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Original poster

Cheating on a boyfriend - throw a stone into a pool...

86 replies

itried · 08/10/2013 07:19

DD is the cheat. She has lost her long term bf, a lovely guy who did not deserve her having drunken sex with a.n.other. He is devastated. Their friends have rallied round him. She cannot face any of them. Her girlfriends are shocked and unsympathetic to her. Dozens of people are in some way affected.

I have let her know how appalled I am - there is no justification. The best I can say is that she must learn by it. I have also asked her how she might feel when ex bf is seen around with someone new. I am standing by with tissues and home truths.

So passé to talk about reputation but she may now find out what it is like to be regarded as an easy lay. I will miss her bf - I had grown very fond of him. Unexpectedly, I am in the Slough (sorry, Slough dwellers) of Despond.

So, to all of you who might be tempted to cheat - actions have consequences of which you don't even dream. I am not thinking that I went wrong, I am thinking of her lack of judgement and caring. If you are tired of your gf/bf/dh/dw/dp I beg of you to do anything other than get into bed with someone else. Doesn't apply to swingers, but most of us would be in torment, like my daughter's ex, to imagine our partners in bed with someone else.

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 08/10/2013 07:23

I think you could try to be a bit more supportive of your daughter, you sound almost gleeful that she is getting such a hard time from her peers

She isn't married is she, no kids ?

She's not mugged a granny, she made a mistake.

Gigondas · 08/10/2013 07:26

Agree with af . Sounds like she knows she has messed up. She is going to have a better chance of bit repeating this if you can support her to see what was lacking in her life( in get relationship or her sense of self worth ) that made her cheat.

Must be very hard for dd if not only her friends but her own dm are not supportive.

CogitoErgoSometimes · 08/10/2013 07:27

I agree with AF. They were just dating, two-timing is not great behaviour, but it's hardly the end of the world.

meditrina · 08/10/2013 07:27

Tissues and (tactfully put) home truths are good.

But the idea of 'girls who do' are "easy" is outdated and pernicious.

If she finds it hard to recover friendships or ,in the short term, find a new partner, this wil be because she's cheated one BF.

I agree with you that people rarely think - really imaginatively think - about where infidelity will take them. But perhaps better to find out now, when young and (one hopes) resilient, and not complicated by legal ties and property.

The thing that would be the biggest shame is if she did not learn from experience.

BellEndTent · 08/10/2013 07:27

Meh, relationships when you are young are a learning curve. It's sad that he is hurt but he will get over it. She made a mistake and now she must pick herself up, dust off and move on.

Gigondas · 08/10/2013 07:29

Not not bit.

Dozens of people affected? Really ? Because as far as I see it , your dd, her ex , the person she cheated with and their other half (if have one) are involved.

gamerchick · 08/10/2013 07:30

Man I agree. You are her mother it's got bugger all to do with you and your daughter could do with some support as it seems from your post that she doesn't have anybody.

Show her some kindness.. I'm assuming you've never fucked up before?

phantomhairpuller · 08/10/2013 07:31

Wow, it must be nice to have such support at home Confused

People make mistakes. Fact.

TheCrumpetQueen · 08/10/2013 07:32

How old is she?

I think you need to calm down, seriously.

Don't make her feel worse, she's already got all her friends against her. She needs an ally now and that should be you.

My mother always made me feel 'easy' because I dated lots of blokes when I was young (joke is she did too) but I don't regret anything! That's what being young is for!

pictish · 08/10/2013 07:34

How old is she?

ithaka · 08/10/2013 07:34

So passé to talk about reputation but she may now find out what it is like to be regarded as an easy lay.

Oh dear god, you are her mother. The term 'easy lay' is so vile - you should be telling her that if anyone starts regarding her as such, they have proved themselves a sexist half-wit whose opinion can be merrily ignored. Instead, you sound like you are gleefully doing a tapdance on her self esteem as a result of one silly teenage mistake.

I think you need to grow up and get your nose out of your daughter's relationships, with your pernicious, sexist, outdated views.

pictish · 08/10/2013 07:37

How odd.

D0G · 08/10/2013 07:39

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Putitonthelist · 08/10/2013 07:41

Wow harsh post! You would think she had murdered someone.

You will miss her boyfriend? Get over it. She is your daughter FGS. The tone of your post actually disgusts me.

pictish · 08/10/2013 07:44

Dozens of people are in some way affected? Hmm

None so much as her mum though eh?

Inappropriate.

YoniMatopoeia · 08/10/2013 07:47

I too think you should be a bit more sympathetic. She made a mistake. Help her to survive the aftermath and learn from it in a non judgemental way.

As for the easy lay comment... Words fail me.

pictish · 08/10/2013 08:01

And this...

The term 'easy lay' is so vile - you should be telling her that if anyone starts regarding her as such, they have proved themselves a sexist half-wit whose opinion can be merrily ignored.

Yeah.

BitOutOfPractice · 08/10/2013 08:04

Crikey!

I imagine she's never going to come to you again when she needs help or support.

Unhoik the judgey pants. She's your dd ffs and sounds like she made a drynkrn mistake. I know I have before. Don't castigate her

TheGinLushMinion · 08/10/2013 08:07

'Easy lay' because she had a drunken shag with someone that was not her BF- are you for real??? Hmm

You need to grow the fuck up & support your daughter, you know, like a good mother should?

You sound a delight, as do her clearly 'perfect' friends.

HairyGrotter · 08/10/2013 08:14

Christ, you sound like a mother who thinks she's better than most. Easy lay? Fuck off, she's young, learning about life, don't judge her so harshly, especially as you are her MOTHER.

Love her unconditionally, regardless of her mishaps or ill thought out decisions.

I hope your daughter has someone with a more thoughtful ear and softer shoulder to lean on. Patronising bint

Twiddlebum · 08/10/2013 08:18

I'm confused..... What has living in slough got to do with anything?

Crawling · 08/10/2013 08:22

I think you should ease up. She is young and even if she were married with kids I still think you should ease up. You are her mother you should be there for her not make her feel worse she has lost everything because of one drunken mistake for God's sake show some sympathy.

I'm glad your not my mum I am 25 and have bipolar my mum is always supportive and believe me I tell her some pretty disgusting things. If you can'. Depend on your own mum who can you.

Having a one night stand does not make her a easy lay.

Offred · 08/10/2013 08:26

Your poor dd. I don't think you realise how much your horrible behaviour will damage her.

BitOutOfPractice · 08/10/2013 08:29

Twiddle the Slough of Despond is from Pilgrims Progress I think. It's like a big pit of despair

The op has made a funny by suggesting it's the town of Slough. Do you see what she did there? Geddit?

CogitoErgoSometimes · 08/10/2013 08:30

Do we think the OP could be a DF rather than DM?... Some very male speech patterns going on there.