14 year old with 25 year old

[mewmeow]

Just wanted people's perspectives really, we're not talking about my child (thank feck!). Rather it was me when I was younger. Bumped into the person yesterday and was civil but obviously a bit pissed because I feel it probably had negative conatations for me. But my mate went absolutely ape shouting 'peado' etc (she was my best mate back when we were together so knew the situation). I realise it was probably a bit of an explotative relationship because of the age gap, but as we were both essentially adults I don't think the pedo label is really appropriate. Just wondered people's perspectives, what reaction was justified mine or hers?

I don't know how old you are Norude but it was similar when I was that age. I easily got into clubs and pubs at the age of 15. Looking at photos of myself at that age, I didn't look that much older than my real age TBH, it was more a case that the prevailing culture was that as long as you looked roughly the right age and behaved in a way that didn't cause trouble, a blind eye was turned.

Behaviour always has to be set in the context of culture at the time. The OP was talking less than 10 years ago. The laws on ID for drinking establishments, the attitude towards the age of consent is much the same now as it was then, but quite different to what it was say 20 years ago I think.

I should also add however that I was barely sixteen when I met my wonderful fiance and he was 19. His brother was mortified. Our relationship has outlasted his brothers marriage. We are wonderful parents in a loving and I respectful relationship with absolutely nothing untoward about it when the relationship developed.

The experience I mention above was NOT the same not least because I was completely underage and he knew better.

This happened to my 13 year old DD. It is illegal and the person concerned was charged.

My husband got his 16 (at the time) ex pregnant when he was 21. They lasted 8 years on and off (she left him more times than he can remember) everyone said they were too young and they both freely admit they were. She was not grown up enough to cope with married life and having kids even though he gave her everything he could it was never enough and she wanted to be out partying with her friends. I think she felt like he was an old bore and was holding her back and to be fair I can see how she felt seeing as I am older an have had my life of partying and at 25 I settled down which was right for me.
I feel that you do have the odds stacked against you when you are young and the risk of growing apart is huge because you have so much more growing up to do but at 25 they should know better than to be going out with a 14 year old! In my book that is completely inappropriate and if they are engaging in sex then it's also against the law!
Oh and surely if you are 25 and you meet their parents a huge red flag should go up when they say 'its time for bed sweetie you've got school tomorrow!' ;)

Behaviour always has to be set in the context of culture at the time. The OP was talking less than 10 years ago. The laws on ID for drinking establishments, the attitude towards the age of consent is much the same now as it was then, but quite different to what it was say 20 years ago I think.

Yes you are perhaps right as there was a 50 year old in the paper who got asked for id to buy alcohol yesterday, the shop assistant and her manager both thought he might be underage. Wouldn't have happened in my day, they would just have asked how old you were and sold you the booze.
However, when I was 14 I could easily have passed for 18, but I stayed looking more or less the same until I was 25. I'm a terrible judge of age though, always have been.

Sorry I havn't been able to read the whole thread as my phone won't let me.

I "dated" a 30 year old man when I was 15 and thought I was an adult. This man is now in jail (7 years later) for sex with several underage girls (including myself) I reported him after finding out that I wasnt the only one. These men are perverts and criminals.

I got with a 23 yr old when I was just 15,I thought I was in love, we were together for five yrs and one dc later.

The relationship was one sided with him being an abusive entitled cock lodger.there were red flags as you call it from the beginning but being not very life experienced looked past them.

Looking back I should never have tolerated what I did and would have been out of the relationship pronto if I had any self esteem and not be so defiant against my families advice/wishes.

I don't think peado when I think back though but I do feel that he had an advantage because he was older and dominant and I was a stupid teenager.

I would be beyond livid if that happened to my dd in her teens.
Think I might name change now

I'm in therapy and have PTSD after "dating" a man of 25 when I was 14. I was groomed and sexually abused.

You were a child.. 14 is a child.

And he wasn't the 1st lost virginity at 14 to an 18 yr old and then had brief encounters with a 21yr old,I never slept with the 16yr old though I guess that would have been more acceptable.

With the 5 yr relationship I you can call it that I had to grow up really quickly having left home before I was even 16 to be with him.
I financially supported us as soon as I got a job at 16.

Please don't justify what this man did, I think your friend was reasonable, what he did was wrong and sick.