The Brave Babes Battle Bus - Driving Through The Autumn Scenes, Searching For Our Sober Dreams.

[Mouseface]

Hello, I'm Mouse :) Welcome to the Bus, (aka Gerald ).

I'm one of the Brave Babes on board this fabulous Bus of travellers, all in search of their sobriety in one form or another.

We have those who drink in moderation, those who have a set pattern of days on and off the booze, and we have posters who have been sober for minutes, hours, days, weeks, months or years.

There are two lines that the Bus has painted down the side, one on each -

The Vulnerable Need Our Support, Not Our Judgement and Alcohol Fosters Inertia

So, if you think you're drinking too much or you're worried about another person, then come find a seat.

We get through our days chatting about all sorts of things, life is, after all, full of plenty of things to fuel our desire to drink, and we're all very different people

However, our common goal is sobriety. :)

The Last Thread

The Reason We're Here - The First Thread

Hi to all and well done garden
mouse hope u and little fish feel better soon.
Here endeth day 2

Well done on day 2 Ma, sleep well

Thank you all for your welcome. What you're all saying is really useful to hear.

I suppose I fear life will be no fun, but frankly life has stopped being fun anyway. Dull headache, fuzzy head, only really enjoying the first drink of the night.

Hi Babes,

What a God awful day. It takes all my strength just to endure this. Couldn't sleep last night for all the waking up with nightmares. Reliving the events in court or dreams of not being able to find the baby or of my baby screaming and crying if I try to pick him up. So sad all the time. Terrified to sleep in case the same happens again.

I don't know what keeps me getting up any morning.

27 days sober.

Stay strong ladies.

Hello why

Big hugs from here. Focus on how well you are doing. 27 days is incredible. You will get through this. Your nightmares will stop. Everything will just continually get better. Doesn't matter how long it takes, you'll get there. Your baby will never forget you and you will be back with him. You're doing all the right things.

Sending you lots of empathy and strength. And cake. And chocolate. xxxxxxx

Mouse Hope you and Nemo are feeling a bit better today x ((hugs))

Why Sending you peace and strength across the oceans, hold on lovely x

Ma Day 2 for me too yesterday. Day 3 today? Keep the old French trollop company?

LovelyGarden I know what you mean, but it's fun for a couple of hours and then you spend the next 22 paying for that 'fun', with headaches, listlessness, demotivation etc etc. Then, when you're over that 22 hours, you do it all again!!! Can you try to have a set amount of nights off? I'm trying to do that, also with a 'rule' always to drive at parties and turn down invites that are too 'boozy'. At least twice a month here there is a whole crowd who go out at about 11 for lunch and then stay out until about 2 in the morning. Did it once, years ago, and only managed up to 7 in the evening. Never, ever, again.

Thanks beaches - trying not relive it but its the fact other people bring it up and keep reminding me. Fell off a chair at my mums house when my chIldren were there. Thoroughly ashamed and my mum hasn't contacted me since. It feels like everyone is ashamed of me. I am not drinking again. I hope. Just want to go back to being the fab person I once was and not this scatty pisshead....

I've been trying to 'limit' myself for years, and I've not even managed it once, hence the chucking out. Woke up before my alarm clock for the first time in for ever today, so that's good.

To be honest I'm giving up smoking dope too. Can't seem to smoke without drinking, can't seem to drink without smoking.

Good morning babes.
Welcome garden aggis and fuzzy
This is a good place to be there is always someone on this bus who is where you are now or has been there.
Ma day 3 bl**dy fantastic, well done you.
Why I can imagine how hard it is but you are doing brilliantly. Keep focusing on the end result. The dark days and the nightmares will soon be behind you just keep going in the right direction. 27 days is amazing .
fuzzy know what you mean about people being ashamed and reminding you of your drunken behaviour. Its what brought me back to the bus just over 2 weeks ago. I managed to alienate all the people I care about in one drunken weekend. I have now done 12 days sober and slowly regaining their trust and respect. Its a good feeling and if i can do it anyone can.
mouse Thinking of you and Nemo and hoping you are both feeling better today. xxx

rural I have managed to do pretty much the same. Just wish they wouldn't mention it again, it's nt like I don't know or am in denial. I sent a txt apologising to my mum and saying that no one needs to have a go at me as I know what a twat I was and have heard nothing back. My new boyfriends friends take the mickey out of me and its becoming harder to put on a fake smile and laugh along with them. I really want to remind people how responsible and a great mum I was and can be. I'm worried people think I'm a bad mother and person.

fuzzy not drinking does work. Well it is working for me anyway. It does take time I am still getting hurtful comments and assumptions I can't be trusted to behave responsibly but they are getting fewer all the time. Once people cotton on that you are behaving responsibly and not being a twat anymore they will move on and you will be able to put it behind you.
Think we have to give it time. Give it a try today if you feel ready

I had my last drink on Sunday. I've been depressed and withdrawn with shame for the last two days. Boyfriend keeps telling me not to worry but I know everyone is talking about me. Want to tell him to stop even if its concern as it makes me feel worse. Not sure I should though. I am planning a sober weekend taking the kids to the natural history museum and cooking a lovely meal or two. I am just nervous I won't be able to do t. Scared I'm past being able to give up on my own but I do feel determined if a bit daunted. I will try to rove everyone wrong, I keep making a fool of myself :(

fuzzy Meant to say I did the apologising thing too. That was the right thing to do. Its out there and thats good but don't think we can expect instant forgiveness. Think we have to prove ourselves by our actions. Not sure if youv'e read jesuswhatnext story who started this thread but she found getting trust and respect back after you have behaved like a twat for a long time does take time. She did it though, worth a read if you haven't already.

fuzzy you will get lots of good advice and support on here, not from me particularly , my sobriety is very fragile but some babes have been sober months and even years. Keep posting and take it a day at a time.
There are other options if you run into problems AA etc but your determination and the bus might be enough. You are already on day 2 A/F WELL DONE

Thank you I am not sure AA is for me, I feel determined and will definitely read back to the start of the thread. How do I find it? I want my DD & DS who are 6 & 9 to grow up proud of me not embarrassed. I feel so ashamed I got like this, my boyfriend said he would be petrified if I went out by myself and it hit a nerve as I would probably end up passed out somewhere or being taken advantage of. I am going to remember this shame whenever I fancy a drink and I think that will do it. Looking forward to the new me, it will take time but I hope that they realise its the alcohol not the real me. I think everyone has forgotten the real me including myself. Feel strangely emotional. My DH of 16 years and split up 6 months ago and I've been missing him so much I have been trying to blot out the pain. Need to start feeling it maybe and dealing with it x

fuzzy There is a link to the first thread at the top of the page. It is at bottom of the blue box where mouse introduces the bus. Its the link in blue The reason we're here- the first thread.
Think most of us here can relate to drinking to blot out the pain.
Think you are right though until we face it sans alcohol we can't begin to deal with it and get past the pain.
Keep strong and good luck today

Name changed to post on this thread, and just realised it sounds a bit like LadyGarden . And sounds a bit wimpy.

lovely I love your name, though must confess to thinking Lady garden when I first saw it :) there are quite a few gardening fans on the bus. Especially ladame who is always rummaging around in her veg patch!

I'm mainly lurking at the moment but wanted to share that I have lost over a stone! Partly down to cutting down the booze. My intake is up and down at the moment some weeks better than others. What has become abundantly clear is that I will only have AF days if there is no wine or cider in the house so must resist buying any with the weekly shop no matter how tempting the offers! Hoping to get to the weekend this week. I am out on Saturday so that has the potential to go pear shaped. I'll feel less guilty if I have an AF week beforehand.

Sorry not to namecheck, love to all x

Fuzzy so sorry to hear. Have you tried AA? I was convinced I would hate it, but 3 years down the line I love meetings, and am almost 3 years sober. I so know what you mean about being scared people are talking about you, and OH being afraid if you go out alone. Alcohol has done that to you. It's a bugger of a drug, and takes you down, hard. Why not give AA a shot at least? Can't hurt, right? I you hate it, don't go back. It's not a cult, and if you stop going nobody will seek you out and drag you back.

garden I too used to wonder if there was any fun in life without booze. Life would be SOOOO boring. Now I know it was ME that was boring when I drank! Drunk people are, well, boring. There is a lot to life without booze. Do I miss it? Hell yes, sometimes. But I do not miss the guilt, shame, embarrassment, and the 'oh fuck, what did I do THIS time' moment.

Thank you newbie I think you are right. I tell my boyfriend everything but am scared to tell him how bad it is. If I told him I was off to AA he'd be like why? And I'd feel so ashamed and probably underplay it. I might Do it without telling him for the first time. I might see how far I get on here and if I feel I can't do it find my local group. What if I know someone in there??! I really am a friggin' liability when I go out and so friendly it's unreal. He said he thinks I would even go as far as sleep with someone when I am out of it and that shocked me and has made mercy all day as its probably true. I hate this drug that has gripped me.

I'd like to add I would have to be really put of it, I'd never cheat on my lovely boyfriend willingly or knowingly if that makes sense.

fuzzy you've recognised the danger, that's a good thing.

Not drinking is showing yourself a great kindness, you are worth more than this.

Sorry long time lurker will jump on the bus soon, just wanted to respond to Venus. I am not sure if the drug is the same name, but the professor who was commenting in the article is the same, Jonathan Chick.

Maybe it has been re-branded for the market here.

Thank u jessie I really think I am worth more than what I am letting myself be right now. I am looking forward to showing the new me off but I am scared that I won't be able to do it. I guess that's to be expected x

Hi all, checking in. Thank you for your messages.
Reading everyone's stories resonates with me so much, I need to do this.
I was back at work today (dd poorly yesterday) and feeling slightly better about things. I was feeling awful, but go on with work and got though it.
I'm worried as I think I've really buggered my kidneys as they are still killing me today. Is it something I should go to the doctor about? I think all the years of hinge drinking are finally catching up.