The Brave Babes Battle Bus - Driving Through The Autumn Scenes, Searching For Our Sober Dreams.

[Mouseface]

Hello, I'm Mouse :) Welcome to the Bus, (aka Gerald ).

I'm one of the Brave Babes on board this fabulous Bus of travellers, all in search of their sobriety in one form or another.

We have those who drink in moderation, those who have a set pattern of days on and off the booze, and we have posters who have been sober for minutes, hours, days, weeks, months or years.

There are two lines that the Bus has painted down the side, one on each -

The Vulnerable Need Our Support, Not Our Judgement and Alcohol Fosters Inertia

So, if you think you're drinking too much or you're worried about another person, then come find a seat.

We get through our days chatting about all sorts of things, life is, after all, full of plenty of things to fuel our desire to drink, and we're all very different people

However, our common goal is sobriety. :)

The Last Thread

The Reason We're Here - The First Thread

sorry for the typos, knackered keyboard and tired

Hi, I wasn't able to go to the meeting tonight. I got stuck in a meeting at work that I couldn't leave until it was far far far too late. But I know what I want now. To stop drinking. That's not the easiest decision to come to on a night/Saturday morning but I know where I am. And that's something at least.

Thank you isindesidecar I love your name too!

Completed my psychological evaluation for SS's. A 4 hour process with a psychiatrist and a psychologist, word association, abstract reasoning and a 2 hour interview. SS seemed disappointed when the report said they recommended no follow up treatment, found me of sound mind and above average IQ.

SS asked would I go to another one. I said, 'no, thanks. You wont be shipping me off until you get the answer you want'. Then SS had the cheek to ask me if I didn't think I was depressed. I told them they cannot break my legs and ask if I can walk alright by myself.

Still peeing in cups in front of other women, still sober and sadly, still without my son.

why you are doing brilliantly. The little words "still sober" are resonating from the rooftops. You WILL get your little boy back soon. Keep at it and just jump through whatever hoops the ss ask you to

at indie and "doping"
How are you doing? Have u patched things up with dp?

Confession time, have been drinking the past two nights. A friend bought me a bottle of wine and I opened it thursday and have been drinking it since. It maybe doesn't sound much - one bottle over two nights and still a glass left - but I've had a constant headache since starting it. I love white wine, it does not love me

< appears with glowing skin and swishy hair >

Annie think of it as an experiment. You tried it, you don't like the results. Throw the rest of the away.

*wine

faire you do make me laugh, am I the only one with a facepack on had me giggling in spite of my predicament. Your posts are fab xxx

Hi All
I managed to avoid the WW last night by taking my boys to a martial arts class and joining in. It was good fun actually and today I can feel it all over! Also bought a big pot of multiple vitamins and minerals, it seems I have got more energy and more headspace to start looking after myself. Today is a beautiful Fall day here in Canada, so it is off for a long stomp with the dog.

Good luck to everyone for today xx

Also alias does your backpack really brings you out in spots!!

Afternoon, tis me, Mouse

I have been up most of the night as predicted with a poorly Nemo

Why - I loved that you kicked the arse of that SS woman! How counter productive was she? Talk about trying to make you doubt yourself!

STILL SOBER - hmm, now lovely Why, that HAS to be better, 100 times better, than crawling onto the Bus and whispering that you're still pissed and drinking heavily, doesn't it?

I do wonder sometimes why SS are so damn negative with the things that they say, perhaps she was hoping to trip you up or testing your resolve and wanted to hear the force and the fight in your reply! :)

Good for you Why - hold on, please! Keep going and hold on tight because you are doing all that is asked of you, and for now, that's all you can do sweetheart.

Jump through the hoops, walk the line, do the urine tests and eventually, YOU WILL GET YOUR BOY BACK and when you do, you'll look back and not regret one single thing that you had to do to have him in your arms again. I'm so proud of you, I hope that doesn't sound trite xxx

Dame - how is your woof today? I hope he's better than yesterday Sending you and him huge huggles, I'm hoping that he's not in pain. xxx

Well, DD went to her friends' Birthday sleepover (mixed) with her lovely BF, she's come home looking remarkably well for someone who has had less sleep than me!

I trust her and know that she has a level head on her shoulders, plus the parents were there all night so a close eye and set of ears were kept on the small group. She seems very happy when she's with him, it's lovely to see. He brings her shine out :)

Nothing untoward happened, she is very honest and we have a good relationship, I trust her plus I can tell when she's bending the truth! I'm sure that is something all mothers have? Or at least I hope they do as I feel it's a very precious thing, to know what DD feels and how she thinks.

IsinDe - how are things with DP? Well done on not going out for more wine or any smokes last night, you know that would have only poured more fuel on the fire that is slowly burning between you right now, and not in a good way..... there is something in you that is changing, I can't put my finger on it, it's rather profound and will have a huge impact on your life when it happens but it's coming.....

Annie - I have the same trouble with white wine... I used to be able to drink it by the bucket load, now, one or two small glasses is my absolute limit and even then, I wake with reflux and a headache the next day so don't bother unless I'm going out and even then I'll have a spritzer over a neat drink these days, maybe if you do finish the bottle, try a spritzer for future reference?

Not that I want you to drink but there will be times when you drink and maybe that could be an option if you really want the alcohol? :)

Beaches - GOOD FOR YOU!! Isn't it nice waking up sober? On a Saturday? It's great to read posts like yours :) xxx

Potter - And, we'll be here for you, every step of the way. The good days, the bad days and the ugly days..... use the support here, don't worry about posting how YOU feel all the time, let it out every time that you feel an urge to drink, post, feeling guilty for drinking? Post. Feeling shitty? Post. We can ALL relate to one or more Babe on this Bus, I can relate to many. I'm so pleased that you feel ready to give it a real go! :) xxx

Faire - lovely skin and hair! You look fab!

:)

:(

Beaches - I did think that too, about Joey's backpack!!!

Faire Your glowing skin and swishy hair are so radiant that I've had to put my sunglasses on, all the way over here

Why What a horrible ordeal that was, what a strong lady YOU are.

Baby Hope things are a bit better.

Mouse Thanks, he's still in a bit of pain, but we're just going to go and knit a bit more of his blanket, he can sit on my knee and I can rub his silly old head, I can't help thinking there was something I should have been able to do to prevent this Love to you and Nemo xx

All babes, sorry not to NC everyone, have a good Saturday and if that WW comes a callin' kick her in the tits, or just don't engage with her for too long. x

Thanks again for all the support ladies. I'm inching along in getting my baby back. No matter how fast I move, the courts are slower (and I understand why it has to be that way).

I heard something in AA last night which was important for me to hear, and I thought I'd share it with you all. A person said, "I never wake up in the morning and regret NOT drinking last night". And I think that's very true for me. The endless cycle of shame and guilt that I felt has stopped. Now, I still have terrible residual guilt, but I'm not adding to it. For example, I feel terrible saying goodbye to my son. I worry that he thinks I'm leaving him or abandoning him, rather than being sent away. But I can't put my mind there. I just have to focus on doing the right things and praying that this will all be over soon.

25 days sober and I'm getting stronger everyday.

Enjoy your Sundays all.

25 days a sober??
I can't do a fucking day! You rock!

Why - you have made me cry, actually cry. 25 days sober is 25 days closer to your son sweetheart. I love your fire, spirit and fight. You have broken "The Endless Cycle".

But you are NOT broken. Your fight is rising within you in the real world, a world no longer blurred by the numbness that alcohol brings to that. You are strong, you are tight, together, harder than you were, you are no longer penetrable now by alcohol, pain will remain for now, but we can fix you, together, as one, as a whole, with outside help, you will mend - but alcohol will no longer dominate your life, it will never, ever again take a part of YOU away. Hold onto that. Please.

You have travelled a million miles in those 25 days. Emotionally, physically, inside and out. I admire you so much Why, so much.

Keep. Going. xxx

just checking in. I'm on my way to bed. I'm not posting much because I'm mega busy but fine. Sending love to you all and best wishes for a sober weekend.

why 25 days is awesome. You sound strong and ready to take on the world. I can read how tough life is but you are turning it all around and taking this disease as seriously as possible- well done.You are nearly at 1 whole month and I bet that everything is becoming clearer.

Well done x

And a x for the rest of you too. night all.

Ma - sweetheart, you too have made me cry at your sheer humbleness....

One Day. One Day...........

You'll wake, clear, refreshed, alert, alive, wide eyed, open, fresh, pulling yourself out of a bed that was rested in, slept in, breathing deeply in as the day you'd lived before is let go.

You can be sober, you just have to want to be Ma and I feel like I've known you long enough now, felt your pain for long enough, walked beside you, with you, held your hand and your heart for long enough to say to you that actually, you're not ready but one day you absobluminlutely will be beyond all doubt.

You have it in there to change but what surrounds you is holding you down. Pinning you to the bottle if not each night, every other night.

The posts that you have posted when you've been sober for a length of time (a day/couple of days or more) are mind blowing because in those posts, you believe in YOU!!

Oh Ma - you too ROCK! You really do. I thing you are fab. 100% pure fab xxx

Hey mouse how are you sweet pea?
Not going to ask about fishboy or dd or hunky dh.....how are YOU?
Meeting my bro tomorrow. He starts a one week training course this week and, if he passes, will be allowed to act as a counsellor for the Sally Army. I am so proud of him I could burst. The course is residential and in a hotel which he can't handle, so has got permission to travel back to the safety of the SA each night. He spends his weekends between working in a community garden for people with addiction issues, and working as a volunteer in a charity shop. He has got his shit together. Alcohol CAN be beaten. Just wish I knew how......but he is building a life out of the rubble of his last one.

GUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!! - did I miss you?

Massive squidges to you lovely, great to see you back, busy or not, I've missed you :) You are on my list of posters that I was wondering about :)

Sleep well lovely Guggs xxx

Cross post. Shit mouse now I'm crying.

Ma - I'm not great but I'm getting through a day at a time, my pain is my negative pocus just now in my life, I can't take the drugs prescribed when I have to drive because it impairs my judgements.

Other than that? I am great, the pain becomes a 'thing' that walks beside me and kicks me now and then, but I have so much to love and so much to live for, I carry on :)

And don't dry Ma - I luffs you, you tough ol bird you! You are meant to be on this Bus and here with us all, sharing your life and you're troubles etc.... let us carry some of the weight (Not Bootcamp weight! ) for you? Hey?

You are worthy of so much more xxx