How long does it take to 'get over' and how to immunise myself ?

[redundantandbitter]

So, it's been nearly 4 weeks since being dumped for yoga lady. Bloody hard, long days and crap sleepless nights. Body is falling apart . He has done this previously (2.5 yrs ago) but returned 5 weeks later. We are NC but am panicking at the thought of him tipping up again with his "hi honey, how are you?" emails. I lurk here to distract myself and there's lots of good advice but I still feel weak and confused and like there is more to come . I only say this as I know his behaviour patterns. Last time we spoke was weeks ago and he said see you in a couple of weeks . Not sure why? Argh. In addition, Has anyone truly honestly stayed 'friends' with an ex? (Apart from Simon Cowell).

I sent the OW an email. I bitterly bitterly regret it. Don't do it. Please don't!

I wouldn't give OW satisfaction of knowing you know about her!!
Yesterday was weird. Really hard when he left not to ask what time he'd be in for tea or give him a big hug as he left!! Had to practically sit on my hands! I did come home and think why do I love him so much, but I do realise that I miss the myth - not what we really had and I felt surprisingly calm and still do.
I think part of that is because I feel I said everything I wanted to to him and don't have any left over things to go over.
Our dgcs loved having us both together, as I went in the three year old excitedly told me he was there so I had to be excited too!!!
Ditch any contact with OW though

Don't give HIM the satisfaction of knowing you're still even thinking about him. Because a selfish, self-absorbed fucker like him will get satisfaction out of knowing you're pining for him. And sending him a letter of any description is as good as walking round with a sandwich board on it saying "I'm still in bits over you". Do you want to give him that opportunity to pity you?

OP - you're very first question was how to immunise yourself - we all advised you to go NC then - please don't take a backwards step, you will regret it.

Sorry you're hurting so much, it's horrible x

Ok, yes you are right. I have done well at NC. I am sure if I'd sent message or replied to his one text/ 2 emails that we would be still in touch but it wouldn't be as I would like... Do this is the best way. STILL have the overwhelming urge to send him the letter. It's not pining, it's cold , but I can see what you mean . Tbh I have no doubts whatsoever that he has completed packed me away and buried his memories . So a letter will be just to help me... And will no doubt be water off a ducks back as he won't remember me.

Of course he remembers you hon.

I still have those urges too. It's really really tough. But it's so worth it if you can manage it.

Whereabouts are you. We should arrange a mini meet for the regulars here!

Bloody miserable Manchester

Oh poo. I'm in sunny Essex

I still disagree and think that if you want to send it then send it. He won't care, and as long as you realise that it won't get things back as they were ,then it doesn't matter if you feed his ego, you shouldn't be thinking about his ego only what is best for you, If sending it is going to really be best for you then do it. I did and I feel better for having done it two years on it was still the right decision for me. Just don't delude yourself as to the reasons why you are doing it.

Thanks cjel. I am still on the 'sending it' side of things. Will sleep on it. Maybe typing it up will make me feel differently. It's just a bunch if notes at the mo.

BOOP Essex?? Poo indeed. WAs such a nice thought though. Much appreciated . You're all very kind

Hello Cjel

I just don't see what's to be gained from it. But I do agree that it's worthwhile really examining the motives for sending it.

And Essex isn't too far from Manchester to stop me coming up there to smack your legs if you send it

OMG I Actualky laughed out loud BOOP - I dare you to slap my legs... Remember I have my own baton!

@ BOOP

As you know I'm in Manchester too OP - and definitely within leg smacking distance!!

Argh ! put you could walk to my house from
Yours..... runs to lock door

You w ouldn't be running once I'd smacked your legs young lady!

BOOP , I don't know what is to be gained by not Its not as if R&B is going to beg him or anything? I waited for a few weeks before sending mine and once I did it was out of my mind and gone, I spent weeks deciding one way or another and as I said still think it was right(Quick side step to avoid leg slapping)

Laughing so much the DDs are looking as me sideways! This is turning into a whole different kind of thread!

And 43 is not young! But thanks

It's young compared to me

Cjel I also waited a few weeks till I sent mine to the OW. Mine was also very calm. Telling her some home truths about him and what he had been up to. I didn't regret it at the time because it dropped a massive bomb in ex's lap. But I do regret it now as I feel I lowered myself to their level. And until then I had played a blinder

43 is young when you are my age!! washing machine being repaired - new motor and control panel and something else and its only 2 months old and used 3 times a week

Blimey cjel is it in waranty? (sp?)

Yes and from JL so I am not expecting any trouble. I hope!!

I definitely think sending to OW is a bad bad idea!! mine was just to H to sort of end our marriage if that makes any sense, it was a things I regretted not saying type email.

Good luck with the washer!

Re the OW - I was just going to say enjoy him but take off the rose tinted specs. When he gets too 'drama' then run for the hills.

I guess you should always look at the previous relationship to see what you are going out with.,.. He left his W, he left me after knowing her for days... But I will wish her luck and tell her to look after herself coz he won't . She seems nice, maybe she'll chuck him and get someone nicer

Why shoud you care about her?