Defining moment that you realised your relationship was over

[Faffalina]

As it sounds, really. Not sure if this has been done already but was there something your partner did / said that made you realise it would have to end?

[Trigglesx]

When he got angry and threw the remote control at me from across the room. Then he couldn't figure out why I was upset because "it didn't actually hit you." Silly small thing but it was not a single incident - it was just the straw that broke the camel's back, really.

[CogitoErgoSometimes]

Funny how so many of these are 'silly small things'.

[MorrisZapp]

I've never been in an abusive relationship but I've had my share of fucking tedious ones. I lived with a guy iny early twenties, we were far too young and it turned silently resentful very quickly. I remember once coming home from work and noticing he was already home. I turned round and walked the streets for anther hour to avoid being in that house with him. How utterly pathetic.

Every time I come home these days and see a light on already, my heart is lifted. If I ever feel otherwise, I'll pay attention to what that means.

[ImpOfDarkness]

When he said a propos of nothing whatsoever while we were on holiday "I think you should wash your dressing gown when we get home". He was a nice lad but I just knew that life was too short to spend it with someone who got uptight about a grubby dressing gown eight hundred miles away.

[TaudrieTattoo]

Offred, apart from the dates, I could have written every word of your post. Hope you're happy now.

[FoamyBanana]

I was in a car accident and my best friend rang him to say I was on the way to hospital in an ambulance. He just said 'ok, get her to call me tomorrow' and went back to bed. See ya!

[Sparklysilversequins]

Loads and loads, violence, infidelity etc.

But the one when I realised he really didn't care about me at all and would actually prefer me never to be around was when we were going out on NYE. He and his mate went first and me and my SIL (his sister) were meeting them after we'd got ready. I was all dressed up, made so much effort and couldn't wait to see him. We arrived at the pub and I couldn't see him so went to look for him, he was just coming out of the toilet and I gave him a massive smile, so pleased to see him and he just said "alright" like I was someone he barely knew and walked past me to rejoin his friends and be the life and soul of the party. He barely communicated with me, didn't even buy me a drink and I only saw him again when he was pissed and his friends ditched him with me.

Loads worse than that happened but that bare acknowledgment of me and how he swerved off back to his friends and how awful and unwanted I felt always feels like the moment I knew he didn't love me at all. Thing is he didn't even want to finish it, he truly believed that as a wife and mother this is how my life should be and I should STFU and get on with it.

[Faffalina]

Some of these are horrible! And a few have made me chuckle.
MorrisZapp I love the sound of your heart lifting realising that your partner is at home. It's those small things that can mean everything.

[BasilBabyEater]

When after yet another conversation about how corrosive of love and respect lying is and he'd promised not to lie about something again, I found out he'd lied about it.

The feeling of exhaustion and resignation and sheer weariness is one I can still conjure up when I think about it.

And the feeling of sheer relief, knowing that I would never have to put up with it again.

[comingintomyown]

After telling me he didnt love me anymore, was in a dark place , it was over etc etc he then said a couple of weeks later he couldnt go through with it and was willing to try and fix us.

Instead of feeling overjoyed my heart sank and after 17 years I knew it was over

[Primadonnagirl]

Imp sorry if that was painful for you but that did make me laugh about the dressing gown!
Morris you've got it spot on and made me realise the same thing.........

[SouredStones]

I had my epiphany this weekend.

No warmth after sex, no hug nothing, he just got up and went back to watching the tv. Then today he's not said a word to me, we rarely have time alone together and rarely have a day off together but he's moaned at me for doing he decorating and then been down the pub for the past hour. That was the final nail in the coffin after months of shit from him.

I think the worst thing he did though was shout at me for 'creating a fuss' when I insisted I needed to go to hospital when I was miscarrying in august because he had invited a friend over for a piss up. I ended up going alone that evening as I had done the previous two appointments. He tried to make me go to the final scan appointment alone as he had to be at work but I dragged him there before work to be told the heart was no longer beating. He's not had a day off since, until today, and really had acted like he couldn't give a shit since then.

The man is an alcoholic and drink will always come first with him. Wish I'd listened to his friends and split before we got married.

I just need to get a house for me and the kids sorted and I'm gone.

[daysandnight56]

I fell in "love at first sight" with my current partner. I knew immediately that I could not and would not have an affair but also realised at that point that I did not love my husband. I left my husband immediately.

[ImpOfDarkness]

No worries primadonna, he was hardly the love of my life! we're still in occasional friendly contact as it happens, he's still as uptight and I'm still as laid-back as ever...

[Lweji]

It depends.

There was a moment when I basically told him I might divorce him because of the way he was treating the cat.
It told me that he simply wasn't a nice person. In fact, nasty.

Then there was the time I told him I didn't know if I actually loved him, when he asked me in the aftermath of a fight.

Then the time he was actually physically violent and I knew it was the beginning of the end. Then the second time he was violent and I told him to leave and called the police.

And finally when I actually left because he threatened to take his life along with mine and DS's.

[honey86]

when fw ex threatened me that if i didnt ring him back to talk to him n sort out our row within 10 minutes, he was going to ring social services and make them take my unborn baby at birth. i dumped him within 30 seconds of them words. and ive never looked back.

[Ivedunnit]

1. When my Son DS started raisng his voice and speaking to me like his Father
2. When I went away for business for two week and never felt the urge to call him once - people also treated me well
3. When the scales fell and I realised I was on Anti- D's to cope with this relationship
4. Drink meant more to him than either me or DS
5. Sleep walking and sleepless nights!

[GiveItYourBestShot]

When he faked coming so that he could stop having sex with me.

[Lweji]

Oh, a more recent relationship, after almost a year, when making the usual evening call became a chore and I realised that meeting him on the weekend wasn't something I was looking forward to. I ended it that very week.

[yummytummy]

Long history of violence and emotional abuse but last straw last week when he was ranting about something trivial then said "I dont have to listen to a shithead like you" something just snapped and I thought thats the last time you call me anything like that again. Enough. I am making appt with solicitor this week and he is actually agreeing to move out. It still bloody hurts though. We met young and its 20 years gone just like that.

[Promethea]

The final straw for me was a cup of tea - he'd made himself a brew in front of me, and not offered to make me one. Again. A small, small thing in itself, but absolutely indicative of how little I mattered to him.

There was no row, it took about 2 minutes to split up and 2 days for him to move out and blimey it felt like a weight had literally lifted. Yay!

[Aroundtheworldandback]

When at a fete on holiday with 2 small kids I asked him to spend the rest of the evening with us instead of going out with his 'friends'. Driving down a steep unlit mountain road, he started banging his fist on the window ranting at terrified four year old dd that he wished her mummy was dead. Over and over again. And when we got back to a power cut, trapped us in dark house whilst the kids screamed from the night's terror, before he calmly gelled back his hair and left to meet what I later found was his 18 yo girlfriend to go partying.

Dd thought it was all her fault as she had asked for a teddy bear at the fete. Lightbulb moment- I knew what I had to do.

Ps- ten years down line happily married to my dh who enriches the lives of all around him.

[Lipstickpowderandpaint]

When he got up on New Year's Day then went back to sleep on the sofa, we had agreed previously to take dcs out, I had got up,as you do, positive and hopeful for a new start, he apparently intended to carry on as normal. That sounds ridiculous but it was the beginning of the end that had been a long time coming, I just couldn't do it anymore:(

[Annhod]

I used to do some voluntary work, one day I had to call to see an elderly couple. She had full blown dementia and he was her full time carer. The way he treated her was so touching, it was obvious he was still so very much in love with her, her hair was beautifully brushed, she was lovingly dressed, the house was spick and span. I was only there for about an hour, but when I left I walked around the local park in a complete daze, as I struggled to accept that my gut reaction was "I couldn't do that for my husband in years to come, I don't love him enough". Sounds really selfish, especially as my husband hadn't done anything "wrong", it just wasn't working. Six months later I plucked up couage to tell him I wanted us to split up. Hardest thing I've ever done, felt guilty as hell, but it was for the best. 7 years later I've since remarried and couldn't be happier. Still close to my ex, we have a daughter together.