IABU but Why am I so upset about this?

[ItCantBe]

DP just came into our room,I was asleep.
I'm 8 months pregnant,I have SPD and I'm in a lot of pain,he knew I'd been having trouble sleeping and that my legs ached.

He woke me up by pulling at the duvet which was wound between my legs,I'd finally found a comfortable position and fallen asleep about 30 mins previously.
I asked him to stop but he wouldn't,he kept pulling at it,shouting at me that he wanted it,he was cold and he needed it. I said to get another from the cupboard. This wasn't good enough for him and he kept pulling at the duvet,ripping it out from under me.
I was half asleep and confused and hurt,it hurt my hips a lot when he pulled the duvet away and i grabbed it back and yelled at him to go away. He still wouldn't let go and wouldn't leave.
I was freaked out,I screamed at him to get out. By this time he had the duvet he'd pulled it away really aggressively.I was on the bed completely exposed still half asleep and,quite frankly frightened. He kept yelling at me.
I screamed for him to get out about 6 times and i actually slapped him before he finally did.
I cannot stop crying and shaking.
I know I acted like a nutcase,but I don't understand why he did this?
Why wouldn't he leave when I was obviously upset?
Why didn't he care that he was scaring me?
Why did he want the duvet so much that he was willing to wake me up by pulling it off me and shouting at me? There are plenty of other duvets and blankets etc.
I don't even understand why I acted the way I did,I've never hit anyone in my life,but I felt totally helpless and I just wanted to make him leave.
He pretended to cry when he left,it was really obviously not real crying and he was acting so oddly. I just don't understand.

I can't sleep,I'm so shaken up by the whole,weird incident. Its so ridiculous. It's just a freaking duvet.

Someone tell me WTF just happened and why I'm so upset.please.
Please don't flame me,I know I acted badly. I feel like a nutcase.

[ItCantBe]

RTWT Hell and you'll see answers to all those questions.
You're making this worse you know.

[CinnabarRed]

If she was asleep how do you know he didn't plan to get into bed?

Because he was fully clothed and on her side of the bed

[ItCantBe]

I could ask but he wouldn't go.
I would leave but I have no where to go.

Either we're together,or I'll be looking for a rental property. There's no middle ground because he won't leave temporarily and I can't.

[HellYeah3]

I don't know what RTWT means.
Of course I'm not making you feel better as I'm not up in arms about how awful pulling covers is to get into his own bed. Not once have I seem you meantion the shouting and how the kids would feel which is what I would be most worried about not what tv program he was watching ffs.
I'm going to leave as obviously you don't want to be told anything other that how awful it was etc.

[HellYeah3]

One last thing calm down before you make any rash decisions you can't easily unsay/do

[Mmmango]

Have you replied to his text? Maybe just to say, 'You really scared me' ?

[Grennie]

ItCantBe - I am so sorry you are having to go through this, and then also having to listen to idiots here who have their own agenda.

Nobody should be put in the position of being scared of their own partner. That was unacceptable of him.

A heavily pregnant partner in a lot of pain, should be treated gently and with love.

In your situation, I would ring Women's Aid and get some advice from them.

The most common time for domestic violence to start, is when a woman is pregnant. He deliberately hurt and scared you. A loving partner would not do this.

[Grennie]

Hell - Maybe the OP's partner should have taken that advice and thought before he deliberately hurt and scared his heavily pregnant partner?

[Viviennemary]

I don't think this is about the ins and outs of whether somebody is entitled to a fair share of a duvet. (I am a notorious blanket snatcher. But the OP was treated in a rough and unkind manner and that just isn't acceptable.

[VanitasVanitatum]

Please just ignore hell, just stop responding. If a poster refuses to read what you have written in answer to them, you don't need to write it again. Focus on all the helpful responses. Everyone can see the man was not just trying to get some covers to get into bed.

He knew you were in pain, he sympathised that you could not get comfortable enough to sleep. Any person should be prepared to have a little inconvenience like a duvet that they do not like best to spare their ill partner some pain or suffering. Sleep deprivation is suffering.

He sounds like he has some serious issues with your condition and the consequences of it.

[VanitasVanitatum]

That should say everyone else can see. If he just wanted covers he would have gently tried to pull a bit out. Frankly I don't agree that he should even do that when there are spare covers. You are pregnant with your joint child, he should help with your suffering not hinder.

[ItCantBe]

The DC where asleep a floor up and there are two doors a hallway and a stair case between us. We have a monitor on and they didn't wake up,believe me,they let you know if they're awake.


I have replied saying he hurt and frightened me.
He replied saying 'sorry-but'


I've asked him not to come back here. I doubt he'll listen though.

[Grennie]

Sorry but - means he is not really sorry. He still thinks what he did was fine.

[ItCantBe]

Exactly.

[SmilesandSunshine]

Hell, don't let the door hit you in the backside on the way out will you.

[Grennie]

But he doesn't think what he did was wrong. This is a major red flag.

[ImperialFucker]

Is there somewhere he could stay? Does he have a friend or family he can stay with?

[Thumbfuckerwitch]

X-post - his "apology" is crap.
Unfortunately it's almost impossible to create the same sort of pain that you have in him - but you could try asking him how he'd feel if the front of his pelvis, just above his cock, had been smashed by a sledgehammer and then you came along and twisted his legs - he might start to get the picture then.

Can't believe he did this over wanting one particular duvet when you had others available, that is SUCH shit. What a twat.

[lubeybooby]

'sorry but' nothing... I stick by what i said last night that he could easily have been kind and not hurt you. He made a choice to be actively nasty.

[ItCantBe]

Yes He does. But I very much doubt he will. I have nowhere to go unfortunately or I'd probably already have left.

[Grennie]

Why don't you ring your local Women's Aid and see if they can help?

[ItCantBe]

That feels a bit extreme at the moment Grennie but I'll bear it in mind.

[Grennie]

Many women think they can only ring Women's Aid if they are being battered for months. That is not true. Your situation is bad enough that you have said you would leave if you had somewhere to go. Women's Aid is there to help women like you. They may not be able to give you somewhere to live, but they will be able to give you professional advice.

Of course, everyone here will also help and support you as much as we can.

[Inthequietcoach]

I had SPD first pg, it is agony. But even if you did not have SPD, you were asleep, he could have got a spare duvet and gone to bed, if you were wrapped in it. His response is unfathomable, unless, picking up on the comments about him having to do more, he is resenting this and you. But he was still able to go out drinkng while you, with spd, were looking after other dcs, so not a lot to complain about. He sounds selfish, and he persisted when hearing you in pain and when given a clear alternative.

You slapping him sounds defensive. Not an excuse, but that is what it sounds like.

I can see why you are upset. What 'but' did he offer after the sorry?