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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

How long does it take to 'get over' and how to immunise myself ?

584 replies

redundantandbitter · 09/10/2013 23:28

So, it's been nearly 4 weeks since being dumped for yoga lady. Bloody hard, long days and crap sleepless nights. Body is falling apart . He has done this previously (2.5 yrs ago) but returned 5 weeks later. We are NC but am panicking at the thought of him tipping up again with his "hi honey, how are you?" emails. I lurk here to distract myself and there's lots of good advice but I still feel weak and confused and like there is more to come . I only say this as I know his behaviour patterns. Last time we spoke was weeks ago and he said see you in a couple of weeks . Not sure why? Argh. In addition, Has anyone truly honestly stayed 'friends' with an ex? (Apart from Simon Cowell).

OP posts:
cjel · 27/11/2013 21:12

BOOP, lasted over two years here and not yet met anyone I want to scratch meGrin

Original poster
redundantandbitter · 27/11/2013 21:22

Oh you sweetheart BOOP , v kind.

I hear what you say, but I am still so very much in love with my police man. He is the one BIG love of my life.

Anyway I work in two lots of mostly male environments and NEVER has anyone expressed an interest (apart from
A weird postman colleague that started sexting me last year!). People are smiley and friendly ... But nothing, I mean
Zilch. It's not like I have 2 heads or anything. (Could be the unflattering uniforms). So there's no danger of another man.

OP posts:
BitOutOfPractice · 27/11/2013 21:25

I'm not saying it'll be tomorrow or next year or whenever. But it'll happen.

I hear you about the love of your life thing. I HEAR you (have you read my PMs?!?!) but if there's one certain thing in life it's that nothing ever stays the same

BitOutOfPractice · 27/11/2013 21:26

And no two loves are the same either. Some loves are wild and woolly. Some are quiet and sweet. Both just as valid.

cjel · 27/11/2013 21:27

I'll be pleased when it does!! Just not actively seeking - maybe its because 35 of being attached I'm enjoying finding me!!Smile

BitOutOfPractice · 27/11/2013 21:36

Well that is a very good thing to be doing cjel Grin

I have learned in the last 16 months that I do not need a man to be happy. I have had some marvellous adventures (literally danced in a hurricane) and experienced real highs and lows. IT most certainly is a learning curve when you have your heart broken

cjel · 27/11/2013 21:37

strange how it can be the best and worst time isn't it?

BitOutOfPractice · 27/11/2013 21:43

It is. I think it's because all of your emotions are just so raw. You feel everything accutely - whether good or bad

Original poster
redundantandbitter · 27/11/2013 21:55

Don't! It's just bad.

Just getting more accustomed to sticking him in a dark corner of my mind. Oh now, I am crying again . The thought of him pushing me into a dark corner and not thinking of me. Poo poo poo POO

OP posts:
suchatwat · 28/11/2013 05:40

Hii R & B wide awake at 5.30 :-/ thought I was getting better then listened to an old mowtown song late last night on YouTube, then the tears started and I realized I was far from it :-/
I really hope we can all look back at this time next year and think WTF I was thinking about letting that poor excuse for a man making me feel like that. MUCH easier said than done I know, but gotta make a start eh.
Hope you have a better day today, am going to try and grab an hour's sleep before the alarm goes off !!

Original poster
redundantandbitter · 28/11/2013 11:36

Hey such you must be Knackered. Hope you get through the day. I don't listen to ANY music. It's crappy but we met 4 years ago and Xmas is too full of songs for me to risk the radio. It's radio 4 or nowt! Step away from YouTube

OP posts:
Putitonthelist · 28/11/2013 12:02

Funny you should mention songs. I've just danced around the kitchen to a CD that I couldn't have handled listening to even a few weeks ago. I've reclaimed it!! I never thought I could listen to those songs again. It's taken over 9 months. There is one song that I still can't bear to play which annoys me as it was always MY song and he made it OURS - he's stolen it from me. I've tried to play it, tried to watch the video on Youtube but I just can't Sad

Justwakingup · 28/11/2013 15:09

Hi, I hope that you dont mind me joining in your thread, but reading it over the last few weeks has helped me so much.

My story is similar, or maybe not, I wont go into detail but I had an affair with a MM for 18 months, he promised me the world and then he dumped me for someone else (not his wife) my world was turned upside down and I have really struggled to cope with life in general for months.

I still think about him all the time and the jealousy, at times, I think is going to kill me. I have good days and bad ones.

I hate that anyone else feels the same way as I do, but in a way it is strangely comforting to know that others know how I feel. I know my situation is different, he was never mine, but the pain is still the same...

Original poster
redundantandbitter · 28/11/2013 16:08

Oh just come on in, sit down, take a tissue. It's good to have you. X

OP posts:
Putitonthelist · 28/11/2013 16:13

Come on in just We're all at different stages here, how long is it since your relationship ended?

Hope everyone is ok today x

BitOutOfPractice · 28/11/2013 16:22

Hello just and welcome to heartbreak hotel Grin

Original poster
redundantandbitter · 28/11/2013 16:27

We know exactly how you feel, you poor love. Unfortunately know the pain, heartache, betrayal , despair and helplessness. I dont lnow why we've all been treated so badly. Everyone here is LOVELY!

OP posts:
BitOutOfPractice · 28/11/2013 17:42

Sorry that was a lame attempt at humour. Sorry you've been through this too. It hurts like hell xx

Original poster
redundantandbitter · 28/11/2013 18:07

Listen to Boop, she's the sensible one.

We're all battered and scarred but still alive...

OP posts:
Putitonthelist · 28/11/2013 18:37

We need to sort a get together in the New Year!!

Original poster
redundantandbitter · 28/11/2013 18:46

Yey! put we could catch up before then x

OP posts:
Putitonthelist · 28/11/2013 18:54

Yes - just let me know when suits you - EXH has children every other weekend and one night in the week x

suchatwat · 28/11/2013 19:25

Evening all
R & B my eyes tonight are sooooo tired, think I will b asleep before my head touches the pillow!
Hi just, welcome to this club that none of us ever expected us to be in ourselves in, but like u said we do gain comfort from,I certainly do
A New Year gathering sounds great, where are you all based? I am in the Midlands.
It's hard to believe that there is a band of men out there who makes such heartfelt promises and deliver nothing, that's what I can't get my head around.

suchatwat · 28/11/2013 19:27

On a lighter note, lets make a song list that we can listen to without lumps in our throats

BitOutOfPractice · 28/11/2013 20:30

Sensible? Sensible? I take exception to that!!!

I'm actually a bit hysterical. Good friend of mine was buried today. Had a few too many sherbets.

I must admit that, despite the sad circs of us meeting here, it's rather my favourite spot on mn!

New year meet sounds great! I'm darn sarf but am from the midlands and am up there often