How long does it take to 'get over' and how to immunise myself ?

[redundantandbitter]

So, it's been nearly 4 weeks since being dumped for yoga lady. Bloody hard, long days and crap sleepless nights. Body is falling apart . He has done this previously (2.5 yrs ago) but returned 5 weeks later. We are NC but am panicking at the thought of him tipping up again with his "hi honey, how are you?" emails. I lurk here to distract myself and there's lots of good advice but I still feel weak and confused and like there is more to come . I only say this as I know his behaviour patterns. Last time we spoke was weeks ago and he said see you in a couple of weeks . Not sure why? Argh. In addition, Has anyone truly honestly stayed 'friends' with an ex? (Apart from Simon Cowell).

We were friends via our DC for a couple of years before it all happened, there was always an attraction between us.

The stupid thing is I did come on here for advice and then I ignored it all. I bitterly regret the hurt I caused my STBXH. He found out. We hadn't been happy for a long time and I should have ended the marriage sooner after being verbally abused for years.

I'm not a vindictive person but I did think about telling his GF about us - she has been with him for 10 years and has no idea what he's done, he's made their relationship a complete shame. He left his wife (who is lovely) and for what? He couldn't even stay faithful to 'the love of his life'

Yes. All sounds very familiar here too. I knew EXP at college 25 yrs ago and he carried a torch all that time . I was completely oblivious, obviously! I was 'the love of his life' and he said he's being kind to me by ending our relationship without the 'overlap' which is how he described our relationship. Otherwise known as an affair to normal people. So, really I should be pleased he's doing me a favour! But he has overlapped, found a shiny thing and fallen hook Line and sinker for her.. Wrangled for several weeks... Leaving me all confused and unsure of what was happening coz I KNEW something was afoot but not sure what exactly . And then dumped me, after having sex 3 times in that period... Hmmm ta very much.

Telling his GF wouldn't have got your anywhere and you may have ended up embroiled and deeper in the whole mess ... Well done for walking away . Bloody hard. So you are a single parent now?

Hi R&B. Wil pm you x

How did you get on at the doctor's today?

Are you okay after the weekend?

Ah, you kind lovely thing.

Just got back docs. Tears as expected but I madea list of bullet points to say as I know they don't have long. Never met this GP before. He was kind. Agreed with 50mg of a/d's and made an app to go back to review. Just had a read of the side effects!!!! Also says my driving may be affected so ill have to tell work tomorrow as I often need to drive.

I cried and then had a massive nosebleed in his room, and I got to relive my embarrassment again when I said Exp had a spiritual awakening... He pulled that face.. The one everyone has pulled... It makes me feel ashamed.

How are you hun?

Well done. They have to put all the side effects down. My GP tells me not to read them.

I was so worried about side effects for mine but I only had very mild effects. That's not to say you won't have any but if you take them and are concerned then just go back to your GP.

I am not too good today, but thanks for asking. I'm back at work tomorrow after 2 weeks. I can't even remember if I was due back today and am panicking about that but will deal with that tomorrow.

Really really well done r&b for going. That's great to hear and I hope they start helping soon.

As for crying to the doctor I think that's par for the course. The reason I cried is because I was thinking "I cannot believe that this man has sent me so low". I felt embarrassed. Like I was not my normal self all because of what he did.

As for the "face" I can imagine. It makes me pull a face when I see you write it. But you have nothing to be embarrassed about. He is the fruit loop, not you. He is the one who cheated, not you. You can hold your head high.

Hello, Glad you went. Don't you hate it when the GP thinks you are 'one of those' women I was so bad at one time years ago that my gp use to let me sit in a side room before he got me then used to let me out of the back door!! Luckily I'd known hmi since childhood and he knew my family so he didn't think I was mad I sometimes wonder what they think of us really - mid you it mmust be rewarding when they see us come out of itxx

Blimey ! A side room and a back door, you poor thing!

I don't know what he thought - probably checking his watch. He did ask about the kids, and money and told me he would sign me off work any time, just had to ask. I should have gone weeks ago - stupid dur brain.

Anyway, I've had 12 days off work and am dreading going in tomorrow - esp now I have to flag up the 'driving' on the meds box. More bleedin embarrassment.

what hope you get through tomorrow ok, sorry today wasn't good. Hug x

Evening Redundant, How did you get on today - did you tell them about the meds?x

Hi cjel felt really sick most of the day. Had to go into work and say I couldn't do my job properly and was given 'light duties' around the office but I prefer it tbh. Boss looked at my meds and read all the side effects. Urgh. So I'm doing office stuff for 2 weeks which is a big help actually and I'm grateful.

My lovely brother is on the same meds (!) and he called last night and we laughed at how sad we are with our side effects. He's coming to visit me for the weekend - neither of us have our kids - so its just us two which will be really lovely - even though he's nearly 50!

Only welled up once today. Of course I still miss him, miss chatting and texting and SEX . Some small part of him will miss me too. V sad.

Thanks for asking x

Hi R&B. Yesterday sounds like it was a bit better. Good! Well done!

I hope today is a fraction better too. You will get there just like that

Hope you have a lovely weekend with you DB, so glad that your boss is supportive, very different from some bosses. I had a two word response to my email to H yesterday and cried to see his name in my inbox!!! how pathetic is that?
Do you feel any better today? Hopefully the meds should work soonxx

Feel much better thanks.

I know how you feel - I got an email 2 weeks ago that was cold and curt ... I was crying before I even opened it.

They don't even know what they're doing to us and they don't care.

Come on karma. .. Do your thing... Please!

Oh you poor things my ex texted me a few weeks ago and I literally froze in my tracks when I heard his text tone. I was shaking and dry mouthed when I read it. I won't tell you what it said because your eyes will roll out of your heads

Hope today is calm and peaceful for you two today

thank you and you BITxx

Hi OP and all the regulars here who are helping the OP and who have been through the wringer themselves, been lurking from the beginning and just wanted to say how amazing I think you all are. Sounds like ya'all have been through some sad times. Big hand squeeze.

Hi cjel and BIT hope you feel a bit calmer after your text/emails from ex's. your heart just breaks doesn't it? So sad that other people are going through shite too.

Off to counselling this morning, feeling anxious - not sure if its the meds or me!

Thanks cake your squeeze is much appreciated.

Oh I envy you your counselling, I used to look forward to mine!! I am sitting here feeling crap with a head cold now!!!

Oh no cjel, that's all you need. Hot toddy later?

Hope the couselling goes well R&B and you're able to get some more peace from it

You are one day closer to emerging into the sunshine R&B x

Two crappy miserable fed up days. More tears daily. I am taking the meds as directed and know it will take time but I still can't get past the.. 'I love you but she's warm and spiritual'. I invested so much. He was my friend and we were constantly in touch. It's such a bitter pill to swallow that he went away for 10 days and couldn't remember me when faced with a shiny thing. We were in love. We weren't in a failing relationship, we didn't fight, we were loving , caring and relaxed. I am genuinely gutted. Still.

I know I know , I'm just stuck.

Sorry

Don't apologise, I find weekends really hard everyone else seems coupled up and there aren't the daily distractions to keep you busy. I used to come in and shut the door and cry every friday!!!

It is really early days for you. This is just a bad couple of days not an indicator of how tomorrow or the rest of your life will be The pills can't take away the pain they can only get you to a place where you can cope with it. Go with the flow and wallow today and you'll soon get fed up with itxx

I dreamt about him last night. Dreamt he phoned me and said "hi, it's me" . It was very real. I was up early this morning with my hobby and have been preoccupied with this dream all day. I dearly want to see him.

You poor sausage xx

That feeling of never seeing them again...crippling pain

Try and get a long bath and an early night tonight and I hope you can drift off for a lovely pecaeful night.

We are right behind you cheering you on xx

Thank you, I know I am on repeat and sound woolly. I am just struggling.

Got a 90 min round trip drive to collect my DDs from their dads. Freelance work this evening. It's my daughter 5 th birthday in Thursday and nothing really organised. I feel such a shit mum now too. Not a lot is going right. Ok, I know I need a shake