How long does it take to 'get over' and how to immunise myself ?

[redundantandbitter]

So, it's been nearly 4 weeks since being dumped for yoga lady. Bloody hard, long days and crap sleepless nights. Body is falling apart . He has done this previously (2.5 yrs ago) but returned 5 weeks later. We are NC but am panicking at the thought of him tipping up again with his "hi honey, how are you?" emails. I lurk here to distract myself and there's lots of good advice but I still feel weak and confused and like there is more to come . I only say this as I know his behaviour patterns. Last time we spoke was weeks ago and he said see you in a couple of weeks . Not sure why? Argh. In addition, Has anyone truly honestly stayed 'friends' with an ex? (Apart from Simon Cowell).

R&B - he will have lied to her about you and some of it will probably include that you are unhinged!! If you contact her , whatever you think the reasons are it will come across as unhinged and confirm her opinion of you and do nothing for her opinion of him, leave well alone. Look what you are doing - I'm in danger of agreeing with BOOP

You know it makes sense cjel!

I am liking BOOP as a nickname

Unhinged? Why would he? He allowed himself to fancy some other woman. We all know there was nothing 'wrong' before his holiday. There's nothing to tell her. He's probably just said she's more spiritual and I'm a ... Whatever the opposite of spiritual is. We didn't part on bad terms. Just sad terms

R&B he's a proven liar. Of course he hasnt told her that everything was fine with you. He will have told her that you are mad, bad, whatever it takes to justify himself so that he doesn't look like a total heartless bastard to yoga lady. Of COURSE he's lied to her about you

My ex told his OW that he had only been sleeping with me because he felt sorry for me I replied to that email that he had felt sorry for me 3 times the previous weekend and that he'd felt so sorry for me he'd proposed. He told her thatthat was a lie and that I was unhinged and unstable and that's why he'd left me.

Whatever.

He will not have told her the truth about you or your relationship. As I suspect you don't know the truth about his exDW or their relationship either

Ok. I hear you and your story.

But really, he will have skipped over the 'tricky' conversation re me and gone straight to 'aren't you fabulous' conversation . He didn't slag ex w off . And I don't expect him to slag me off. Though I admit he will have to have made something up... I suspect that's where the 'spiritual - known you in a previous life and therefore I just SHOULD be with you' bollocks comes into play.

I'm not saying he slagged her off. But I bet he told you they weren't happy...they never had sex...they were living seperate lives...whatever bollocks they come up with

Ok. I hear you and your story.

But really, he will have skipped over the 'tricky' conversation re me and gone straight to 'aren't you fabulous' conversation . He didn't slag ex w off . And I don't expect him to slag me off. Though I admit he will have to have made something up... I suspect that's where the 'spiritual - known you in a previous life and therefore I just SHOULD be with you' bollocks comes into play.

Sorry pressed twice

I don't want to make you feel like he's not special but really, reading this board shows you thatthey are all boringlyly, depressingly, disappointingly the bloody same!

Mine told OW how hard it had been for him living with my depressions ad moods(She diagnosed me as BiPolar!!) He didn't mention the rape, violence and ea that lead to any of my 'moods'!!!!

He may not run you down directly but by saying how sad he is he is insinuating there is something wrong with you that you couldn't make it right

Well we'll never know what he's told her, but I strongly suspect he's just fudged round the edges. He just wanted a new shag. Expect he would have had both given half a chance.

It's sad to read the utter bollocks that some blokes expect their partners to suck up. It's shit to think he falls into this category too. I know he thinks that ending it with me first somehow makes it all legit. But he started this thing on holiday - I have seen the photos- so it's all bollocks anyway.

Well we'll never know what he's told her, but I strongly suspect he's just fudged round the edges. He just wanted a new shag. Expect he would have had both given half a chance.

It's sad to read the utter bollocks that some blokes expect their partners to suck up. It's shit to think he falls into this category too. I know he thinks that ending it with me first somehow makes it all legit. But he started this thing on holiday - I have seen the photos- so it's all bollocks anyway.

Yep. He's not going to say "Everything was great with me and R&B. She was a great girl. I adored her and she loved me right back. We had a great time together and the sex was awesome. But I decided I wanted to fuck you more because I'm a selfish entitled twunt" is he?

Hmm not really...

But Jesus I gave him so much! Guess I made him think
He really was something special, handsome etc. now he's a bit vain and self absorbed. Shame really. Twunt indeed

It's really hard to swallow that a man you adored isn't what you thought he was. The disbelief is crippling because it just doesn't chime with what you saw and heard and felt. It's like you just can't make sense of it In your head. It truly does make you think you're going mad!

Yes, yep, exactly

Just found a whole bunch of photos on my computer, from
Him. . It's lovely to see them again. And NO I'm not wallowing, it made me feel nice actually. Not upset. Just fine.

But I am stuffing my face with my kids strawberry shoelaces .

Morning, Hope today is a better day todayxx

Yes here's to great days for you as well cjel

Here to good days for us all. I'd like the churning to stop long enough to do my job!

Least it's sunny.

Today has started good, I've been proactive and phoned a couple of people I want to expand friendship with We have bit of sunshine now but have had horrendous storms this morning.

I command churning to stop R&B!!x

Yes. Let the churning cease!

I am frozen and feeling gloomy. On my way back from London and the world's dullest meeting

Hope you have got home and thawed out a bit BOOP?
Did your churning stop R&B? hope you got a good day?

I had good chats on phone and organised us to meet up, then old friend came unexpectedly and tonight my dd and her friend popped in when they were out for a run and needed toilet stop(I'm 4 miles from their homes

Hi cjel you sound like you have a busy house?? So please you are making plans.

BOOP feeling warmer and less gloomy?

I went to the docs yest to follow up the new meds. He seemed uninterested - referred to 'my situation' and added if I was 'back to my normal self?'. I think the look I gave him summed it up. I actually don't know what 'normal is'. Think
I've had depression since dd1 (nearly 9) and spent the last 4 yrs dicking about with beadboy /policeman. Can't remember what real life is.

Crap DR. I think you will get to see normal again but it can be slow. How can a few weeks on meds possibly work miracles? You are doing fine and feeling just what you should for 'your situation'!!!!
Hope he hasn't made you feel worse?xx

Cheers , no I feel numb mostly. He talked about increasing the dose but I refused point blank. They are just coveting the pain - not actually doing anything with it. Counselling tomorrow. That might help. Spent a bloody fortune so far. Could have bought myself a pink laptop, tool kit and leaf blower!