Defining moment that you realised your relationship was over

[Faffalina]

As it sounds, really. Not sure if this has been done already but was there something your partner did / said that made you realise it would have to end?

First night away from ds (5 mths). Had done dinner out & night in hotel whilst ds at my parents a couple of miles away.

I woke in the night so cold, hollow, alone. It hurt so much inside as I saw the lonely cold years roll out in front of me. For some random reason I thought 'we won't be able to manage on my pension', and he was lying there hogging the covers and sleeping the deep peace of the selfish. And my heart snapped then. Not from the financial, emotional & physical abuse, but because of the cold emptiness in my chest that night, and weirdly, the pension.

Took me a few more months, but that was when I knew that was it. No more.

At least three people need to start their own threads from here... You need support desperately

The moment he walked in the ward to see me after being re-admitted for bleeding after a hysterectomy. He gave me such a look of hatred and disgust that I fell out of live with him immediately. He was having to juggle looking after our two children - 1 & 2.5 - ( with the help of his mother), commuting to work and coming to see me. He'd had a bad bus journey (didn't drive at all). I stayed with him for the next 14 years but couldn't ever love him again and our relationship was always very shaky and sad. It was thanks to my lovely mum that I eventually found the strength to tell him our marriage was over.
The children have since said they have never understood why I didn't leave him sooner as he had always treated me like a doormat.
He leaves nearby and we are on friendly terms but I'm so glad I finally did it - i like being my own boss!

Awaken-
I can't stop thinking about you! Are you ok??
Do you have somebody going to your appointment with you today? Do you have your own thread? Please call woman's aid.
Pm me if you want to chat

I can't stop thinking about you either Awaken where are you in the UK? please call Women's Aid!!

I feel bad updating cause a lot are still suffering. I just want to say that I slept so well last night, I've never felt so full of life. I only had to wash my cup that I used instead of a large amount giving me an extra half hour to cuddle my beautiful DS. Probably sounds silly but it meant a lot.

It was the hardest decision I ever made and I will admit that when we got to Digbeth coach station I almost felt like going back (Maybe he'll see I'm serious and finally change?) thank God I carried on. it's hard to leave especially when you have DCs but if you're unhappy they are too.

I am praying for all of you still suffering!!!

With my ex of 7 years the lightbulb moment came when I offered to babysit for his brother and girlfriend. I was so scared to leave to do it because I knew I'd get so much grief from it and that he probably wouldn't speak to me for a week or two.

I picked a fight so he would leave which he did (got his little sister to come pick him up). I didn't hear from him for 6 whole weeks!! Not even to ask how our 4 yr old dd was or to see her.

Then out of the blue he came round and asked me to marry him. I said no and he started to cry. Realised just how pathetic he was and suddenly I just felt nothing for him. All the years of mental torture and I finally felt free.

When he told me I looked like shit - just the straw that broke the camel's back.

When he called me a boring cunt and told me to go to bed, then spent the evening laughing and joking with the woman in the apartment next door right outside the bedroom window keeping me awake - we where on fucking holiday abroad.

It was the final straw after years of having my confidence knocked.

I am sometimes grateful that my x didn't just treat me a bit badly. He properly treated me like absolute shit, like I was totally worthless and he was 100% entitled. If it had been less clear cut I might be over on AIBU or Relationships trying to figure out why I felt taken advantage of and used and unhappy. Thankfully he just left no room for doubt.

Nickysmam - stick with it - you've done absolutely the right thing. Don't ever look back.

There were lots of things that weren't right in our relationship but we were out with his family and his mum was lying about things as usual and I basically said it wasn't true, XHs sister backed me up but he sat there not saying anything. I just looked at him and thought I cannot be with you anymore, within 2 weeks we had split up. I don't know why that moment made me decide but I knew it was over!

Had been married 4 years. He was a lazy entitled useless waste of space. He tried emotional abuse and gaslighting but I called him on it .I only put up with it because he worked away three quarters of the year and the thought of starting again was holding me back. Then one day the kids were 3&4 and were playing on the floor and he called me from the kitchen and said " can you make that little bitch and little bastard shut up.im trying to watch the telly"
At that moment I knew that even though I could stand up for myself, they couldnt.
I told him to pack a bag and go that moment. To say he was shocked was an understatement. Was the best decision I ever made

Nickysmam, you absolutely did the right thing. Your dc and you will be so much happier. Throw away your luggage if you had any, once you have unpacked. Or get your dm to put it somewhere inaccessible.

For me, from a childs pov, Its the small things like being able to read in bed without one ear open for the door and pretending to be asleep.
Its not finding your dm on the sofa most mornings, clearly having been there all night and the stench of lager upstairs, the smell of the loo. Df being hungover and nasty. The atmosphere of misery and having to hide it.

If you started a thread of your own in relationships, you will have so many posters to help you, and offer support. Like many others on this thread:(

Double 'the deep peace of the selfish'. You hit the nail on the head.

and hugs to those of you still trying to leave. x

Ex husband:

1. First weekend away after having 2 children when he told me that normally he'd have to wait 3 months to sleep with a girl, but I'd slept with him first night on meeting him on hol in Greece and I was a slag!
2. Saying my job was a POXY little part time job as a midwife and his was far more important as he dealt with all the computers in Europe ( so important they made him redundant)
3. Not telling my son off for kicking my daughter in head, after telling son dangers of such as friend had been assaulted and had brain injury resulting in ending up on life support, said it was because she smoked.
4. Not telling 7yr old son off for threatening to jump out bedroom window after I grounded him blaming me saying it must have been something I did.
5. Having been at Bonfire barbecue where all the men took off their clothes, getting called a slag at a New Years fancy dress party in front of adults and children, dragged off home for doing the can can dressed as a saloon girl and flashing my bum in a thong. Double standards!

Bet you looked great as a saloon girl :)

Nickysmam please keep your strength up, and stay gone from that man. Sounds horrendous and I know how hard it is to make that final break, but it's worth it

Awaken I hope you're ok, I hope you manage to find the strength to get away from him.

And there was someone else too and am sorry I can't find the post. But to anyone still in an abusive relationship, hang on to your resolve and please leave. Life can be so difficult at the best of times, but it's never worth staying with someone who is abusive because the only thing they will ever bring is badness to you and your children.

Recent ex boyfriend:
On and off relationship for 5 years, scared of Committment tho I was happy to not live with him or get married.
Took me on holiday where he spent all his money on me, planning future holidays. 17 days later he texted to say he didn't think we'd been too happy together recently(????) and wanted some space ( all by text). Asked questions, got dumped. 3 days later got key thru letterbox and texted him to say he didn't have to do this and he replied yes he did, he'd been unhappy for ages and if we hadn't been going on hol would have done it sooner.
Head was totally fed, mentally I'll, forgot to take passport to airport for my day trip to Europe with 15 yr old daughter, she'd been quite depressed recently, was sat on floor on airport crying, she ran off back to car, ASKED a strange man for a lift(!!!)texted him to say he'd made me I'll, daughter had missed trip, put herself in danger, I wanted him to apologise to her. Was rewarded with 'I've got a new girlfriend now (3 wks later) leave me alone'.
Have been in touch with domestic abuse helpline only to find I've been the victim of verbal and emotional abuse, with someone who is nasty to make me insecure and push me away. He is now been in touch saying he wants to be friends, he didn't mean me any harm, well he can * right off

Thanks got divorced from husband. 9 yr old son held knife to my chest twice, threatened to kill me and DD while asleep. Ex told DS I deserved it cos Id left him. This was all 11 years ago, DS turned out well,me and DD still alive lol

A very touching, emotive thread.
I guess the final nail was in our one and only counselling session, where (after telling the counsellor why we were there) she said to Ex H
'Wow, 5 infidelities. That is a lot'
And the look on his face... was of a smug, arrogant, self-entitled shit.

And just one very sour comment is coming to my head
Like new Eminem song

"Oh I just died in your arms tonight
Must something you said..
I just died in your arms"

Another one:

when he told me (having witnessed my hurt and upset) that he never once felt guilty in a post coital orgasmic glow in OW arms (2 year affair in our house, in children's and MY bed).

No integrity. No empathy.

Wow. It's like, when these unevolved guys move on, they treat the mothers of their children and the women they once loved worse than strangers. They treat them like they'd treat their enemies . I always felt (as a woman, typical I think) that if you once loved somebody you owe them a bit more than you owe a stranger, but I think for men it tends to be the other way round.
I know by the time I left my x he treated everybody better than he treated me.

"*must be something you said"

I've never posted before but I just wanted to say how bloody brave you are. ..... don't ever go back. You will be fine I'm sure of it. Don't give up. Be strong xx