Need to tell someone.

[Drowninginsorrow]

Less than 3 weeks ago my son was born sleeping prematurely. I went into labour prematurely and they couldn't stop it. He was perfect but just too tiny. I have to arrange his funeral which is next week.

Five days later my husband confesses to having unprotected sex with a prostitute at the beginning of September whilst on a trip abroad. I would never have suspected and his confession has been devasting. I thought we were so happy.

I don't know how I am still managing to exist. My head is completely messed up. Please don't all jump in with ltb - before I can deal with anything else I have to bury my son.

Haven't told anyone in rl about what he has done - I feel so ashamed. I just need to be able to tell someone somewhere how Im feeling.

I'm so sorry, sending hugs xxx

Wish I could tell my mom but she is old and not in the best of health and it wouldn't be fair.

Today I have to try and finalise the funeral details. Trying to choose appropriate music is killing me - keep breaking down. So wrong to be planning his funeral. Wish I could wake up and it all be a bad dream.

Morning, sending you (((hugs))) and

Thinking of you too.

I don't know how you cope with that. I hate your husband for what he's done to you.

At present I don't hate my husband I just hate what he has done. Maybe that's just how Im coping at the moment and I'll feel differently further down the road..

Lying here wide awake and have been for over an hour now. The sleepless nights are horrid. Everything plays over and over in my head and I feel like Im losing my mind. Think maybe I might need to see my GP as I can't go on with just 3-4 hours sleep a night.

What your husband has done to you is so so awful. I personally think it will be too much to come back from.

However, right now I think you should not address anything with your husband and concentrate on getting through the funeral. Let your husband support you at this sad time, but don't let him think that this is because you forgive him. You need to take care of yourself. I think ultimately you should confide in your mom, you will need her support.

I am so sorry for your loss.

Please do go see your gp. You need adequate sleep to get through this horrible time.

You will get through. One breath at a time.

This is awful. I am so terribly sorry for your loss, and that you have to deal with the fallout from your husband's behaviour while you are grieving.

It's understandable how you feel about talking to your mother and I wonder if your GP would refer you to a counsellor so you have somebody in real life to listen while you work out how you feel. It's much too much to bottle up.

So,so sorry for what you're going through and I can't begin to imagine how you're feeling.

You need to focus on one thing at a time and I know that your priority at the moment is your sad loss!

One thing at a time and it really depends on why your DH decided to confess at this time, but consider that later and I would recommend counselling (always been quite anti this before, but have been there and, whilst you never "get over" something like you've experienced, you learn to process it and "live with it" as part of your experiences).

Please don't be ashamed although I completely understand this reaction. As many have said you have done nothing wrong. As difficult as it must be, you need to talk to someone and someone independent to process your feelings and someone not closely involved in the situation may help you. I know that there is usually a waiting list on the NHS and if you can afford it, consider going privately. It might be that your husband might also need this, if only so that he can off-load his guilt elsewhere and support you through this process. You need to focus on you and not be shouldering his guilt at the same time.

Hugs and thinking of you.

You poor, poor woman. How heartbreaking - I am so sorry for your loss. Agree with parking the dh stuff for the short term. You do need real life love and support to get you through this x x x

i'm so very sorry for your loss

Oh, I am so, so very sorry.

If you find some comfort in having your husband with you, then by all means keep him with you for as long as you need to. You can deal with it when you feel more ready.

I wish you didn't have to pretend anything in front of your mother though. It is so unfair that his shitty actions have put you in the position of having to protect him (from being thrown out, I mean). I see that your mom is old and you might not want to tell her anyway, but you're grieving and dealing with his betrayal, I hate for you to have the added burden of hiding any of your feelings. Do you have any close friends nearby who could give you some support?

We buried our little boy yesterday and he carried the coffin - hardest most heartbreaking thing ever.

Still don't feel ready to deal with my marriage yet. Can't face loosing anymore than I have already. If I'm honest I don't feel anger or hurt towards him like I did initially - I just feel numb. But it does make behaving more normal around him more in front of family easier. I'm unsure yet what will happen with us going forward but I recognise it is still early days. It's only 4 weeks ago today I went into labour, and 3 weeks today since he revealed what he had done.

In just a month my world has literally turned upside down. I was so unbelievably happy that I can't believe I am now lying here unable to sleep contemplating a very different future. What I do know is I can not rush any major decision and that for the time being I feel it's best to let things drift along as they are until I feel more able to deal with our marriage. Next step is to get the results from the post mortem.

I am so, so sorry Drowning. Please, please just be kind to yourself, and take your time. Deal with your terrible loss, everything else can wait.

I cannot imagine walking through what you are walking through right now.

I know it is unsurprising that you aren't sleeping well, but I thought other posters were right to suggest that you see your GP as you do need rest. Sleep could be a refuge for you and I think you could use one.

Re: your husband, I think you are right not to rush anything. I'm just so sorry, so very sorry, that you are going through this.

I wish there was anything I could say to take away even a little of the pain you are suffering. You poor, poor thing, my heart breaks for you.

Atm, just focus on getting through each day, you don't need to decide anything at all right now, you need to be kind to yourself and just keep going.

Can you get bereavement counselling? Somewhere safe to talk about all of this may really help you when you're ready.

So so sorry for your loss. It's heartbreaking. Please look after yourself. I hope you have good friends around you in rl.
Sending a virtual hug xx

So sorry for your loss. What a terrible thing to go through.

I can't imagine what your husband was thinking with the timing of his revelation but i can understand why you are feeling numb or nothing about his actions. They pale into the background in relation to the loss of your baby boy. I hope your husband can stil be there for you during this very difficult time.

Have been offered counselling but think it's too early yet but know I do have that option.

I hope soon you feel strong enough to excise this vile bastard from your life.

What he did could have been the cause of your baby's death.

That's how much he loves you.

He pays other women for unprotected sex and comes home and risks your life and your baby's life.

Because he has no respect for any women.

I'm so, so sorry for your loss.

Tell your mother what this man did to you, you need her support.

Join you are right - what he did was truly disgusting and could have passed on infections that could have killed my boy and myself. In his defense he had no understanding of STIs - the lack of such education in his country is frightening. It was only when I was ranting about my friends husbands behaviour risking her and her unborn babies life that he realised. And it was for this reason he told me so that I would be able to seek medical testing and help. If he hadn't have told me I would never have suspected. Whilst I hate his act of infidelity I have to give him some credit for coming clean and giving me the opportunity to make any decisions on an informed basis. It does at least show he is taking some responsibility for his actions.

Should add that thank God so far everything has come back negative although for truly conclusive results for HIV I will have to wait until December due to the 3 month window of the virus' development.

I think it is a virtual certainty that this was not the first time he had coerced sex with another woman for money.

Is that a man you really want in your life?

Drowning I don't think it is too early for you to start counselling. Even if you go and sob for a while it will be a safe place where you can.I also think that at the moment you are right to just behave as you want with your dh. It is too soon to make final decisions about your future together and you are too worn down to think straight, Go with the flow of how you are feeling, take the counselling asap and look after yourself.xx