Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

thank you Anyfucker - spot on

94 replies

holstenlips · 20/10/2013 19:01

Following my thread re my fiance sexting another woman. I told his mum who was very supportive of me.
Yesterday I found out shes said that because of my recent depression ive either made it all up or have totally overreacted.
Anyfucker warned me at that time to remember that blood is thicker than water. Well that is spot on. My x has also gone with her version of events. I felt so down about it yday. But then I remembered AF and her comment. Thank you.

OP posts:
BooHissy · 20/10/2013 20:21

It's not you lovey, it was him.

She is his mother.

Did she tell you that herself, or did Mrcheatingtextingbastard say that?

Eitherway, you know where you are now, as sad as that is.

Sorry.

ImperialBlether · 20/10/2013 20:36

Now you've seen her true colours and you can be rid of both of them.

And you are right to trust AF!

Original poster
holstenlips · 20/10/2013 20:39

She text a joint friend. Who then showed me the messages.
I feel im being treated really unjustly. But nothing I xan do.

OP posts:
itsmeisntit · 20/10/2013 20:41

They have to save face somehow...easier to place the blame on you.

You, your friends and family know the truth--that's all that really matters Flowers

BooHissy · 20/10/2013 20:43

Nothing you need do love, just turn your back and keep walking!

Original poster
holstenlips · 20/10/2013 20:45

Havent even told my family yet :-(
A few friends know.
Im still pretty much carrying it all around inside.
His mum is so nice I dont understand why / how shes using this stigma about depression to blame me. Im tempted to text her.

OP posts:
poorbuthappy · 20/10/2013 20:47

Do not text her. She will always bash you because as you have already admitted blood is thicker than water.

Walk away.

MissBattleaxe · 20/10/2013 20:47

Maybe her son caused your depression?

Best get away from toxic detractors and rebuild yourself around those that love and value you.

Walkacrossthesand · 20/10/2013 20:48

Too complicated a point to text, I'd say. And as AF said, MILs volte face was predictable, and she already has the facts - is just choosing to ignore them & you won't change that. Rise above, let it go, maintain a dignified silence.

Chubfuddler · 20/10/2013 20:50

Not one member of my soon to be ex in laws has contacted me since my husband and I split up in January. Even though he was convicted for his assault on me.

Cunts.

CogitoErgoSometimes · 20/10/2013 20:50

Definitely don't text. She may be annoyed with him in private but, for the world, she'll be backing her DS to the hilt... even if it means bad-mouthing you. You're not going to gain anything going up against her

PeppermintPasty · 20/10/2013 21:13

Oh Chub, I missed that Sad
How bloody awful, and what a bunch of shitbags.

And op, AF is always right Wink

It does sound like you're well rid. I agree-don't text and give them the satisfaction x

tingle1 · 20/10/2013 21:13

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by Mumsnet for breaking our Talk Guidelines. Replies may also be deleted.

Original poster
holstenlips · 20/10/2013 21:15

You're all right..just so crap. As if depression wasnt enough and yes it has crossed my mind a number of times that he contributed to my depression.

OP posts:
Chubfuddler · 20/10/2013 21:15

In laws almost always stick with blood. The only exception was my mothers SIL who never spoke to her brother again after my parents split, and has been one of my mums best friends.

NorksAreMessy · 20/10/2013 21:50

In all the posts I have ever read from AF I think I have disagreed with approximately one.
And then the thread continued and I saw her point.

She is solid gold.

What is your situation now, holsten? How are you coping?

Unlikelyamazonian · 20/10/2013 22:00

I still like to rattle the ex-MILs cage once in a while...I say 'hello, it's UA here, your grandson's mother, remember him?' and she always puts the phone down on me. Grin

Nasty old bat.

Original poster
holstenlips · 20/10/2013 22:11

Hmm well I was starting to feel better. This has really pissed me off. But, as I say, I was warned by AF who clearly has a lot of insight!

OP posts:
Shellywelly1973 · 20/10/2013 23:57

Op.

In an earlier post, you said there is nothing you can do...

I learnt that you can always do something. You can't change whats happened but you can control how you react.

You know the truth. Your ex knows the truth. Your mil knows the truth & she knows you know-that she knows, iyswim!!

Look after yourself. Depression is horrible but you will get better. Take care.

frustratedashell · 21/10/2013 00:38

I have to say I always like reading AF's replies, they are wise and to the point!

SecretWitch · 21/10/2013 00:42

If I need good advice about relationships AF is the poster I would turn to....

Absolutelylost · 21/10/2013 00:45

Been very lucky, during our recent separation, my brothers in laws and sister in law have been so supportive. They still love their brother but are very angry and disappointed by his actions. They have tried to contact him but he's ignoring everyone - out of guilt I suspect. He will be saying I have turned them against him but they actually think I am too tolerant and understanding - they have known him for 50 years! I think this is probably unusual, good luck OP.

Bogeyface · 21/10/2013 01:06

I am never sure about "blood is thicker than water".

I think it is more to do with the fact that a parent would try to find anything to justify their off springs actions than have to admit to people that their DC is a liar and a cheat. She is clinging to any excuse she can to prove that this isnt her sons fault so therefore, by extension, her fault.

Original poster
holstenlips · 21/10/2013 01:50

Thanks all of you. A part of me does realise that he and his parents do know deep down what he has done as you say.
I feel a little dim for having confided in her to start. He lies to her all the time (usually so he can sponge moneyoff her) and she kknows this too. So I guess she doesn't want to accept the truth.
I think blaming my depression is very low. Thinking about it , as a family they are pretty much Daily Fail in their outlook re such matters. Stigma is alive and well.
Thanks AF..hope you see this!

OP posts:
Bogeyface · 21/10/2013 02:07

Wow Holsten She sounds like the mother of a very ex BF of mine.

Daily Fail, stiff upper lip, what will the neighbours say, and yyy to him lying to her face in order to scrounge money (does anyone fall for the "I lost my wallet" routine once a month?!).

She actually told her own sister to "calm yourself down" at their fathers funeral because her sister was crying.