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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Relationships

My world has just fallen apart...

112 replies

ScarletLady02 · 10/10/2013 23:03

Last week I posted about how my husband had left because he needed space to sort his head out.

He left town yesterday to go away for a few days. I just got a text from him admitting that on Tuesday night he slept with my best friend. She had been putting him up so he could still see DD. I have no reason at all to think anything was going on prior to this. He said they were both drunk, she's been having some problems as well, they had a massive argument, made up, hugged and it happened.

I feel sick. Her DD and my DD are best friends...they talk about each other all day long. I can't believe this has happened...I want to die

OP posts:

Report

Rules · 12/10/2013 21:14

Fair enough. You will find out one way or another anyway eventually. Sorry your going through this.

ScarletLady02 · 12/10/2013 21:18

Thanks...I'm going to be OK, I just know it. When I calm down from being upset and think about it logically, I KNOW we don't really work and the only way we ever will is with a lot of work on ourselves, which we can't do together...so I know this has to happen. Either way our lives will be better for it in the end.

OP posts:

Thisisaeuphemism · 12/10/2013 21:23

When you posted the other day about him going to stay with your friend, I thought why on earth would he do that. Now you know why :(

You sound stronger and I think it's really good you are planning your life without him as your partner. He hasn't been treating you well at all.

Rules · 12/10/2013 21:28

Yep, you will be fine eventually. It will be a whole new chapter in your life full of possibilities that you wouldn't have if you stayed in your relationship.

PerpendicularVince · 12/10/2013 21:39

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ScarletLady02 · 12/10/2013 21:46

He is getting proper help. He is in touch with the mental health crisis team and has to have weekly GP visits. He's been referred for emergency counselling.

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Rules · 12/10/2013 22:06

Scarlet your last posts throw a whole different light on this thread. Im sorry I didnt know about your other thread but without the last couple of posts about his mental health it just seemed like a simple case of him cheating. He might well be cheating but its not that simple is it. Poor you. What a hard time you must have been having with it all.

ScarletLady02 · 12/10/2013 22:14

That's what I meant when I was talking about the back story and me knowing the situation. His mental state doesn't excuse anything obviously, but it's like I've got this in-built thing that defends him because I know how much his childhood was ruined by his non-entity of a father. He was literally hopeless and suicidal a few days ago...he really didn't seem like someone having an affair, this is why I think it was a one-off. I'm not trying to drip-feed or anything, it just seemed like it wasn't totally relevant at the time and I'd explained it all before.

It is bloody hard...my Mum is really ill as well, I'm terrified of telling her what's happened.

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JoinYourPlayfellows · 12/10/2013 22:21

"He was literally hopeless and suicidal a few days ago...he really didn't seem like someone having an affair"

Sometimes people who are having affairs become very distressed by the dishonesty and stress of the double life they are leading.

I'm not saying their affair was ongoing, but I wouldn't take his poor mental state as proof that it wasn't.

ScarletLady02 · 12/10/2013 22:26

I'm not...I just know him. Like I said upthread, I might be completely wrong, but from what I know about him, I think this was the first time.

No matter what is actually going on, it doesn't change how I'm going to deal with things so I need to stop torturing myself. He's going to be there for DD, she'll be OK, that's the main thing. I can focus on getting the house sorted and my college course and making a better life for myself and DD. She's worth it, I don't know what I'd have done the last few days without her.

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Lucca22 · 12/10/2013 22:42

What a pair of lowlife's...don't worry neither of them will trust one another, knowing they've both cheated. Mine's just done the same thing, not with a friend because he managed to scare most of them away but with somebody who was all to happy to see a marriage and family split up, says a lot about her. It hurts but keep strong, let them pay the price because they will......time will see to that.

ScarletLady02 · 12/10/2013 22:57

Thanks Luca22

They've lost a good person, I know that's what I am. They will regret it and I will be stronger for it. I am still at the stage where I don't feel like anyone will ever "get" me like DH does...but hopefully that will change.

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mignonette · 12/10/2013 23:00

I'm sorry to read this Scarlett.

Sending you love and a virtual >>

And .

FarOverTheRainbow · 12/10/2013 23:00

So so sorry, I have no advice but will had hold xxx

PerpendicularVince · 12/10/2013 23:05

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ScarletLady02 · 12/10/2013 23:12

Thanks...it doesn't feel like I am snuggled up on the sofa with biscuits, wine and a duvet. This place has saved me!

OP posts:

PerpendicularVince · 12/10/2013 23:35

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ScarletLady02 · 12/10/2013 23:48

Thank-you

You all keep reminding me I don't have to put up with this and that I'm better than this. I have really low self esteem so it's good to be reminded of these things when I'm feeling low.

It's scary the thought of being single though...I haven't really been single since I was 15...that's half my life! I've never even been on a date!

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Rules · 12/10/2013 23:52

You will be fine...biscuits, wine and a duvet...what more does a girl need lol....

ScarletLady02 · 12/10/2013 23:53

That's true...I've got a rabbit upstairs if I get lonely

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PerpendicularVince · 13/10/2013 01:18

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ScarletLady02 · 13/10/2013 01:39

Ah bollox, now I feel a bit drunk and depressed, Why the fuck did they do this to me? All I've ever done is be supportive and nice and help them both through shit...this is how the repay me. What the fuck is wrong with me?

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PerpendicularVince · 13/10/2013 01:54

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

mammadiggingdeep · 13/10/2013 02:30

Er....nothing is wrong with you. There's something wrong with both of them though. Remember that! Xx

ScarletLady02 · 13/10/2013 10:46

I feel like the weather today....dull and shit. I just want to go back to bed, got hardly any sleep.

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