The Brave Babes Battle Bus - Driving Through The Autumn Scenes, Searching For Our Sober Dreams.

[Mouseface]

Hello, I'm Mouse :) Welcome to the Bus, (aka Gerald ).

I'm one of the Brave Babes on board this fabulous Bus of travellers, all in search of their sobriety in one form or another.

We have those who drink in moderation, those who have a set pattern of days on and off the booze, and we have posters who have been sober for minutes, hours, days, weeks, months or years.

There are two lines that the Bus has painted down the side, one on each -

The Vulnerable Need Our Support, Not Our Judgement and Alcohol Fosters Inertia

So, if you think you're drinking too much or you're worried about another person, then come find a seat.

We get through our days chatting about all sorts of things, life is, after all, full of plenty of things to fuel our desire to drink, and we're all very different people

However, our common goal is sobriety. :)

The Last Thread

The Reason We're Here - The First Thread

Morning, tis me, Mouse

Cut - I really hope you got some sleep sweetheart, your post was so familiar to my own life, my own past, it's as if you'd read my mind many years ago and decided to write what you'd seen.

The hardest step is always admitting that actually, the one glass of wine/vodka/beer a night or every other night isn't enough anymore.

Knowing that you WILL have that next drink. Knowing that you WILL have one after that too. Knowing that you WILL have more, even though you know you are way past the point of no return, you WILL drink until you either pass out or run out of alcohol.

So you've taken action to stop that right now. You've posted very honestly about what you are doing, you've posted honestly about the last few years, months, weeks, and days, even hours.

You can do what you need to, as long as you remain posting the way that you did last night, I admire you completely for your total honesty. I really do. It's hard, bloody hard to get this shit, this nasty poisonous venom out of your body but with our support, help from other sources, but most of all, you can do this because I believe in you :)

I believe that you DO want this now more than ever. I'm sure that there have been times in the past when you've stopped, for a while, for a few days, a few weeks etc, but fir some reason, this time is different.

Well done. :) xxx

Hey Mew

Well done for the determination that October is going to be your STOPtober for getting off the booze!

:)

You CAN do this! And I believe you want to do it too, I really believe that right now, we have so much positivity on here that we can help all of the Babes who need help.

IsinDe - I hope that you're okay today, I read your post from last night and what happened with DP....... I agree that you both need to reconnect.

You need some time out, time OFF, time together. Trust me, I know what that is like. I NEVER EVER get to go out just me and DH. Never in the last 4.5 years have we had a meal out, an night off... it sounds like you need to do that.

It sounds like you need to find each other again, you love each other too much. There's too much to lose, there's too much to let go. You have to keep talking, explaining to her why you drink and she needs to listen, really LISTEN to you..........

I'm sorry that things are tough for you right now.

I have to go taxi for DD as their school is on strike, Nemo is in school, so she's off into town to meet friends and her bf. :)

Then I have hydrotherapy so will be super sore later.

Oh and the washing needs doing - 8 loads yesterday, 2 left and 4 lots of bedding! Where the Jeff does it all come from???

See, I told you all we chat about allsorts here!

Take good care Brave Babes xxx

ladame I loved your post, I'm ironing my pj's as we speak, I'm going to follow all your instructions and hope cut does too, great post full of warmth and concern, you make day 1 sound rather nice, and that's a reflection if your lovely kind nature.. mouse inside venus guggs you continue to be amazing, as do all you babes out there. Xx

morning all :) Day three, got through yesterday by the skin of my teeth. A friend at work gave me a bottle of wine for my birthday and I must have spent nearly four hours arguing with myself whether or not to have a glass.

Reasons not to were it's a school night, I'm going out tonight, I don't want to have an open bottle of wine calling out to me for the next few days, especially when working the rest of the week. I badly wavered when I got in at nine and dh had the house in a tip the dds hadn't done their homework and nothing was ready for school. I don't know why I want to react to things like that by having a drink but I do. Logically I know it won't help but facing up to the stark reality of my life sober - and knowing im trapped for now is pretty miserable.

Anyway enough of the moaning, onwards and upwards

Thanks Babyjane

Morning babes

mouse your DD (14, right?) has a boyfriend?! Oh that is terrifying... I look at mine and think Noooooooo!

cut welcome to the Bus, and well done for being brave and posting. You'll get loads of support and advice on here.

Hi joey are you feeling a bit better today? x

That was a brilliant post, Ladame, I want to go do all of that now even though I'm not really struggling (it's the evening of day 2 here, but the trigger time of day has past) just because it sounds lovely!

DH is obviously struggling a bit more than I am, which is interesting because I don't think of him as having a problem at all - his thing is that he wants a drink definitely every day, but he seems to have no issue stopping at one...sometimes he'll leave the last inch of wine in his glass at the dinner table and not pick it up again all night, which blows my mind somewhat. And yet, if we start a pact to, say, stay AF all week, it's always, always him who first finds the excuse not to. (Which is not to excuse myself, obviously, I can say no even if he doesn't).

I haven't actually sat him down and said I Think I Have A Problem, because, well, you know. Saying it means I have to stop, right, and I'm not there yet. But we have together acknowledged that we drink too much generally, mostly in the context of our expanding paunches. So this morning I just said, all casual-like, that I was making salad for dinner, and also by the way I wasn't going to drink tonight. So he's joining me in an AF day, which is nice, and I am hopeful that tomorrow, too, I will not drink.

Morning...
I dropped off the bus a bit ago but need to get back on. At the moment I'm having a couple of drinks a night, not eating properly because When I'm anxious I can't eat and worrying about everything.
DS is struggling at school and I keep having to have phone conversations with teachers, money is a worry, we're remortgaging and I'm terrified we won't get it because my credit rating isn't too good (DH's is excellent though), DD1 is becoming so anxious and over analysing everything, she's doing really well at school but the slightest thing triggers tears, we're trying to do up our old house to rent out and can never get the time to sort stuff, DH works odd and very long hours so most evenings I'm alone with the DC's and instead of doing what needs to be done around the house I'm sat hiding in the computer putting everything off.
Bye the time the DC's are in bed I'm automatically going to the fridge and justifying it by thinking 'it's been a long day'.
Sorry for the moan..

ladame physically a lot better, 'Noctober' has started well and I had a good nights sleep.

Emotionally... I'm a bit down. Like dobbiesmum above, everything seems like such an effort, and after a long week, I feel like I deserve a drink.

And my book group is about to fall apart through lack of interest, and since they were my only RL friends, that means the only people I now have to talk to are Strangers on a Bus.

Thanks Tortoiseonthehalfshell My DH is exactly the same, he has 'a few beers' every night. He works hard and he feels it's his wind-down time. He never gets pissed like me but never feels he has to have a night off. So, my 'problem' - which isn't really a problem as I am a grown woman and should be able to be strong - is that I mainly work from home, either cooking or doing bookwork for him. Sooo, he comes home about six thirty, by then I've had eleventy million cups of tea. He likes to talk about his day over a few beers. I say no, I'll stay in here and knit/watch tv, because I'm trying to have a night off. So he says ok (sadly) because it's just us now dd is at Uni and then he goes off to sit in the kitchen/garden.

I try very hard not to think 'Fuck it, I've been mainly on my own all day, I'm bored and lonely, I'll just have one glass of wine and chat to him'. Because he is in and out of his office, he grazes and is never really that hungry until 8.30 or so (you can see where this is going , so my 'one' glass turns into the bottle. We eat late and I've got another drinking day - and the calories - under my belt.

Then the next day, exactly the same, and repeat and repeat and repeat .....

So I'm trying really really hard to have 4 days off a week and it is really really hard. I don't have young children to put to bed/read story to/cook early tea for. I've just got Mr Ladame and the dog and he says 'Look, it's just a few glasses of wine, everyone does it, I love your company just sitting in our garden etc etc ....' Aaaarghh. I live in groundhog day, just the seasons are changing ...

Hi Dobbiesmum welcome back. Joey you do sound down sweetheart, sorry about your book club ((handsqueeze)) x

Thanks ladame sorry I was bit self-pitying!

Can you have yourself a snack earlier, come on here when you get bored, make yourself a non-alcoholic special 'winding-down' drink? Sorry if you've tried all of these already.

Yes, thanks Joey, I've tried all those things. He just wants to chat about his day, so I can't really be on here, and I don't have the willpower to sit in the garden for two hours or so with a soft drink, I've tried it, but I always give in. I don't have brilliant willpower I'm afraid Still, I am managing to stick to my guns at least some of the time. He jokes about it and says to enjoy it while we can, because in 20 years time, we'll be trundling up and down the stairs on our stannah stairlifts and drinking cocoa and pre-recording Midsummer Murders!!! We're also trying to spend time together now dd is at Uni, we've had problems in the past where we've become too distant from each other.

But, this is not really a problem, it's a lifestyle thing. Some of you babes have real problems and deserve real admiration for trying to overcome them and fight the ww at the same time.

Oh, but that is really tricky, Ladame. And, frankly, it's unfair that he only wants to connect on his terms. I mean, ok, he wants to chat about his day (and yours, I hope?), but why does it have to be in the garden, over beers, specifically? Why can't he come and watch TV with you and chat? Or why can't you go out to dinner somewhere non-alcoholic/BYO only (if such places exist in the UK; here, most Lebanese restaurants tend to be teetotal, for example) and chat?

I'd be okay tonight if DH was drinking a glass of wine but that's because we're doing our own things near each other (I call this 'parallel play', like todders do) rather than chatting one on one. That would definitely be a wine time for me.

Something has to change, I think. Either your reconnecting time happens over dinner, and he just damn well stops grazing after 3pm to accommodate that (it does strike me that even your dinner time is catering only to his needs - even without the alcohol complication), or it happens out of the house, or it happens while you knit, or something. It can't be all on his terms!

Yes tortoise I understand what you're saying, I do really. Because he won't have a night off, he has always always wound down with a few beers, he wouldn't bring them in and watch tv with me, he wants to talk and spend a couple of hours together at the end of the day. It sounds like I am making excuses, but I've tried to change the dynamic and it always drifts back. The grazing thing is because although I make him sandwiches, the nature of his job is that he might have to go somewhere at short notice or meet someone and it just happens sometimes that he doesn't have a lunch hour or such iyswim, so he might not get to eat until later in the afternoon. If I tell him absolutely that I'm having a night off, he's really ok about it and won't try to make me, but he loves to sit in the garden and listen to music, rather than in front of the tv. I can then have my tea earlier if I want, or wait for him to come in and then have it together. I don't think I'm explaining myself very well, but it's all very amiable and not as rigid as it sounds.

I think, like most men it seems, he doesn't think I've got a problem and is slightly bemused that I think I have !! As you may know I live in France in a very quiet part and I don't know anyone really who doesn't drink. It's that expat age group where the kids have grown up and there's nothing much else to do. The restaurants in the village are closed now after the season. One opens on Saturday night for Steak and Chips and we often go.

We are trying really hard to stay 'connected' to each other. We've been married for a long time and it's easy to drift apart. He really is the most wonderful man and I love him dearly and I want it to stay that way if possible (we've had our ups and downs in the past).

I have a really nice life (haven't always, so am very grateful) and I don't have much at all to complain about, if this is the only thing, I should really slap myself with Barry and be ashamed.

Can I join?

Sober for nearly 3 years, I do it through AA. Some days though are tough- the wine/vodka calls me like an old friend.

I find thinking 'if I give in today, it will be easier to give in again tomorrow, and the day after, and the one after that, and before I know where I am I'll be back on warm vodka' really helps.

Sometimes. Other times it's clinging on by my fingernails, eating a lot of chocolate, getting out of the house, phoning a friend, (or my sponsor, who I love dearly and is great).

I realised recently (am I allowed a longish post if it's my first one ever?) that giving up booze is a bit like a diet that actually works. It is impossible to lose a significant amount of weight without ever being hungry. Just can't be done. Same with booze. We are always going to have times when we WANT to drink, and it's learning to get past them that is important. For me anyway.

What a great group of people on here. (all girls? Am not sure if boys come in here too...........)

Welcome newbie, well done on three years :)

It's MN Christmas Secret Santa time of year, again! Already!!!

I was just having a wander through 'Christmas' trying to think of something super lovely to do this year and NY as we're staying at home on our own, and there is was, only 15 days to nominate, I better get a bloomin wriggle on!

Welcome newbie well done on 3 years .
I can relate to all you say, Im clinging on for dear life on day 6 AF
Big wave to new babe cut too such a brave and honest post.
I am on day 6 but the ww is on my back with a vengeance today.
mouse just looked at your post and going to try and do as you say hang in there and strong.xx

Rural - I want to reach into the screen and grab you, pull you here and keep you safe.... From the WW but from all of the triggers in your life too. You seem so very sad just now sweetheart, Day 6 is BRILLIANT!! Don't let her, that wine bitch get her claws into you sweetheart, you ARE better than that! Absolutely you are! :)

Stay with me, keep posting, keep busy, read, cook, clean, go back to an old thread - get yourself to AIBU to see who you can piss off first?

Maybe not, it's scary over there!

Stick with us Rural - just a while longer, just a bit longer? Massive hugs to you xxx

I will read back properly, I just wanted to give you a hand to hold Rural

xxx

Newbie - 3 years is absolutely astounding, and something that only some of us here can ever dream of today, right at this minute and then the next, then the one after that.....

Some of us have been sober longer, some drink in moderation, some not at all and have got days/weeks/months and years under their belts, like you.

It's lovely to have you here, I hope you stay and help with as much advice as you can, if that's okay? :) xxx

Just got back from Sainsbury's without buying any wine - I should be proud of myself, but I feel really miserable today. I find my book club quite stressful (social anxiety) but maybe subconsciously I was looking forward to it?

Sorry for the me me me post. I figured wine would not help, because alcohol is actually a depressant. Instead pain au chocolate for breakfast tomorrow.