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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

My world has just fallen apart...

112 replies

ScarletLady02 · 10/10/2013 23:03

Last week I posted about how my husband had left because he needed space to sort his head out.

He left town yesterday to go away for a few days. I just got a text from him admitting that on Tuesday night he slept with my best friend. She had been putting him up so he could still see DD. I have no reason at all to think anything was going on prior to this. He said they were both drunk, she's been having some problems as well, they had a massive argument, made up, hugged and it happened.

I feel sick. Her DD and my DD are best friends...they talk about each other all day long. I can't believe this has happened...I want to die

OP posts:
CocktailQueen · 10/10/2013 23:04

Oh my god. I'm really very sorry. Holding your Hand. Look after yourself and you don't need to make any decisions now.
Hugs.

Original poster
ScarletLady02 · 10/10/2013 23:07

A fucking text....how fucking DARE he...we've been together 6 years. Cowardly CUNT

OP posts:
BitOutOfPractice · 10/10/2013 23:09

Oh my good god. You poor poor woman Sad

It seems that there are no depths some people will stoop and I'm so sorry you are having to go through this

Please brace yourself though that this is not the first time this has happened. In general, people who need space to sort their head out have already been up to no good

Sorry

Original poster
ScarletLady02 · 10/10/2013 23:12

There's a big back-story as to why he needed space, not important now. I've done so much for him, and supported him through so much. I KNOW I deserve better but I love him...for all his faults, I love him so much.

How do people hold it together for their kids?

She was the first woman I'd opened up to as a friend in years...I find it really hard to make friend and I'd just let my guard down with her....now this...

OP posts:
Concentrateonthegood · 10/10/2013 23:13

You poor lady. Anger isn't the word, is it? You've been shit on twice here. Look after you first and foremost xx

BitOutOfPractice · 10/10/2013 23:17

Hmmm. Back story. Whose suggestion was it that he should stay there? What were they arguing about. I can't imagine my DP having a massive row with any of my friends

What a terrible shock to you. Can you call anyone in RL?

JoinYourPlayfellows · 10/10/2013 23:19

"He said they were both drunk, she's been having some problems as well, they had a massive argument, made up, hugged and it happened."

That is a crock of shit.

They hugged and then his penis magically made its way into her vagina?

Why were they drunk?

Why were they rowing?

Why did they need to have a hug to make up?

And make up sex?

Even if that is the first time they shagged, they were both building up to it and that's the real reason he was there.

Original poster
ScarletLady02 · 10/10/2013 23:36

Back story isn't really relevant right now...I don't have any reason to believe it's happened before, or that it was manufactured. but that's besides the point. It HAS happened...now I have to pick up the pieces.

What hurts most is that DD is friends with her DD.

I find it so hard to trust people...these two people were the only ones I trusted and opened up to...I'm broken

OP posts:
clam · 10/10/2013 23:39

Of course you are. This is absolutely shitty.
I'm so sorry but I don't have any words of wisdom to offer, although I agree that you almost certainly haven't been told the truth here, about the chain of events, but how could you get the full story when he dropped it in by way of a fucking TEXT??

Wine
CookieDoughKid · 10/10/2013 23:41

Holding your hand Scarlett. You've been very unlucky. Keep faith that there are very decent people. Be angry. Its good for you but try, try not to let it eat you up. You are far too good for them.

Whatnext074 · 10/10/2013 23:42

I would think that's unforgivable. I really feel for you and the impact it will have on your DD.

It's probably not important but have you heard from your former 'friend'?

Do you have somebody to keep you company tonight?

AnyFucker · 10/10/2013 23:42

The back story is actually irrelevant, you are quite right

That is a massively brave thing to say and it often takes people a long time to get to that point

Now, you have your perfect excuse to look after just you and dc. He matters no longer. There are no questions left to be answered.

Today is day one. Take it from there Thanks

Original poster
ScarletLady02 · 10/10/2013 23:46

There's part of me that feels relief. I dont' have to deal with his problems any more...in a way it's my friends I'm more upset about. And the fact that my DD has lost a friend, because I'm sorry but I'm NOT going put up with that for her sake. She's only 2.

I have heard from her...she's being defensive and stupid. He took advantage, she's heartbroken for her daughter, gutted she's lost a friend, I need to stop making her feel bad etc.

I really thought we'd be friends for years...

I just can't get over the fucking TEXT aspect of it....coward.

OP posts:
PerpendicularVince · 10/10/2013 23:47

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

thecatfromjapan · 10/10/2013 23:47

That's really horrible.

I'm struggling to find anything to say - I feel so bad for you. Perhaps that is an important thing? I can tell you that what has happened to you is a truly dreadful betrayal of trust - by both your husband and your friend - and the feelings you have are legitimate.

You were not wrong to trust either of them. It is, generally, good to trust people. Generally, we make good choices for ourselves. (

AnyFucker · 10/10/2013 23:48

Tell your ex-friend to fuck right off. Him too. Don't engage at all.

You have your freedom now. Use it wisely. He has done you a massive favour. I think you are realising it already, and that is to your credit.

MellowandFruitfulSnazzy · 10/10/2013 23:49

That is shitty behaviour from both of them, no way to excuse it. So sorry this has happened. You will find people you can trust again in the future and they will be worthy of your trust - I know that's not much consolation now. Hopefully there will be a way round this for your DD and her friend.

PerpendicularVince · 10/10/2013 23:49

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

JoinYourPlayfellows · 10/10/2013 23:50

2 year olds don't really have friends.

They just have other toddlers their mother arranges that they will play with.

Your daughter won't be in any way seriously discommoded by not seeing this little girl any more.

And that woman was never your friend.

YOU need to stop making HER feel bad?

That tells you everything you need to know about the kind of person she is.

Not one worth bothering with.

MellowandFruitfulSnazzy · 10/10/2013 23:51

'I need to stop making her feel bad' !! Angry That is shitty guilt-tripping on her part. She can stop feeling bad when she accepts what a shitty things she has done, totally unnecessarily, to a friend. She deserves to feel bad. Just don't even reply, OP.

AnyFucker · 10/10/2013 23:51

A 2yo will make many new friends in the future. There is absolutely no reason at all to try and salvage this little friendship she had.

Onwards. Just like your 2yo, move on to the next stage without a thought for the last one. A great philosophy these kiddiwinks have Smile

thecatfromjapan · 10/10/2013 23:54

If your dd is two, you really don't have to worry about her friendship. Really. Mine are older now, and I can promise you that friendships aren't all or nothing at that age.

I don't know your backstory but I tend to trust Anyfucker.

If she's accentuating the positive in this - reminding you that this is actually a beginning for you; a first step into a far free-er, far happier, less stressful life - I suspect she may be right.

You know, a year and a half from now, it is quite likely that you and your dd will be sharing an ice-cream in the sun, and you will be full of joy. It probably sounds unbelievable right now, but if his moving out was something that you had to do, and have done, you are actually moving towards a better place.

Your friend, alas, sounds needy. Are you the nurturing type? I'm a bit like that. It's generally a good thing, but I think that I/you/me have to watch out for people who we allow to treat us like doormats. Which we are not.

Original poster
ScarletLady02 · 11/10/2013 00:01

DH has done nothing BUT apologise. He's a seriously messed up person and I thought I could help him sort his problems out...I guess not. he has reason to be messed up, but that's not my responsibility anymore, as long as it doesn't affect DD, and I don't believe it will. He loves her dearly.

I am nurturing...I like helping people. I always try and see the good in people and try and ignore the bad. I need to man up.

I don't really want to die...I just said that. Don't worry Smile

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 11/10/2013 00:07

I didn't think you wanted to really die. These two cuntbadgers are not worth that, it is clear.

You wanted to help him be a better man ? Not gonna happen. Not ever.

Original poster
ScarletLady02 · 11/10/2013 00:11

I know that now AF...I've been kidding myself for a long time. The good stuff outweighed the bad by miles so it seemed worth it....now it doesn't.

I've got issues of my own, I need to sort those out and focus on being the best Mum I can be. DD is all I have now and she's amazing. She deserves a Mum who's happy.

I still miss him though...I keep swinging from anger to despair...I'm guessing that's normal!

OP posts:
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