; one of my friends didn't want to come because she was in the middle of a painting and wanted to go home and finish it. I was so jealous of her.... security. I didn't actually dare be on my own on a sunny Friday evening. I was exhausted with booze and socialising and couldn't see how to get out of it.
I can be her, now! I can be a calm person getting on with something I enjoy.

I drank to get drunk, I never wanted to just have one or two, I couldn't see the point in that. I always knew I'd rather have nothing than have 1 or 2 then have to stop - that was torture.

So much this!! One of the reasons I would never had even a glass of wine during pregnancies. I couldn't see the point if I couldn't get slaughtered. Or having a glass of wine with friends at lunch. I knew they would probably go home and have a cup of tea, me I picked up a bottle on the way home. It's like once I had a taste of it, there was no stopping me until I hit - and passed - my limit.

Welcome jellytots.

Would love to hear more about you.

I never know how bad it has to get to hit rock bottom and I would class myself as a "hopeless alcoholic".

My drinking pattern is like a flow chart with some seriously low dips, straight lines and highs. Mostly dips and straight lines tbh.
I have had the darkest, most hopeless days where I've drank as soon as the kids were taken to school or even before I took them to school. Deeply shameful.
I have a lot more days (the majority) where I am a normal "mum" and drink doesn't even enter my head. This can be for weeks.
Bottom line is I am scared my drinking could one day rob me of everything good in my life. I am sometimes walking a very close line.

Hey, Olive - are you seeking any help anywhere else? Because its reasonable to assume it will start to rob you of things.
I still miss my 1st ex, 19 years on. Thanks booze. Or more properly, well done me..Not.

My experience of rock bottom is that there wasn't one defined rock bottom as I relapsed a few times and discovered that things could always get worse. The final rock bottom is of course, death.

It was explained to me in rehab that you can think of it as being on a train track - once you realise you've lost control of your drinking and you're on that track you can get off as soon as you want - you don't have to stay on till the terminus (death again! Sorry to be gloomy but I've been to a number of funerals, that's the reality). Realising that you're an alcoholic or a problem drinker or whatever you're most comfortable saying BEFORE you've lost too much is a gift. You can take action now rather than waiting for things to get worse. Living in the uncertainty of what the next disaster would be (and there always was a next one) was like living in a constant fog of impending doom for me, waiting for the axe to fall. And all the while, each bad thing that happened made me feel a little bit worse about myself and a little more frightened. I don't live like that now and it is so much more relaxing.

If alcohol is Mohammed Ali and it keeps beating me then I don't fight anymore - I just don't get in the ring.

I have a friend who lives at the other end of the country who was in a similar position to me. She has been dry for a couple of years now.
I have seen the GP (twice) and both times was advised to "just cut down".
I have no wish to go down the AA route. I know it is not for me.
I attended a couple of meetings a few years back.
I do lurk on a site called Bright Eye which has loads of practical tips and psychological support.

I'm sorry

I shouldn't have posted

knee jerk reaction to stand up for Mouse and co.

I realise I was being stupid

Good Luck all

giving up drinking alcohol is the best decision I ever made

Brighteye is excellent, if a little unstructured. See my posts for my journey - same username.

olive you could try some other meetings maybe? I used to be SOOOO anti-AA. But it really is working for me now. Maybe you weren't ready? Or it wasn't a great group of people? You still get sober nutters .

One of the issues I had was women were in the minority...so I started doing lunchtime meetings in the very naice local city...they were a bit like MN meet ups. With less gin...

Hi,

Alcohol took everything from me until it was just me and the bottle at the end. My marriage had fallen apart and my youngest daughter was five, my elder daughter, 15. They lived with their father as I was incapable of anything other than being drunk at the end.

I got sober in January 2006, my elder daughter came back to live with me straight away. My youngest, (now13), lives with me half the week and most of the school holidays.

I have a life now, a home, family, partner, job etc and I am happier than I have ever been. It is a journey, sobriety, not a destination for me. I have learnt so much about myself. Its not easy and I have the same ups and downs as everyone esle.

One thing I know "that NOTHING would or could be made better by taking a drink" and in my case it would be a hell of a lot worse. I was interested to read further up the thread (or is it down?) about the theory that ten per cent of problem drinkers could return to normal drinking. I never drank normally so I dont see how that would work for me but also I am just not interested in even trying it. Life today, without alcohol is so much better than a life with it.

Hope I havent rambled on too much and I'm very interested to learn more about different pathways to sobriety. I have heard more on this thread about them than I realised,

thanks everyone!!

www.moderation.org/whatisMM.shtml

Its not for me - I have no idea if I can moderate or not, and I have no intention of trying. The climb out of the pit was difficult enough, without going back there.
However, posted for impartiality.

I think that, when you're on a life raft from almost certain death, you get pretty proud and defensive of that life raft.
Whether that be AA or Smart or God or the Brave Babes.
It's hard to ensure there's a line between that certainty and saying that our own life raft is the only or the best or that anyone that says otherwise is wrong/evil/"dissing" us.

Most of the posts here have been entirely of the former variety, singing the praises of the vehicle that took is from drowning to surviving, living and eventually thriving. I am glad to be somewhere where that is the case and sobriety is the goal. And ensuring the absence of the 'cult of personality' is very difficult on long running MN threads in my opinion - however I would say that not seeking it is probably a reasonable hallmark of sobriety.

On a personal note, I am really struggling with my mobility. I had reconstructive surgery 8 weeks ago and am relearning to walk. I've had numerous falls, my legs both hurt, and I am exhausted. All I want to do is to get in to bed and sleep, and yet I am worried that I am using sleep as oblivion, as an alternative way to escape from feeling, because the feelings of discouragement and fear are so overwhelming.

But seriously it doesn't cross my mind to drink. And that is a miracle in any definition.

jellytots my story is quite similar to yours, except my daughter was taken for good. I am so pleased to read that your children came back and that the bond was still there.

HumOlive that shame can go now. The guilt will continue to torture you for as long as you carry it. You were very sick and you did some things you know to be wrong. Can you forgive yourself? If not, can you imagine that I and probably others on here did the same thing, do you feel condemnation for us? I struggle still with self forgiveness, but I find it easy to say these things to you, and that's how I work at forgiving myself, to love myself in the way I want to love others.

Sorry not to namecheck more but really glad to read all that has been written.

Well, I have done my run (3.3k in 20 mins - not bad) I promise I wonlt keep wittering about my running by the way, I'm still very proud of it at the moment and it feels new have cleaned the house, been followed around by a bored ds who has been muttering about school, the universe and everything all day -scream- and now waiting for dd to come home. Getting that restlessness thing - you know, hmm it's nearly evening and drink time. Waiting for all the banal 'wine oclock' statuses from my friends and sure to get irritated. HOWEVER, I will wake up well . So many good and positive stories here, and so much support. This is lovely

Enid what you say makes perfect sense

"you can think of it as being on a train track - once you realise you've lost control of your drinking and you're on that track you can get off as soon as you want - you don't have to stay on till the terminus (death again! Sorry to be gloomy but I've been to a number of funerals, that's the reality). Realising that you're an alcoholic or a problem drinker or whatever you're most comfortable saying BEFORE you've lost too much is a gift. You can take action now rather than waiting for things to get worse."

This is exactly what I am trying to do. so far I have been very lucky.But the disaster is coming if I don't stop drinking....

Today is day 5

I went out for lunch with DH. Booked as an anniversary 'present' for us. Normally we would have drunk at least 2 bottle of wine with lunch. Instead I offered to drive, DH opted not to drink too, so we had sparkling water and homemade lemonade with lunch. I feel relieved, proud, grateful to DH for supporting me, hopeful and angry that I cant be a social drinker - in about equal measure.

Humolive I have done some dreadful dreadful things when drunk. The shame is overwhelming when I think of some of them. Pleas try to be kind to yourself and forgive yourself.

Mr I love that you are running - I hope and intend that I will be again soon too

Zoo post operative fatigue is very common, be gentle to yourself and rest when you need to. I'm so sorry you lost your daughter, thats a high price to pay indeed

jellytots Hi . I find your story quite inspirational - thank you for sharing.

Sorcha