IABU but Why am I so upset about this?

[ItCantBe]

DP just came into our room,I was asleep.
I'm 8 months pregnant,I have SPD and I'm in a lot of pain,he knew I'd been having trouble sleeping and that my legs ached.

He woke me up by pulling at the duvet which was wound between my legs,I'd finally found a comfortable position and fallen asleep about 30 mins previously.
I asked him to stop but he wouldn't,he kept pulling at it,shouting at me that he wanted it,he was cold and he needed it. I said to get another from the cupboard. This wasn't good enough for him and he kept pulling at the duvet,ripping it out from under me.
I was half asleep and confused and hurt,it hurt my hips a lot when he pulled the duvet away and i grabbed it back and yelled at him to go away. He still wouldn't let go and wouldn't leave.
I was freaked out,I screamed at him to get out. By this time he had the duvet he'd pulled it away really aggressively.I was on the bed completely exposed still half asleep and,quite frankly frightened. He kept yelling at me.
I screamed for him to get out about 6 times and i actually slapped him before he finally did.
I cannot stop crying and shaking.
I know I acted like a nutcase,but I don't understand why he did this?
Why wouldn't he leave when I was obviously upset?
Why didn't he care that he was scaring me?
Why did he want the duvet so much that he was willing to wake me up by pulling it off me and shouting at me? There are plenty of other duvets and blankets etc.
I don't even understand why I acted the way I did,I've never hit anyone in my life,but I felt totally helpless and I just wanted to make him leave.
He pretended to cry when he left,it was really obviously not real crying and he was acting so oddly. I just don't understand.

I can't sleep,I'm so shaken up by the whole,weird incident. Its so ridiculous. It's just a freaking duvet.

Someone tell me WTF just happened and why I'm so upset.please.
Please don't flame me,I know I acted badly. I feel like a nutcase.

[ImperialFucker]

HellYeah, you should become a counsellor.

[LoopaDaLoopa]

Was he clothed or ready for bed? Was he planning on taking it downstairs?

It wasn't a case of him being in bed and pulling, duvet-deprived. It was something more. Any idea what he watches all night long?

[ImperialFucker]

I wondered that (about his TV viewing habits) too.

[ItCantBe]

Yes,I did,repeatedly tell him he was hurting me.

I asked him to stop.
I begged him to stop.
I asked him to just leave.
He would not.
He did not ask nicely,he didn't not try to get into bed,the door shut after I woke up so he must have come in and immediately started shouting.

There is no back story. There isn't anything I'm not telling. It was out of the blue and frightening.

I should not have lashed out. I am not excusing my behaviour. I simply do not understand why he became so angry so fast and why he continued to berate and hurt me,refuse to leave and scare the living shite out of me.

I would never do this to him. It was unprovoked act from him and I in turn acted irrationally,it was an irrational situation. Had I been properly awake I would not have handled the situation in the same way.

[ItCantBe]

Just random shite.
I've been suspicious before but he often falls asleep and I go down to put a blanket on him or gently wake him to come to bed,it's always playing some comedy show or quiz type thing.

[LoopaDaLoopa]

Him hurting you is also assault, OP

[LoopaDaLoopa]

And re clothes?

[ItCantBe]

Fully clothed.

[ImperialFucker]

I'd want a bit of time apart from him, tbh. I wouldn't want him coming home like nothing's happened after he'd done that. A "sorry" doesn't quite do it.

[ImperialFucker]

I take it you're a man, HellYeah?

[LoopaDaLoopa]

Right. Then he came upstairs with the intention of either a) depriving you of the duvet and taking it downstairs or b) having a go at you.

Either way, this is not OK. You really need to discuss in full what happened with him, as long as you feel able to do so.

[ItCantBe]

I have never ever been violent to him,or anyone,before in my life

Hell I was ASLEEP. He came into my room and HURT me,PHYSICALLY and scared me.

I didn't just slap him out of nowhere for fucks sake. And I've said I shouldn't have,it was abhorrent of me,but I was FRIGHTENED.

[LoopaDaLoopa]

Hey, don't worry about that goader. Ignore.

[Vivacia]

What are you going to do next. Surely you can't have a man in the house who you describe with the words, "berate and hurt me, refuse to leave and scare the living shite out of me"

[HellYeah3]

No I'm not a man. But I hate this bullshit. Put it this way a man is asleep wrapped in covers- has hurt his leg at football. Wife comes in tired can't get into bed. Says fuck sake not this again. Goes round to pull covers man wakes up says fuck sake get the spare one then starts shouting to get out. Escalates into arguement both shouting then man slaps wife. Who assaults who? Well the man of course. You would all say unprovocted attack you were only trying to get into your own bed how is that unreasonable. Also if I'm scared I tend to want to leave ASAP I certainly don't assault someone if I'm terrified of them.

[KouignAmann]

ItCantBe that poster seems to have a personal agenda that is not helpful here. Ignore.

Can you get away for a day or two over half term maybe? Spend some time with family? Your DH needs to understand he crossed a line and it is unacceptable. Ot sounds as though he has stored up some resentment over your poor health and sleeping arrangements which insteda of discussing rationally has burst out aggressively when he had been drinking. Once things have calmed down it needs discussing, but for now you need to feel safe and make the point that this must never ever ever happen again. It would be a deal breaker for me.

[ItCantBe]

NO. I can't.

I don't want him to come home.
I have never,ever felt that way about him.
It's all so very odd.
I want to talk to him,but I'm not sure I can move past what happened.
His behaviour and my own frightened me,I don't want to be in a relationship where things like this happen.

[ItCantBe]

I couldn't leave Hell I was in too much pain to get off the bed. That's why I asked him Repeatedly to leave instead.

And it wasn't the same situation you described.

[LoopaDaLoopa]

He was not in bed or about to get into bed

[Vivacia]

I want to talk to him,but I'm not sure I can move past what happened.

How about asking him to move out for the week to give you both time to think about what happens next?

Personally I would want answers as to why he thinks he behaved like that. I get the impression that's not an urgent need for you right now.

[ItCantBe]

Oh it is an urgent need! I want to know why more than anything.

I don't know when he'll be back from work though and the DC are here so I won't be able to get those answers until this evening.
Frustrating as it is.

[CinnabarRed]

Also if I'm scared I tend to want to leave ASAP I certainly don't assault someone if I'm terrified of them.

She has SPD, FFS. Leaving ASAP would be a slow, painful hobble at best. She's hardly going to be nippy, even wide awake.

OP, given he was awake, clothed, newly arrived into the room, and standing by your side of the bed - he must have done this deliberately. No idea why. But it was clearly deliberate and hence with forethought.

I think a one-off slap to stop him hurting you further was entirely justified.

[HellYeah3]

If she was asleep how do you know he didn't plan to get into bed?
Do you have other kids? If yes then I'm sure they heard so maybe that should be your focus. Then make a plan. You obvious both can't sleep in the same bed at the minute to sort it out calmly before bed time then this won't happen when you both are tired, irritable and both frankly childish and unreasonable.

[Mmmango]

ItCantBe, you've already explained/ taken responsibility numerous times, if other posters don't want to read what you've said, just ignore them.

You said you aren't ready to see him yet - can you ask him to stay away tonight and see how you feel in the morning? It takes a while just to calm down, sometimes.