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Original poster

How else can I meet eligible men?

36 replies

Ikeameatballs · 14/10/2013 21:31

I'm on matchaffinity and really struggling to find anyone appropriate. I've been on since the end of July and I've been on two dates. I suspected the first was married but working away from home and I didn't fancy him. The second guy just wasn't right for me. I've message another two guys and whilst that was fine I realised that a long-distance relationship would never work for me. I've messaged someone else for a week and suggested meeting up, he hasn't got back to me so I think that's a no :(

Any better ideas for meeting suitable men? I'm 35 and have dc, not interested in having more but of course wouldn't mind a future partner having dc. I'm a busy professional and I have limited free time.

Help!

OP posts:
Unidentifiedflyingobject · 14/10/2013 21:34

What hobbies do you have? I recommend joining a running/swimming/cycling club - fit randy men often professionals in their thirties Wink

BillyBanter · 14/10/2013 21:37

join several dating sites?

search for group activities on www.meetup.com/find/

Original poster
Ikeameatballs · 14/10/2013 22:03

Meet up looks like it has potential, though I've spotted one guy from MA who seemed a bit ott on one group. I will give it a go.

I think I just feel quite despairing of ever meeting anyone or actually having the time to devote to establishing a relationship with anyone!

OP posts:
BillyBanter · 14/10/2013 22:07

You don't have to limit yourself to the singles events. It gets you out being sociable which is good in itself.

Glenshee · 14/10/2013 22:08

I second the hobbies idea. If you don't meet anyone then your time isn't wasted because you're having fun anyway. Plus you will be doing something they enjoy which will make you look more attractive than usual :) (even more so if you do it well!)

herald · 14/10/2013 22:09

I am like yourself but male, I have joined a walking group on meetup,it is in my age group so should meet new friends my age. I am going out on Sunday with them 35 of us in total.

Glenshee · 14/10/2013 22:09

"you will be doing something you enjoy" even

Heymacarena · 14/10/2013 22:15

Yes to a hobby.

Language classes? something sporting? Running group - parkrun?

But don't give up on the online dating. It took me a fair few short term boyfriends and wasted evenings until I met DH.

caramelwaffle · 14/10/2013 22:15

Join "Meet up" or "Spice" or similar.

I am not single however, can recommend both.

Meet people doing what you enjoy (being yourself)

itwillgetbettersoon · 14/10/2013 22:41

My friend has recommended 'mysinglefriend'.

JessicaBeatriceFletcher · 15/10/2013 08:39

Despite the statistics they fling out, online dating is not terribly successful for the vast majority of people. Almost every single person I know has used one or all the popular sites. Only two have had a long-term relationship out of it. Most have a series of dates that lead nowhere. Although it makes a huge difference as to where you live, because obviously if you live in a city you have a bigger pool to fish in.

Similarly, Meetup and Spice are fine but again, Meetup is very definitely geared around major cities and is no use if you are even semi-rural. Spice isn't quite so bad but can prove to be expensive.

I wish I knew the answer, as I've tried all the sites, I have loads of hobbies, am always out, just never meet any other single people. Even my friends don't have any single friends. Good luck!

Fairylea · 15/10/2013 08:47

I met my dh on plenty of fish. But being a free site of course there are a lot more frogs! You just have to be very ruthless and block and delete a lot. I think with any dating site you need to be relatively open minded and perhaps move your goal posts a little but at the same time if someone seems very odd they probably are!

Also don't be afraid of meeting just for a daytime coffee rather than an evening date.. Thats what dh and I did. Easier to leave quickly if truly awful and if pleasantly surprised you can arrange another date. Better than being stuck with someone all evening.

FolkGirl · 15/10/2013 10:59

I agree it's tricky.

I'm on Match. I've got some great "I went on this date..." stories out of it, but not much else! There is someone I've been 'sort of seeing' but it won't ever become anything serious. And that suits both of us at the moment.

I don't have time for any more hobbies, I'm out 3 nights a week with different hobbies as it is, but all the men I meet are either not interested/not attractive to me/married/too old/too young/gay...

I don't know what the answer is!

tawse57 · 15/10/2013 11:31

I think dating sites are best avoided as, whilst there are plenty of sane, lovely, genuine people on them, I fear that there is a sizeable percentage of people who have SERIOUS personality disorders and/or they just get off on flirting on-line or going on endless dates.

I think the best way to meet someone is to go and join a club doing something you enjoy and where you can meet men.

So, for a woman, joining a yoga club to meet men is not a good idea as there will be hardly any men there. Ditto pilates, zumba, etc, etc. Don't take up hobbies or sports which are traditionally done as singles - i.e. surfing, paragliding, etc.

Go and join a rambling club or an orienteering club.

Badminton - men love women who play badminton. If you want to hook a man then wear one of those pleated mini-skirts and a pair of socks with the little bobbles on the ankles and you will have men falling over themselves to be your partner.

I went to a 50th wedding anniversary back in August - the couple had met playing badminton.

BitOutOfPractice · 15/10/2013 11:34

Keep trying online. There are lovely eligible men on there. I know, because I met my DP there. Don't restrict itself to one though. And it's a numbers game. Chat to lots of men. Go on lots of dates. Dont judge books by covers.

Ask your male friends and colleagues if they have any single friends.

And like everyone else says, just get out and about.

CuChullain · 15/10/2013 15:40

"Badminton - men love women who play badminton"

News to me!!!!

Bant · 15/10/2013 17:37

"men love women who play badminton" ?
Bit of a generalisation, isn't it? I don't.

Bant · 15/10/2013 17:42

Oh, and generally I think MatchAffinity is regarded as not being great. Plenty Of Fish, Match, OK Cupid have a much larger range of profiles, but therefore a bigger haystack to sift through. Eharmony apparently is also not great, although I haven't tried it myself.

As Practice says, it is a numbers game. Grow a thick skin and don't get disheartened. Real life is generally better for meeting people, it's just that most of us who've been married before have a tendency to forget how difficult it was to date when we were younger, even when we had a bigger circle of single friends and activities and free time - now it's harder still.

In my experience, men love women who play Xbox and do pub quizzes. Quizzes are good, it gets you chatting to people on the next team over. Xbox, not so much.

Kundry · 15/10/2013 18:29

I know online dating is the way to go these days but I met my DH via a dating agency for people interested in our hobby. He was my man number 3 and I was his girl number 4.

It was expensive but that weeded out all the people who are just having fun, not looking for something serious etc etc. Everyone I met really wanted a longterm relationship. The hobby meant we had something to talk about but also were likely to have a lot of other interests in common.

So don't overlook this just because it's not a trendy thing to do - although it cose money, you could argue we saved an awful lot on bad dates!

PumpkinGuts · 15/10/2013 22:36

I don't think it's fair to moan about internet dating.. I think most dates don't end up in long term relationships or turn out to be not right or a bit weird etc.

Original poster
Ikeameatballs · 15/10/2013 23:49

Thanks for all the responses.

I did enjoy badminton as a teenager....perhaps I should give it a whirl gain? I never wore a skirt to play though.

I'm not particularly looking for a serious relationship yet, I just want to get out there and meet a few nice blokes with the idea that within them there might be someone who'd be right for me longer term.

I know a lot of other people who have had success through online dating, 4 weddings and another couple who live together, perhaps it is just a numbers game and trying to look at the rest of my world through new eyes.

I will keep on looking and trying to avoid the oddballs. At least I think the usernames can be a clue, I'm not going to meet up with Singlelover007 whereas if I'd met him in a pub and he'd introduced himself as Paul I might not have been suspicious immediately!

OP posts:
BillyBanter · 16/10/2013 01:48

I've met a lot of men irl and 99.9% of them have been unsuitable for some reason. OD is hardly likely to be better.

Xenadog · 16/10/2013 04:39

I met DP on eharmony and really rate it. However I do think it depends upon your frame of mind, the number of eligible men in your area and general compatibility. Likewise I have a few friends who are married to the men they met on match so these sites DO work. I agree with the poster who said join a couple though and not just rely on one.

Also echo joining clubs such as running or walking but what about volunteering as well?

I don't think there is a magic wand to wave to help you find mr right (or even mr right now) but keep yourself out there and meeting as many new people as you can and people will come into your life. It is hard to be patient when everyone around you seems To be coupled up as well isn't it?

CuChullain · 16/10/2013 08:30

I have also noticed on here that internet dating seems to be a bit like marmite. For every success story there our half a dozen people venting their spleen about how every single person they met was a weirdo/stalker/rude/timewaster/skinflint etc. The reality I guess is somewhere inbetween but don’t let someone else’s bad experience cloud a process that can deliver happiness.

Bant · 16/10/2013 08:59

but isn't that like real life, chullain? For all the dates I went on when I was in my 20s and single, almost all of which were real life, I only ended up marrying a very small percentage of them. Many of them had issues, I didn't fancy them enough to see them again, or vice versa, we wanted different things, whatever. I only ended up getting married to one of them, and into a relationship with a few of them, most of them were duds.

The big difference was that if you meet someone in real life you can probably tell whether you fancy them or not, unless the beer goggles kick in. In OD you can't necessarily tell that until you meet up. So it takes more dates to find someone you fancy in person, but you can screen out the weirdos more effectively.

That said, people are overly picky when it comes to choosing dating profiles to contact. Does it really matter if I don't like the works of Dostoevsky? Or films by the Coen brothers? Or I have brown hair rather than blond? Some people specify a long list of wants and it looks like they're looking for a specific ideal person, rather than wanting to see if they get on with someone outside their ideal. I never contact someone who has a long list of 'must haves' as I think they're going to be overly demanding and I don't want to go on a date feeling uncomfortable about having the wrong colour hair.