How long does it take to 'get over' and how to immunise myself ?

[redundantandbitter]

So, it's been nearly 4 weeks since being dumped for yoga lady. Bloody hard, long days and crap sleepless nights. Body is falling apart . He has done this previously (2.5 yrs ago) but returned 5 weeks later. We are NC but am panicking at the thought of him tipping up again with his "hi honey, how are you?" emails. I lurk here to distract myself and there's lots of good advice but I still feel weak and confused and like there is more to come . I only say this as I know his behaviour patterns. Last time we spoke was weeks ago and he said see you in a couple of weeks . Not sure why? Argh. In addition, Has anyone truly honestly stayed 'friends' with an ex? (Apart from Simon Cowell).

It was one of the reasons why I was cared to start ADs as I suffer from terrifying nightmares as a result of things that have happened in the past but luckily I haven't experienced any side effects.

3 weeks is no time at all. I remember my DM telling me that in a few weeks I won't be able to cry - she was right. It took me about 6 weeks to feel any benefit. You'll get there too.

Can you focus on one thing a day for yourself?

Didn't get much done but that's okay. I did go to the shops, do it in small bursts so I can cope. Spent time looking at clothes and bought myself a diary for next year so I can put my plans in.

You're a bloody inspiration. I guess I am a 'looking back' depressive type. I looked at presents and stuff in shops that I would love to buy for him. I even bought nice new underwear to replace what i returned to him. but he wont see it. The bra fitting woman commented on being thin (what is it with people?). I have so much to do and he seems to dominate my thoughts - awake and asleep. It's utter madness. I miss him so much. It would be better if he was dead - I admit I am on hold, just waiting for him. WTF? I find it unbelievably difficult to comprehend that he's not thinking of / concerned about me . We didn't fall
Out, end badly, didn't fight, nothing.

Evening Ladies. I'm sorry to hear that today has been bad,It is one less bad day you will have to have. Please be reassured that after just a few weeks it is very normal to ache with pain and exhaustion from crying ( how can eyelids sting so much?) I didn't wash his pillow case so I could smell him at your stage I was just starting not to buy stuff he used to eat 'in case he popped in' .just trying to not text him with excuses for us to get together or text things I 'just had to' chat about.
Everytime the door or phone went, every time an email came I used to hope it was him, I used to mentally plan our new life together and even cut the grass in case!!!

I hope you manage to get some peaceful sleep tonightxx

cjel not just me then? Phew. I'm still NC. Since late sept. it's awful. Ok, I'm off to bed now. WARNING - No drinking tonight and driving tomorrow morning (in the north west) as I am on a traffic duty first thing! I should take up a more normal pastime like crochet

Night and thanks to you all for being understanding, yet again

NO definitely not just you. Hope you get peaceful sleepxx

You too hun x

I even wore his pants! Beat that!!

Night x

Not sure I want to beat that!!x

Oh boop totally Understand the pants thing.. I gave them back to him or I probably would have done the same.

Back home and defrosting. Freezing out there on the streets - and I'm wearing tights under my trousers and a thermal vest! V attractive - can't imagine why he left me

I've still got some of his pants. They are comfy to wear in bed when I'm on. See, I've relegated his designer undies to period pants. Somehow that seems appropriate

So sorry you're feeling so bad R&B. It's just shit, I wish I could wave a magic wand and make you feel better. I don't think this time of year helps - miserable weather and all the bloody Christmas adverts.... I've had a busy weekend so barely thought about my horrible encounter with him on Thursday, think my ONS has helped too, although I'm not encourging you to do that!!

put i had some very distracting mindless sex about 6 months into the process. I found it very useful!

I would definitely recommend it BOOP although it's taken me 9 months to sleep with someone else - it was just the tonic I needed - especially as he was better then my ex!!!!

Ha! Good for you put!

I had a very enjoyable but futureless fling with a neighbour! Oh we had some fun! Just what I needed!

Get you two!!! How brave are you???

My gorgeous EXP was EXCELLENT in bed. There won't be anyone like that. So many firsts and lots of fun, laughs and trust. I loved sex with him. Had to get to 39 yrs before I realised I just hasn't discovered chemistry - then I met him . Oh, so THIS is what is all about. Better than in the films. We were so proud of our love life. Confused.com

Once again r&b I hear you! I had mind blowing sex with ex. Opened up soooooo many new experiences to me. He was so open and honest about sex possibly because he was foreign We had a blast. Including just a few hours before I found out about his deceit.

But do you know what? It's possible to have great sex with other people. I've had quite a bit of it this last 18 months and now that I have a bf I can assure you that it can be --even better- just as good. Don't despair! You will have great sex again!

Sorry not posted your book. Been a bit frantic. But it's on my list.

How are you (and my fellow regulars) today?

We had 3 months of the best 'leaving sex' ever between the time I found out about OW and moving out!!!! Apparently she wasn't very pleased when he told her

I'm two years on and haven't even seen any one else let alone had sex, but I am quite happy that its right for me!!!!

Hi all,

OK, I have to be honest and say sex with my ex wasn't mindblowing. He was an amazing kisser, very tactile and affectionate and foreplay was always fab but the actual act erm wasn't. I think that's why my fab ONS has been such a step forward for me.

R&B it's such early days for you to even be thinking about having sex with anyone else but it will happen.

BOOP and cjel - how interesting that you should both have the most amazing sex as they were planning to leave. I can't even get my head around that!!

I've just been asked out by a very gorgeous and very much younger guy (who is known to me) - just debating what to do????

put my ex wasn't planning on leaving. He wasn't planning on me finding out about the ow. He was planning on continuing to have his cake and eat it!

Bloody hell BOOP sorry x I'm sorry that I don't know you story. How did you find out? Is he still with the OW?

Mine was still wanting both of us as well, but I had to wait until the new house I was renting was ready, it helped me through a rough time so I thought why not

She liked a comment I'd made on his FB wall. After 5 months of him trampling my heart, lying and minimising, I decided to do more digging and finally found out the full truth about her and him. And lots of other shocking stuff that I won't detail here as it will out me. I confronted him with the evidence the next day. He denied. I haven't laid eyes on him since and have no idea if he's even still in the country any more.

Amazing. It feels like I'm writing about someone else, not the man I adored.

Oh put , I know what you mean - you can't quite believe that the person you're talking about is the man you adored. But actions speak louder than words and all that...

My ex still managed to shag me in the kitchen after a week of 'sorry I've met someone else' . I kissed him and we still had the same attraction and one thing led to another. I wish it hadn't tbh. Feel a bit shit. He would have had both of us but don't think he wanted to treat HER badly. Obviously I don't matter. Guess that's why I have kept out of his way.

It was our 4 year anniversary yesterday :(

Oh r&b yesterday must've been tough xx

Yes