Defining moment that you realised your relationship was over

[Faffalina]

As it sounds, really. Not sure if this has been done already but was there something your partner did / said that made you realise it would have to end?

Thank you Lweji I'm emotionally and physically drained but I can see a light at the end of the tunnel

When ex got caught cheating on me he tried to excuse himself by saying he only did it because I was too close to my mum!
I gaped at him for a few seconds, turned round and never spoke to him again

Chucking a can of lager over me was quite a turning point too.

Then he went missing for a few days, I saw him at the shop with a witches hat on, pissed as a fart and he had the cheek to call me a fat cow. Unluckily for him my dad was in the car with me.

GO GO GO Nickysmam!!!

The week after asking me if I'd go halves on my own birthday meal because he was skint (fair enough) he went and bought himself some designer clothes as a treat to himself. This was the same guy who'd "forgotten his wallet" on a few dates too.

I spent the next two weeks waking up every morning feeling not quite right. I now realise it was my gut kicking into action. It's funny how you try to ignore it for a while....

Good grief nicky

Well done for leaving and I hope you, your ds and bump have a wonderful future ahead of you.

I presume you will be seeing a solicitor tomorrow as well as reporting his hands round neck to the police as well, just to get it all on record in case he gets nasty about the dc. Or tries to come and get you.

Your parents sound lovely to be there for you.

Nickysmam you can't possibly be any worse off without him!
I can really relate to 1. My relationship with exh really affected my behaviour and gave me anger issues I never had before and haven't had since

Within weeks of being together he had spent most nights in a other woman's bed.

I gave him another chance.

3 months later he got his best friends girlfriend pregnant behind my back. She terminated the pregnancy.

I forgave him. His best friend still doesn't know - it wasn't my place to tell him.

We moved house. The first night in our new house he left at 7pm to go and spend the night with yet another woman.

I forgave him

3 weeks later it was my birthday. Arranged to meet. Him at the pub and I sat there on my own in a new town for 5 hours waiting on him. Turns out he had spent the night with the woman I had caught him (I saw texts) with 3 weeks beforehand.

I forgave him

Financially abusive. He takes £100 per week off me so I can live in my house. I also pay the full £650 a month rent. So that £1050 I pay just to keep a roof over mine and dcs heads. I pay all bills too and I'm nearly £15000 in debt because I've used credit cards and payday loans to fund this. I can't get any more credit so a couple of months until I'm fucked. genuinely have nowhere else to go

The strops he has are unreal. Massive mood swings and refuses to do any housework or childcare because that's woman's work.

His wages are for him and him only. Not me or the dcs. Dd2 is 16 weeks old and I have enough milk to last me until Tuesday maybe. I have no money until Friday so I'm going to have to try and do a 55 mile round trip by hitching or begging bus drivers (with 2 dcs in tow) so I can get to my mums for £10 for milk. They can't come to me unfortunately

I'm not allowed to use the heating If he isn't in the house. The gas is the only thing he puts in (£10 per week) so he isn't cold. He is in the pub from 1pm until 10pm ish every single day so we go up to the supermarket if it's freezing so we aren't sitting cold. I bought an electric fire and he cut the plug off it and laughed.

My light bulb moment was a few months ago when I was in labour and he fucked off and left me on my own to go to the pub. I was in agony and had to beg my sister to drive 50 miles to come and get me and dd1 so I could go to hospital. He refused to pick me and dd2 up telling me to get the bus. I had no money but one of the midwives paid a taxi for me to get home.

I am still trying to break free and I can't wait until I can. I have to go and have an abortion tomorrow I'm heartbroken but it's for the best. I have no idea how I will get to my appointment with no cash and 2 dcs.

That was so long but feels amazing to get it all out.

He is an awful man and truly deserves to rot in hell.

Fucking HELL awaken

Sending you much strength to leave this vile being. He's no man and you and your dc's deserve much much better.

Jesus awaken - women's aids immediately. Throw him out please and then you can get is and tax credits etc and have the money. If he threw you out you would be entitled to emergency housing if you are in the uk. Please please call women's aid tomorrow!

Awaken well friggin done for waking up. You deserve a million times better

(Long story)

Things had been rocky with me and my ex for about 4 months before DD2 was born.

He was totally useless and didnt help one bit with DD1 or DD2.

Wednesday night, I went to bed at 11pm. DD2 woke up at midnight and screamed till 5am, couldnt soothe her no matter what I did. DD1 woke up at 6am. By Thursday night I was a fucking wreck having had no sleep for almost 48 hours.

DD2 was around 5 weeks old. I had a blinding migraine. Couldnt see. Couldnt walk. Was sat feeding DD2 and DD1 needed a nappy change and some supper and to be put to bed. Ex was sat on the laptop. Refused to move or help. So I fed DD2, put her in the moses basket and then spent over an hour staggering around the house with this migraine sorting out DD2. The whole time I was crying my eyes out with pain and frustration and he just sat there watching.

I then washed and sterilised all bottles, cleaned up, (I also had mastitis at this point Id like to add) and was having problems with DD2 swapping from breast milk to bottle feeding formula. Grumpy, tummy achey, no sleepy baby :( Ex hadnt done a single night feed, or even a feed in the day if I remember correctly.

I remember yelling at him: "WTF do you actually do? How do you contribute to family life? How would my life actually be any different if you weren't here?"

That was THE moment. It took me about 10 days to process this. But on Day 7, a friend rang me in hysterics (going through a divorce, hubby left her out the blue) So I said "I'm going out at 7:30pm. Girls will be in bed. DD2 will wake around 9pm for a feed. I'll be back by 9:30pm. Theres dinner in the microwave."

I got home, he'd had a CHIPPY.

He'd left DD1 asleep in bed and DD2 asleep on the sofa and pissed off to the chippy and left them ALONE for 20 minutes. I was so furious I didnt speak. I just packed up our stuff, rang a friend and moved in with her for a week, then kicked his sorry ass out.

During the 4 years we were together he had cheated on me repeatedly, (not that he admitted to it more than twice, but I had proof) gambled away £8,000 of our savings, and generally just treated me like dirt.

Young love, ay?

awaken - HUGS. Leave his pathetic ass. Womens Aid, Shelter.

Christ awaken, yes to Women's Aid. Right this minute.

WELL done nicky'smam. My xmil and xfil (divorced) were both independently of each other absolutely rotten to me.

Yes, awaken. Do call WA and tell them all.

Do you have family you can call?

When his ex wife decided that I was not to be invited to their son's wedding (I was never the OW, they had split up 8 years before we met), and he decided that he would go anyway. That's when I realized we were not and would never be a team.

18 months and much crap later and I'm done. Just the actual leaving to be done.

But this comment was posted upthread "same shit, different woman", and I just felt OMG yes, this is him.

I can't remember if my ex-husband had actually done anything on this particular night, but I was lying in bed and I thought "this isn't forever". We were divorced within 18 months. As soon as I had that thought it almost cheered me up as I had been so miserable.

When he punched me in my jaw for talking too loud this week. Not the most violent thing he has done over the years by far but Ive had enough. It didnt even hurt that much but the humiliation and shame is eating me away.

I havent gathered the strength to break away yet but I shall. I dont want to play nice and forgive and forget.

31, I am so sorry. Start a thread, love. Make today the day you start your escape x

Ok. Sorry so long. Had corrective eye surgery and in pain hiding under the covers with dark goggles on (ignore what they say, it DOES hurt). Dc's bedtime came, woke up, stumbled about asking him to turn the hall light off as it wAs painful. dds dad then asked me to read a story to younger dd but said I couldn't as I was in pain and not allowed to read/watch TV on day of surgery (was fine next day). He kept on repeating its only a story, just look at the pictures. He just couldn't get it. But then he didn't come with me either to get it done. I had to sign a 'special' form
Saying I was going home alone against advice. I know it's not a big thing but it was sad.

My recent Exp once asked me to cancel my college placement morning , drive across the city, to give him
Emotional support as he was still living with his EXW and couldn't bloody shift himself to stop arsing everyone around and leave. I listened and suggested things as usual
And then he tried to kiss me. I crumbled and burst into tears. I sank to the floor , in the wood we were in, and sat there completely emotionally wrung out. He just stood there looking at me. That was my 'moment'. He never put his arm around me or helped. If only I had trusted my gut , couldn't saved a lot more heartache.

Not as bad as awaken who will be seriously better off without her twat. Hate to swear but this is my mother in the 60's/70's. my father Kept her poor, struggling with 4 Dc's, violent, drunk. And all the while a 'good catholic teacher'. Hmm, her life improved immensely when she did a moonlight flit. You MUST leave this man. My heart broke when you said you were having a termination. Where are you now, please say you and your kids are somewhere warm and safe?

emotional detachment doesn't even start to describe exH, cold, no conversation, no interest in me, sexually repressed etc etc, it is so true that you do not know loneliness until you have felt it within a relationship.
However the straw that broke the camels back for me was when I was doing voluntary work on top of having two young DC's and a part-time job to get onto a vocational degree course to try and better our future, he told me there were going to be random drugs tests where he worked very soon. He had been a regular stoner for years but had not smoked for over 2 yrs. On weekend he went to stay with some mates and when he returned he had this chesty cough, turns out he had a spliff with his mates because he didn't want to be the straight one. No regard for his job etc. I was beyond furious, didn't speak to him for 3 days until we were sat at the kitchen table finishing our dinner and he pointed out the random test had taken place and he was not picked out for it after all, so what was I making all the fuss about. After years of being passive and avoiding confrontation I snapped and threw every plate on the table at him (and the kitchen chairs). I am not proud of my behaviour but I just couldn't believe how casually he would have thrown away his job and therefore our home, this was on top of the fact he had been sacked from a previous job when I was pregnant with 1st DD for stealing! I was so embarrassed about that I never told a soul and said he had been laid off, I wish I had left him then.

Good luck those of you that are planning your departure, your day will come

When he touched me and I didn't like it told him to stop (he was very drunk and had been for the past 5 days, non stop drinking), he continued- told me I liked it.

I waited until he was asleep, packed my bags and left without saying anything.