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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Help me I need to pass time

35 replies

20yearsstolen · 25/10/2013 19:35

I discovered this morning that my partner isn't at work he's in a hotel with another woman . He's still not home he doesn't know I know and has his phone turned off .
I know it's the devil but I've also discovered other messages on Facebook from other women saying there sorry but there going to give there relationship another go. I have no idea how many women there are .

Now I'm here with my three year old in bed waiting :( I'm going crazy !
I don't want to rant at the other women they are welcome to him . I am just going stir crazy trying to pass the time ..

OP posts:
Lweji · 25/10/2013 19:37

I don't know.

Have you packed his stuff yet?

Oh, and so sorry. :(

Vivacia · 25/10/2013 19:38

When are you expecting him back? I'd be throwing his stuff in to black bags, changing the locks and letting people know we were separating.

notsostrong1985 · 25/10/2013 19:38

I am so sorry, :(

How did you find out he is at a hotel with OW?

Hugs

Vivacia · 25/10/2013 19:39

You could spend the night planning some nice things for yourself.

Poffedoff · 25/10/2013 19:39

Oh 20. How horrendous for you. Sad Have you anybody you could call?

tripecity · 25/10/2013 19:43

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Lweji · 25/10/2013 19:43

You could find a nice holiday for yourself and your LO, then tell him about it when he gets in and say he's not going, but you have a special get away planned for him. Then show him the bin bags.

Original poster
20yearsstolen · 25/10/2013 19:45

We have been discussing separating but it's hard he will not leave so ive struggled to uproot my little one with nothing but the clothes on my back . He's been EA for a very long time .
I feel awful admitting it but it's all been discovered on Facebook detail what they will be doing to each other today . Him accusing me of being a bully and how it's all my fault . She is one of a long list . He truly has made me sound like an utter cow .
I can't pack his things it would kick off massively I've got my son in bed . I need to be the one to leave but he has the car and I have nothing. .

OP posts:
Original poster
20yearsstolen · 25/10/2013 19:46

He didn't even call to speak with his child today nothing no night time goodnight nothing

OP posts:
cjel · 25/10/2013 19:46

I'd get someone in rl to talk to. I rand dd and a friend anddid all my crying before he got back so I was calm when he got inx

Sorry that you are facing thisxxx

cupcake78 · 25/10/2013 19:48

Do you have access to finances? If he's that abusive i suggest you plan your escape before letting on that you know. Spend now making a plan, finding documents that you need and if possible moving as much money as you can!

Lweji · 25/10/2013 19:49

Yes, ring a friend or family and, if you can, book a cab and go.

If not, bide your time till Monday and go then.

Save all evidence and take screen shots.

cupcake78 · 25/10/2013 19:49

Do you have any really good family / friends you can as for support from?

Vivacia · 25/10/2013 19:50

When are you expecting him back (sorry if you've said and I can't see it now)?

Have you had legal advice that leaving the house?

Lweji · 25/10/2013 19:50

You can even plan a family visit for this weekend or the next and then just don't go back.

ImperialFucker · 25/10/2013 20:07

OP, why are you so certain he would keep the house? Your nickname here suggests you've been together 20 years.

In any case, if you plan to leave, I would tell him to get out for tonight and to come back tomorrow at a set time when you'll be ready to leave.

How horrible to find out like that, but at the same time if you want it to end now you have all the proof you need.

Oh and I'd contact the other woman telling her how many others there were and advising her to get her bits checked out.

Original poster
20yearsstolen · 25/10/2013 20:22

He's coming home really angry because he's had notification I've accessed his account . I'm a little scared.

OP posts:
NotYoMomma · 25/10/2013 20:25

make sure you print out the messages and screen shot them as they will 'vanish' after confrontation.

pack his bags, or pack your and dcs bags depending on which is better for you

be proactive and dont sit about waiting

NotYoMomma · 25/10/2013 20:26

lock the door, leave your key in and call the police if you are scared xxx

Sparklysilversequins · 25/10/2013 20:29

So what if it kicks off? Call the police.

It sounds like he has you brainwashed into being too frightened and therefore paralysed to do anything. I used to feel like this too so I know how you feel.

This needs strong and immediate action. Don't let him bully you any further.

I was terrified of my ex. One day I couldn't take it anymore, I confronted him and he attacked me, I called the police. They removed him and he never lived here again. You can do this.

Sparklysilversequins · 25/10/2013 20:30

HE'S angry?! Angry

You need to get angry too, tell him to fuck off when he arrives and if he starts call the police immediately.

cupcake78 · 25/10/2013 20:35

He's angry because he can't carry on his little sick world anymore. He's angry because his party is over. He's angry because he's been caught out.

He's basically having a tantrum because he can't have what he wants op! Don't be intimidated by this man see him for what he is.

If your really scared and feel he may hurt you protect yourself! Call the police and take some control back. Your worth more than this op.

absentmindeddooooodles · 25/10/2013 20:50

Lock the door. If he starts to worry you and you feel scared then call the police. Keep you and.your son safe.

I hope you are ok. X

moggiek · 25/10/2013 20:52

Really hope you are okay, OP.

Vivacia · 25/10/2013 20:59

How do you know he's coming home? What makes you think he's angry?

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