IABU but Why am I so upset about this?

[ItCantBe]

DP just came into our room,I was asleep.
I'm 8 months pregnant,I have SPD and I'm in a lot of pain,he knew I'd been having trouble sleeping and that my legs ached.

He woke me up by pulling at the duvet which was wound between my legs,I'd finally found a comfortable position and fallen asleep about 30 mins previously.
I asked him to stop but he wouldn't,he kept pulling at it,shouting at me that he wanted it,he was cold and he needed it. I said to get another from the cupboard. This wasn't good enough for him and he kept pulling at the duvet,ripping it out from under me.
I was half asleep and confused and hurt,it hurt my hips a lot when he pulled the duvet away and i grabbed it back and yelled at him to go away. He still wouldn't let go and wouldn't leave.
I was freaked out,I screamed at him to get out. By this time he had the duvet he'd pulled it away really aggressively.I was on the bed completely exposed still half asleep and,quite frankly frightened. He kept yelling at me.
I screamed for him to get out about 6 times and i actually slapped him before he finally did.
I cannot stop crying and shaking.
I know I acted like a nutcase,but I don't understand why he did this?
Why wouldn't he leave when I was obviously upset?
Why didn't he care that he was scaring me?
Why did he want the duvet so much that he was willing to wake me up by pulling it off me and shouting at me? There are plenty of other duvets and blankets etc.
I don't even understand why I acted the way I did,I've never hit anyone in my life,but I felt totally helpless and I just wanted to make him leave.
He pretended to cry when he left,it was really obviously not real crying and he was acting so oddly. I just don't understand.

I can't sleep,I'm so shaken up by the whole,weird incident. Its so ridiculous. It's just a freaking duvet.

Someone tell me WTF just happened and why I'm so upset.please.
Please don't flame me,I know I acted badly. I feel like a nutcase.

[ImperialFucker]

When he came into your room at 3 am to use the en suite, could he have used another bathroom/loo?

[ItCantBe]

No,not really.

[ImperialFucker]

Does he have a quilt when he falls asleep downstairs?

[ImperialFucker]

So there's just one toilet?

[ImperialFucker]

I don't mean that in a bad way! Just that if there's just one, it's not normally in an en suite.

[mrsspagbol]

All i can think is that he might have taken drugs at the pub?

[ItCantBe]

It's a weird old house hence we could afford it there is one 'en suite' which is actually the family bathroom,and there's an outdoor toilet.
He has a blanket downstairs,several in fact,and a single duvet easily accessible in the cupboard in our room.

[SoupDragon]

What on earth do I say to him? I don't even know where to begin.

You could start with apologising for slapping him if you haven't already. Then go from there.

[EllieInTheRoom]

Although I would never condone a slap from either sex, I have to admit when I first read this, I interpreted it as self defence. Also when you are in that much pain, you would have felt under attack even more.

I have had similar with my STBXH. When sleep is so scarce and precious and they wake you so inconsiderately, you feel at the end of your tether.

Not knowing you wanted the whole duvet and wanting to share it is no excuse for this. You're exhausted, very pregnant and in pain. He should have been pleased to see you finally sleeping and left you to it.

Hope you sort it out and get some rest soon x

[CiderBomb]

I can only imagine what the outcry would be on here if the the story was the other way around and the OP's husband had slapped her, not vice verse...

Dress it up all you like, but the OP physically assaulted her DH. And all over what? A sodding duvet!

[waltermittymissus]

Firstly, he fully deserved the slap the way he was acting aggressively

You're going to have to explain that one to me because I'm reading an argument where one party hit the other.

Would you be saying it was self defence if the genders were reversed? Honestly?

[ItCantBe]

Yes cider,I acknowledged it was unacceptable.

He was standing over me at the time holding both duvets and shouting at me,whilst I was exposed,in pain,half asleep very confused and frightened.

And yes,all over a sodding duvet.
All because I had been in pain all day.
All because it was 2 in the morning and I'd been trying to get comfortable e ough to sleep since 9pm.
All because I'd finally found a tiny bit of comfort.
And he decided I didn't deserve that,because he needed a particular duvet more.

So he came into the bedroom,ripped it from under me shouting at me whilst I was asleep.

And still I know I shouldn't have slapped him. I should have let him take the duvet and put up with the pain and fright.

[EllieInTheRoom]

Ciderbomb She did but he attacked her too. He may not have realised he was in the first instance, but anything after the first pull of the duvet was an attack. He might not have hit her directly, but it was underneath her, involved physical force and was causing her pain

[ItCantBe]

The genders couldn't be reversed though could they?

I've never met a man who's 8 months pregnant with SPD before.

I was scared,he was aggressive and the strength with which he pulled the duvet away was shocking.

[captainmummy]

Cider - she is pregnant, was asleep, exhausted and in pain. She did not assualt him - no way. She acted in self-defence of someone who was confusing her, causing her pain and shouting at her. That is self-defence.

It is natural to hit back at someone who is inflicting pain on you.

[Hawkmoth]

Drugs? Sleep walking? What??!

Apart from wondering what he was doing until 2am...

He hurt you. He knew he was hurting you. He bullied and cornered you. He frightened and intimidated you. You were afraid for your safety and you acted in self defence.

You didn't do anything wrong. It's an abusive tactic to push and push a weaker person so they lash out and you can then put all the blame on them. At least some part of him knew that.

What's wrong with all these people excusing his behaviour? What he did could have caused a serious problem. That kind of injury with SPD can put you in a wheelchair. "Stop" means "stop".

[HellYeah3]

My god imagine if it was the other way round and he slapped her for shouting. That would be dv and you would all be telling her to leave him etc. if you need the whole duvet and you know he doesn't like the spare one then why didn't you get the spare one out before bed especially if you knew he had fallen asleep and would most likely come to bed still half asleep. Quite frankly you sound really self centered and it should be you apologising never mind saying his isn't enough. Maybe he is fed up with the fact he can never get into his own bed at night.

[CiderBomb]

An attack, really? I read it as man goes to bed, gets in, simply doesn't think and pulls the duvet off his sleeping partner who then has a go at him for it.

[HellYeah3]

You can still be in pain and exhausted without being pregnant you know.

[ItCantBe]

He didn't get into bed.

He came in the room,walked around to my side stood over me,shouting and ripping the duvet off the bed and out from under me.

The other duvet is a single and isn't big enough to go under my bump and in between my legs enough to support my hips.

He knows this.

He doesn't come to bed because he'd rather stay up downstairs watching TV.
He's always done this,it's not because I'm taking up all the bed.

[ItCantBe]

Yes I know that Hell I have HMS and I'm often in pain.

[TheFuckersonInquiry]

A couple who have an argument that results in DV should get some counselling shouldn't they? It's quite an extreme situation.

[CiderBomb]

Captain, of course it's an assault. The police would certainly consider it so if you were to report someone for doing it.

Did the OP tell her DH that he was hurting her? She doesn't mention that in her opening post? If not then how was he supposed to know.

There's obviously a lot we are not being told here, and yet some posters seem to be making the most ridiculous assumptions.

[Pinkpinot]

He was out of order
But have you tried one of those long maternity pillows/ cushions?

[HellYeah3]

Ah yes I see the whole world revolves around women who cares about the husband. You assaulted your dh but that's ok as you are pregnant. Yes he wasn't in bed as he couldn't get under the covers and personally I hate not being covered. All you seem to be doing is making excuses maybe you should look at your own behaviour and maybe you may then understand his.