is anyone interested in an alchohol-free / addiction thread?

[youretoastmildred]

My name is youretoastmildred, and I am an alcoholic.

I am 42 days alcohol free.
have been a problem drinker for a long time and have often convinced myself that moderate drinking will be fine. It never stays moderate.
In this 42 days there have been certain key people that I have not had to see. I have 2 events coming up with them that will be massive triggers and I am looking for support (and very very willing to offer what support I can to anyone else)

I have lurked on Brave Babes and it seems to be a thread of successfully moderate drinkers, and alcoholics who can't / don't actually stop. (The poster who started those threads by stopping completely isn't there: I also remember some 12 step nondrinkers from the early days who don't seem to be there any more. There are a lot of posts by people enumerating what they are having or will have and whether or not this is ok but I don't see much actual NOT DRINKING EVER which is what I need to do)

By contrast, the AA meeting that I attend, while it will always have a couple of people back after a relapse, is mostly packed with people with months and years sober.

Is anyone interested in an actual not-drinking or beating other addictions thread? I am NOT saying I am not interested in talking to those who relapse. I am saying that I DO want to talk to people who aim to stop drinking.

any takers?

I think social drinkers will always struggle to understand mr. I was in a relationship a few years ago with someone and we had those same conversations, why don't you just take it easy? Why do you always take it so far? Etc. it was baffling for both of us as neither of us at that point could understand why I just couldn't do those things. But I definitely couldn't.

Day 5 - FANTASTIC! I still get a kick out of waking up feeling well, I spent literally years trudging through my life feeling like death warmed up.

MrMeanour, very impressed with your running. Have you always done it, or is it something you started from zero? I have just finally had my pelvis fixed by an osteo (I hope) after years of spd. I am considering running but I am not a natural - the only time I have ever done it was in 2008 when I had to couch to 5k by the book to get anywhere at all. Any advice?

I am in the office today. I usually work from home on Fridays, but not today. I am realising only now that this is a massive potential trigger - THAT FRIDAY FEELING. OK, now I have spotted that I know what to do.

And the weekend coming. parents staying. Oh my goodness I need a sentence. Can't think of one. Will need to think of one today.

Nice to hear from you all. Have a good day

Hi lonnika very welcome :-)

Mr WELL DONE, !!! seriously, breaking habit, drinking on a Thursday evening - is really good. Feel pleased and proud, Enjoy your run - I use to run and hope to get back to it soon - Its hard to run when you drink alot and I loved it.

Today I am going out for lunch with DH. I plan to tell him about my decision not to drink. I have written it all down, all the fear and shame and horrors.. in case I bottle out ...

toast what kind of sentence? To explain why you're not drinking? Are you going to ask them not to either?

Hi Lonnika - x-posted

I think lots of people are heading for their first weekend. Also lots of people (me!) are always going to find weekends potential danger points. Anyone want to talk about plans and strategies?
For me:

have lots of fizzy water ready chilled, and some limes
develop a casual sentence that I can use to brush away questions from my parents about drinking
Come up with an excuse to go to bed early, pretend to have a nasty cold if necessary, give myself permission to just go upstairs, get into bed - and post here probably
Get some nice food in
take it a tiny bit at a time and don't project and don't catastrophise

anyone else want to say?

Please dont dis the brave babes

I am one of them
I'm 15 months sober but it took me a long time to make the decision

Think of the good things about sober evenings - for me it is being able to watch films to the end without falling asleep at nine.

I would never dis the brave babes :)

I really need to reiterate I, and SR, have no issues with any other recovery method. I just choose SR because I like it, and it works for me.
I want to support people on here, I don't (and won't) get into debate about which method is better. Take bits from whichever one you want, discard the bits that don't work - just get better ;-)

Trin
15 months - well done - hat off to you.

I am not "dis"ing anyone by deciding to go somewhere else and do something differently. Please don't come on here and use loaded words like that - this is a different thread for different people who need different things.

The most prominent poster on all the BB threads, who starts them all, and is a de facto "leader", is a moderate drinker. That absolutely does not work for me.
Nor does the very fluffy dynamic, which I get has arisen in a spirit of caring for the vulnerable, and I know some people love it there, and I am glad anyone who needs help is getting what they need.

I wish them all the very best but I need and want a different dynamic, which is allowed.

Sorry to be clear - I have nothing against moderate drinkers! I admire them, especially if they arrived at it from an "immoderate" place. But holding out the hope to myself that I can be one, one day, will probably land me in hospital or worse

I don't think anyone was asking for a debate powellct? Or saying one method was better than another. I wasn't certainly, was just giving my own perspective on what's worked for me and I got the impression that's what sb was doing too.

I don't think anyone was dissing brave babes either, just saying it didn't 'fit' for them.

There's room for us at all.

Disrespecting the Babes? I've not seen any of it. Courses for horses, and this particular horse prefers the option of achieving and maintaining abstinence (actually it's more than just a preference, to me it's an evidence-based necessity) - which is what this thread is about, rather than the Bus.
Room for all, no need to create a division.

Big pat on the back to you justlikeheaven. I am surrounded by heavy drinkers too, although I haven't had the courage to put myself into a situation with them yet. My neighbours had also invited me over yesterday. They had been drinking from Wednesday night and informed me that was them drinking until Sunday (yes one of them has a problem with alcohol). I refused and told them I was off it.

Don't know about stopping drinking but I do know when I stop smoking about a month later I get the dreaded 'quit zits' Mildred. Last time ds asked if I had chicken pox! I suppose it stands to reason you could get them as your body is working to get rid of all the toxins.

I'm reminded a bit of when you stop smoking and the way some smoking friends react to it. It's a bit similar to drinking. Maybe some drinkers don't like you stopping as it reminds them that possibly they need to address their own alcohol issues? If you're drinking, it validates it's ok for them to drink too? Or maybe I'm talking nonsense as I'm only up and haven't had my usual coffee quota yet :)

Hi lonnika

My take on it is that I wouldn't label myself other than to say I have problems moderating alcohol, but that could be the chicken way out :) I do know that I've always taken everything to excess. Back in the day I smoked dope heavily. Was in the club scene and took most of the drugs that circled around that scene and I took them to excess too. Luckily I never developed a problem and stopped very sharpish and haven't touched anything like that in years. Moderation is simply not in my nature. I have, dare I say it 'an addictive personality'

I for one am very very glad you started this thread, it is already proving a great space to get and give support based on a total abstinence basis. Softly softly never worked for me and trying to drink moderately did end in hospital visits and stays for me on a number of occasions.

So hurrah for you mildred and your having the bravery to create the space YOU needed and the generosity of spirit to share that space with the rest of us.

Thanks Enid! Thanks everyone who is posting here. I will be hanging on to you all in my head this weekend and I appreciate every single one of you who is making me feel not alone in this
thank you x

Sending you good vibes for the weekend Mildred. I'm also glad you started this thread

I started running in april - from never havng run in my life - started the C25K programme, but after two runs, buggered up my knee really badly. Got cross, sorted it out, got some proper trainers and started again in June. I didn't quite finish the programme but now just sort of 'free-run' . I can do around 4k in half an hur but usually do 3 - 3.5. It is amazing and I am really hooked. To be honest, I kept at it initially to stop me smoking (which has worked) and now I will use it to do the same with the drink. Nothing worse than trying to run when you feel woolly and sick and yukky!
I hope we don;t get into a fight wth the babes. I had some brilliant help from there in the past but now I know that i can't do moderate and don't want to, so this is ideal for me.

Thanks, BrokenEggshells.
Thanks MrMeanour that is inspiring!
I don't want to fight with the babes either. And there is no need to at all

I've started the c25k twice mr and never got very far. I need to try again but it's so COLD now I just can't face it, plus I'm back on the fags :(

No there is no need as somebody said 'horses for courses'. I've posted myself on the BB thread in the past and they are a lovely group of people just it doesn't work for me. Very easy for me to say one bottle at the weekend then before I know it it's four or five nights a week again.

I would love to be able to run but I have dodgy knees/ dodgy joints full stop. I was doing pilates for a while to try and build up my core muscles after having dd but they changed the class to a time I couldn't do. Need to start doing something and give up the fags as heart problems run through my family.

This thread is a lifeline for me as I inch my way through very early days of sobriety

I really really want to do it. This is partly because I am scared of what will happen if I do not, and partly because I am so tired of the way I feel all the time now.

Trin; many many congratulations on 15 months sober - that's a great achievement. I have seen no 'Dissing' of the BB threads. Just that for some people, and I think I am one, total abstinence is the only way it will work. And reading about people relapsing / moderating their drinking only offers ME personally more reasons NOT to take the decision to stop.

Eggs well done for surviving last night without drinking !

Mildred - i like your 'survival' plan. I will make something like that for myself

stinkingbishop - how you were sounds like my ex. he 'went' to AA and NA, but paid 'lip service' to the whole thing. He still does as is is smoking weed all the time..

This morning I spoke at length to DH about my alcohol issues and what I have decided to do. He was amazingly supportive and loving and pledged all his support to me. He admitted to having been more worried about my drinking than he has previously said. He asked me where I thought I would like to be in 6 months. I said I have no clue because I cant even look past lunchtime. I think he understood that, but I don't think he really understands like I do, that I have no off switch.... Anyway it feels good to have his love and support. We agreed that I should prioritise my sobriety - so if I don't feel like going out/seeing people/need to leave early I should just say....

Again, I'm sorry I have so little support to offer others. I am thinking of you. I'm so grateful to those of you who have been sober for a while and can 'give back' - I hope to be one of those soon...

Sorcha

Your dh sounds amazing Sorcha. I am glad he was able to be more upfront with you about what he thinks about your drinking and you have his full support.

It's a bright new day for us all. Have a good one.

"He asked me where I thought I would like to be in 6 months. I said I have no clue because I cant even look past lunchtime."

Oh that made me chuckle - but only because I've been there.....
11:00 on the dot I used to start, and just drink until I was a mess on the sofa.

Sorcha by sharing where you're at and the action your taking you are giving back.

sorcha one of the (many) things that really helped at the Priory was a lecture (just like being back at Uni!) from one of the psychiatrists about the latest theories on the neurology of addiction. Our brains are different. There is a genetic predisposition. Fact. That's not activated in everyone, but a combination of learnt behaviour, environment, what happens in our lives, an inability to deal with emotions beyond bottling them up...it gets switched on. There are two main problems:

1. We have a faulty 'D3 receptor'. That is the off switch in civilians. That's why once we pop, we can't stop.

1. Over time, we have f*cked our dopamine circuit. The happy hormone. Because we've been artificially stimulating it with alcohol/drugs, our brains stop producing it naturally, and so we're reliant on the substance just to feel normal, let alone happy. The issue is that circuit is, for some reason, the most important circuit in the brain. It's the pleasure/reward one. It's hard killing that mammoth but boy is it tasty. It even trumps our desire to protect our family (SO WE ARE NOT BAD MOTHERS!!! IT WAS OUR BRAINS!!!) and to stay alive (so that's why we were poisoning ourselves).

The good news is it DOES mend itself in sobriety. In fact, within a year or so (depending how long you've been abusing it) the circuit looks exactly the same as in a non-alcoholic.

But that's why we can never drink again. Because that pathway has been carved. And as soon as we put some booze in, our brains go 'aha! I remember that! when I used to have that stimulus, this is what I did...'

I hope I've remembered that all correctly .

I found this all really helpful for explaining to other people ie DP and DS, and also putting my own mind at rest, because the thought that I didn't love my DCs enough to put the drink down was a bloody good slice of masochism to drink more on...

The other thing (from AA) that has helped them is the explanation about it being a combination of a physical allergy (one sip, and it sets up a physiological craving) and a mental obsession. And that alcoholism has been defined as a chronic and fatal disease by the WHO since the 1950s. It's not an issue of willpower or morality. We are not bad people; we're just sick. But unlike someone who receives a terminal diagnosis, we CAN be in permanent remission, if we submit to the 'treatment' of whatever AA/SR etc programme it is that works for us. And, just as with chemo/dialysis, it would really help if they could be of practical and emotional help as we undergo that treatment.