How long does it take to 'get over' and how to immunise myself ?

[redundantandbitter]

So, it's been nearly 4 weeks since being dumped for yoga lady. Bloody hard, long days and crap sleepless nights. Body is falling apart . He has done this previously (2.5 yrs ago) but returned 5 weeks later. We are NC but am panicking at the thought of him tipping up again with his "hi honey, how are you?" emails. I lurk here to distract myself and there's lots of good advice but I still feel weak and confused and like there is more to come . I only say this as I know his behaviour patterns. Last time we spoke was weeks ago and he said see you in a couple of weeks . Not sure why? Argh. In addition, Has anyone truly honestly stayed 'friends' with an ex? (Apart from Simon Cowell).

Today is my lying piece of shit's birthday, makes me angry with myself wondering how he is spending it, this time last year we were so happy, the only hope is this time next year I will be happy. I so want contact with him , so many things remind me of him, sad to say I would give anything just to be how we were but then realise he wouldn't give a dam, how could I have judged someone so wrong, makes me question my ability to know anyone.

Honey - I know! I feel exactly the same - it was his birthday on 2nd. Getting through that day was a challenge . DON'T contact him, distract distract. Have you got someone with you - or someone you can call for a chat / moan?

Post on here !!!

Being on MN has probably saved me when I read about others people's life's. I just want a way out of here :-( we DESERVE better they don't deserve us R & B

I was so looking forward to our future together. Wedding planned in my head ... He'd even talked about what he'd like as the first song.. What he was wearing...

I was just an easy doormat . He loved me. But not much, not as much as I loved him back.

They don't deserve us. But it would nice if I could turn back the clock, I would turn yours back too. I would take more photos. I only have one of us together. :(

I have great friends who I can chat and moan to, but feel that they have moved on from him (wish I could!)they helped a lot in the early days of me breaking my heart down the phone etc
Yep we, especially him, planned where we would get married, live , I just loved him so much just went along with what he wanted. That's why I can't get my head around him not choosing to be with me. Have made a pact with myself, just keep going and get this year out of the way and start afresh next year, easier said than done but that is my plan. Funnily enough we don't have that many pictures of "us", thought we had the rest of our lives to take them :-(

I don't know what to say, you poor thing. Big hugs for all you broken hearted beautiful women out there.

Same here, friends have moved on and have their lives etc. bless them, they're good but busy.

I am still seeing my Relate counsellor and that's the place I can cry and Whinge . Are you seeing someone you can talk to? How long were you together for?

No, no relate just friends and on here.
18 months this time but met him over 20 years the first time, left my husband for him as he promised me the earth, chased me and convinced me we were meant to be together and all that crap, we even lived together for 2 months in Montreal but he couldn't quite cut ties with his wife!

R&B you say you think he didn't want to treat her badly, mine actually said outloud when first discussing whether or not we would stay together that he didn't see why she had to be hurt in all of it!!!! He had no concept that me, dcs, dgcs, parents , friends ec. etc. were being hurt if he chose not to hurt her!!!!

Oh shit.

Sounds v similar. I knew my ex at college 25 yrs ago... I was the one, the unrequited love. Blah blah blah.

My partner moved out. That's shitty for him, but he only went once he'd got a work colleague to move in with - they're married now !

He chased me for ages. I never doubted our future. Dopey bloody cow. Sent him a letter today . It needed to be done. For nothing left to lose anyway so might as well get it off my chest.

Where is your ex now?

Ex husband or ex twunt??
Twunt in Canada all cosy with wifey I am guessing, NC from either, she has my contact details which I gave her when I told her about us, can only guess he has brain washed her with even more lies. I actually feel quite sorry for her as now everytime he steps out of the house she will be wondering what he is up to.

What made you sent a letter today?

So you moved to C and then he CHANGED HIS MIND? WTF ?

Anniversary, I guess , made me send it. Had been drafting it for a while. Now it's gone.

Basically yes, I always thought he was an alpha male but reality was he was a cowardly lying piece of shit, so not the man I thought he was.
What did say to him in the letter, if you don'tmind revealing?

RandB - do you feel you've done the right thing still by sending the letter?

Too late cjel it's gone in t'post.

It was a plain, straightforward character assassination. Yeah, dead obvious I know, blah blah you're not the person you think you are, blah blah, setting a bad example/embarrassing dad .. Blah blah never be happy ...addicted to the exciting adrenaline highs of new interesting girl friends (I'm bloody interesting by the way!)..blah blah. Typed it up. Cold and probably made me look deranged but who gives a flying f..k

((hugs)) R&B. You've done what feels right for you and that's the main thing. I wrote a very similar letter to him fully intending to send it. I got to the point where I thought I'll send it next week and next week never came. Hey you were with this guy for 4 years, you have every right to offload on him.

I guess it makes no difference if you're the most interesting/funny/beautiful woman that ever walked the earth, if they're going to cheat then they're going to cheat. My friends were actually shocked when they met my ex, they all thought I was far too good for him - I was infatuated, I didn't listen, I didn't want to hear it. Now I know he is one flawed and f**ked up individual, I just wish I'd seen the real him earlier.

Oh heck R&B. You sent it! You know he won't contact you don't you

Sorry that sounded harsh. I hope you're ok x

Morning, As long as the itch has gone and you don't feel the need to scratch it again!! Then we will sit on you so you can't get to the post box

Yeah. It's totally fine! All done and dusted. Box closed.

boop I don't want him to contact me. I just needed a chance to get some stuff off my chest rant

I hope it makes you feel better long term hon

I feel surprisingly calm. Think the meds are finally kicking in.

Missing some male company though ... Think
I Must be ovulating ..ha ha TMI?

What's that old saying?? to get over one man, get under another Lol :-)

Nooooooooo totally OFF men.

How are you such?

Oh that won't last forever R&B. You'll have an itch that needs scratching at some point

Look out for an envelope at the address you gave me