How long does it take to 'get over' and how to immunise myself ?

[redundantandbitter]

So, it's been nearly 4 weeks since being dumped for yoga lady. Bloody hard, long days and crap sleepless nights. Body is falling apart . He has done this previously (2.5 yrs ago) but returned 5 weeks later. We are NC but am panicking at the thought of him tipping up again with his "hi honey, how are you?" emails. I lurk here to distract myself and there's lots of good advice but I still feel weak and confused and like there is more to come . I only say this as I know his behaviour patterns. Last time we spoke was weeks ago and he said see you in a couple of weeks . Not sure why? Argh. In addition, Has anyone truly honestly stayed 'friends' with an ex? (Apart from Simon Cowell).

HA HA! Do you want a shake or would you really rather have a hug(((Hug))) just in casexx

Right. Get yourself upstairs and wash your face and clean your teeth so you feel more awake.

Make a list of what you have to do. You can do it on a dictaphone in the car while you drive then write it up when you get home.

Then, get an early night and try and sleep.

Give yourself the best chance to be all up and at 'em in the noring

And don't worry about repeating yourself. It's understandable and fine x

Thanks. Feel better now the DDs are home. Had a blip earlier. Sorry, and thank you for responses

I call mine 'wobbles'! Glad you feel better nowx

'Wobble ' is one of my EXP's words - it use to make my heart sink. It meant trouble ahead. Always. But I know what you mean, ta chuck.

Least I have a quiet life.

Oh dear, well you won't wobble then, You blip!!!

Hello r&b and cjel. Hope today isn't too blippy

thanks bit, has started bit blippy for me! My cold is doing well and my hormones as well!! getting up and going out to see some friends so it will get better!! Hope you are all having a good dayx

Hi R&B my thoughts are with you cos my feelings certainly are, am in a very similar situation to you also the timeline, atm I have good days and bad, today for some reason has been bad. I think you feel the same as me, being left behind in this pissy life while he is off skipping hand in hand, makes me SO angry. Like you I have NC but that is due to him, I wake up thinking what they are doing and going to sleep thinking what they have done. Seeing no end to this :-(
BUT listening to all the great advise on here gives me hope for us both ((hugs))

Hi cjel hope you had a nice time out today and are feeling better.

such you poor thing, we could sit and weep together, how sad and pathetic are we. Left behind to live with broken hearts and crippling pain. Sorry to hear about your situation too. How are you getting through the days? I have been on antidepressants for a week and am seeing a Relate counsellor, I don't always agree 100% with her but its a valuable time for me to sob and waffle on and it helps.

The last three nights I dreamt of him, phone calls, conversations, I felt him Holding my hand. Last night I dreamt I reached my hands up his shirt and opened his chest, I took his heart in both my hands and was trying to locate his heart strings. Pretty f'ing sad huh? Total friggin loser

Hope you are having a better day today such x

Much better thanks and good day. How about you?

I dream as well although the feelings are very easily shrugged off now.
(I'm 2 years ahead of you) Somehow have the dreams and thoughts without the strong pain and anguish now so that must be good.

Heres to a good sleep with no thoughts of 'their life' or 'them' in our dreams only dreams of how strong and happy we are going to be

I wish I had a crystal ball to see into the future... I wish I could see his life falling apart and him grovelling apologies to me while I snog some handsome chap who's NORMAL.. Then I could stop moping around now and do bikini line in preparation get on with my life.

Shallow dreams don't help - sorry to hear you still them 2 yrs on. You've had a crappy time indeed!

Thanks and night

its sort of ok about the dreams as I don't have the emotion about them that I used to . Remember what they say that the best revenge is to live a good life well
Sweet Dreams!!!!

R & B if we sat & cried together I would fear we would never stop! I am reduced to living back at home with ma & pa so can't really cry my heart out as loudly as I would like - Christ I will be 52 at the end of the year :-(
All the plans for getting married,moving to another country, being together for ever, gone cos he was a cowardly, lying, cheating shitbag. I would have laid my life down for him and gave up so so much, it's the devastation of him throwing me to the kerb that hurts the most.
I think I should have gone to the doc for AD's but trying to go without, although some days when I am especially bad I think I should just make an appointment. I only have temp work atm so think a perm job is the way forward.
My family and friends have been fantastic I couldn't ask for more but am worried they will be getting fed up with me but reading yr posts I know u feel exactly the same, God I sound like a weirdo, I promise I am not ! Just a woman totally, totally heartbroken.
Hope you sleep well tonight x

Oh such. Your post made me well up. In fact, I could've written it 10 months ago (even the bit about moving to another country)

Keep going. There's pain and tears to grind through but you will come out the other side. Promise.

I hope my friends cjel and R&B are ok today too

I had a skinful on Monday night and came this close > < to texting the ex. Thank fuck I didn't. I did the while listening to our songs, sobbing routine which I haven't done for MONTHS. think the combination of drink, hormones, and going to see a band we both liked tipped me over the edge I'm fine now though. Apart from the headache yesterday

Oh what are we like. I have often thought there should be a weekly group you can go to and discuss what's happened to you.. Relationships wise... But for now it's counselling and meds and MN.

such thanks for your post - what on earth happened? You sound broken, least you have your m&d around, and a roof over your head. Yes, your post made me well up to. I was so looking forward to getting married ... And he knew that. It's a bitter, bitter pill. Hope you feel better today? Why not let your GP know how you're feeling?

bit - this is why I don't drink! So sorry you had a sad time . I have to listen to radio 4 as i can't listen to music. Well done for NOT texting though.

It's so very very hard. I have been shipping for my daughters 5th birthday tomorrow and I came over all sad. No one to share any chat with, missing physical contact and sex. Missing the compliments and adoration. I will never forgive him.

Hello Ladies, Hope today has been better for you all. I've had a day in front of tv with my cold but feel very relaxed and happy I hope its not to long until you join mex

That's good to hear cjel

I'm F&D today too. Drink definiteky depresses me when I'm due on and I shouldn't do it. I know I feel better today after a booze free night last night

R&B I made a "safe" playlist on my iPod that I listened too, jam packed with "fuck you" and "I will survive" type songs.

A safe playlist, good idea. I would rather plod on with radio 4 for the time being. Dull. I know. At work the radio is in and i find lots of songs v hard to hear. I just cry.

Xmas is going to a complete bastard! My ex is groovy but he always had a thing about Mariah Carey at Xmas... It made me cringe and laugh at the same time... Argh

Joining you on the sofa cjel wrapping birthday presents for my dd tomorrow.

RandB Christmas will be different, It will be tearful but doesn't have to be bad. How exciting for your dd how old will she be?xx

I know xmas will be hard. Last year was the First Xmas day that I saw him..even though it was at 1130 at night after he's finished work.

DDs father is messing me about with Xmas childcare as he only wants to do the minimum but I have to work as its the busiest time if the year - but he won't look after DDs if he thinks he's doing me a favour.

So I will be running around like an idiot, holding it all together. My youngest is 5 tomorrow. My eldest has her 9th birthday at the December which makes it all more hectic. Sorry, I have a propensity to feel sorry for myself.

Thats ok, You don't sound like you do. I've had a good wallow this week with my cold and hormones, I have had a real pity week but I don't have the pain and I can feel it lifting tonight. for the first t ime ever I think I will be with friends not family for christmas and that hurts, My dd will be going to friends and my DS hasn't invited me(Yet?) it feels quite hurtful but I have to get on with it don't I? Hope dds dad comes up trumps for the girls. y little grandson is 2 on Monday, its lovely when they still enjoy the excitement isn't it?

Oh no, Hormones & cold isn't a good combination. Hope you're curled up all warm and comfy?

Could you ask DS about Xmas or have you already made plans with friends?

Thanks for your words. Much appreciated. Had a meeting at work today and instead of my usual boring everyday job I may be able to get involved with a project that I like the sound of. Instead of feeling pleased I just think ' I would love to tell him' - WTF , why can't I eject him from my head and heart. It's messing me up .

It does mess you up doesn't it, I don't know why we do it ,I'd still like to share things with him sometimes. DS and his partner have 3dcs and only got their first home together this year so they may well want their first christmas together, we all live in same small town so I will see them in the morning anyway and we have a big get together (14 of us) the day after boxing day so I'll enjoy the time with my friends

New project sounds hopeful something to get stuck into and make new memories.xx