thank you Anyfucker - spot on

[holstenlips]

Following my thread re my fiance sexting another woman. I told his mum who was very supportive of me.
Yesterday I found out shes said that because of my recent depression ive either made it all up or have totally overreacted.
Anyfucker warned me at that time to remember that blood is thicker than water. Well that is spot on. My x has also gone with her version of events. I felt so down about it yday. But then I remembered AF and her comment. Thank you.

[CogitoErgoSometimes]

They don't really blame your depression, you know? It's just something convenient that they can use as an excuse. That's how bullies operate i.e. pick on a real or imagined weakness and use that as the reason to treat someone badly.

[holstenlips]

Bogey...shes given him £20K in two years !!
Im one of those people who finds it hard to sit on my hands and say nothing..but I will try
Thanks Cog yes my illness very convenient for them.
I need to keep away x

[Boosterseattheballcleaner]

Morning Holsten, Cogito is spot on

They don't really blame your depression, you know? It's just something convenient that they can use as an excuse

You have conducted yourself in a manner which will have shattered all their misconceptions about depression. You aren’t crumbling or weak like they expected you to be and that is scary for them. Your depression hasn’t caused you to roll over and accept his shoddy behaviour, I specifically remember you using the word “empowered” which is bloody amazing for someone having to deal with that crap they are dishing out.

x

[Wellwobbly]

Not one member of my soon to be ex in laws has contacted me since my husband and I split up - what Chub says.

I honestly do think, the more dysfunctional the family, the more they stick together. THEY KNOW and so go into self-protection.

People who are healthier are interested in higher concepts, like compassion, detachment and justice.

If my sons ever behave like their father did, they will get my instant lack of support, and a serious piece of my mind.
My daughters mustn't even begin to think about falling for a married man's self-serving BS. No neural networks must even start to fire acrossing their temptation path. If they do not instantly see him as the selfish whining user he actually is, then I haven't done my maternal job properly

[Meerka]

holsten ... if your partner lies all the time to her and sponges 20k off her in 2 years ... umm, he's probably lied a lot to you too I'm afraid :/

[holstenlips]

Hi Meerka ..yeah I know. When confronted by me he deleted or 'amended' most of the messages etc.
His mum text me this morning to 'reassure' me that she would let it all lie now and no harm done (by me) errr what? I didnt bloody do anything.
So tempted to text back with the gory details

[BOOsterseat]

You don't need to justify your position to her Holsten, his behaviour was unacceptable and you do not wish to continue the relationship.

I am fucking fuming for you though, let it lie - er no you're not a fucking doormat.

[holstenlips]

Oh im fuming too Booster. Stupid condescending woman. Once hes used up all their savings perhaps she will feek differently. Its shit that I have to work with him.

[LeGavrOrf]

Have you split up with him Holsten (sorry if you said this upthread). In any case don't feel you have to justify yourself to her at all. I wouldn't contact her again. Using your depression is a fucking low blow.

Chub I am so sorry you have had that to go through this year, I had no idea. I hope you're ok.

Yes, anyfucker is worth her weight in gold for the support she gives. And cogito is always wise and helpful as well.

[BOOsterseat]

I cant even begin to imagine how shit that is, work can be a real sanctuary for some.

Do you have the opportunity to look for other career options? I'm not advocating running away but a fresh start might be just what you need?

[holstenlips]

Yes I split up with him . Sold my wedding dress within aweek . Its so hard to accept that im getting the blame. But as you say not much point in trying to justify myself.

[holstenlips]

Work wise..I could look for something else but having just returned after severe depressive episode I am still finding my feet. I have reduced my hours though.

[holstenlips]

Ive considered moving far far away too!!

[BOOsterseat]

They probably thought your depression would make you easy to manipulate and coerce.

How fucking wrong were they?!

[LeGavrOrf]

I am so sorry that you have had to deal with this.

I think though that there is nothing you can say which will convince your ex's mother that he is at fault and not you. I think any text you send will be pored over to provide more 'proof' that your depression has been the cause of you splitting up. Don't give her the satisfaction. If I were you I would cut all contact with her tbh.

I am sorry you have to work with him. But take solace from the fact you have been strong enougn to break up with him rather than put up with his cheating ways. That is really brave in itself.

[Sandshoes73]

I have been having similar issues - my MIL hasn't contacted me in the 2 months we've been separated. Accidentally skyped me the other day and was vile - 'oh, I didn't mean to get you, I want to talk to fucknuckle and the kids', and hung up.
God knows what he has told her, but pretty obviously not the truth.
His father did the dirty on her when he was 2 months old and still in hospital, so she left her husband.
I don't know whether to tell her the truth, even the sordid parts or just let her be.
She has accused me in the past of having hormonal issues through breast feeding because I busted him having online affair.
Sorry to hijack thread.

[holstenlips]

No worries Sand...sorry you've had similar treatment. Ive had a text from his mum!! Says how I had worried them to the point of not sleeping ...fucks sake. She cant direct her anger at the right person. Deleting her number.

[LeGavrOrf]

Oh just ignore her. She is fishing for information to further discredit you, IMO. I know it must be tempting to reply but it would be far better to just leave her to stew.

[holstenlips]

Luckily I dont leave near any of them x included. He was a cocklodger too..staying here rent free getting fed etc. I hate him right now.

[HeartsTrumpDiamonds]

Holsten I take it as a very good sign that you are getting angry rather than depressed and retreating further into your shell over this.

My DH and DM would always say "Well I guess someone is feeling better" when I would get all bitchy about something instead of collapsing in a puddle of anxiety and depression...

That imagery is not quite right but you get the idea.

[holstenlips]

Thanks Hearts I dont feel depressed in the slightest which is good. I feel pretty strong, angry at the twunt and his mother.

[ScaryFucker]

I see you

God, what a stupid woman she is. There is something you can do, you know. Do nothing at all ...it will really piss them off that you are not providing any ammunition for her to stir the cauldron with.

I hope work goes ok. You are proving yourself as a much better person than exP and his deluded witch of a mother.

[ScaryFucker]

tingle I can tell you have been missing me. I made just for you

[Meerka]

silently supporting you holsten. thank god you're out.

[holstenlips]

Cheers Meerka and AF/SF ?