The Brave Babes Battle Bus - Driving Through The Autumn Scenes, Searching For Our Sober Dreams.

[Mouseface]

Hello, I'm Mouse :) Welcome to the Bus, (aka Gerald ).

I'm one of the Brave Babes on board this fabulous Bus of travellers, all in search of their sobriety in one form or another.

We have those who drink in moderation, those who have a set pattern of days on and off the booze, and we have posters who have been sober for minutes, hours, days, weeks, months or years.

There are two lines that the Bus has painted down the side, one on each -

The Vulnerable Need Our Support, Not Our Judgement and Alcohol Fosters Inertia

So, if you think you're drinking too much or you're worried about another person, then come find a seat.

We get through our days chatting about all sorts of things, life is, after all, full of plenty of things to fuel our desire to drink, and we're all very different people

However, our common goal is sobriety. :)

The Last Thread

The Reason We're Here - The First Thread

Hello to everyone, old and new.

Just checking in really, to keep myself focused. alias well done on avoiding the wine, feeling miserable is usually a big trigger for me. Sorry to hear the book club has finished for now, although I have never been in one I quite fancy the idea. You will just have to put up with the babes until something else comes up

Good luck to anyone struggling tonight xxx

OK, phew! 8 O'Clock here now. I'm out the other end, had tea, so have swerved the WW for tonight. I'm not feeling too well, got a Lupus flare up and that is one of my triggers. Hang on for another hour you guys, if I can do it tonight, YOU certainly can. Joey enjoy your Pain au Chocolat - much better for you than the other stuff that shall not be named x

Thanks for the welcome lovely ladies.

A day at a time, that's how long we have to not drink for. That's all. Take care of today, get through it, and not worry about tomorrow, or the next day.

In dire straits, wait 10 minutes before you have that drink. A friend told me, you can do ANYTHING for 10 minutes. Just 10 minutes. then another 10. Sometimes that has saved me. The WW is a strong bitch, I'll say that. And her bitch sister the vodka witch. They NEVER give up.

Ladame, thanks for your lovely and inspiring post. So lovely of you to think of writing all that down and you are absolutely right! I used to do all those things without even thinking about the WW. Now... well ...It's like a disease. I have a pile of books on my bedside that I'm too tipsy to read.

Thanks to Mouse and everyone else too.

I had full plans on being sober today but it didn't go that way. I kind of left it to fate. I had no tonic left and I picked DD up from school and we went to hobbycraft to get some materials for a project she's working on. I had fully intended to come home but she asked to stop at Co-Op to get something for her project. So I bought some tonic. And I've had a couple.

On the good side, I spent all evening with her in the living room helping her with her crafts and then all this stuff from school starting spilling out and we had a good, but emotional evening. I've just spent 45 minutes putting her to bed and telling her stories about when I was little. She loves that. She is 12, btw. So, a good night. I wouldn't call it sober but I know I will have a cup of tea in a minute and take my book to bed.

I also did a five mile walk today with my dog which made me feel ok. Knee is still dodgy from my fall on the weekend. Just reminds me of what a numptie I am.

Thanks to you all. As I said previously, I happened to be online when jesuswhatnext first posted (literally, within minutes) and I have moved countries twice since then but still keep reading this thread.

Sco - I'm with you on the Antabuse because I know I wouldn't drink if I knew it was going to make me sick (irony!). But, I also know how much I'd relish having a few child free days and I'd have those same bottles of wine lined up. And wood for the fire. And milk! It's sick, isn't it? It would be so much better to enjoy those child-free days to go to the gym, walk, have a treatment, read all day and indulge in trash tv with a cup of tea.

Onwards and upwards babes. I will be back. xx

Too many wonderful babes undergoing major hassles to name check, so I will focus on the most important thing.....who the fuck is feeding opal fruits to the dog?
I'm drinking as usual. Well done to those who are sober

Hello dementedma, at least you're here. Just wanted to say Hi! I am also having MY LAST ONE!

ma I think it was indie

Feeling better, thanks guys! Watched The Wrong Mans & walked the dog.

There is a brand-new BABY next-door (I can hear it crying) and its making me so broody - my ovaries are aching!

Hi to all new babes on the bus.

Having a bad day. I'm just sobbing. I physically ache for my baby. I'm worried that as he starts to develop attachments and seperation anxiety that he wont remember me or miss me. Is it selfish to wish anxiety on a child?

Alcohol is the last thing on my mind. I feel as if I'm fading away, becoming both lighter and heavier at the same time.
Sorry

Cut - you are at least having your last drink lovely ...... how many have you had tonight? :) Have you cut down or reduced your intake at all? I'm so glad you're still posting here! I really am :) Last night was a HUGE turning point in your life, one I connected with too..... Keep going xxx

Ma - you hang in there too please? You seem really low, are you okay? I mean really? xxx

:)

I'm off to bed, I had hydro today and I'm still in agony, then my first acupuncture tomorrow, no doubt I've bored you all to death telling you that already!

Nemo had a bad night so I'm prying for sleep tonight, it catches up with me so fast!!

Stay strong Babes - you can get through the shit that you're facing, if not today, or tomorrow, or the day after that, it will happen 'eventually'.... I say that because we are all so different and yet share the same concerns, the same addiction, the same habit, the same horrible hatred as we pour that glass, the same feeling as we wakem as we go to bed looking at the empty bottle, we all share that connection.

But I promise that it's not forever because there comes a time when you find your own personal ENOUGH BUTTON

We all have one, it's in there. It's buried, it's near to the surface, it's hidden, it's there though, you can reach it and you will. One Day.

The thing is, your One Day could be today, as you read this, your ENOUGH BUTTON is certainly on it's way to shout loud and proud to you that you are strong enough to get through an evening with DH, a day after having the DCs alone when you are beyond exhausted, a day after being shat on from a great height at work, your DP being a twat again and you having to face it..... not feeling well, not wanting something to happen, to face up to something.......

It's hard this thing called life, but we're kinda stuck with it, and this Bus can be a way out, a helping hand, a kind smile, a gentle squidge, a nice knowing look that you're not alone.

Your ENOUGH BUTTON is there, YOU just have to find it, something will click. Something has to give.... and that something has to be YOU brave babe xxx

I love you all for your continual battles, day in and day out. You all face a battle of some sort.... Keep fighting Babes xxx

Night :) xxx

Oh Why -

Where are things up to? When are you seeing him again? Please don't worry about him forgetting you, he won't. I thought that your ex was okay about things? I thought he was going to talk to you?

I'm sorry but I have to go, keep posting, others will be here soon, sorry to leave you.

You can get him back - you're sober aren't you? You're proving it and going through the hoops that you had too? You are doing the things asked of you.....

Keep going. Get in bed, take something of his with you and just hold it. Just think of him and sleep.

When Nemo was critically ill in PICU, I held his very first teddy that he's been given, it smelt of him, I had it to hold, to help me picture his happy face, no tubes or wires or machines with his tiny frail body in a giant white bed, surrounded by things I didn't understand or want to see...............

Focus on a happy memory, and try to sleep. x

why is it tomorrow that you get to see your husband? Will you see your baby too?

I saw my baby yesterday and I'll see him tomorrow. But it's not the same.

I can see my husband and talk to him.

But I need my baby back. I can't stop crying. I miss the smell of his head, his giggles and smiles. It feelsas if boiling water is being poured on me, and I could rip my own skin off with grief and frustration.

why sorry if my earlier post upset you, I wasn't thinking straight.

I hope you manage to get a good night's sleep.

Oh not at all Joey. This is the self-pity of early sobriety. Surveying the damage that I have done. I'll eschew the hair-shirt tomorrow.I will see my baby tomorrow.

Its just today I'm sad.

And I feel like a perfect shit for feeling low given the week some of you babes have had, particularly Mouse.

Why, I can't imagine how painful this must be for you - all my sympathies to you.

And Ladame I hope I didn't come across all LTB! I just meant, surely there's a middle ground whereby you two can reconnect on terms that suit you both? Have a picnic tea out in the garden while you chat, and if he's not that hungry he can just pick at it and eat a snack later? Something like that? It sounds all or nothing at the moment; either you drink a bottle of wine in his favourite place, or you sit on your own while he's a bit sad and misses you, and stay sober. You know?

Book Group tonight, and I offered to drive a friend (who originally offered to drive me) so I definitely can't drink.

I'm still up at this time because I'm drinking. It's my first drink since the weekend (and that was hard). I have to be in work early tomorrow so apparently tonight was the night I decided to drink....

What's AA like, those that go?

I keep telling myself that I when something happens. If I get a new flat I'll stop. If I get an allotment I'll stop etc and etc

That I'll stop when something happens (sorry)

AA is great. After you admit that you have a problem with alcohol and have a desire to stop drinking, things start to heal, and fast. Don't wait for an external force to shake the inertia, because you cannot control external forces. I'd encourage you to sieze the day, to create the oppertunity for your own sobriety on your own terms.

Its not your apartment, its not your job, its not your relationship: those things may be awful, but alcoholics know deep down it is their drinking. You may or may not be an alcoholic, only you can decide that. But if you want to stop drinking the bus and AA is an excellent idea.

Morning, tis me, Mouse

Why - your post this morning is so different to the posts last night, it's like you are a whole other person.

And don't apologise for feeling your pain isn't as worthy as mine was/is..... we each own our fears, demons and horrific memories of events gone by. I'm lucky, luckier than I can ever say that Nemo is still here.

Although he has just had a reflux attack He's that time of year again....

Otter - lovely to meet you, find a seat and have a :)

I have to get the school run Mouse into gear now, be back soon.

Morning babes.

ladame, hope you feel better today.

why - your post about AA was just what I needed to read to give me a kick (I need to go to something similar my GP recommended and I'm nervous). Thank you! Hope today goes well for you.

newbie - wow, three years! That's a good thought.

Right, I hope everyone is doing ok. Today, I will not be drinking except-a fuckload of water for bootcamp--.

Hi Babes

Welcome Newbie Morning Annie, Rural, Joey, Mew, Dobbies Mum, LRD, Socfish, Beaches, Hi to Pottering Otter

Hope thing are better in the Indie household and also Ma that you're ok? You sound a bit down at the moment.
Cutitup I'm glad you had a better night last night lovely.

Bonne Matin Babyjane!x
Why I'm certainly no expert, but your baby will immediately recognise your smell and the sound of your voice? I can only imagine how hard this is for you, especially in the light of sobriety when the thing that would blur these hard edges for you is the very thing that causes the cutting sharp edges Hang in there.

Tortoise Not at all sweetie, you make absolutely perfect sense. We've sorted drifted into this way of living and I'll have to shake it up a bit

Mouse Wishing you a calmer day, with less pain and a big sleep at the end of it x

Well, hopefully day 3/7 for me today. Still a bit poorly so my resistance is low, but still got three days to achieve my 4/7 and I'm bloody well going to do it!

Love to all from rainy France and the farmer has put the fertiliser on the fields! The dog has already rolled in it (and some unspeakable dead thing he found) so, the whole place smells farty. Really farty.

Morning all,
Missed most of last nights posts as took myself off to bed really early to -escape the WW read a book.
mouse your posts are so inspiring,I am amazed how you find time to hold your furry paw out to all who need a helping hand when you have so much to cope with yourself. Thank you for holding my big furry fox paw last night it must have been bldy heavy, < hopes she didn't squash lovely mouse>
cut keep posting, keep trying you achieved a lot last night well done .
why just keep on doing what you are doing it must be really really hard but you are on the road to getting your baby back full time. Thinking of you.
I am on day 7 today. tbh I am having sad moments and crying without any real reason now and again also not sleeping but sobriety seems to affect me that way. Wine is my anaesthetic, fall into bed when the wine runs out and yes I sleep because Im practically comatose when I hit the pillow.
Next morning I feel like shite and vow never again, until wine o clock comes and I convince myself that one glass won't hurt.Yeah an hour or 2 later bottles empty . Mmmm !! most us have been there methinks.
Anyway sorry for wittering on and on babes
Day 7 BRING IT ON WW.
I will not be drinking today.
Catch you later babesxxx

Ahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa Dame! Brilliant! Sorry you're not feeling so great still xxx

But that has just made me ROFL! We too are rural and that smell is actually indescribable to me but I think 'farty' just about covers it! Thank you for cheering me up! :)

Having just dropped a very clingy boy off, I now need to plan my food before my acupuncture so that I can eat before I go but have something small now. I'm not sure if I can eat after or if they just want you to eat before so you're blood sugar levels are stable?

Has anyone here had acupuncture?

And 'it's' that time of year again for Nemo, not 'he's' - sorry, rushed typing!

Well, my application for Parent School Gov is up against 3 others, 2 teachers - one who has been a head of the school, a teacher, and a TA, the next is a history teacher and has been for 10 years with other experience in the field, the last is a man who has his own business and believes that his experience as a Director can transfer into the role of the school gov from what he wrote, I think....

I don't stand a chance, I really don't although DH and others have said that the school aren't looking for teachers, they're looking for parents who want to invest their time and life experience to the school.... I was gutted when I read their supporting statements.

More coffee xxx

Ladame could you both take the dog for a walk instead of sitting in the garden? Sometimes it's nice to talk over your day whilst walking side by side iykwim - it takes the pressure off and you don't associate it with drinking.

Sorry just seen we have a new babe.
Welcome to this wonderful bus potteringOtter
You have come to right place.
You will get lots of help here.